The Courtship of Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn
Chapter 5: Confused Feeling

It was still raining like cats and dogs the next day. Daisy and I had lunch like we normally do. It was odd, we all ate in silence., Dawn seemed totally out of it too. Dreading the pending flu season I imagine, that writer's block seems to be kicking her ass. I'll put money on the latter. And Daisy seemed to like he was brooding over something. Our lunch too was boring, peanut butter sandwiches, with a lot of peanut butter and very little bread. Classes went as normal. I was staying with the Potter Family, and would be until the coming Monday evening. Mom and dad's flight had been canceled yet again and it seemed that dad was starting to finally lose his cool with Delta Airlines. Mom had been keeping me informed of all the developments through text, email, and good old fashion facetime.

I guess you're starting to wonder what kind of business trip my mom and dad were on right?  Well dad had just been promoted at his job, you see he works shift work down at Yazoo Chemical, and for the better part of a year he's been taking online college courses and attending workshops at the local vocational center. You know, getting some advanced training and all. And well its starting to pay off. As he had started the new year being promoted to shift supervisor. Which brought a pretty nice jump in pay.

Anyway, the upper management had elected him to attend some kind of business meeting down in Dallas. Mom wanted to tag along to keep dad company and keep him on the straight and narrow. Anyway, since I was deemed too young to stay by myself for a few days they would have been away, the Potter Family agreed to take me in, after all Albert Jonathan Potter and Alice Parker Potter already thought of me as kind of a third daughter, since I was good friends with both of their daughters. I mean Jamie Sarah Potter, their youngest was like my sister from another mother.

Anyway I ramble. I tend to ramble on more and more often these days. Anyway I was busy collecting my school things, you know my text books, my notebooks, pencils, pens, loose sheets of paper. All stuffed into my school satchel. Then out of the blue Daisy appeared, he smiled and that caused me to smile.

“Would you mind if I'd walk you home?” He said as he peered toward me.

“I was going to take the trolley.” I said. “I mean it's pouring down rain.” I said pointing outside, the weather outside had gotten worse. Sheets of driving rain the window pane. The trees seemed to sway and bend. The distant peal of thunder seemed to echo across the land like a roar of a mighty dragon.

“You could share my umbrella.” He suggested. “Where you're going and I'll walk you there.” He said, smiling sweetly at me. It was a disarming smile that almost made me forget about the rain, and the lighting until the lights flicked and another loud boom caused the school to shake.

“Daisy.” I said, peering into his pink eyes. “It's freaking pouring down outside.” I walked toward him. I reached out and spun him so he could face the window. I then pointed with my hand toward the driving sheets of rain driving down at a slant. “If you want to take a chance and walk home in this mess, by all means be my guest. But I'm sorry, I'm going to take the trolley home. At least I would have a roof over my head.” I paused and then hopefully I suggested. “Why don't we ride the trolley together?”

“Sure,” Daisy was now blinking as he watched the sheets of rain drive down hard upon the concrete sidewalk. “I was just hoping to talk to you in private.” He said blushing as he peered toward me.

I started to blush too.

“Sure, I have something I want to ask you too.” And with that we stepped out into the downpour. I sheltered under Daisy's umbrella. I'm going to say it was kind of nice, being so close to him in public. And the fact that everyone was watching us cuddle under the shelter of the umbrella made me feel a little smug, it was like I was saying to the world 'That right! Cerridwen's got herself a boyfriend! And he's a true Southern Gentleman.'.

A few moments later, we were pushing through the blinding rainstorm. Daisy and I had been so wrapped up in our conversation that time had just slipped through our fingers. The trolley's glass door was just starting to close as we rushed up to the iron steps. A few seconds later it was pulling away, splashing water as it sailed along the iron railroad tracks that were bedded deep within the cobblestone paved streets.

I felt a wave of annoyance starting to rise deep within. I don't know where it came from, but I quickly turned toward Daisy and poked his chest. “I'm going to blame you for this.” I said huffing as I turned away and folded my arms across my chest.

“Why?” Daisy was still holding his umbrella over my head.

At that moment my annoyance turned to rage. 

“You are a bloody moron!” I shouted. “Because, if you'd not been flirting with me, we would have caught the trolley in time and been nice and dry, instead we are standing out here exposed to the elements.” I said sighing. “Anyway, you got your dumb wish, you can walk me home now, I hope your happy.” I added.

Daisy blinked and blinked again. After a long minute he finally said something that took my breath away. Despite the insults I'd hurled at him a few minutes ago, his eyes became softer, his hands started to tremble and for the first time since I'd known him, he started to shutter. A little. It was clear he was wrestling with his emotions and they were getting the best of him.

“You know Cerridwen.” He said holding the umbrella close, “I've been thinking about something that really has been bothering me for a long time now. You know, everybody seems to think we're girlfriend and boyfriend.” He said, sighing. “I think it's about time we made that official. I mean you did kiss me.” His voice started to trail a little as he held the umbrella tightly over my head.

“James,” I said blinking, and then I started to blush. “Before I say yes, I would like to ask you, one question that I've been putting off for a while. Because to be honest, I've been afraid to ask, and yet because one one hand I want to know the answer and on the other I'm afraid to hear the answer. So, here goes nothing. “ I paused and took a deep breath.

“James Alexander Bell.” I said. “Are you willing to accept me for who I am?” I said looking dead into his eyes. I steeled myself for his answer.

“I already have.” He said without missing a beat. “I never saw you as a transgender girl, only as a beautiful witch who put a spell on my heart and one whom enchanted me with her beauty.” He said with that same disarming smile.

At that moment something overcame me, a sense of rage that I could not explain. Instead of being touched and soothed by his words, I felt stung by them. And then before I could catch myself, I found myself bringing my open pal across his face. The sound of my open palm slapping his face echoed across the flooded schoolyard. Tears were now stinging my eyes, I wanted to believe his words. I really wanted to, but something was telling me not to. And before I could stop myself I found myself bellowing out the following.

“You are a cruel Bastard James Alexander Bell!” I shouted using his formal name, or government name as we like to call them. “I hope the Gods and Goddess damn that your soul for leading me on like you have!” My shrill voice echoed off the brick wall of the school. The few remaining students who still milled around the common of the school had turned their full attention away from their texting, their gossiping and turned it toward Daisy and I. Who, much to his credit, just stood there. And then I felt it, I felt his free arm reach around me and for a moment he pulled me close to his damp chest. 

“You're scared.” Daisy whispered to me in a gentle, kind, almost understanding  tone of voice. “I can understand being scared. But I meant every word I said.” He said in a soothing tone of voice. “Trust me Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn when I say this, It does not matter to me what you are, who you are, to you are to me my soulmate, my twin flame.” 

I wanted to believe what I was hearing, and there was nothing in his voice that suggested he was being dishonest with me, in fact I believed him, but my heart, my mistrusting heart told me that Daisy may in time become a perfidious lover. Well one side of my heart, the shadow side told me that. Another side told me I should trust him. That he would never do anything to harm me. I was just so confused that I leaped up and threw my arms around him and threw myself into his chest and wailed loudly!

And Daisy, again much to his credit did not freak out, instead he held me, he held me as tight as he could with just one hand and he tried to stroke my hair the best he could. My Salty tears stained the front of his shirt, and yet he just stood there, talking it all in. I don't know how many minutes passed, it might have been only a few or it might have been a handful. But soon I heard Daisy's voice whispering into my ear.

“Hey Cerridwen.” He said, taking a deep breath.

“Yes Daisy?” I said, having calmed down a little. I was finally starting to think straight again. “The trolley was here and we are  kind of holding up the line.” He said in a slightly unsure tone of voice.

“Oh Okay.” I said, I then quickly added. “I'm sorry for snapping at you and slapping at you. I don't know what came over me.” I said blushing as I held onto his shirt a moment later I let go of him, and blushing I started to climb up the iron steps. I was greeted with a blast of warm air. But then I started fumbling for my wallet and my change purse. The fare was three dollars, and I only had a handful of change. I could sense the crow behind me was starting to grow impatient.

“Here” I heard Daisy say, I quickly looked over my shoulder and noticed that he was handing the driver a ten dollar bill. “Don't worry about the change, and pass the remaining amount on.” He said in a cool, calm, almost commanding tone of voice. I felt my eyes starting to moist, a moment later I had to turn away, I could see the outline of hand starting to glow on his cheeks. I had no idea I'd slapped him that hard.

“Daisy, you are such a bloody moron!” I shouted. “Spending your hard earned money on a silly girl who just slapped the ever loving piss out of you because she can't handle the emotions of her own heart.!” I blinked. If mom had heard me talking like this, or using as she said 'Sailor Talk' she would have popped a bar of ivory soap in my mouth, have hauled me over her lap and before I could catch myself my skirt would have been lifted up, my panties would have been pushed down and she'll tanning my hide. My cheeks flushed with color as that mental image came into my mind. 

“Yes,” Daisy said, sighing. “I'm a moron who is in love with you.” He said, taking a deep breath as he pushed me along. “And others are waiting, and quickly making a scene.” He commanded. His voice was starting to take on a different tone. A rougher tone. A more business tone. It made me want to turn around and slap him again.

Once we found our seats, I allowed Daisy to sit by the window since his would be the last stop. 

“Hey Daisy?” I said starting to sniff. I'm sorry about all this, I really don't know what is coming over me.” I said, taking a deep breath. “How about I take you out for ice cream or McDonald's or something, to you know make up for all this.

“Deal,” Daisy said, and before I could catch myself, I found myself leaning over and placing my head upon Daisy's shoulder. “Did you really mean that?” That you love me for who I am?” That your okay with dating a transgender girl?” I asked.

Daisy turned his head and peered out at the window and then peered back at me.

“Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn, why would I ever lie to you?” 

“I don't know.” I said and then I decided to come clean and tell Daisy everything that's been going through my head the last few days. “You know Daisy, when I first met you, I thought you were a nice guy, kind of cute, but not handsome or anything.”

Daisy nodded his head.

“But then I saw you, I saw you playing your fiddle and something changed, you seemed handsome, you seemed poetic, you made me feel things. Like I wanted to hold you, I wanted to be near you, I wanted to touch you, I wanted to kiss you, and I even wanted you inside of me.” I said blushing. The last part was the strangest thing I've ever told a boy.

At that moment Daisy just blinked and peered at me, it was like for a moment I sprouted a second head or something. At that moment I was again tempted to raise up my hand and slap him hard across the face again for good measure. Like damn boy, here I am pouring my heart and soul out to you and all you can do is just stare and blink. 

“What I'm trying to say is, is this, I'm confused, I've never had a crush on anyone. Mrs. Potter says I'm just in 'Puppy Love' whatever that means, Jamie and Lily think I should focus more on my studies than dating a guy. Mom's away on business, and been busy with her shop that really does not have the time to talk about all this stuff. So yes, I'm confused, scared, and really lost.”

Daisy sighed a little and then turned toward the window and then turned towards me.

“Let's work through those feelings together.” Was all he said. “Maybe one day we'll know for sure.” He then reached and placed his hand upon my forehead. A look of great concern came across his face as he peered at me.

“Cerridwen you're warm.” Daisy said as he peered into my eyes. “You're freaking burning up.”

“Only because I'm around you.” I said and with that I moved a little closer, I wanted to feel his body pressing into mine, I wanted to breathe his scent, I wanted to feel the raw strength of his arms wrapped around my willow shoulders.

“No, you're warm as if you have a fever.” His voice trailed a little.

“I'll be sure to take some cold tablets when I get home.” I said, and with that I placed my head upon his shoulders and drifted off into a reckless nap. A few minutes later, I felt Daisy shaking my shoulder, I slowly opened my eyes and noticed he was pointing out the window. He was pointing toward Jamie and Lily's house. I nodded my head and stood, but the minute I stood up, all the blood seemed to rush to the bottom of my toes. And I almost lost my balance. It was a good thing Daisy was there to catch me. Without saying a word, he placed his hands upon me and slowly led me off the trolley onto the brick street and up the wooden steps of the Potter's Front porch.

Jamie answered the door, she looked crossed and I could tell she was about to give Daisy a piece of her mind. No doubt word had spread about me slapping the lights out of him. I felt bad, I really did, but I also felt so tired all of a sudden. And before I could catch myself I found myself starting to sneeze.

“Bless you,” Both Jamie and Daisy said.

Daisy did not give Jamie a chance to release her built up rage upon him, instead he handed me over to her and left. I only watch him off into the blinding rain storm. I think he had forgotten his umbrella on the trolley and the trolley had just left. No doubt he would walk home in the rain. I breathed a prayer for him and for myself. Nobody told me falling in love would be so confusing.

I just hoped that Daisy would find it in his heart to forgive me for slapping him. I really did. And that was the last thought I remembered for as soon as Jamie guided me into the living room, I passed out thankfully, for my own sake, I did not dream.

To be continued.