Totally shocked and devastated by the news that my body was intersex, I moped around in my own grey miserable world for the rest of the day, wandering the streets, stopping for coffees, watching the ducks and geese on the lake in the park, generally hiding away, before I had got myself together enough to face people again.

I phoned into the office to tell them that I was following up on a story as an excuse for not facing people, before heading to Bolton Manor to continue my research. I hoped that it would be a distraction, something to occupy my mind and let me forget about what I had been told earlier, even if only for a few hours. However it didn’t work, I couldn’t concentrate and it was effectively a waste of an afternoon, so I packed up, had a coffee and a chat with Mrs.H and then left for home.

When Jenny got in from work, I told her to keep her coat on, and drove the pair of us round to Mum’s.

“There’s something I need to talk to you both about. I went to the hospital for tests today to see the endocrinologist Ms.Shipley. This is going to sound really weird and I don’t really understand it myself, but it appears that my body is confused. As well as the obvious external male genitals, it seemed that I also have, hidden away inside me, female reproductive organs too, intersex she called it. It seems that I’m neither one nor the other, or both. That helps to explain why I have so easily slipped into the role of Jane, I am just as much Jane as I am Jack.”

From the look on their faces, they were as surprised and confused as I was.

“So what happens now, what can they do about it?” asked Jenny, coming out of shock more quickly than Mum.

“I can just stay as I am and see what happens, although the continuing development of my breasts probably means that that would need to be as Jane. Another option is to get the breast tissue removed and go back to living as Jack, probably taking hormones for the rest of my life to keep me locked into that. Alternatively, I could have corrective surgery to remove my external manhood, take female hormones and develop, to all intents and purposes, as a normal woman.”

“What about children, I have been looking forward to grandchildren, and it doesn’t look like Jenny is in a hurry to provide any?” Mum asked.

“I‘m still not sure, in fact Ms Shipley is not sure either. It is likely that I can father a child either naturally or via IVF, but whether I can produce fertile eggs and get pregnant as a woman is a bit unknown.”

“ How do you feel about it all, it must have come as a huge shock?” Jenny interrupted Mum’s line of questioning.

“Huge shock doesn’t really cover it Jen, I don’t really know, stunned, astonished, confused, worried, but whatever happens, nothing is going to change in a hurry. Once we all get over the shock and have had time to think about it, we’ll have another talk, but I need to sort myself out first.”

I needed to get away from the pressure of the emotional thoughts of my family which was causing me even more upset. I gave Caroline a call to check that she was free for a chat and ten minutes later I was sitting having a glass of wine with her. She sat quietly enthralled as I updated her on my medical condition. Her calm easy-going manner relaxed me and I was able to tell her everything without all the emotional tugs that I had felt from Mum and Jenny.”

“Rather than think of yourself as having a problem, treat it as an opportunity. Not many people get to choose how they want to live their lives. I know that with all the LGBT stuff that is on the TV and in the papers nowadays, everyone seems to have more choice, but a lot of people, if you listen closely to what they say, are being over-positive to mask the discomfort, confusion, guilt, or shame that they truly feel. You on the other hand are not responsible in any way for your condition and there is no reason to feel that you have to hide who you are. You can decide whether you want to be a man, woman , or somewhere in-between with no recriminations or name-calling. Whatever you decide, you will always be welcome here, I will not judge you or try to influence you, it’s your life and you should make the decision to suit what you really think is best for you.”

I started to cry and she pulled my head over to rest on her shoulder until I was able to pull myself together.

“Caroline, you make everything sound so uncomplicated, I’m glad that I came round to see you. We’ve only known each other a few weeks, but I already look on you as the person to talk to when I am confused and upset.”

My chat with Caroline, whilst not solving my problems, at least let me put them to the back of my mind and I left her feeling much happier in myself. I would just take things as they came, see how my body changed, if at all, I was in no hurry to make a decision and decided to just carry on with my life.

Two things happened on the following Friday that raised my spirits.

I was working away in the library at the Manor, when my phone buzzed.
“Hello, is that Jane, this is Graham Walker from North TV?”

“Oh, hi Graham, this is a surprise, what can I do for you?”

“Actually, it’s about what I can do for you. We had a massive positive reaction to your presentation about the corruption in the council offices, you came across really well and a lot of people were asking when they would see you again. It got my producers thinking that maybe you would be interested in doing a series of more exposé stories for us. Depending on what you want to do, our researchers can do most of the investigative ‘donkey work’ and you can just present it, or if you prefer you could carry out a lot of the investigative work and script writing yourself. What do you think?”

“Whoa, that’s a bit out of the blue Graham, I’m very surprised. I’m a bit busy at the moment and need to think about it and how I could fit it in with other commitments, I’ll come back to you on it, but it does sound interesting and appealing.”

“By the way, we never agreed a contract and payment for your last appearance, after all it was not just a matter of you being interviewed, it was a full-blooded presentation by you, you deserve a payment in line with what our other on-screen talent receives. I have sent you a contract with our standard terms and conditions for freelance presenters, look through it, hopefully sign it, and give us your bank details, payment will be sent by return. If you decide that you want to do more work with us, give me a call and we can meet up, preferably over dinner and drinks, and discuss it in more detail.”

“ Wow, you know how to shock a girl, Graham., I’m sure that we can sort something out, I promise that I will be in touch soon. Bye for now.”

I cancelled the call and was so excited at the possibilities opening up for me. I desperately needed to share the news with someone.

Just then, I heard footsteps behind me and suddenly there were hands over my eyes and a sultry voice whispering in my ear. “Hello, darling, I hope I have not shocked you too much.”

From the fragrant scent of Rive Gauche and the gentle refined tones of the voice in my ear, it could only mean one thing, Lizzie had come back home for the weekend. I quickly turned to find her with a huge smile on her face, she hugged me tight and gave me a long sensitive kiss, before I caught my breath again.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you Lizzie, I didn’t know you were coming back today, nobody mentioned it to me.”

“It was a last-minute decision, I was speaking to Daddy this morning and he told me you would be here, and I just had to come to see you again.”

“ Let’s sit down, I have some news. First the good news, hot off the press, I’ve just put the phone down on a call from North TV, they want me to do more reports for them and I’ve told them that I would think about it and will let them know.”

“What’s there to think about, you were great last time, think what it could do for your career. Besides, I quite fancy having a TV personality as my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Who told you that you could call me that? Actually, that brings me to my second bit of news which might shock you. I had a meeting at the hospital with the specialist and she told me that I had internal organs of a female as well as my male external appendages, and that I am what she called intersex.” Lizzie sat in stunned silence as I told her everything I knew about my condition and what the options were that were open to me.

“Oh you poor girl, what you propose to do about it?”

“I am not sure, at first I was quite upset at the thought of it all, but I had a chat with a good friend who calmed me down and I am now just taking things as they come.”

“If it would help, I think we need to check if your male parts are still in working order, hurry up before Daddy knows I’m home.” She teased as she led me by the hand upstairs to her room.

Lying next to her afterwards I was so calm and content, many of my cares had been brushed away.

“Nothing wrong there Jane, it seems you have the best of both worlds. Let’s get dressed and go and see Daddy, I haven’t even said hello to him yet, you have an evil influence on me. You must stay for the weekend while I am home and spend some time with me.”

“ I’ll need to go home to get some things, I am here to work and all I have with me are the things I was wearing and the bits and pieces I need for the day.”

“ Don’t worry about that, I have more than enough of everything for both of us, there is a lot of stuff in my wardrobe and drawers that has never been worn.”

I dressed in my work clothes and went back to the library leaving Lizzie to go and greet her father,.

“Jane, Lizzie told me she bumped into you on her way in, and she has suggested that you stay for the weekend, you must, I enjoy your company, and I’m sure that Lizzie would like to spend more time with you.” Charles said as he caught up with me later. Little did he know the full truth of what Lizzie and I had been up to, or maybe he did and was giving us permission to continue.

I rang home to Jenny to let her know that I would be away for the weekend and spending more time up at the Manor, to give me more time to think.

I had a really enjoyable weekend, Charles was a super host and treated me almost as one of the family. Lizzie on the other hand did anything but that, she was a wild and frequent lover. One thing I decided during my time there, whether I ended up as Jack or Jane, was that I wanted it to be with her, and even better, she wanted her future to be with me.

Monday morning I was happily driving back to town to go to The Post when I saw a large black Mercedes car come up fast and stick behind me, driving almost on my bumper, horn blaring, lights flashing. I sped up to try to get away from it, but that only created a gap for them to pull out to overtake me and then cut sharply across my path causing me to swerve off the road over a grassy verge into a hedge. I was hit in the face by the air bag inflating, felt a sharp pain in my chest and head, then there was blackness.

The next thing I knew was a bright light glaring above me when I blinked my eyes which was accompanied by a scream of “She’s awake, Nurse, Jane’s awake.” It took a while for me to come to my senses, get my eyes in focus and get used to the noise of a machine next to me, making regular beeping noises to which I was connected with a collection of wires. I realised that I was in a hospital bed with people fussing around me, but in the distance well out of the way of the medical team I noticed Lizzy and Jenny. After the doctors and nurses had checked me out to make sure that I was fully conscious and stable they left and the girls came over, gently hugged my shoulders and kissed me.

“ Thank God you’re alive, and seemingly no longer in danger.”Jenny was almost weeping, tears of joy misting her eyes.

“Don’t ever cause me to worry myself sick like that about you again, everyone was really concerned for you.” Lizzie added, “ You are lucky that someone saw what happened and had the sense to call for paramedics, who got to you just in time.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Three extremely long and worrying days, you’ve been unconscious for most of it.”

“I know that I have lots of aches and pains, did anything serious happen to me?”

“Just lost a bit of blood, a few cracked ribs, and a dislocated shoulder from wrenching at the wheel they reckon, but they were more concerned about a large gash and lump on your head in case there was brain damage. They are a lot happier about that now you are conscious and lucid, or at least as lucid as you ever are.” Jennie replied cheekily, obviously I was on the mend if she could make a joke about it.

“If somebody saw what happened, did they get any details of the other car.”

“They got the manufacturers badge, colour, and a part registration number, but nobody has been charged yet.” Lizzie answered guardedly, looking away at Jenny.

“What are you not telling me Lizzie?”

“Among other people, the details match William’s car, at the moment he is being interviewed by the police. He says it was not him and that he can prove that he was elsewhere at the time. They are checking it all out at the moment, but seem confident that it was him.”

“Oh God, Charles must be distraught, it looks like his son is not just a dissolute rake, an alcoholic, and a rapist, but is now capable of attempted murder.”

“Never worry about him and William,” snapped Jenny, “concentrate on and worry about yourself. You might be conscious but you are not out of the woods yet.”

Soon Mum made an appearance, all weepy-eyed when she saw me with cuts and bruises, my shoulder strapped up and a bandage covering my head, and she rushed to give me a big hug, only pulling away when she heard me wince with pain from my strapped ribs.

“Where’s Dad, did he not come with you?”

“I haven’t heard from him since I called him and told him about our weekend at the Manor. He was furious with me. ‘What on earth are you doing to my boy, you’ve always mollycoddled him and now look what he is doing, prancing around like some make-believe princess, you disgust me.’ he screamed before slamming the phone down. That was the last straw, I don’t care where he is and what he is doing, I’m finished with him.”

“Mum, when he knows the truth about my condition he will calm down, don’t do anything drastic about him until I’ve had a chance to talk to him.”

At that point the nurse and doctor came in to check on me, looked at the monitors and realised that I was getting stressed, “Ladies, we need to examine Jane, would you mind leaving us? Because of the previous seriousness of Jane’s condition we have let you stay as long as you wished, but now that you have seen her recover it may be better if you keep to normal visiting hours, which have just ended, Jane needs to rest.”

When they had gone, he turned to me smiling. “Sorry for butting in, but you looked like you needed a break. Just to let you know, Ms. Stewart, your endocrinologist, has had a word with us and told us about your condition. Unless you tell us otherwise we will be treating you as Jane Harrison, is that ok?”

“That’s fine Doctor, looking like this I think it is for the best.”

“Now that you are fully conscious and appear lucid, the police would like a word with you about the accident, I’ll put them off until the morning to let you have some rest. When they are here if they stress or upset you, just let the nurse know and we’ll ask them to leave.”

I had a restless night, trying to remember about the as much as I could about what had happened and if there was anything I could recall that would help the police.

In the morning I had two visitors, a detective and a uniformed policeman. They had obviously been briefed about my situation and were under instructions to refer to me as Jane Harrison and to treat me as such.

“Good morning Miss Harrison, I’m DC Cummings and this is PC Galton. We’re investigating your accident. We hope that you are feeling a bit better and are up to answering a few questions. Can you please tell us what you remember.”

“I can’t help you much, I remember a black Mercedes tailgating me, then speeding past, the driver giving me the finger, before swerving in front of me forcing me off the road.”

“Any more details of the car or driver that you can recall?”

“It all happened so fast, but she turned her head and glared at me as she roared past, I would recognise her again, I think.”

“Her? Are you sure that it was a woman?”

“Oh definitely, shoulder length dark hair, low-cut top.”

“You do know that we are questioning William Bolton, don’t you?”

“It definitely wasn’t him, I played it over in my mind time and time again last night, I’m certain that it was a woman.”

“That confirms his story, he has given us an alibi which is being checked out, but it looks like we will have to let him go now.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I do not like the guy, and he is guilty of a lot of things, but running me off the road is not one of them.”

I had a busy morning. First Ms. Stewart came into see me and assured me that my injuries made no difference to my condition and the treatment options she could give me.

“Thanks so much for sorting out my registration with the doctors here, it could have been very embarrassing, but they have been so understanding and kind.”

“Get yourself better, sort out how you want to go forward, and then make an appointment to see me, no desperate hurry.”

Lizzie was next to visit about lunchtime.

“It’s lovely to see you Lizzie, but shouldn’t you have gone back to London by now.?”

“There’s nothing important to drag me back urgently, or at least not as important as making sure that you are ok and recovering.”

“Please tell Charles that I have told the police that it was not William that caused the accident, it was definitely a woman driving the car, I’m sure that it will be a big weight off his mind.”

“If you’re sure, that is super news, despite everything I wouldn’t like to see him in prison for attempted murder. I’ve a suggestion for you, and before you object I have discussed it with your Mum and Jenny. When you are discharged and are recuperating you are welcome to stay at the Manor. In an earlier life Mrs.H trained as a nurse and she will be able to monitor your progress, as well as being around most of the time, it will save a lot of bother for your family.”

Mum and Jenny called in later and were pleased that I had decided to take up Lizzie’s offer and go to stay at Bolton Manor. Not wanting to add too much to Mrs.H’s duties, Mum had called Charles and asked if she could move in too to help out, and he was delighted that she would be spending more time there.

A few days later the doctors felt comfortable that I could be discharged, their earlier worries about my head injury and possible damage to my brain proved unfounded, and other than feeling tired and needing rest and painkillers here was no reason to keep me in, so Mum and I were soon settled in at Bolton Manor.

Mum fussed around me and generally made sure that I didn’t over-exert myself, Mrs.H looked after my medical needs, changing dressings, organising physiotherapy exercises for my shoulder, and looking after my medication, between the pair of them I hardly had to lift a finger. Much to my disappointment, Lizzie had to return to London to deal with some business matters, including a meeting with members of the College of Arms, the body responsible for maintaining the official records of the aristocratic families.

I settled into the routine and was soon bored out of my skull doing nothing, so I convinced them that a bit of time in the library researching the family archives would do no harm. I had already been through the early years, the political intrigues during the Wars of the Roses in the 1400s, the family changing sides three times depending who was in the ascendency and gaining more land and property each time. It was a similar story during the English Civil War in the 1600s and at the time of the restoration of the monarchy , one of Charles’ ancestors, was titled ‘Lord of the manor” along with the rights and privileges associated with it. In both of these conflicts, one of the consequences of being war heroes was a succession of torrid and unsavoury affairs, just the sort of lurid stories that would delight Mike my editor at The Post.

The family’s real rise up the ranks came with the Napoleonic Wars in the early 1800s. For his bravery at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805 where he captained a ship which captured or sank three French vessels, Henry Bolton was rewarded with the Barony. His son Arthur outdid his fathers exploits and for leading several decisive charges by his company of hussars at the Battle of Waterloo which finally put an end to Bonaparte’s ambitions of expansion he was granted an Earldom and the family at last became established as the local aristocracy. Their tales of ‘derring-do’ would be another attractive article for the serialisation of the book in The Post.

As is often the case, the ambition and drive of a successful generation led to a hedonistic life of luxury, dissolute behaviour, and sexual excesses by their descendants, culminating in the major scandal involving who Charles had told me was his grandfather, but was in fact a great-uncle, also called Charles, in the 1920s which led to the title of Earl being taken from the family.

Lord Charles Bolton led a life of debauchery and excess, including regular visits to ‘Molly-houses’, which were in a way an early forerunner of gay clubs and bars, but a lot more sordid. Most of the Molly-houses were not much more than glorified brothels where male prostitutes, many of whom were often dressed and made up as women, plied their trade.. Molly-houses had been quite common in the late 1800s when the veneer of Victorian respectability hid an underworld of crime and prostitution, both male and female, but faded away somewhat in the early 20th century before making a comeback in the glory years after the First World War.

Many of the customers were outwardly respectable family men and were just finding some relief in the casual dalliances the places offered. However, Charles Bolton did not fit into the category of a casual visitor, he was one of the resident ‘girls’ with an insatiable sexual appetite, and more often than not appeared in public as a woman. In the high society of London he was well known for his activities and the entitled classes closed ranks and kept the knowledge within their social circles. However, Charles was not content with that and organised several gay orgies at Bolton Manor. In the more conservative rural area of the Manor these excesses did not go down well, it became common knowledge and he was exposed by the local press, the forerunner of The Post.

As a member of The House of Lords, public knowledge of his conduct was just too much of an embarrassment for the establishment, and appeals were made to the King to have him stripped of his Earldom, which were duly granted. He was allowed to retain the lower rank of Baron however, which on his death without an heir a few years later was passed to his sister, Margaret, Charles’ mother. I thought that this was the story Mike was looking for, particularly as most of the details would already be in The Post’s archives. However how Charles would react to me exposing the skeletons in his family cupboard worried me, I did not want to fall out with him.

I now had the outline of the book and soon settled down to the hard work of putting flesh on the bones, not just from the family archives, but looking up a lot of online background material too, It was turning into a hard long slog.

“Hello Jane, it’s DC Cummings, would it be possible for you to come in to see us?”

“It’s a bit difficult my shoulder is still too stiff to drive safely and after the accident I have lost my confidence a bit.”

“ Not a problem I will send a car for you with PC Harvey Galton that was with me at the hospital, is an hour from now ok for you?”

Apart from when we passed the scene of my accident, which brought back a few of the horrors of what had happened I was quite relaxed by the time we reached police headquarters to be met by DC Cummings.

“Good to see you up and about Jane. We would like your help. We have tried to trace the car that forced you off the road and have eliminated most of those with similar part registrations. The ANPR cameras picked up three potential cars that were on that road round about the time of your accident and we have a likely suspect. Please have a look at these photos of car owners and drivers and some other general images from our records, and tell me if you recognise any of them.” He passed me a folio of about 50 photos, most of which I ruled out immediately as either too young or too old, I soon settled on one particular photo, and passed the folio back to him, “That’s her, I’m certain.”

“Would you be prepared to testify in court that you are sure that she is the driver you saw?”

“Of course, that is definitely her. Am I allowed to know if she is your suspect and be told who it is?”

“We are interviewing her as we speak but she is denying everything. Does the name Amanda Edwards mean anything to you?”

“Yes it does, I’ve never met her, but she is the finance director and company secretary with Acumen Developments.”

“Thanks for that Jane, we now have enough to push her a lot harder and will probably be charging her with attempted murder later today, and we can most likely add conspiracy to murder to the charges facing Ridgeley.”

“But why should she do that, as I said I know of her but we have never met?”

“While you have been closeted away in the Manor a lot has happened. Since you broke your story, most of Acumen’s contracts have been cancelled or put on hold, and nobody wants to be associated with them or is letting them bid for new work. The company is effectively heading for bankruptcy and the luxury lifestyle of their senior people is going down the pan. On top of that, her and Ridgeley had a bit of a thing going on, and she has visited him in prison where he is on remand, probably to arrange how to get their revenge on you. If I were you I would be extremely careful, I’m sure that Acumen are not the only ones in that boat and that there are other people out there extremely angry with you.”

To be continued.