I’m Joseph Clark, or was, most people know me now as Josephine or Jo. Tragic events turned my life around to a new direction and I now know where I am headed.

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I first met Debbie at first school at the age of 5, and as we were neighbours we become very good friends and often played together. Over the years as we went through school together we were usually in the same classes and often met after school to help each other with our homework either at our house or next door at hers. In our teens we both went through the normal teenage attitudes of being wary of and distrusting and disrespecting the opposite sex generally and sticking with classmates of our own gender, but despite having the occasional fall-out we remained the best of friends.

We had continued to study and do our homework together and our parents knew us well enough to allow us to work in each others rooms without any worries about boy/girl misbehaviour. The only thing that our parents didn’t know was that when Debbie was discovering make-up she often used me as a model to experiment on and had me work on her to try different styles and effects and I was soon as familiar as her with all the different cosmetics. We worked hard and passed all our exams and strangely we both got similar grades in all our subjects, not surprising really as we had each helped the other in subjects where one was strong and the other was weak. We were very much in tune with each other and had many similar interests and attitudes.

In fact we were very similar physically too, Debbie was tall for a girl and I was short for a boy, both at 5’7”, although with her heels on she towered above me, I weighed in just slightly heavier than her at 147 pounds, and was still slightly built, not having bulked out in my teens as a lot of my friends had. As long hair was quite fashionable for boys, I wore mine just on the collar and over my ears with a centre parting and when we were out together we were often taken as sisters rather than boyfiend/girlfriend. When this happened Debbie was quite amused and I was slightly embarrassed, but neither of us was particularly worried about it as we both knew where my interests were.

We went to our school prom together and although we did socialise with some of our friends, we spent most of the evening with each other, dancing and chatting. When I took her home, she thanked me for a lovely evening and lent forward to give me a kiss on the cheek, as she often did, but I turned my head at the last minute and we ended up with a full lip kiss, which seemed to last forever.

That was the start of our romance which continued when we were both at university. Debbie was training to be a teacher , whilst I was doing a course in creative writing as I had developed a flair for story-telling and intended to become a journalist. We were at different universities, but both were within travelling distance from home and although for the first time in our lives we were separate during the day, in the evenings and weekend we continued our romance which developed into deep love and we were committed to a life together.

After we graduated, we worked at our careers, me working on the local newspaper and Debbie teaching at the local middle school, After a few years establishing ourselves and setting up home we got married, much to the delight of our mums who had always seen us as childhood sweethearts. Debbie was absolutely gorgeous in her full white wedding dress and when I saw her walking down the aisle to meet me, I almost fainted with delight.

Now that my career was established, I was earning a reasonable salary, and supplementing it by writing children’s story books part time, with Debbie providing a lot of the ideas for storylines based on her experiences teaching. We decided to start a family. her pregnancy went normally and we were both looking forward to our first child together. During the birth the baby was delivered ok, a beautiful baby girl, but there were complications with Debbie during and after the delivery, she suffered a lot of internal bleeding and serious infections and tragically did not survive to see her new daughter. It turned out that the obstetrician had missed some warning signs on the pre-birth scans and had not taken proper precautions.
The hospital admitted negligence, they usually strongly argue such cases but in this instance the evidence was clear and they had no choice but to accept liability. Although it would never compensate for the loss of Debbie, I received a sincere apology and a substantial compensation payment from the hospital. Along with the payment from life insurance, I was now reasonably well off financially and was able to leave my job with the newspaper and concentrate on raising our daughter Elizabeth Deborah, or Lizzie, and developing my career as a writer.

With a lot of help and guidance from my mum and Debbies Mum in the early years, Lizzie grew to be a happy and healthy child, and it was with a bit of regret that I first took her at the age of 4 to nursery school. The school wasn’t too far away so we just walked there, I left her with her little friends for the day, and picked her up mid-afternoon. All of the other parents at the school gates were mums, and they all had their regular social groups chatting away while waiting for school to close and the children to come out. Whilst I got a lot of pleasant smiles and “hello”s from the mums I was never invited into their chats and just waited by myself. and felt like a social misfit.

After a few weeks, Lizzie asked me one day why I never talked to the other mums and was never nicely dressed like they were. I couldn’t really explain to her that I was not a mum like the others as she was too young to understand, and it was too painful for me to try to explain that she would never have a mum. She kept on about this, as children often do when they are trying to understand something, and said that her friends were asking why her mum never brought her to school, and that it upset her.

It got to a stage where I had to do something about her worries, and decided that her worries were more important than mine. When I got home from dropping her off at school one day, i decided that I needed to make an appearance as her mum, and dug out some of Debbies clothes and things that were stored in a wardrobe in our spare room, and moved them in with mine. I had a shower and shaved all the parts my body that I could reach, applied body lotion as a moisturiser, dried off and put on a set of Debbie’s underwear filling out the bra cups with rolled up panties, and sat for a while looking at myself in the dressing-table mirror deciding whether I really wanted to go forward with this.

I finally started applying a light make-up eye-liner , shadow and mascara, a bit of colouring to my cheeks and finished off with a lip-liner and lipstick, remembering all the lessons I had learned as young teenagers with Debbie. i didn’t look too bad, not beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, but acceptable and passable. A dress or skirt and top were over the top for the school run, most of the mums wore leggings or slacks and summer tops or wooly jumpers depending on the weather, and If I was to blend in I would need something similar.

Unfortunately I didn’t have the hips or bottom to show off in a tight set of leggings, so picked out a pair of stretch denim trousers, and a thigh-length fluffy boat-neck wool top which would not look out of place, and having got dressed went and inspected myself in the full-length wardrobe mirror. “You’ll do at least for a trial run” I thought to myself. I took off the clothes and cleaned the make-up and dressed in my normal clothes to pick up Debbie.

She kept on her favourite subject, “Why can’t you be like the other mummies, it’s not fair”

“Would you like me to take you to school tomorrow looking like the other mummies Lizzie, will that make you happy”

“Oh that would be lovely daddy, I can’t wait to let my friends see my mummy, I’ll be just like them then.”

“ Ok but tell your friends that your daddy is busy and that you mummy will be bringing you to school for a while.

When we got home, I phoned the school and talked to the Head, telling her that I would be away tomorrow and that Lizzie’s Mum would be bringing her in and collecting her afterwards, and asked if I could meet her for a discussion.

After Lizzie has got to bed and fallen asleep, I started to prepare myself for the next day, I shaped and painted my fingernails, trimmed and painted my toenails to match. As I had been busy working at home, I hadn’t bothered keeping my hair trimmed, usually tying it back in a low pony-tail while working and it was sitting at shoulder length on the back and sides. I found some of Debbies hair-rollers, and applying setting lotion, fixed it up in the rollers, as I seen her do many times. It didn’t look nearly as neat as when she had applied them but it was ok for a first time and I put on a shower cap to keep it all in place overnight. Sleeping in rollers was not the most comfortable thing to do, I thought that if I was going to keep doing this that I would have to learn other techniques.

I was up early the next morning, before Lizzie was awake, put on my make-up and got dressed in the same outfit as I had tried on yesterday. I had found a pair of open-toed sandals with a wedge heel, which although a size or two too small still fitted comfortably, and a matching shoulder bag, moved my keys and wallet, make-up essentials ,and some tissues into the bag, and I was ready to face the world, or as ready as I would ever be’

“ Come on Lizzie, it’s time to get up , get your breakfast and get ready for school”

“ Oh I’m so happy that you look like a mummy today, you are like all the others. My friends will be able to stop asking me questions now.”

Extremely anxious we approached the school gates and the mums hanging around saying goodbye to their children or chatting amongst themselves, and I got a few querying looks, they recognised Lizzie, but had never seen me before and were obviously curious as to who I was. Lizzie went off to meet her friends but I wanted to wait around for a while as I wanted to go in to see the Head. While I was waiting a couple of mums came over to say hello and introduce themselves and talk about their children. I told them that Lizzie’s dad who they had seen with her, would be away for a while and that I would be bringing her in to school, I was her mum Debbie.

Jane and Laura told me that they often went for a coffee at a café just around the corner after dropping off the kids, and invited me to join them. I thanked them and told them that I wanted to talk to the Head, and may see them later, or if not I would be there to collect Lizzie in the afternoon. It was strange, all the times I had taken Lizzie to school nobody had made an effort to talk to me, but suddenly, as Debbie, I was now accepted.

I went in to the school see the Head, Jane Cooper, and waiting outside her office I felt like I was back at school going in for a telling-off. i went in and introduced myself as Debbie, but she seemed a pleasant and friendly sort so I told her the truth about how Lizzie desperately wanted a mum like all her friends and that I thought I would play to her wishes for a while to see if she would get over it. I also told her that I had now met some of the other mums and seemed to be accepted by them

At first she was quite against the idea, there were constantly reports of perverts hanging around outside schools, and, although she accepted that I was doing this for the right reasons, that she didn’t want to be seen to encourage what many would see as strange behaviour if the secret ever got out.

“ I assure you that you have nothing to worry about, since my wife died I have raised Lizzie myself, washing and changing her, and have never done, or felt like doing, anything inappropriate. I could’ve just done this without telling anyone, you never noticed anything unusual about me and neither did the mums I chatted to outside who invited me to go for a coffee with them, but I didn’t think that was fair on you. You and, if you wish, you staff needed to be aware just in case any problems did develop in class or between me and the other mums at the gates. Please don’t judge me instantly, pleas wait until you get to know me a bit better. I will be very discreet, and hope that you can be too.”

“ Right, you seem very sincere and honest, and you have put your points across very well, if you don’t mind I would like to discuss this with my deputy. I suggest that you go and find the others and have a coffee and come back in about an hour to continue.”

I found the cafe, and Jane and Laura were sitting at a window table just inside the door and were easy to spot.

“Hi Debbie come and join us. We were nearly finished but are quite happy to get another drink with you and you can tell us all about Lizzie and yourself.” said Jane, calling the waitress over to order three cappuccinos, and a Danish pastry for me.”

“ My full name is Debbie Clark, my husband Joe and I live in Warwick Road, and Lizzie has just started school, I don’t really know anyone in the area as we normally keep to ourselves, it’s a nice change to have someone to chat with. My husband has been bringing Lizzie to school since the start of term as I often go away for a couple of weeks for work, i trained as a teacher but now work as a school inspector and have to travel around the region. I had to have a chat with the Head to make sure Lizzie has settled in ok, she has not really been used to mixing with other children. She’s going to have a word with her teacher and I’ll be going back later.”

“My daughter Lauren and Laura’s son Archie started last term so they are now settled in and have made lots of friends, it seems to be a very good school.” Jane informed me.

They stayed and we generally chatted about all sorts of domestic stuff until it was time for me to go back to see Ms. Cooper. Laura told that she lived on my way to the school and if I stopped by her house we could walk in together, which seemed like a good idea as it would help Lizzie get friendly with Archie.

“ Hello again Mrs. Clark, think it is best if that is what we call you for the moment if that’s ok. I’ve had a word with my deputy and with Lizzie’s teacher who told me that she had been excited all morning telling everybody that her mummy had brought her to school today. They both told me that they had both seen me when I was waiting outside the office earlier and did not not notice anything out of the ordinary, just a mum waiting to see the Head. It is all bit unconventional, but in the end if it makes Lizzie happy we are quite content to let this go on, but obviously we will keep a close eye on what Lizzie says to her classmates, and how you are interacting with the other mums. i will change our records so that any correspondence or calls in relation to Lizzie will be addressed to Mrs Debbie Clark.“

“Thank you so much for your understanding Ms. Cooper, I promise that I will not cause you any problems. it has been a pleasure to meet you, please thank your staff for me.”

I went back home feeling a lot happier and amazed at the tolerance and understanding from the school, and pleased that I had met some friends who accepted me as they saw me.

It was such a significant day for me and my mind was buzzing in lots of directions, so I had a day off from my writing. I prepared a cottage pie for our dinner, it was one of Lizzie's favourites, she was not a fan of normal children’s food, fish fingers or chicken nuggets, she had been brought up to like proper home-cooked food. Leaving that to be put in the oven when we got back from school later, I spent some time thinking about how I could continue as mum, if that was what she wanted.

When I was walking to school to collect Lizzie and passing Laura’s house she came out and caught up with me and we walked in together, just chatting about the events of the day, and met Jane at the school. We collected the children and on the way back Laura invited me in for a cup of tea. It turned out that she was a children’s entertainer before she had Archie, and was now a single stay-at-home mum. She still did occasional birthday parties and such like to add to her income from benefits, and support payments from Archie’s father, who otherwise was no longer in her or Archie’s life. it surprised me how easy it was to talk with her and before I left for home I virtually knew her life history. It was totally different from the chats I had had with the chaps at the newspaper, which were mainly about sport and cars and work, we knew very little really about each others personal lives.

At home, during dinner of cottage pie carrots and peas, I asked Lizzie how her day had gone at school and she told me that she was much happier now that I was her mummy, and her friends were not asking where her mum was any more, and that she wanted me to be just like all the other mummies and dress nice and make lovely dinners. I almost burst into tears, I hadn’t realised how much it all meant to her.

After she went to bed, i spent some time scrolling around the internet, and found and ordered some things on Amazon, which should help me be more convincing as Debbie. I had ordered a set of breast forms, which advertised themselves as totally realistic in weight and texture, particularly when fixed with the recommended adhesive, and some waist nippers which promised not only to confine the waist but actually help to reshape it if worn all the time. Both were on express delivery and promised to be with me in a couple of days. I also ordered a couple of pairs of shoes, a size larger than Debbie’s sandals that I had worn that day. They both had 2” chunky heels rather than the wedges like the sandals, and were more appropriate for the Autumn weather.

Walking to school with Laura and Archie, and then the two of us going for a coffee with Jane looked like it was going to become routine, so I thought I had better sort out a few more outfits, I couldn’t wear the same clothes every day. When I got home after taking Lizzie to school the following morning, I had a good look through Debbie’s wardrobe and picked out several pairs of trousers, skirts, dresses, tops, underwear and shoes that I thought suitable and a good fit. Whatever was washable went in to the machine and dryer in several loads to freshen it up, and i took to the dry cleaners the few jackets and skirts that couldn’t go in the wash.

I cooked some chicken fillets and prepared a salad for dinner, then sat at my computer to continue with my latest book. My books were not works of great literary merit, and were written mainly for younger children aged from about 7 to 11, but were well received and fairly commercially successful, in fact I had seen some in the school library in the reception area whilst waiting to see Ms Cooper.

My on-line orders arrived the next day, luckily just after I got back home from the school run, and I was quite eager to check out what I had bought. The shoes were a good fit and quite comfortable and I kept a pair on to get used to walking in heels. The waist nippers I left until later, I would try one on when I was getting ready for bed.

When I opened the box with the breast forms I was quite surprised at how realistic they looked with areolas and nipples, and their softness and texture. I took of my top and placed them in my bra (that is a phrase that I never expected to ever say), and instantly felt the extra weight that wasn’t there with the previous padding with the rolled-up panties. I would have to alter my posture to compensate so as not to slouch forward. I decided that I would have to get used to wearing them, so following the instructions carefully, I lay on the bed, marked out their correct position, applied some of the adhesive, carefully placed them in position, smoothed down the edges, and held them in place for a few minutes while the adhesive set.

I sat up and it was a weird sensation for me, it wasn’t just the weight it was also the pulling down of the skin from the upper chest, i now understood why most women liked the comfort of wearing a bra most of the time. I put my bra back on and welcomed the support it gave me. I inspected myself quite closely and whilst happy that they would look and move like natural breasts when covered by a blouse top or even a dress, that they would need a bit of blending in at the edges with make-up if I was to show much of cleavage. Rather than put on the wooly sweater again, as it was a mild day, I put on a light summer V-neck pale blue tunic top that showed a bit of my cleavage but not enough to see any unnatural joins.

That afternoon walking in to collect Lizzie at first I was very conscious of the jiggle of my boobs when I was walking, but soon noticed that other women were all the same and that it was just something else to get used to. Obviously in all my years as Joe, I had noticed women’s boobs moving about, but I was now seeing them in a different light, not in a sexual manner but more as a comparison to mine. Laura immediately noticed the new top and said that I suited it much better than the wooly sweater and that she thought I should wear lighter stuff more often. i got much the same reaction from Jane when we met her at the school.

“You’re looking much smarter today, the different look suits you, you’ll be shaming us into being less casually dressed when we come here in future.”

“ That’s not what I intended ,I just needed to change and this was handy.”

“I am only joking, take no notice, you are looking lovely.” Lizzie and Archie soon came out and we made our way home.

I thought to myself that women were much more free in passing comments and compliments to each other than men, i would never have dreamt to pass comment on how any of my colleagues at the office were dressed.

“You are looking really pretty today Mummy, you should wear pretty clothes every day.” Lizzie told me as I tucked her up in bed

That night I wore one of Debbie’s nightgowns, partly in response to what Lizzie had said, partly because the gather under the bust-line helped to give a little support and control for my boobs, and partly because I was still adjusting to femininity and wanting to see how much I wanted the change to continue.

I went down to prepare breakfast wearing just the nightgown whilst deciding what to wear, when Lizzie came into the kitchen saw me and a huge smile crossed her face. “I love your nightie Mummy, I would like one like that when I am older.”

I brushed my hair out, put on my make-up and wore the tunic top again, but paired it with the denim jeans and sandals, got Lizzie dressed and ready, picked up my bag, and went to meet Laura and Archie. What Jane had said yesterday must have triggered Laura into going less casual, she was wearing a long peasant skirt and blouson top and had styled her hair instead of her usual ponytail.

“I love your outfit Laura, it’a a perfect day for something as summery as that, you are looking gorgeous today. If Jane is up for it, instead of going to the usual café, why don’t we go into town to one of the delicatessen tea-rooms for a change, my suggestion so my treat !”

The three of us headed into town and settled down for an hour in a well-known ‘luxury’ cafe/restaurant with a well-deserved reputation for their delicious cakes as well as a decent range of specialist teas and coffees. Jane said that she felt a bit underdressed in her sloppy top and leggings, but wasn’t expecting to go out and had just worn her practical ‘work-about-the-house’ clothes, which is all she ever wore nowadays, so when we left we aimed for the shops. First on the list was a skirt and top for both Jane and I so that we would look as stylish and smart as Laura. Mine was a bit similar to Laura’s outfit, a colourful flared multi-coloured summer skirt with a canary yellow peasant top that showed a hint of cleavage, Jane decided to go for a bright crimson shift dress that clung to her in all the right places, showing off her super figure. We left the shop wearing the new clothes and put our other stuff in the shop bags, and walked around town, browsing the shops, but other than a few essentials, such as tights and panties, there were no more buys.

“Debbie, I’m surprised that you never wear earrings, its unusual nowadays, there’s an Accessorize over the road why not go in and get your ears pierced and get a couple of pairs, we’ve both had ours done years ago, and quite frankly I feel a bit naked without them now” Laura suggested.

In a way I saw getting pierced ears as a ‘no-turning-back’ moment, but with the two of them encouraging me we went in and I soon left wearing a pair of Pearl sleepers and with a pair of gold ‘wedding ring’ and heart shaped mock tortoiseshell earrings in my bag.

It was soon time to go back to collect the children and we made our way off to the school. as we were waiting Ms. Cooper walked past us and gave me a subtle knowing wink, she knew then that I was fitting in ok, the three of us stood out amongst all the leggings and jumpers of the other mums.

We all had had a really enjoyable day out , and for Laura and Jane it was a change from their normal domestic life.

“I’ve had a super time today, it was so different and refreshing, my life was beginning to get into a rut,”said Jane “we must do it again soon , but maybe next time we could make it for lunch, what do you think girls? Thank you very much for suggesting it Debbie and for paying for our coffee and cakes.” It was agreed that once a week we would have a special day out, the girls welcomed feeling like themselves again not just a mum, and I welcomed the break from writing, it gave my mind a rest and opened it up to lots of new ideas.

It soon came to Christmas time and the school party and nativity play. To save money, but also to have a bit of community involvement, the school asked for volunteers to make party food and to help out on the day. Laura, Jane and I all joined in, and I spent the previous day making fairy cakes and mince pies as my contribution. When I was clearing up I had a phone call from Laura.

“ I’ve had a great idea for the party, come round and we can talk about it, Jane’s coming round too”

Laura sat us down, gave us a cup of tea, and left us for a while and went upstairs. When she came back down she looked amazing, she had on a ‘girl-santa” outfit with a a very short red dress with flared skirt, all trimmed with white fur, and a matching hat.

“I have this from when I sometimes do children’s parties, and I have a couple more similar outfits upstairs, I think it would be brilliant if we were to go tomorrow in costume, I could do some of my party pieces and you two could just look decorative and generally help out with the kids, what do you reckon”

Before I had time to consider thatmy special problems may mean that I would not look right in the outfit, Jane came back with “I think the kids would love that, I’m up for it, please say yes Debbie, it should be fun.” How could I refuse?

We went upstairs and tried on the costumes, which were a near-enough fit and looked ok on me, and the day of the party, wearing the costume over a set of matching red bra and panties and 70 denier flesh-coloured tights, party make-up with bright red lipstick and sparkly eye shadow, and wearing a long winter coat of Debbies, Laura joined me, Jane met us in the cloakroom, and having hung up our coats we made a grand entrance into the hall where the teachers and other helpers were getting the place ready for the excited children.

To say that everyone was stunned is an understatement, there was a spontaneous round of applause from the others and Ms. Cooper came over and gave us special thanks for making the extra effort, and that maybe next year she would encourage the other adults to do something similar. She took me to one side. “ Debbie you look amazing, if you hadn’t told me I would never have imagined you as anything other than a woman, it’s wonderful what you have done for Lizzie.
Come and have a talk with me when we get over the holidays.”

Laura was very professional with her show, she had a bit of magic, a bit of sing-along and a few party games, and Jane and I walked amongst the children encouraging them to join in.

The kids were getting a bit over-excited, so I sat them down and recited the story from one of my books to calm them down, and at the end one of the boys shouted “I know that story, I think I’ve read it. I really enjoyed the book but the way you told it is better.”

“Thank you Billy, I know the man who wrote it, I’ll let him know you liked it.”

As Laura and Archie, and Lizzie and I, were to be spending Christmas alone, I invited them over for the day for dinner. While the kids were telling each other about all their presents from Santa, Laura and I finished preparing the dinner. We had a wonderful day together, the kids were glad to have a playmate and were happy in the other room, and Laura and I relaxed with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.

“Debbie, please don’t take offence but I’ve heard few comments from Lizzie to Archie about ‘her new mummy is better than before’ and I’ve noticed a few things that are not quite right, please do not get upset, but I keep having these thoughts that you are really not a natural woman, are you a transsexual?” It took me totally by surprise and I couldn’t speak for a few minutes.

“ Laura, I would never have told you if you hadn’t asked, in a way you are nearly right, but I am still a man. It all started when Lizzie kept asking why I was not like all the other mums and to try to calm her , I started dressing in my wife’s clothes. I had never thought of dressing before, but the way that you and Jane made me welcome and a friend it just felt right to continue, and I have now just got used to it and have fallen into the role. I had to tell the staff at the school in case anyone ever worked it out it and caused them problems, but otherwise you are the only one that knows. I hope that you are not too disappointed, and that we can stay as friends.”

“Don’t be silly, of course we are still friends, I met you as Debbie and that’s how I will always see you. You are very convincing and most people will not notice, but my ex-husband was also a cross-dresser, not nearly as natural as you, and so I am more used to noticing these things. The real give-away that first got me thinking was seeing you changing into the skirt that time in town and then in the Santa outfit, your bottom and hips did not have the womanly curves that I would expect, and then, although your voice is very good most of the time, it does slip occasionally. Now I know, I can help you if you wish and point out anything that’s not quite right, is it a deal?“

“Now that is sorted, let’s forget about it and you can tell me the story about the author Joseph Clark.”said Laura changing the subject and allowing me to relax again. I told Laura my life story, about Debbie and I being childhood sweethearts, our wedding and my career as a journalist and writer.

“What? You wrote those books, I have read several of them with Archie, you have a lot of talent.”

“I’ve just finished my latest one , do you want to read it for me and tell me what you think, you might like it, It’s all about a children’s entertainer who goes to a lot of parties, called ‘Who wants to have fun’. It’s all from my imagination, but other than you giving me the original idea, there is nothing in it which relates to you.”

I’d be delighted and honoured, run me off a copy and I will have a look at it over the next few days, you never know I might be able to give you a few extra tales to include.”

It was a shame to end such a wonderful day, but eventually Laura needed to get back to put Archie to bed, and we walked them back home and said goodnight with a quick hug and kiss. Even though Laura had discovered my secret, I had really enjoyed her company, and the kids had got on well together, and we agreed that they would come round again on New Years Eve.

Laura’s comments about my hips and bottom had struck a chord and I decided that I needed some extra help in those areas. With my false boobs and with the waist nippers helping to slim my waist, I was looking realistic otherwise, but trousers and tight skirts needed a bit more shape down below. Surfing through the internet I found specialist sites that could provide padded briefs to enhance the bottom and hips, mainly provided for transvestites, but I found similar items on general women’s-wear sites at a much better price, and ordered a few pairs.

When on the transvestite sites I noticed some articles on tucking techniques and tried that, using medical tape to keep things in place. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, but after a few days my body had adjusted to it and I didn’t really notice it when I was going about my daily business, except when I had no choice but to sit down on the toilet. I noticed that with everything tucked it was quite easy to cross my legs in a womanly manner without things feeling squashed and in the way, and thought that this would be one less thing for Laura to notice and pick me up on.

When Laura and Archie came round for New Year, she found me wearing a white sparkly scoop-neck top and a tartan kilt-skirt that was quite tight around the hips and then flared out and which fitted me quite snugly to show of my new hips and bottom, thanks to the padded briefs.

“ Oh I do like the new look you’ll have to show me how you’ve managed it when the kids are not around, whatever you’ve done definitely gets rid of that problem.”

As Archie and lizzie were far too young to stay up to see in the New Year, we had a late afternoon tea party, played some games and read them a couple of my stories. before sending them to bed. We had decided that as we would be up late watching the celebrations and music shows on TV that they would stay over in our spare bedroom for the night.

We watched a film and a comedy show, had a pleasant evening with wine and the left over party food, seen the New year in to the Sounds of Big Ben and video shots of all the fireworks celebrations around the world, watched the end of Hootenanny, and prepared for bed, putting the food in the fridge but leaving all the rest of the tidying up until morning.

Upstairs Laura asked if she could sleep with me in my bed, not as an invitation for sex but just for the company and a cuddle to round of a wonderful night. She and I had no reservations or shyness about stripping off and changing into our nightclothes, and when she saw the padded panties she was most impressed. “Not real enough to fool anyone seeing you in your underwear but looked perfectly normal under your skirt.” She also noticed that my boobs stayed on and that my nightie sat flat at the front with no sign of my male bits. “We’ll leave that discovery until the morning when we have clear heads.”

For both of us sleeping cuddled in with someone was a comfort as it had been a long time in a lonely bed, but a cuddle and a goodnight kiss was as far as it went. In the morning Laura discovered my other secret when she saw me in just my bra and panties, and insisted on a closer look. “ you’ve done that very well, without dropping your knickers I wouldn’t have been able to tell. You are taking this seriously aren’t you”

Over breakfast while the kids were still asleep, she quizzed me further, why is it that women think they have a right to discuss everything and advise you on how to live your life?

“You seem to be well into transforming yourself, what are you going to do? I think that you need to decide whether you are going to live as a woman for ever or are going to go back to being John. The longer you leave it the harder it will be for Lizzie to accept.”

“ I don’t know what I want to do, in some ways I would like to go back to being John and living the life i’ve been brought up to, but in many ways I am happier with the life I am living now. John had no real friends or social life, everything was centred around Lizzie, I was even a bit of a social outcast at the school gates and had nobody to discuss problems with or get advice from on how to raise Lizzie. You and Jane have brought me out of my shell and given me a bit of a life.”

“Speaking of Jane, I really think that you should tell her too, I think she has a right to know, particularly if you are going to go into changing rooms together again.”

“ I am really not looking forward to that, it was easier with you because we had had a few drinks and were more relaxed, I think that would be very difficult for me, would you do that for me?”

“ Of course I will, girls are brought up with sharing secrets, arranging boyfriends, and dumping boyfriends, for each other, and sharing problems, I can explain everything for you, but you are such a wonderful friend that I am sure it will not be a problem, leave it to me.”

When the children woke up, we got dressed to go for a walk to freshen up after ‘the night before’, and now, with the help of my padded briefs I was able to wear trousers that showed off my new figure. Along with a waist-height false-fur lined winter jacket. a wooly hat with my hair hanging out of the bottom of it and some fleece trimmed ankle boots, there was no doubt about my looks and no reason why anyone would not see me as just another young woman. We had a pleasant stroll and ended up at a café down by the river where we sat at an outside terrace watching the fish jumping and the birds flitting about, we were on our own, nobody else was brave enough to sit outside. After the waitress left with a cheery “ enjoy your coffees girls” I took off my hat gave my hair a shake and ran my fingers through it to tidy it up.

“ That looked so feminine the way you did that whispered Laura,” so the kids could not hear, “As I told you before, this is taking you over, you need to make some decisions”

When school restarted after the holidays, we met up with Jane after the school run and went for our usual coffee, but instead of our normal window table they went to a quiet alcove at the back of the café.

“ Laura came round to my house and told me all about you, I must say I was surprised, I would never have guessed. I’m a bit confused as to how I feel, and as to why you are doing what you are doing, but it makes no difference to me Debbie, let’s all just get on as before, ‘Live and let live’ eh!. Now I know, I would prefer it if we didn’t change together. Even though Laura told me that you are tucked and held in place, at the moment I still would feel uncomfortable, but when I get used to the idea I will probably get a bit more relaxed.”

“ I understand your feelings Jane, I am not sure that I fully understand it myself, but I do know that i am happy as I am at the moment, in you and Laura I have good friends, Lizzie is happy, I have begun to feel natural in these clothes and don’t really think about it any more, I just get up and get dressed for the day. As I said to Laura, I just hope that we can stay friends and go on just like we were.”

“One more thing before I change the subject” Laura butted in ”I do like your new bum, just don’t ask me if it looks big in any of your clothes, but your tight jeans definitely fit better now.” which caused a first of giggles all round.

“ Now for something completely different. I’ve read your new book, and also read it with Archie, we both loved it. The storyline is very believable and although none of the events you have written about have happened to me at any of my party bookings, they could very well have done. It is so well written it held Archie’s attention the whole way through. I’ve got two suggestions for you,

#1I’ve got lots of ideas for other events to include based on things that have happened to me and maybe you could do a sequel or start a series.
#2 you don’t know but Jane graduated in English Literature before Lauren came along, maybe she could proof read it and edit it for you.”

“I like both of those suggestions, the pair of us can go through your ideas and I’ll see how I can write them up, and if Jane would like to get involved I’d be delighted to have her input. Obviously if it all works out, you would both get an acknowledgement, and if it turns into a commercial success, maybe even a share of the royalties.”

“I may have my degree in Literature,” said Jane, “but it was on the history and structure of literature, rather than the creative writing side, so don’t expect too much in the way of artistic input, but I am quite happy to proof read it if you give me a copy.”

I soon sent the book off to my publishers, with the author listed as Debbie Clark instead of John. They were excited about it, particularly when I suggested a series on the same theme. The only problem was that they wanted a photo and author biography, for the cover page. After a session at the local hairdressers and beauty parlour the photograph was easy to provide. I twisted the truth for the biography including that previously I had collaborated with my husband John on his recent books but was now writing under my own name. Luckily Debbie now had no living close family, and anyone who had known them before was no longer a part of my life, so the chance of anyone making connections was small. Because Jane had done an excellent editing job it was turned out onto the bookshelves much quicker than normal, and began to sell quite well, but we made sure that the local school had a few complimentary copies for their library.

I called in to see Ms Cooper, the school Head, who thanked me for the books and insisted that I should now call her Diane. She suggested, that, if I was interested , she could give me lots of anecdotes about new children settling in at school and how they developed in their time there, that I might be able to weave into a story book. I was delighted with this as developing the initial idea and theme is often the most difficult part of writing a book.

This soon turned into a village cottage industry with local characters sparking an idea for a storyline, me turning it into a book, Laura and Archie acting as a test bed, and Jane editing and proof reading for me. Although children’s books do not normally generate the money that big-name authors like Sue Townsend and JK Rowling have managed to acquire, I was doing reasonably well and was able to make contributions to local community projects, particularly in improving the school library facilities and booklist, but these were usually fed through a charitable trust rather than as a personal gift.

I still hadn’t decided in which direction to turn my life. I was now fully a part of the local community as Debbie, and nobody questioned what had happened to John. Many of the parents were familiar with John’s books but nobody really associated him with me as Debbie, after all Clark is a common name.

Laura and Jane were happy to continue to be very close friends and encouraged me to develop my femininity, and treated me just like the rest of their women friends.

I soon came up against a few problems that meant I had to make a decision about whether to continue as Debbie or go back to being John.

Firstly, I was caught by a speed camera driving slightly over the limit, luckily it was an automatic fine and penalty points on my licence, but it made me think about how I would have dealt with it if I had been stopped by the police and they wanted to see my driving licence.

Secondly, because my book sales and the associated royalties were mounting up, my publishers had a request from the tax authorities , requesting my details, so they could make sure that I was paying my fair share into the Exchequer.

Thirdly, I was getting requests for book-signing personal appearances, which my publishers and agent were having increasing difficulty turning down. This was the final straw, and I decided that unless I wanted to totally reverse my life I had to legally become Deborah Clark.

As had been living as Debbie for a couple of years now, there was no problem with a legal name change by deed-poll. Nobody in the village knew about it, except Diane at the school and Laura and Jane, everyone else accepted me as Debbie already. I then had to go through all the bureaucracy of driving licence, bank and credit card accounts, tax and national insurance records, and all the various store and internet sales accounts and all the other sundry links in life, but that was all soon cleared and so John no longer existed on any records

I had agreed with my publishers and agent that I would do a promotional book-signing tour later in the year as there were a few things I needed to get sorted first.

Although I had fairly light facial and body hair anyway, Jane convinced me to get a full facial laser treatment to permanently keep me smooth, and a full body and leg wax, which would need renewal every few months but would leave me no different to most other women. I also had a bit of liposuction sculpting to my waist so that I no longer had to wear the waist nipper.

Just before I left on my tour, i had an almost full day at the local beauty parlour with my hair being given a light tint and restyle, my eyebrows cleaned up, and several face-mask and moisturising applications, and I must admit there was now no way that anyone would see anybody other than Debbie.

Laura had agreed to look after Lizzie for me whilst I was away, and I went off on my promotion for two weeks. The tour was a great success, not only in increasing sales of the ‘Who wants to have fun’ series of books, but also my other village stories and those written previously as John. I was treated as a bit of a celebrity by many of the bookshops, and wined and dined as befits a talented attractive and very personable women. I had several passes made at me, but luckily other than a bit of flirting back and goodnight hugs and kisses, nothing went any further. However I did have a few fantasy dreams imagining myself as a woman with some of the men who had hosted me. in a way it was worrying, but in a way, I realised that I was becoming more relaxed with the thought.

Partly because I could now afford it, but partly to cut my tax bill, i bought a much larger property in its own grounds and officially it was an office and hospitality suite for when agents or publishers came to meet me, but in practice it was our new family home. Laura’s home, which was rented, was suffering problems with damp and water ingress from leaky gutters and roof and the landlord needed her out to carry out repair, so she and Archie moved in with me, at first on a temporary basis, but we agreed to make it permanent. We settled into cosy life, almost a family life, but Laura and I were effectively living like sisters. despite the way I was now living and dressing, I did sometimes think about having a closer, more intimate relationship with Laura, but wasn’t sure how to bring the subject up and how she would react.

The problem was solved one afternoon, the kids were out with some friends, and we were sitting in the garden with a glass of wine when Laura raised the subject of what did I want out of life in the future. I don’t think she had meant it to necessarily to be about our personal relationship, but I took the opportunity to jump in with both feet.

“ I have no doubts about my professional life and where I want to go with that, but I am totally confused about my personal direction. Legally and socially, to all intents and purposes I am now Debbie Clark, but in my head a major part of me is still John. That part of me seems me dreaming of sharing my life and my bed with a beautiful woman who has become my best friend and confidant. If you can get over the fact that I like wearing dresses and skirts, I would like us to spend the rest of our lives together. I know there are a lot of problems to overcome, do we move elsewhere get married and I live as John and Lizzie gets you as her new Mum, do we stay here as we are, now can get married as Debbie and Laura, or we do not bother with the formalities?”

“Just be quiet for a minute and stop rambling. That is by far the weirdest marriage proposal I have ever heard of, but it is something that I have been hoping for for ages, we can sort out the details later, I don’t care whether you are wearing trousers or skirts, I will still love you. Before we come down to earth with a bang, come with me upstairs now and we will confirm our new relationship.”

Four months later, before the baby really started to show, we had a civil registry office wedding. The bride and groom wore matching pale cream satin mid-length dresses and bolero tops, with flower garland headbands. It was a small wedding, just our children, Jane and Diane as witnesses, and a few close friends, but to us it was as delightful as any big formal ceremony and meant just as much.

Being pestered into being a school-gate mum brought me back a life. After Debbie died I had just drifted through a routine, but now with a wonderful wife, a happy family, good friends and a successful career, my life was back on track, albeit in a different direction than I had expected those years ago.

End