The two girls on the platform in the lecture theatre were faced by twenty-six younger girls who were nervously waiting for the speaker to start. “Good afternoon. I am Billie Gordon and this is my sister Claire. Our father is Geoffrey Gordon who is a civil engineer involved in the reconstruction of the city of Kidderminster after its virtual levelling to the ground during the unrest. You could say he is involved in a reformation of the city.” A nervous titter went around the room at that. “Our mother is Henrietta Gordon, the doctor who is in charge of your reforming. Mummy has asked me to speak to you concerning what I went through during the unrest and my own reforming. Claire is here because I have never done this before and I’m nervous. She’s my big sister and it doesn’t seem quite so scary with her here. I don’t know how much help I can be to you, why I think that will become clear in time. Mummy says I’ll be able to help you more than I realise, but I’m not sure about that.

“I’m told I was born a boy which means nothing at all to me. I do have one or two early, hazy memories of before the upset and my subsequent reforming, but they drift in and out of focus and have never made any sense to me. Silly I know, but I vaguely remember what it felt like to wee like a boy, but that memory like the others feels like somehow I’ve borrowed it from someone else, almost as if I were told about their experience when I was very tired and when I dreamt about it it worked its way into my mind as a second hand memory. I always knew I was a girl and to this day I still remain somewhat puzzled as to how I had even a second hand memory of having a penis, for I always knew girls had different arrangements and I’d always been a girl. I don’t expect that will make any sense to you because it makes no sense to me.

“Mummy says often memories of girls like us are like that, nonsensical, disjointed, she uses the word inchoate and says they often seem misplaced and as if they are the memories of someone else. She says that is especially true before reforming. She believes sometimes there are two of us, the boys that tried to be us before we turned away from them because we knew they weren’t and couldn’t be us, and the girls that emerged as ourselves because we knew we were and are girls. According to her they can be two completely different persons with not only obviously different personalities but with different memories of the same events as well as each having unshared memories too. She also believes that in extreme cases the conflict caused by the existence of those two different persons can lead to psychosis if it is not dealt with swiftly by reforming which allows the boy to retire in peace and allows the girl to integrate fully with our circumstances as she makes sense of our lives.

“She also says growing up is a difficult process for everyone and it is different for us but it doesn’t have to be any harder for us than for any other girl or boy. It used to be different before the unrest when girls and boys too who needed to reform were often treated badly. She says that there was little good came out of the unrest, but social acceptance for all and the widespread use of the readily available regenerative medicines that can heal those seriously hurt and which also allow reformation are two of the best consequences to come out of what was the worst incident in human history.

“I still have nightmares about the unrest as it is now politely referred to. Those nightmares are of shouting, screaming, and of seeing buildings, cars and everything on fire, and of people dying, lots of people dying. I remember hunger, but most of all I remember being thirsty, being cold at night and hearing what I now know was gunfire which never entirely stilled even in the middle of the night, when at best it was sporadic and at worst as bad as during the day.

“I’ll read you a sentence or two from a history book about the unrest. The unrest was the name given to the great social dislocation that happened when a planetary society stressed beyond what it could endure in four days of what amounted to a seismic social event suffered a dislocation slippage back to a stable condition of less than a quarter of a billion persons world wide. It has always been compared with geological happenings as if that somehow legitimised the deaths of over twelve billion people at each others’ hands. Four days, that’s all it took for the major powers of the world to initiate and almost complete the global destruction of everything that was familiar to all the peoples of the world. After that, in the main the remaining people, the mob, took over. If anything, death at the hands of the mob was worse than the four days of hell’s death that rained down from the sky and obliterated not just cities and their populations but civilisation itself. The mega wealthy were all dead, the mega poor were all dead and most of those in between the two were dead too. The concepts of wealth and poverty had died, for one was either a survivor or one was dead, and for the living to keep surviving all had to help each other to the best of their abilities. Where that didn’t happen the majority died at each others’ hands. What recovery has occurred has been due to the skilled and clever lucky few who were somewhere where the death from the sky didn’t fall and where the survivors were willing to assist each other. The recovery is slow and all agree it will take centuries not decades to rebuild.

“It’s said nearly ninety-eight percent of the Earth’s population perished in those first four days, and a good deal more perished over the next twelve months. Fortunately, the discovery of the regenerative medicines has stopped the ongoing deaths from the nuclear and biological weapons that were used. All that and a great deal more you’ll have learnt at school. I was one of the lucky few who survived the initial four days and then I was even luckier, for when still a young child I was found by Mummy who was a founder member of a group determined to retain what had been known and which was even more determined to develop that knowledge in order to rebuild our society. My mother is one of the major developers of the regenerative medicines and I am one of the first beneficiaries of her skills and abilities, but you are only a little behind me.

“Going back to that day, it was thirst that forced me to leave the shelter of the over grown rhododendrons in the park. I have no memory of how I came to be there, or for how long I was there. I don’t even remember being there. I’ve been told that’s where I was found, and I’ve been taken to see the place since then to see if going there would help me to remember any more of my past, but it brought back no memories, for it was a place I had no recollection of ever having been to before. I do remember the thirst, for only the sharpest and most painful of my memories remain, after all I was only three. I don’t remember how I lived before the unrest and I have no memories of whom I lived with. My earliest memories are of Mummy and Daddy and Claire who is almost a year older than me.

“I remember Mummy finding me and giving me water to drink when even my muscles were silently screaming from thirst. As I desperately and gratefully gulped the water she asked, ‘What’s your name, Sweetie?’

“ ‘I’m Billie,’ I replied when she took the canteen from me telling me I needed to drink just little sips, but to drink one every few minutes till I wasn’t thirsty any more. ‘I’m three and a half and I’m a girl. My birthday is the first of Christmas.’ We’ve always presumed I meant the first of December, so that’s been my birthday ever since.

“I remember her saying. ‘I see.’ I didn’t know what she meant when she said, ‘You come home with me, Billie and I’ll look after you and make sure that you have everything you need,’ but she was kind, and I knew I had no choice because she had the water. I remember the water and meeting Mummy, but not the place, nor anything else about the day. Mummy told me years later that when she found me I was dressed in boys clothes which she said I hated, but I don’t remember that.

“After that, life was an indistinct haze for a long time. I remember being asked questions for what seemed to be days by a lot of different grown ups that I didn’t understand so couldn’t answer, but the shouting and screaming had stopped. After the questions I spent a lot of time in bed, but I was at home cared for by persons who loved me, so that was okay. Daddy said I was reforming, but I didn’t understand any of that then. Claire said Mummy had told her that I needed medicine and a lot of rest because I’d been hungry, cold and poorly when I was on my own. She said I needed the medicine to get better and plenty of rest to allow the medicine to work. I have no memory of the reforming, but I do have an early memory of weeing as a little girl, but that was when I had been living with Mummy and Daddy and Claire for quite some time, possibly as long as a year, but I’m not sure. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because sitting down is how it is done by girls and I knew Claire and Mummy sat down too. I think I always sat down, but I can’t be sure. I have no real or clear memories of what it was to be a boy, and I’m not certain what I have are my own memories. All the memories that I know are genuinely mine are of being a girl. One of my earliest happy memories is Mummy taking me to buy a frock to wear at Claire’s birthday party. I spent a whole afternoon trying on different frocks and talking to Mummy and Claire about which was the prettiest. I’d have been four, and I’ll remember that joyous afternoon for the rest of my life.

“I’m twelve nearly thirteen now and at last I’ve caught up with Claire. She became a woman six months ago and now I am too, which is kind of scary, but exciting at the same time. Mummy says we’ll soon need grown up lady’s clothes which Claire thinks means bras. We giggled about that almost as much as we giggled about the prospect of kissing boys. Paul and Edward go to the same school as us. They are our age and they live not far away from our house. We meet them at the park sometimes, not meet as in by arrangement, it’s just that a lot of us that live in our area go there to play after school several days a week. Claire held Paul’s hand on the merry go round last time we saw them. I’m going to hold Edward’s hand too next time, or Claire will tease me for being a scaredy cat.” The two girls looked at each other and smiled.

“I know you all started out life as boys and were and are really girls. I know some of you have reformed and some have not. I have been asked to talk to you about my experiences, but unfortunately I have already told you what little I have to tell, for as I said I have no real memory of being a boy or of reforming into the girl I always was. You were all born after the unrest, so you are at most ten going on eleven. All the boys of your age who were really girls and who knew that when they were very young have been reformed girls for years now, just girls like all the others. I doubt if any of them can tell you much more than I can, for their memories are probably little different from mine, but I suggest you speak to them for that may help you, and it must be worth finding out if it can. Remember the medical persons must have no doubts that you are really girls, or you would not have been invited here.

“I can’t explain reforming to you, for I don’t understand how it works, and I don’t care, for as I said I have no memory of it happening to me. What I went through during the unrest took away my memories of my previous life. Mummy says it deeply traumatised me, but doctors use big words that I’m not always entirely sure of the meanings of. I’m afraid that those of you who have not already reformed are going to have to take it on trust that you need to reform to be happy. Maybe the reformed girls here can help you more than I. All I can tell you about the process is that it doesn’t hurt and I am very happy, but I have no memory of being unhappy before the unrest, for as I said I have no meaningful memories from that far back. You probably know more about that than I do. If anyone has any questions I shall do my best to answer them.”

A tall red haired girl sitting at the left hand side of the audience put her hand up and asked, “What aspect of your life makes you happiest, Billie?”

“Having a sister close in age to me to share things with. If you haven’t got a sister close in age to you your life will become much better if you have a friend who you love, and are loved by, like a sister.”

There were no more questions, but the audience looked around at the other girls and some of them had a questioning almost speculative look in their eyes.

A tall slim woman came onto the platform from behind the two girls, and said, “Thank you, Billie. That was most helpful. I do hope you two are going to introduce me to Paul and Edward.”

“Mummy, what are you doing here? We thought you had appointments all day.”

“I did, Claire. But most of my afternoon appointments cancelled for various reasons, mostly because they wanted to listen to Billie.” She turned to the audience and said, “Billie’s uncertainties and problematic memories are more severe than those most in your situation experience because her experience of the unrest made things worse for her. However, they are commonplace experiences, and they do not alter her or your identities as girls. That is why I asked her to speak to you, to offer reassurance that older girls than you have been in the situations you are in and indeed many still are to some extent. I hope her explanations of her past has helped you to come to terms a little with your uncertainties. Life for all is a challenge whether you need to reform or not, even for adults it can be challenging, for we all have to surmount the effects of the unrest, as will those born long after everyone is this room has gone from old age. Thank you for taking my advice and coming to listen.”

The twenty-six girls all stood with smiles on their faces and the applause lasted for several minutes. An older looking girl looked about her and encouraged by the others said, “Thank you, Billie. It was as Doctor Gordon told us it would be, interesting. You may have been right when you said it may not be helpful. I suspect you were wrong about that, but I don’t know. I do know it certainly settled a lot of my fears and doubts about myself. Thank you again, Billie, and Doctor Gordon too.”

When the applause stopped, Doctor Gordon said, “I now have a meeting with some patients who need to reform as boys, but I still want to know about Paul and Edward, Girls, and Daddy will wish to meet them soon.” She turned to the audience again and added, “They may be big girls now, but even when they have children of their own they’ll always be my girls. That’s what being a mother is all about as you like they will discover before many more years have passed. And fathers are completely impossible with their daughters as doubtless you already know.”

As the room emptied most were laughing as they left.