Lisa and I “worked” on sorting clothes. Mostly, we modeled for each other and took pictures with our digital cameras. Even though Lisa was my cousin, she was so beautiful it was hard not to stare. Finally, she said, “What?” I hadn’t realized how intently I had been watching her. I told her the truth, “Lisa, you’re just beautiful.”
“You’re not gonna get kicked out of bed yourself, cousin.”
“Well if it’s a guy, it’ll be me doing the kicking.”
“I think you’ll change your attitude”.
“We should bet on that. Got a million dollars?”
“Not at the moment.”
“Neither do I, but I would be winning a bet on that. Anyway, I have to have a small operation before I can even consider that. Otherwise, any guy expecting to party with me will find himself at a surprise party.”
“As I said, someday you’ll get that empty feeling.”
“You know, a penis might not be so bad, but it’s attached to a big, hairy, sweaty, smelly … guy, who thinks you want his tongue in your mouth.”
“Some guys are not big, hairy sweaty or smelly.”
“’Guy’ is bad enough. I just don’t that on top of me.”
Lisa gave up, “OK. You win. We’ll both be lesbians until … and unless someone comes along to change things.”
“You were not very hard to convince.”
“Yeah, it’s almost like …. Skip it, put on this skirt and top.”
“Gee, that skirt must be six inches long!”
“It’s eighteen inches. What … you wanna be a nun?”
“You want me to show off my ‘autonomous gentlemen’?”
“You mean your ‘agronomous gesticulations’? They won’t show. They’re just little biddy fell fellas.”
“Is ‘little biddy’ a medical term?”, I asked as I squeezed into the top and skirt. “Why did we buy this anyway?”
“I got it for when we go streetwalking.”
“That’s all it’s good for, so we can donate it right back.”
“Amie, it looks so good on you!”
“Maybe so, but I’m not gonna wear it outside.”
“You know…it’s only noon; we have a lot of day left. Also it’s the first day of summer; we have a lot of summer left; what’s next?”
“Don’t you think it’s time for pizza?”
“Oh, yeah, what do you like?”
“I like just about anything but pepperoni or anchovies. I like jalapenos, but they make my nose run.”
“I’ll bet for a long time, you’ve been wondering why everything you ate went to your hips. Now you know, and it’s ok. You’re developing one fine body. You’re doing pretty good up top, too.”
“Yeah, but it feels weird.”
“Just because you’re body is changing. You’ll get used to it.”
Just then, Mom rapped on the door.
She opened the door and poked her head in. “I’ve got a doctor’s phone number. Monday, I’m going to schedule you an appointment for minor surgery. Are you ready for that?”
“I’m more than ready, mom”.
“That’s good to hear. I’ll also see about getting something done with your hair.”
“Can she get her ears pierced, Aunt Kim?”
Mom turned to me, “Amie?”
“We’re moving right along, aren’t we?”
Lisa spoke up, “Aunt Kim, I think the sooner the better.”
“I think so, too. School will be here before you know it. By the way, girls, you can stop sorting clothes. Take them to the laundry room. I want to wash them all.”
“Good! Uh, Mom?”
“Where’s the laundry room?”
She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. “It’s on the first floor. Go to the back through the kitchen.”
“Thanks, Mom. We’ll get these clothes down there.”
“Actually,” she continued as she walked into the bathroom and opened a small door, “this is a laundry chute. Put the clothes in here and they’ll drop right down to the laundry room.”
“Wow, what will they think of next?”
“Lisa, I think this invention is over a hundred years old. I’m not sure why you don’t see it much anymore.”
“Thanks, we’ll have the clothes there before you can get there.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “Thanks a lot! I want to look through them anyway. I want to make sure they’re appropriate.”
“Honest, Mom, we didn’t buy any boys’ clothes!”
“That’s not what I was concerned about.”
“I know, Mom.”
“Monday, I also need to see about hiring some household help. Bye now, girls.”
My mom left and we stuffed all the clothes down the chute. All, that is, except Lisa’s “streetwalking” outfit, which went in the trash. The clothes seemed to have multiplied, and it made me wonder how much they would have cost if we had paid for them.
We got out our laptops and called my dad to get a network password. We both got on the web and checked email, then idly surfed the web
until it got dark outside.
We agreed that our first day of vacation was a success.
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