The house was dark when we got there, but the motion sensors clicked outdoor lights to life and, created near daylight when we pulled into the driveway. Walking up to the front door activated more lights. Not that there was any danger, we were in the safest neighborhood in Houston, with the possible exception of the “gated” communities which, to me seemed like visiting a prison. The police patrolled the area, alert for any rare case of burglars or prowlers. Some of Houston’s oldest and richest families lived in this area, and the police knew that keeping them safe and happy would make life better, not only for the citizens, but for the police department as well as the rest of the city government.
We were all exhausted, and went straight to bed. I thought Lisa and I would talk, but the next thing I knew the sun was streaming in through the drapes. I went to the window and looked at the neighborhood. It was the cleanest, most beautiful residential I had ever seen. Most of the properties had huge oak trees like ours. A woman walked by with her poodle. She eyed our house like she was curious about the new neighbors. I thought she saw me, so I quickly stepped away from the window.
“What’s the matter?” Lisa’s voice came from behind me.
“Nothing…just don’t want to expose myself. Good morning.” It was only 6 AM, but we were both morning people.
I walked over to the bed to kiss her on the cheek. Instead, she put her hands on both sides of my face and placed a kiss right on my lips.
“Easy, cousin, we don’t want to end up on Jerry Springer!” She was beautiful, but I didn’t want to get into anything kinky.
“Kissin’ cousins! Nothing wrong with that!”
“Yeah…as long as it doesn’t go to far.”
“I know…I know! What’s the plan for today?”
“Dunno. The world’s our ostrich!”
“I know, Lisa, just trying to get under your skin.”
“Just don’t try to get under my clothes.”
“Speaking of which, you packed a lot of clothes for this visit. How about you just set your suitcase in the closet? I have enough clothes for 3 or 4 girls.”
“Sounds like a plan!”
Lisa smiled. “But you just said you…never mind. Shopping…you talked me into it. But we can’t go to the resale shop, now that we live in River Oaks.”
“Silly…no one’s gonna know where we live…unless you go around telling people, ‘Guess what…l live in River Oaks’. By the way…you don’t live in River Oaks…at least, not yet!”
“It’s practically a done deal. My mom will have no excuses. I need to call her.” She grabbed her cell phone and went into the rest room.
After about 5 minutes, the toilet flushed and Lisa came out of the bathroom. “You’re gonna have to get your mom to call my mom. Guess that makes sense. I can hardly invite us to come live with y’all.”
“Still a done deal. My mom will call, ‘Hey, you and Lisa come to Houston and live with us. You will? Cool! Bye!’”
“My sweet little cousin! You’re naïve, but I love you. It’s not that simple with adults. Your mom and dad will practically have to beg my mom to come. If our mom’s weren’t sisters, it would never happen, but we’re lucky in that sense”.
“Ok. I’ll talk to my mom today.”
“Changing the subject…Amie?”
“Uh oh, this sounds serious!”
“I’ve been kinda considering going to medical school.” It sounded more like a question.
“That’s good. You’re smart enough!”
“Yeah, I would like to be able to tell the other doctors that I’ve seen something they’ve probably never seen, and probably never will see.”
“Huh. What’s that?”
Lisa said nothing. She smiled and looked down at the front of my pants.
I knew what she meant, but I bent over a little and pulled up her chin so I was looking directly into her face. “Lisa, look at me! What is it you want to see?”
She smiled. “Oh, you know, your ‘anthropological generals!’”
“Lisa…seriously? You want to go to medical school, and you can’t even say ‘anomalous genitalia’?”
“I could, but I didn’t want to. I don’t like the sound of it.”
“You don’t even like the sound of it, but you want to see it?”
“Yes…l do! Lay across the bed and cover your eyes!”
“What did I lie about?”
“Dammit, Lisa; you know what I’m talking about. It’s ‘Lie across the bed.’”
“I know it, but that sounds weird. Just do it.”
“But, you don’t .…”
“Please do this for your favorite cousin.”
“Jaqueline? She’s not even.….”
“Oh, come on, Amie. Don’t make me beg!”
I lay, face up, on the bed and closed my eyes.
“Why not? I’ve seen!”
“I don’t know. Just keep your eyes closed.”
I covered my eyes with my hands. “OK. Have at it!”
I felt her lift my nightgown and lay it up near my chest. I shivered. “It’s kind of cold.”
“Won’t be long.”
I felt her pull my panties down. I hear her catch her breath. “Oh…wow.”
After a few seconds, I felt her pull up my panties and pull down my nightgown.
I uncovered and opened my eyes. “Well,” I asked, “what’s the prognosis? Will the patient live?” I tried to sound anxious.
“She will live a long, healthy life. We just gotta remove one teeny tiny bit of superfluous tissue.”
“Wow, you sure got educated quickly!”
“On the job training is the best way to learn.”
“What do you think?”
“I think any boy with a penis like that would be embarrassed to take off his shorts.”
“You’re right about that. And any girl would want to be rid of it!”
“The doctor had to do x-rays, sonograms, and blood tests?”
“Something like that.”
Maybe he needs to go back to med school.” Lisa
“Well, I hope not to have that ‘superfluous tissue’ much longer.”
“This reminds me of a joke!”
“OK…this preacher’s wife went into the hospital to have a baby. There was an old woman from the church who kept pestering the doctor. ‘Is she OK? Is she in labor?’…all kinds of questions that the doctor wouldn’t answer because it was none of the old woman’s business. Well, when the baby was born, the doctor stepped out of the delivery room and there was the old lady. ‘Were there any problems? Is the baby OK’” The doctor shook his head and looked sad. The old woman gasped, ‘what!?’ The doctor replied, ‘The child was born without a penis!’ The old woman gasped again, but the doctor continued, ‘…but I’m sure she’ll have a good place to put one in about 20 years or so!’”
“OK. I thought it was a good joke. Thing is, you’ll have a good place in like 7 or 8 years.”
“It might be a good place, but no penis is going there! There’s been one there long enough!”
“Don’t you believe in trying anything once? Don’t knock it until you try it?”
“I refuse to live my life by quotes from Pinterest!”
“Well, one of these days you’ll get that ‘empty’ feeling….”
“Shut up! Gross!”
“OK. Cool…just keep your options open.”
“Yeah, I will,” I said without unconvincingly.
On cue, my mom opened the door. “Girls? You’re not even dressed! What are y’all going to do with your first day of vacation?”
“Shopping?” I questioned.
“OK. We’re not far from the Galleria. I can drop y’all.”
“I thought maybe the resale shop? Just ‘cause daddy has money doesn’t mean we should waste it!”
“Wow. How mature! Well, get on the web and search for resale shops in zip code 77019. The rich people around have must have somewhere they get rid of clothes they’ve worn once.”
“We’ll be ready in 10 minutes! Oh, Aunt Kim, would you call my mom. I think she wants to come live with us.” Lisa volunteered.
Mom smiled. Yeah, OK, I’ll give her a call.”
We got dressed. We both had to wear dresses per Lisa’s orders. They were short dresses with spaghetti straps. Just about the minimum to be decent. We stepped out the front door and Lisa gasped, “Oh, my God!”
“What is it, Lisa?” I couldn’t imagine what could be wrong.
“The heat…the humidity!” Lisa
“Well maybe it’ll cool off.” At the time, I couldn’t imagine how wrong I was. Houston summers were merciless. Lisa and I got into the car with a map from MapQuest and the air conditioner turned on “Max Cool”.
“Mom, it’s really hot. I think I need a haircut!”
“When you were a boy, you never wanted a haircut!”
Lisa spoke up from the back seat, “You know what’s weird? He had long hair…her hair is kinda short.”
“You’re right. It depends on how you perceive a person. We’ll get your hair cut and styled, honey…something cool and easy to manage. I’ll find someone and make an appointment while y’all shop. Lisa, what about you?”
“OK. I could use a haircut.”
“Cool! I pulled on my dress, trying to make it longer.”
“Kinda short, huh? I misguessed how tall you are when I bought it.”
“It’s OK. At least my butt will be cool.”
“Don’t talk like that. You sound like a boy.”
“Ewww! Sorry, mom.”
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