dorothycolleen's blog

had a very painful day yesterday

So I had a very painful day doing the taxi thing yesterday,

I actually had to call things short, as my knees and my hip were hurting so bad even painkiller couldn't touch it.

Not only that, because we spent about six hours without being able to stop for food, my sugar levels were screaming at me,

Sharon and Sam understood, but I still feel bad for letting them down.

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a brain-fart day

So today was a brain-fart day.

I wanted to go to Costco, because we had bought a new cell phone there, and I wanted to get automatic payments set up.

Only when I got there I discovered I had not brought the phone, the phone number, or the account number.

So back home to get the stuff and go back, and they gave me paperwork to take to the bank.

Go to the bank and they say all they can do is give us paperwork and send us back to Costco.

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the Martian Chronicles

I was able to get a copy of "The Martian Chronicles" by Ray Bradbury from Amazon, and re-reading it reminds me how much I loved it.

It also inspired one of my first stories here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/19389/perfect-opportu...

If you've never read it, I'd love it if you did, and of course comments are always appreciated!

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I spoke too soon

Well, it appears I had spoken too soon.

I talked to my insurance company, and I had not let my insurance expire, as I had feared.

Still will have to pay the damage on the other person's car, since it will probably less than my deductible, but still, its a big load off my mind.

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self-sabotage

For most if not all my life, I've struggled against self-sabotage, and failed.

Over and over again, usually just when I started making headway, I'd do something stupid and blow everything to pieces.

If I had any hope that the work I've been doing on myself the last few years had cured me of that ailment, last night proved otherwise.

See, I went to pick up Sharon, and on the way there had to merge into the other lane because of construction, but unfortunately there was another car already there.

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taking advantage of being manic

So, I took advantage of my manic phase yesterday. I got groceries, took some stuff to the Eco Station bought some books at a used book store. We also bought a new toaster, cause our old one died.

the toaster was one of the items that went to the Eco Station. I also bought an accordion file folder and some labels so I can go through the pile of paperwork in one of my dresser drawers

so I feel like girl who accomplished stuff.

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Is my face red? Yep!

Well, yesterday I maxed out my embarrassment quota for the year in one go.

I was doing my weekly run-around with Sharon, and we stopped at a McDonald's to get some food.

After I ate, I had to go to the bathroom, and for some reason, my confidence vanished, and I was worried about Sharon seeing me use the Ladies, so I opened the door to the men's.

A man inside said, "Ladies is on the other side", and blushing like crazy I went over there.

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reality was less scary than anxiety

Well, once again, reality turned out to be less scary than anxiety had made it out to be.

I got the brakes fixed on my car today, after stressing over it for more than a week (my repair guy was on holiday).

And instead of the thousand-plus-dollar expense I was expecting, the actual price was $460.

It takes out the last of my reserve fund, but that's what that money was for, and now I can start slowly rebuilding it.

(Breathes a sigh of relief ….)

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insights from my therapist

My therapist had a really good insight into what happened with the writing group:

"Sometimes when we're struggling with self-hate or loathing, we find ourselves sharing vulnerable aspects of ourselves to people who have not earned the right to our most intimate selves. It's almost like a test to those around us. And if they passed one test, we push again and we push harder.

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more dreams? Yes, more dreams

in case anybody isn't tired of me talking about my dreams, here is last night's:

I dreamed I was an assistant to a young man, who looked like an athlete. I was following him, taking notes on a notepad, and after entering a hotel room with 2 beautiful women on the bed, he announced he was going to take a bath.

Because he also wanted me to keep taking notes, he had me follow him, and in the swimming-pool sized tub were 3 more women who I ignored as I kept taking notes.

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maybe I should just not be around people

So last night I brought my autobiographical piece "the house" to my writing group, and the group leader got so upset at the thought that I might be worried about hurting someone the way I was hurt got her so upset she stopped my reading, and we went on to someone else's work. So I came home in a cloud of self-hate, which wasn't helped by my sister in law reminding me this is now twice in a fairly short time I've hurt this person.

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guess, what? Its dream time again!

okay, its dream time again.

last night I dreamed I was working in a place that kind of reminded me of Black Mesa from the game Half Life. But unlike the game, we were not evacuating, but we were moving.

After helping a woman with some offices, I went to see if I could help anybody else, when one of the senior people there told me we had a spy somewhere in the facility, and asked me to do a search.

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giving an author a push

I'd like to take a moment and give a fellow author here a bit of a push.

I've been reading RobertaME's autobiographical work, "For God so loved the world", and while a lot of it is painful, it is ultimately a story of faith and survival.

If you're so inclined, she'd love feedback on the piece, which is found here:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/90781/god-so-loved-world

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got a body blow today

got a body blow today.

Carol told me Mike had a meltdown on the weekend. He got very angry at an employee at the wildlife park over nothing

this is very much unlike him, but something she was warned about as his disease progresses

he went for a test today, the results will tell us if it is getting worse for sure, but he's already told Carol that if he ever gets violent she has his permission to put him into long term care

the worst thing of getting the news about Mike today was it was Sam's grad today, and I hate that I couldn't be happier for her

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