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My therapist had a really good insight into what happened with the writing group:
"Sometimes when we're struggling with self-hate or loathing, we find ourselves sharing vulnerable aspects of ourselves to people who have not earned the right to our most intimate selves. It's almost like a test to those around us. And if they passed one test, we push again and we push harder.
When we're feeling that low, we often think that we're not good enough for anybody else and we end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy cycle. What I'm wondering, is if you think that there was a part of you on the inside that knew that sharing this part of yourself with that group would scare them off, and you figured better now than later, or you figured you're not worthy of them anyway?"
I think she might have a point
Comments
Hrmmm...
I dunno if she was right, but it does sound like an idea worth considering. One thing I'm wondering about, is how you know when someone has earned the right.
I don't think there's any
I don't think there's any formula to answer that. We're all individuals, as well as those people who are perspective friends. Each of us handle things differently, so perhaps it requires a good, solid, tried and true friendship before we trust someone to that regard. I once divulged my being transgender to a friend and he was okay at first, but things changed somewhat, and finally he broke off our contact 30 years ago. Another friend that id had for less time, took it in stride and is still a friend, 35 years later.
Hugs!
Rosemary
Yes
Very valid
Love, Andrea Lena
On writing groups
I attended (online due to COVID) an event for writers a while back and I was astonished by how much care the organisers took to ensure that each reading was accompanied by content warnings and a reminder that if the piece was too much for you, you could exit back to the lobby for a while. One of the readers felt unable to read when their time came and another had their piece read by a friend.
Coming from the business world, I’m not used to being so open about hurt feelings, being triggered, etc. It’s always been a case of shaping up and being tough enough to deal with things. Business people don’t produce art, though.
You have to be sensitive to be a writer and everything you share exposes you in some way. Putting yourself out there is an act of trust. The results can be astonishing, though – and I expect that everyone feels the same anxieties.
Don’t disqualify yourself by second-guessing, is my advice.
B.
Sugar and Spiiice – TG Fiction by Bryony Marsh
Earning Trust...
Well, how else would you find out whether they can be trusted if you don't test it?
Of course, if they have shown that they can't be trusted, then it's just masochistic to keep trying. (I'm not sure whether this is the scenario your therapist was speaking to.)
BTW, I went back and looked at your story (The House), and it didn't look like the kind of story that would squick most people. It's really mild, compared with many best-sellers and so-called classics. (Try Gorky Park. And don't get me started on Lolita!) Unless your group is specifically for traumatized people, I would say you were not out of line.
A Partitioned Life.
I attend a Christian Bible Study forum and at times, I'm very tempted to share my TG, and Intersex experiences. I know without a doubt that they would freak out if I did. It does not reflect on my self worth. I just consider them too ignorant to get it. They'd never cope with it. My goal in going to that group is fairly narrow. They do not get to know that part of me, and I say that with considerable vehemence.