dorothycolleen's blog

hugs needed

so yesterday, I spilled hot coffee on myself, and when I went to check on the burn, I discovered I have a massive bruise on my lower tummy where I give myself my insulin injections.

For whatever reason, this has set off my PTSD, and I've been shaky ever since.

hugs appreciated

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dream time again

okay so last night, I dreamed I was laying on a beach, just relaxing listening to the waves, when a band started playing music near me. something in the music moved me, so I got up to thank them - and realized the top half of my bathing suit was missing.

I grabbed the towel I had been laying on to cover myself, apologized to the band, and ran like heck towards a building containing lockers where presumably my clothes were.

make of that what you will.

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Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't

I am an addict.

I am addicted to imagination.

Fantasy, science fiction, comics, almost anything would do as long as it allowed me to not deal with the real world.

Nowadays I get my fix mostly online, including the ability to create a fake version of me so I never had to face my real self.

The result is I am an overgrown child, completely unable to handle the adult world.

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strange call from Sharon last night

Something strange happened last night.

just as Mom and I were headed for bed, we got a call from Sharon. When Sharon is angry, her accent and speed of speech make her hard to understand, but from what I could gather, she had a "feeling from God" about some kind of evil coming into the house, and went to check on Sam, who was playing with her cell phone

Sharon asked to see what she was doing, and Sam refused, and Sharon lost it, and she had called us to take Sam for the night because Sharon couldn't have "a dark spirit" around.

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if life would stop beating me up, that would be great

well, yesterday we managed to get the window on my car fixed, walking away 500$ poorer in the process.

Only to have that fix last less than 24 hours, thanks to my mom.

We were told to not put down the window for 24 hours when we picked up the car yesterday afternoon, but while doing a grocery run with her sister, my mom forgot and started to put the window down.

The glass didnt fall out, but its no longer in place.

So off we went back to the dealership today to get it fixed - again, but they haven't called us back, which means we are sans car for now.

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bad day today

I have had a really tough day.

It started with mom blowing a fuse making breakfast, and it took about 10 hours to get power back.

Then when we went to our car, we found that someone had smashed in my driver's side window looking for valuables
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Mom is convinced they wanted our parking pass, as that is the only thing missing, and therefore its my fault for leaving it visible to people outside the car.

sighs . . .

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Jaci is gonna laugh at this entry

I surrendered to Jaci's girl germs, and put on a skirt for my birthday yesterday.

Despite the fact I look like a dude in a dress, nobody said anything negative.

in fact, I got complimented on my outfit while in Walmart

I was getting a few things, and this lady had a little one in her shopping cart, who couldn't keep her eyes off me. I waved at the little one, and that's when the mom complimented me on my outfit

I think I blushed hard enough to drown out the lights.

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the path from manic to Mr. Nasty

well, I learned something about my manic phase today.

I never realized there is a path from my manic phase to Mr. Nasty, my negative self-talk.

But, there is.

Its because if I get angry while manic, that anger has more energy than when I'm depressed, and if the anger is caused by a sense of helplessness, and almost all my anger is, its really easy for that anger to shift focus to the helplessness itself, and then Mr. Nasty can start beating me up for being helpless.

Good to know, not fun to experience.

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writing prompt

Here is a little writing prompt for anybody who wants it:

I walked up to the door, and knocked. A young man answered, and he asked, "Can I help you."

I replied "I'm here to kill you."

There was a pause, and then the young man opened the door, saying "Well, you better come in, then."

There you go, folks, have fun!

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