Note to readers, don't read if you don't like poor grammar, this is rough.
This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright… are you kidding?

Edited by Amanda Lynn

 

 

My problem was that I was alive. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t want to die, ever.

But I was the oldest one in our team and I was in charge. Like the captain is on a ship. I was leading my boys into the fire to fight it. The used tire recycling plant in Gorham was burning. The rubber was chopped into the fine grain and stored in enormous piles. That was the first infraction, but it wasn’t the only one. The ways between piles as well as openings were obstructed by crates, tires, and equipment.

Pushing fire hoses we were moving like in the war. One obstacle after another we were coming nearer and nearer to the pile from which the fire started. We couldn’t do much at first attempt cleaning the way because of the smoke and soot. Rubber smoke is very special it’s like slime. It etches and it glues.

When fire hoses were in place another team came in and we were released back to change filters. That was repeated again and again. Another two burning piles were localized. I sent my team outside to breathe some clean air. I was fiddling with a compressor. I was growing up in a handyman family and I knew machinery. Then the roof fell down. We were aware of it happening at some time but we were not aware it will happen where no fire was. Malcolm and Jack were coming to see what was taking me so long for me to repair that damn compressor. We were buried under the wreckage and were saved only an hour later. Malcolm and Jack were lost. Malcolm was my deputy and Jack… Jack was my nephew.

I was a widow and had no kids. My wife’s sister Andrea lived together in the same home. She was a single mom of Jack. Jack had married two years ago. His wife Barbara gave birth to Jacilynn eight months before his death.

The owner of the plant was found guilty but it didn’t return the ones who perished. Jack was dead and I was alive. I was reminded of this fact every time I faced Jacilynn, Barbara, and Andrea. As we were living in the same home I was tormented by my guilt non-stop every day.

I was alive but it was a kind of formally. I got my lungs filled with rubber smoke. It was eating me from inside. I was coughing that slime out of me but my breathing was insufficient. It was getting worse every day.

 

 

Enough about me. Jacilynn or short Jaci was more interesting to observe or be with her. She was a tomboy. She had few friends but not many.

“Why aren’t you with other girls?”

“They are silly.”

“How so?”

“They don’t climb trees.”

“Really? Why not?”

“They say they will tear frills.”

“Frills?”

“The white thingies they have attached to them.”

“When those are torn away girls will climb?”

“NO! They will cry.”

“Maybe not?”

“They DO. I say they are silly.”

“So why are you not with boys?”

“They cry too when I win.”

“Boys don’t cry.”

“They DO. I say they are dumb.”

“All boys?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m a boy.”

“You are not.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Ask mom.”

“If I’m not a boy I have to be a girl.”

“Oh NO. You are not.”

“Really?”

“Really. Look in the mirror.”

“So who am I?”

“You are like me.”

“But I’m old.”

“Well, nobody's perfect.”

Where she’d got this line I didn’t know. But talking with her was always great fun. I didn’t complain when she was coming to unexpected conclusions.

 

 

“There comes IT,” Jaci whined.

“What it?”

“The pink squad,” she sighed heavy theatrically putting a hand on her forehead.

Those were Barbara’s friends. They always had some small present for Jaci but it never was what she liked. Everyone likes presents but not Jaci. Usually, it was some miniature stuffed animal. Some were really cute but anyway…

“Ewww, I’m not a farmer. I don’t need them.” Good, she complained not to them but to me.

“Just put them on the shelf.”

“I CAN’T!”

“Why not?”

“They watch me.”

“Then turn them to face the wall.”

“It’s unfair. I’m not so cruel.”

 

 

Sometimes there were moments when I preferred for Jaci to surrender to her mom and become more girly for day or two. Those were moments when they attended church. That wasn’t every Sunday. It was rather those bigger holidays like Christmas or Easter or some other holidays. Barbara wanted to put Jaci in a dress and not a simple dress but with frills. Then put underneath white tights. Sometimes they were with pastel prints like flowers, hearts or something. Sure she wanted to make Jaci’s hair and put some ribbons in it.

Jaci was fighting fiercely, she was pouting, she was stomping. Then she was defeated. Andrea had said something to her and Jaci had changed in her outfit without a backtalk.

The next time Barbara and Andrea wanted Jaci in dress there was the same fight. Until Andrea said something and Jaci surrendered.

I always wondered why it was so big deal for Jaci to change into something more girly. I wasn’t a girl for one. Boys don’t have an alternative to be one way or another so I probably will never understand the difference.

 

 

Once a month I had to go to the hospital and get a prescription for dry-powder inhalers. They were expensive but another alternative was an oxygen generator.

This time I went with the whole harem. That’s Jaci for a checkup before the new school year. She graduated from the first grade already. How fast those kids are growing I have to say… then there was Jaci and Barbara with Jaci. There was Andrea. Because she needed some prescriptions from her doctor, I wasn’t authorized to know, I didn’t complain. I preferred do stay ignorant sometimes. The colors were brighter this way.

We parted in the parking. Barbara and Jaci went to their special tomboy wing. Andrea and I entered the same building but Andrea’s Doc was on the seventh floor while mine on the second. We parted in the elevator. I preferred to go upstairs on foot but my strength wasn’t the same as even a couple of years ago. I was fifty-two and some at seventy looked better than I.

I was early. I still had twenty minutes. I went to the restroom. Not that I needed it but I could take a leak in advance before the urge. Restrooms in the hospital were unisex. That’s a relatively big room with a toilet and metal rails attached for handicapped. The sink was low for those in a wheelchair, and a mirror above the sink. I did my business, washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face. I usually don’t look into the mirror. I don’t like what I see. This time I had to make myself presentable.

When I raised my eyes to look at myself I saw the door behind me in the mirror. The door in the restroom is ok. But the entrance door was to my left. This additional door was behind me. It had a doorknob relatively high. Like doors in public pools to prevent unattended little kids to enter the pool area.

There never was a pool in this hospital. I turned around to investigate the door. There was NO door. The wall was evenly tiled from the floor to the ceiling and no hint there ever had been a door.

I turned again to the mirror and there was a door behind me as well as the entrance door to the left.

I will ask the doctor I thought. No! Stop! I couldn’t. How could I? “Hey, Doc there is a door in the bathroom mirror that otherwise isn’t here.” The next thing I will be locked in the room with soft walls.

Not a big deal. I’ll do it. Still facing the mirror I stepped back till I was touching the door. The doorknob was exactly above my left shoulder and I grabbed it with my right hand. I couldn’t twist my left hand so much to take the doorknob in it. The doorknob felt like any other. I tried to turn it. I had to apply some force as if the lock needed some oiling. The door cracked open but I couldn’t see what’s behind it. To open the door more I had to step through the doorway and I did it.

The feeling was like I fell into the beaver hole. It had happened to me a few times while walking alongside the river shore when I was a kid. I was shorter. I was short. I was a kid. A kid was staring at me from the mirror. He looked alike Jaci but different. He was a boy. He had to be a boy. I was a man before, why.

I was in the same restroom. There was the entrance door to the left and another door behind me in the mirror. I could reach the doorknob with my left hand. But I hadn’t enough strength to turn it. I couldn’t reach it with my right hand not turning back. As I did so there was no door.

I was stuck here. What will I…

There was a rap at the door and it opened not waiting for my response.

“You are way too long here, Dottie,” the man in the doorway said.

I raised my eyes at him and… JACK! Oh my! JACK was back! Jack WAS back! Jack was BACK!

I stared at him and tears started flowing down my cheeks. Jack dropped on his knees in front of me.

“Hey, baby, what happened? Why are you crying?”

“I’m so happy I found you and you found me. Those are tears of joy.” How couldn’t they? The guilt was washed from me. The guilt that was burdening me for eight years was washed off.

 

 

Jack took me to the same wing where Barbara went with Jaci before. Jaci’s doctor checked me too. She said I was one healthy girl.

“Nonsense. I’m a boy. You have mistaken me with my sis,” I said.

“What’s your name, boy?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Well, dad’s called me Dottie.”

“And that is the short form of…” she waited for me to fill in.

“Dux, the leader in Latin,” I retorted proudly.

“It’s shorter than Dottie so Dottie can’t be its SHORT form.”

“What then?”

“Dorothy. Your full name is Dorothy,” doc stated.

“It can’t be,” I complained. “Dorothy is a girl’s name and I am the boy.”

“Oh my…” doc whined.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong. I did know who and what I was. I’d seen how I was dressed and I was sure I had to be like Jaci. I didn’t want to betray her.

We all were about to go home. On our way to the car I said en passant “I said I’m a boy and doc didn’t complain.”

Jaci glared at me suspiciously. “So what?”

“Dad and I are two boys here. Boys sit in the front and you’ll sit with other girls.”

“WHAT? I’m older and I’ll sit…”

“GIRLS!” Jack, sorry, dad interrupted us. “You both sit in the back.”

Once dad said who would complain. I sat at one side and Jaci at another and nana sat in the middle. We didn’t talk till we got home. We, I mean Jaci and I. Adults talked. They didn’t say anything important. They talk to impress us kids. To show how many words they know.

At home, dad launched a TV and was switching through channels. Jaci and I were left to do whatever we wanted while mom and nana busied in the kitchen with food for dinner. I didn’t like lounging. I never liked it. The best choice was to help nana and mom. But wasn’t it too girly?

When Jack was growing up he and his mom, as well as my wife and I,  we were in the kitchen together, then we were eating together and we were watching TV together. What has happened here that Jack isn’t helping? If the only man wasn’t helping those tomboys (that's Jaci and Dottie) wouldn’t help too.

“Dad. There was a lady on TV and she said the best chefs are men, that's true, isn't it?”

“I guess it should be if she says so.”

“Why do we let girls do our work then?” I motioned my head toward the kitchen. “Without us, they’ll do everything wrong.”

“Well… Common… You too, Jaci. Let’s overtake the kitchen.”

The three of us moved into the kitchen.

“It’s men’s job,” I stated proudly. “Will you help us?” I asked astonished mom and nana.

“Why of course,” nana agreed.

“I’ll peel potatoes.”

I was assigned to potatoes and Jaci to carrots and parsley. We washed our veggies and then got peelers each. As my old self, I used only a knife. But for kids the peelers are indispensable.

While working I tried to keep the same tempo as Jaci. She was the older one so she had to be the better one whatever we did. I’d checked my skills and I had them still, maybe some polishing was needed. Jaci had finished already when I had two potatoes left.

“Your veggies are a regular shape,” I said her as if I was complaining.

“I’ll help you,” she said and grabbed the last potato. She was the first anyway. We high fived after we finished.

 

 

After the dinner, Jaci and I washed dishes while nana and mom didn’t know how to do it right. Then after some yawning in front of the TV, it was nearing the time to go to bed. Mom prepped us a bath with bubbles. Nana urged us talking about flowery scents for her sweet little girls etc. etc.

She said everything wrong and she almost ruined otherwise a good day. My sister-in-law was a kinda girly girl not like my late wife. She dreamed about a girl but she had Jack. She loved him but she didn’t know what to do with a boy. I mean it literally. I was here and Jack was with me. Otherwise, Andrea was sighing heavily mumbling “Boys…” or “Men…” Boys aren’t rough and rude. They fight for justice. Tomboys are the same. I know while my late wife was a tomboy. Well, they are not exactly the same. Tomboys are more emotional. All the girls are.

The girly girl will cherish while tomboy will fight. And they both will come to the same result but in different ways.

Barbara was like Andrea. She didn’t understand the difference. I could help but I wasn’t so close to the family that I could. Jaci was a girl and Barbara was sure she, Barbara, knew better.

Barbara’s girliness made Jaci fight, but not for justice. Jaci was fighting back and she was closing in the cocoon.

It was a little sidetrack, back to the bath now. We had been urged into the bathroom the tub looked enormous and it was full of bubbles.

Water was warm but not hot so we could dive and I knew from earlier that these bubbles didn’t irritate eyes.

“I’m a SEAL,” I stated.

“Who?” Jaci didn’t get my idea.

“The SEAL, Navy Sea, Air, and Land Teams,” I explained. “I’m on a mission to dive under this drifting ice and defeat the enemy boat masked as the duck.”

I winked to Jaci and dived under the water. Jaci probably hadn’t done it before so she hesitated. But as her baby sis was under the water already she couldn’t be a sissy here. So we were under the water fighting the duck and the dolphin. Then nana came and said the water was getting cold. We were rinsed under the shower, put in our pajamas and sent to our room.

 

 

My first day as Dottie came to the end. Was I happy? Definitely. Jack was back. I was with Jaci. Jaci had said once I was like her. I really was now.

 

 

The next morning teeth were brushed and faces were washed. Then we ran downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

“GIRLS! No running!” mom exclaimed.

“We are not,” I complained.

“What? So how do you name your scurry?”

“We are moving fast not wasting the time,” I explained calmly. “Time is money.”

“Well,” mom sighed. “Sit down and eat.”

She poured cereal into the bowl and added some milk.

“You see?” I said to Jaci. “Girls do it all wrong again.”

To tell the truth, it wasn’t wrong. I wanted for us to start doing it by ourselves.

“WHAT?” Mom couldn’t believe I was complaining.

“I’ll do it myself,” I said. I first poured some milk and then added cereal and on top of it, I added a spoonful of brown sugar. I took the spoonful of that mix from the bottom of the bowl and stuffed it into my mouth.

“Hmmm, hmmm, it tastes heavenly, it’s so yummy. Wanna try?” I offered to Jaci.

Jaci took a spoonful too and she was showing it tasted much better.

“Oh, you two,” mom sighed shaking her head.

After we finished I took bowls and spoons into the sink.

“Girls do it all wrong,” I explained. “Remember Dad said the men are real chefs.”

I guess mom got a message at last. It will be this way or Jaci and I will be out of the kitchen.

 

 

We had another couple of weeks before classes started. There was no way we would go camping or something like that. We’ll spend two weeks at home.

Instead of sulking, I thought it was a good time to build the defense system. Nana and mom as all girls were helpless and we, I mean Jaci and I, were here to defend them. The first thing we had to build was a surveillance contour around the home. We used almost all the stuffed animals and dolls we had. We put them on all the most strategic spots. To disguise them we arranged them in silly combinations. No one would think they really were our combatants. They were instructed what to do when the enemy was nearing.

The next step was to disguise ourselves. Who would think the girly girls were actually grim warriors? We changed into dresses for disguise. To make it more believable we had socks with frills and sandals instead of sneakers. The most important part was to find a way to carry our weapons around. Purses were evident and they were too small.

There were still some stuffed animals that didn’t fit the surveillance scheme. Jaci had a raccoon and I had a penguin. What we did next was wicked. I never was proud of it. We did it because it was inevitable. Penguin and raccoon were dissected and we managed to seam zippers into them. We used almost a week but we succeeded at last. We had a carryable supply each.

Jaci was with her raccoon everywhere as I was with the penguin. We had top-secret super high energy bars stocked in them for a real emergency.

Everything at home was settled correctly and every animal and doll knew their task. We could move to the next stage of defense. We went outside and mixed with some silly girly girls so everyone will see we’re like them.

Practice makes perfect. We practiced our disguise a lot and were perfect. No one would ever guess we really were tomboy warriors in disguise. Even Jaci and I sometimes think we are really sooo girly. Who’s guilt it was? Jaci’s, cause she was the big sis, the bestest one the girl could dream about. Or Dottie’s, cause she started the disguise and we’re not recognized as tomboys anymore.