“Yes mom that’s another thing I decided. You can’t have two Becky’s so is it OK if you ask Rebecca if she’ll use that name whilst I use Becky. If she objects then I’ll try to find another name that fits my style.’
‘What style is that then? Scruffy and unwashed? Are you ever going to get ready or are you going to sit there gossiping all day?’

…………………………………………………………………………………..

I got ready for school in my normal mode and mum looked at me and pushed my hair to one side. Then she hugged me and instead of resisting like I would have done before I felt the warmth of her breasts again. This time might be different since my own breasts were missing but the feeling was just as good. I guess we boys don’t like to show our true emotions that is why mom had stopped hugging me. “We boys? I didn’t want to be a we boy or a wee boy. I really wanted to be Becky and today I needed it more than ever before. I had things to do and I had to find some Becky time.”

Mom finally let me out of the bear hug. “I’ll meet you at lunchtime if you like and we’ll go get your bag. What do you think?”


” I was thinking the same thing but didn’t like to ask. Will you do a note for school so I can go see Nick? Do you think it would be OK if I had time off today? I can’t help feeling that he got stabbed because of me and I want to talk to him if he’s well enough. I want to know if he saw who stabbed him and what we need to report. I want to check if it was the guy who raped Millie and the same guy who attacked me?”

“What do you mean? Do you know who did this awful thing? What’s this about Millie and more so about attacking you. I don’t think you should go to school till we get to the bottom of all this. We need to have a chat and never mind school. Why didn’t you report this to the police officer last night? “

“Mom I couldn’t could I? I was dressed different and I was frightened everything would come out. Anyway I needed to talk to Nick to be sure and he still hadn’t come around. He was barely conscious and his mom was there with Millie’s mom and then Millie. It was too complicated and to be honest I expected you to be angry with me when you saw Becky. “

She put an arm around me and kissed my head.’” I’ll ring school now and tell them what happened and then we’ll go get the bag a bit later and maybe we can spend the morning together and then have some lunch. Then I’ll drop you at the hospital on my way to work and you can see Nick. “

I was relieved since I wasn’t up to going to school and facing people. Especially with Nick in hospital and not knowing what to say about him. I feared I’d be in tears if anybody asked and then I’d look even more of a whimp.

The call was easy for mum and she turned and smiled. “One job done so now let’s see what’s next and have a chat. Shall we wait for a while before we go get your bag since the shops don’t open till around 10am these days and even if they do the owner might not be there till later.”

I sat at the breakfast bar and mum filled the kettle and warmed the teapot. “I could do with a hand around here this morning and maybe I might get more out of Becky than you. You don’t suppose she’s upstairs is she if you go and take a look? “

I didn’t need a second ask and I couldn’t believe my luck. I was struggling this morning and I was feeling awkward to talk about things and maybe as Becky I might feel more talkative.’

I was off like a shot and I discarded my school clothes as fast as I could. Just pulling on a pair of panties had a magic calming effect and I was sure that my features softened as I looked in the mirror. I was also sure that my chest was more like a bust and I touched my nipples and they did feel more sensitive today.

What to wear? If mum really had no problem then maybe I could wear a skirt or a dress but in the end I opted for something a bit more practical and selected top and cropped trousers with flat shoes and no heel. They were comfortable but not very feminine. Well not as feminine as normal. I looked OK but needed to look more like the Becky who’d been meeting Millie so in the end I put on a bra and changed to a lower cut top that exposed bare chest.

By squeezing a bit and padding the bra it did look like I had a real bust and it made me feel better. It must be wonderful to be like mum and Rebecca. Life’s not fair. I looked from a few different angles and no doubt I liked what I saw. Just imagine what Nick would think if he saw me now. He might run a mile or he might just crack out laughing. But he might feel sympathy or even just accept this side of me. What am I thinking? I am just enjoying myself and shouldn’t fool myself into thinking I can just flick a switch and change from boy to girl.

I sighed and carried on getting ready but my mobile phone rang before I’d finished making up my face. I jumped out of my skin and poked myself in the eye with the mascara brush. Even with one watery eye I saw it was Millie calling. She told me that she wasn’t going to school either. She’d been unable to sleep as the shock had reminded her of her own trauma and she was frightened in case the culprit was the same person and he seemed to be getting away with it. She started to get tearful so her mum interrupted the call and spoke to me and asked how I was. Luckily dressed like this the voice came naturally and now that Becky was no longer locked in the wardrobe I didn’t need to whisper and look over my shoulder for mum. I agreed to meet Millie later but I couldn’t fix a time until I finalized plans with mum so I agreed to call later.

I cleaned my eye and finished my face without going over the top since it was daytime. I tried to visualize what make up was appropriate and what Rebecca might wear. I wanted more because it made me feel better but at the same time if I was being accepted by mom maybe better not to look like I was going out on the town like some of the girls at school who were regularly sent home.

As I entered the kitchen mum picked up the teapot and filled two cups. I didn’t usually drink tea I drank Coke and certainly I’d never used girly cups before. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

“Come on young lady you need to get the toast on I’ve already got the butter and preserves on the table.” Now I was suddenly young lady not young man.

“We have to allocate you some chores now each day if we are sharing the kitchen. Rebecca always made toast and filled the dishwasher before she went to school. We always had time in the mornings and she was never late like you have always been so I hope you take note. I certainly hope that Becky is going to be a bit more her sister.”

“Yes mum but Becky can’t go to school every day like this so maybe it’s not possible to do the dishwasher.”

“Nice try Miss but you will have to decide who takes breakfast. If it’s not Becky then she can do chores in the evening then before she goes to the library to see Millie.”

So that was the deal I would be free of chores in boy mode but a slave as Becky. I suppose there is always a downside. The toast was soon ready and I did a couple of twirls for mum I settled onto my stool and as mum pointed out I naturally crossed my legs.

It was much easier chatting to mum like this and I wished we’d had chance before. The longer we chatted the more the conversation touched on my friendships with Nick and Millie. Eventually mum got me to talk about the attack and the bite on my neck. I told her how I’d escaped and that Id stamped on the creeps foot. She smiled “that’s my girl.”

She said that she now saw how easily I seemed to switch into Becky mode and that if I was comfortable then she’d try to help. As for the name I’d used she felt I’d gotten used to it so I should keep it for now and maybe we’d go meet Rebecca soon and let her see me in the flesh. Well mum corrected herself. ‘Not totally in the flesh. “

If everything worked out mum was sure that Rebecca might agree to give me a few things from her wardrobe so we didn’t fall out over me borrowing them. I felt a bit bad even though most things I’d worn weren’t likely to interest her any more as she’d moved on.

We talked more about Nick and she concluded that we were more than friends and that maybe as Becky I had a crush on him. Of course I was embarrassed and tried to deny it but after talking together about my dream and how mum had disturbed the kiss I didn’t have much of an excuse. There was certainly more than a boy to boy friendship as far as I was concerned and whilst nothing had ever happened in the touchy feely stakes he did tend to treat me more like a girl than as a boy so I wondered what his thoughts might be if interrogated by mum like I was.

“Come on then young lady let’s get our skates on and go to town. Are you changing or coming like that? “

“Mum I can’t go like this really. It would be dangerous and the shop owner wouldn’t let me have my bag back. “

“Well it’s up to you but if he’s looked at the tapes he’s not going to be surprised is he?”

“Still it’s different to face him.”

“Well will you be more embarrassed facing him like that or dressed as a boy?”

“You’re right mom I suppose I could go like this since at least they don’t see my real face.”

“Well mums are often right but I guess we’ll have to wait and see which your real face is. What about when you meet Nick and then when you meet Millie? Are you going to carry on switching between girl and boy and risk upsetting one or the other and then being hurt yourself?’

“I don’t know what to do. I would like to spend the day like this and even felt it was time to let Nick see me but for sure I’d have no answer if he is angry. I can’t make up any excuses like I didn’t bother to get changed after last night or that I didn’t my bag back. I’d hate it if he was so upset that we were no longer friends.’

‘Look hon who is it that is friends with him? Is it boy to boy friendship or closer than that? If you carry on as friends boy to boy it might not be in either of your interests. So boy to boy or boy to girl friendship you still have a problem. In your dream last night were you accepting that you prefer the girl boy option?’

‘Phewww. I don’t know mom. I wonder if I’m better letting him see me as a boy but let him see me dressed in a more feminine way out of school so he is not so shocked. I could wear some clothes that are more unisex and not wear a bra. Then maybe I might just look a bit more boyish when I see Millie and tweak it a bit.’

‘Well I can help if you want. We could have your hair trimmed and styled a bit and maybe soften the color. Lots of boys get away with the girly look. We don’t have to go ultra-feminine just a bit more in the middle of the road. Something that’s easy to interpret either way. You have enough hair for the salon girls to work on but once you color it then you’re coming out a bit. It’s probably going to make the visit to collect your bag a bit easier. We have time this morning and I think I might like to help if it’s going to mean you are happier and continue to do well at school. The downside is that you’ll be risking more bullying or being hurt. It’s your call at the end of the day but I’ll be right behind you whatever you decide. I’ve always seen your softer personality and it’s important to be the person inside.’

“OK mom I think I decided. Where can we go for the re-style? Will you help me select a more neutral look that is in between me and Becky so I can work this out?’

‘I’ll call my salon and I don’t think they’ll be busy at this time but it’s just pot luck. You go find a few things and we’ll choose something appropriate. Rebecca had boyish phase just like you are going through a girlish phase so we should find something. Don’t worry about upsetting her I can fix that. She is easily bribed.’

So back I went up the stairs. I still wasn’t sure about the best way to deal with this situation and then before I had to make a decision the house phone went. Mom answered and that’s all
I recall. I was too excited at the prospect of having open hours into Rebecca’s wardrobe. To be honest when I looked in the mirror I’d decided to give up and revert back to boy mode. It was the safer bet. Crap but definitely the better route forward or I might regret it for the rest of my life. At least that was my thinking. Isn’t life a bummer?

So as much as I felt I should be selecting items I didn’t really have the appetite any longer and I was ready to just run away and jump in the river or any other quick solution that I might think of en- route. Pigs, shit, rats, bugger, bugger, bugger as we say in England. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

As far as I was concerned it was time to concede defeat. Put the baby back in the cot and the cork in the wine. Out the top on the popcorn and throw away the Coke I was in Shitsville. I was stuck with the hand I was dealt as crap as it was and even Maverick was at my shoulder I couldn’t see a way of winning. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

Then mom shouted me from downsrairs. “Becky Hennessey that was the policeman on the phone who interviewed you last night. Just hang on a minute since we might have to think again. They need you to call in at the Police Station to confirm your statement and talk about some guy they arrested. They might need you to pick him out from a line up but all depends if you can confirm what you said last night. They need to see Becky. What could I say except OK? I didn’t tell a lie when they asked if Becky was in. I just said you were upstairs.”

I ran downstairs. “OK mom doesn’t worry that’s it then. I have no choice I have to walk in Beckys shoes at least one more time whatever I do.’

‘What are you talking about you are either following this through or coming clean. A trial may take months with our legal procedures so make your mind up because it’s the whole 10 yards or nothing. Do you help catch the guy and put him away or hide Becky away?

“Surely you see that we have to go to the Station. Becky come on we have no choice now. Please be realistic and think of poor Millie. Just think what she went through. Think of Nick who is lucky to be alive. Isn’t it your duty to help?”

“Bugger, bugger, bugger.”
To be continued……………..