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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from Istockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 2: Summer Medley

Chapter 2.15 - Mary, Me, and Ethan

After the show, the band followed us home and we spent the day in Sarah's room. We worked on finishing the songs that I had written. We managed to get two of the songs fleshed out and decided to meet again Saturday afternoon to finish the last one. We were scheduled to be in the studio on Monday and Tuesday to record them, so we were on a deadline to finish them.

By the end of the day I was exhausted. But I felt better than I had at the end of any other day this week. It was apparent that I was regaining some of my energy, even if it was happening slowly.

I awoke Saturday morning excited to talk to Mary again. She had been out of town for much of the last week, and I hadn't had a chance to talk to her about anything that had happened since my collapse two weeks ago. She had told me before that I could call her at any time, but I didn't want to disturb her vacation with my own problems.

Either way, I felt relieved when I hopped into my car to drive myself over to her office. It felt liberating to be able to drive myself. I saw the concern in the faces of my parents as I grabbed my purse and headed for the garage. I knew they were concerned to have me driving in the city alone, but I also knew that it was something I could handle. I was growing up, and that was something that they would have to get used to.

Mary's offices were only about 20 minutes toward downtown LA in Saturday morning traffic, and soon I was sitting in her waiting room, waiting for my turn to see her. It didn't take long before she followed a young girl out of her office and turned toward me.

"Good morning, Megan," she greeted me with a smile.

"Morning," I smiled back and put down the magazine I had been reading. Then I stood up and followed her back to her office, taking my regular seat. Mary closed the door.

Once she had sat down, she started our session. "No parents today?" she asked.

"No," I replied, my smile growing larger. "I drove myself this morning. Sarah bought a car on Thursday."

"Congratulations," she said.

"Thank you," I replied. She smiled at me for a moment before turning to the caring look that I was all too familiar with. I might not have talked to her about what had happened, but it was obvious that she had heard about it.

"I understand that you've had a pretty tough couple of weeks," her concern for me was clearly evident in her words. "I'm sorry I wasn't here last week. You know you can call me anytime you need to talk, right?"

"Yeah," I replied. "It was pretty bad last Saturday, but it all turned out okay in the end."

"How so?" she asked me. She seemed surprised that I would describe the events of the week in that way.

"Did you see me on 'Wake Up!' yesterday morning?" I asked. She shook her head. "Well, I was really down after the press conference - you heard about that, right?" This time she nodded. "But all of that turned into a really good song. I performed it on 'Wake Up!' yesterday and I think it's going to be a big hit. I wouldn't want to go through that type of press conference again, but I'm glad that I DID go through it."

I jolted at my own words. I was GLAD that I had gone through this? I had learned this week that for the sake of the song I was glad that I had gone through it. But as I sat in Mary’s office and pondered this, I realized that there was more to it than that. Like my song implied, I was now a better person because of what had happened. I had fallen into the pits of despair a week ago, but now I had climbed out and it would be much harder to push me back in.

Mary sat in silence, watching me as I came to this realization. I looked back up at her and nodded. "Yes," I said with confidence. "I AM glad that this happened."

Mary beamed at me. "You are an amazing young woman, Megan. I was hoping to reach this point before the end of our session. I wasn't expecting to sit silently while you figured that out yourself. I can see now why you are so strong. That will definitely be an asset in your life."

"Thank you," I smiled back at her. I decided then and there that I was going to put this episode behind me! Brady Townsend had unintentionally given me a gift when he confronted me at the press conference. He had shown me that I was strong, that I was confident, and that I could overcome the negativity that the media can throw at a celebrity. They couldn't hurt me!

"Do you want to talk about it at all?" she asked me.

"No," I replied truthfully. "I think I'm okay with what happened."

"Okay," she sat back in her chair. "Is there anything that you do want to talk about then?"

There was, but I didn't know how to broach the subject. Ethan was coming home from his summer camp today, and I still didn't know what I felt about him. I could really use someone to talk to.

"It's Ethan," I finally managed to say.

*  *  *

My two best friends were sitting on my porch as I pulled into my driveway. I'd had a good, long talk with Mary about this, and I felt I was ready to face Ethan. I still wasn't completely sure about what my feelings toward him were, but I felt that I had a better understanding of what was going on between us.

I stopped in the driveway instead of pulling all the way into the garage. Ethan had stood up when he saw me pulling into the driveway, and I knew he was definitely eyeing my car. He had always wanted a nice car like this.

I opened my door and stepped out, as both Emily and Ethan started to walk to me. I tried to catch Ethan's eye, but he was staring at my car instead.

"Hi, guys," I said, hoping to break his reverie. Apparently it worked, because he looked up at me. "Hi, Ethan," I purposely said to him.

"Hi, Megan," he replied, eyeing me instead of the car now. I hadn't seen him in over two weeks, and I was glad to have him home.

That's when I did another stupid thing. Thankfully, I didn't kiss him this time. But I got nearly the same reaction when I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick hug. I hadn't even thought about doing that; it seemed to be some sort of natural reaction.

"I missed you," I told him after I had let go and stepped back. He grimaced at my words, and I realized he could have taken them wrong. The truth was I didn’t really know what I had meant by them. "I mean, I thought we were friends. I know I made things awkward when I kissed you, but you could have at least told me you were going to camp."

"I'm sorry," his shoulders slumped with his words. "But you really threw me for a loop, Megan! I didn't know what to do!"

It was my turn to grimace. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I never should have kissed him! The only thing that gave me hope that I hadn't ruined our friendship was the fact that he was standing in my front yard.

"I'm sorry too," I replied. "I don't even know why I did it. I certainly didn't plan it beforehand."

I could feel tears threatening to spill out of my eyes as I dropped my head. Ethan had been my friend for a long time. How could I have done something to jeopardize that? How could I have been so stupid?

We stood in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke. "It's okay," he said. "You surprised me, but it was my own reaction that scared me." I raised my head to look up at him. He had a wide smile on his face. I felt the corners of my own mouth tug against the frown that was still on my lips. It didn't take long before I was smiling back. "Megan, you know that I had a crush on Sarah before I learned about your secret. Having her, you, kiss me...that was very unexpected and I felt those same feelings bubble up. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship!"

I jolted at his words. I didn't know if I had those types of feelings for Ethan. Obviously there was something there or we wouldn't be in this situation. But his words almost felt like he was slamming shut a door in our relationship that I wasn't sure I even wanted to have open. It sounded like he didn’t even want to entertain the possibility that we had feelings for each other.

"I don't want to do that either," I finally responded. No matter what, I didn't want to lose Ethan. I knew that throwing sexual attraction into the mix between two friends of opposite genders could really screw things up. Before Megan, that had never been a problem among Emily, Ethan, and me. But with the changes that I had gone through, the dynamic of our friendship had changed significantly.

And that was that. Whatever we felt for each other, we were going to be friends first. Only time would tell if something else developed. As we stood there in silence after coming to this realization, I wondered if this was the right thing to do. Would it be better to find out if there was anything between us? Would that destroy our friendship like we feared? Did I even want to go down that road?

"Nice car," he said to break the tension in the air. It worked, and I started laughing.

"Thank you," I replied once I was capable of speech again. "It's Sarah's, but I get to use it too."

"You’re making me jealous," he said, staring at the car once again. I started to laugh once more.

*  *  *

Emily and Ethan spent a few hours with me before the band was scheduled to come over. But the two of them opted to head home instead of hang out with us while we worked on finishing the last song for the album.

As I worked with the band, I kept dwelling on my feelings for Ethan. The last song that we had left to finish was 'Love?'; as we worked on the song, the words and feelings that I had first applied to Josh Holliday now took on a whole new meaning when I thought about Ethan. Ethan and Josh almost seemed interchangeable.

I was confused: either my feelings for Ethan didn't seem to be as pronounced as my feelings for Josh, or I just didn't recognize them. Thinking about Josh still brought a warm and fuzzy feeling to my heart. I had a similar reaction when I thought about Ethan, but I had always associated that feeling with our friendship. Was it possible that those feelings were being transformed from friendship into something more without Ethan, Emily or I noticing? Perhaps it was possible, but had that really happened in our relationship?

I wasn't sure. I'd tried to understand this with Mary, but we concluded that we didn't have enough information. I didn't think that I was in love with Ethan. But there was definitely a difference in our relationship now than what we'd had before I had become Megan.

Ethan had been as close to me as a brother while we had grown up. In some respects, he was closer to me than Austin was. Were these feelings the same feelings that I had for Austin now? Or were they more?

I was so confused as I got ready for bed that evening. If I thought becoming a girl had been hard, then I was kidding myself. Doing that had been child's play compared to what I was going through now.

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After church the next day Ethan and Emily came by my house again. I struggled the whole time we were together to try and determine what to do about Ethan. I knew that we said we would be just friends, but I kept thinking that there was more there than that. It seemed almost like both of us wondered if there was more to our relationship than the friendship we had formed while we grew up together.

But outwardly it seemed like any other day that we got together before the concert. We lounged around, and played some games. I even performed some of my new songs for Ethan. But I did not perform 'Love?' though, because that would have been too much right then.

Then we listened to the countdown together. The very first time that 'Intuition' had been featured on the American Top 40 show we had been right here in Sarah's room. This time my friends were there when the song dropped from its spot on the top of the list.

'Intuition' had spent three weeks on top of the countdown - three weeks that left me reeling that people liked the song that much. But just like I had done to Josh, somebody had pushed me off the top after only three weeks.

Granted, the song still came in at Number 2, but I couldn't help but think that its time had come. I knew that ‘Intuition’ would slowly make its way down the list until it dropped off completely.

The sad thing was that I knew 'Ever After' didn't have what it took to get back on top. As my second single, it was a good choice. But its targeted audience wasn’t as wide as 'Intuition'. 'Ever After' would not appeal to as many people. I loved the song dearly, but it wasn't going to put me on top again.

But 'You Can't Hurt Me' might. Like Sophie had said the first time I played it for her, it was powerful. I wished with all of my heart that we could release it as my second single instead of 'Ever After'.

Emily and Ethan left shortly after the show ended, because they had dinner plans with extended family. I was left wondering what to do. Should I talk to Dad about changing which song we made the second single? Was it too late to change all of the plans that had been put in motion?

I thought for the most part that it wouldn't be a problem. There may be some marketing material that had already been created, but the second single wasn't scheduled to be released until the album came out. That would give us plenty of time to get everything done.

But there were a creative director and a producer chomping at the bit to make the 'Ever After' music video. I had seen a script with some of his ideas on it, and I agreed that it would be a good video. How hard would it be to shift to making a video about 'You Can't Hurt Me'? I was scared to even ask.

I stood up from Sarah's couch, determined to ask my dad. But I couldn't find him. He wasn't in his office and his car was not in the driveway. Instead I found Austin sitting in front of the TV in the front room. That gave me time to resolve the other matter that had been nagging at me for a few days.

"Hi, Austin," I greeted him while sitting down on the other end of the couch from him.

"Hi," he replied but his eyes never left the TV. I didn't think that he wanted to talk to me right now. I figured now was as good a time as any to discuss the matter anyway. The show he was watching looked more like a time waster than anything he would really care about.

"I'm sorry about the other day," I said, forcing him to think about what had happened. "I didn't know that you had anyone over."

He sighed and his shoulders sagged at first, but then he finally sat up straight on the couch and turned toward me. "It's okay. I know it wasn't your fault. I probably wouldn't have asked her to come over if I'd known you were going out as Sarah."

"Still, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything." The smile on my face was inquisitive, and he laughed at my implied question. "Who was she?"

"Just a girl I know from school," he replied. I was hoping for more, but he didn't seem to be forthcoming.

"And..." I prompted. The smile that broke out on his face was enough to confirm the suspicions I'd had about his true motives. He DID like her!

"Okay, okay," he said while turning really, really red. "I like her. I invited her over to listen to some music. I didn't know that she was such a big Sarah Carerra fan, though. She was truly impressed when I showed her the room."

My mouth hung open at his words. "You showed her my room!" I yelled!

Immediately the dreamy look dropped from his face. "No," he responded quickly. It was an obvious lie though. "I'm sorry, Megan, but she had just met you. What was I supposed to do?"

I grimaced. I knew that if our situations had been reversed, I might have done the same thing. If I'd had a boy over and his idol had a room at our house, I would have shown it to him to impress him. I couldn't blame Austin for doing the same. But..."She didn't take anything, did she?"

"No!" he responded immediately, mollifying me slightly. "I wouldn't even let her touch anything!"

"When do you see her again?" I asked slyly. I was going to milk his embarrassment for all it was worth.

"We were supposed to go to a movie on Wednesday, but Dad won't let me now because I had her over with no parents home. I don't know when I'll get to see her again."

"Wednesday, huh?" I pondered the day over my head. Then an idea formed. "We're supposed to be shooting a music video on Wednesday; do you want me to talk to Dad about allowing you to bring her to that?"

I saw him break into one of the largest smiles that I had ever seen. I knew that he hadn't liked it when I took her attention from him, but he wasn't beneath using Sarah to get closer to Susan. Bringing her to the filming of Sarah's music video would definitely get him points in her book.

Austin nodded vigorously, and I smiled back at him. I still couldn't believe that my brother had a girlfriend.

Now, if only I could figure out what was going on in my own love life.

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