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Many, many years ago, I accidentally slammed a car door on my brother's fingers. Afterward, I had an almost PTSD reaction to the event - I had nightmares about it, had it replay over and over again in my mind, and to this day can get a little leery about closing a car door when I have any passengers.
The point of me sharing this little story is that I seem sort of primed for trauma. And if a minor event like that can set me off, you can just imagine what's going on in my head right now.
I feel like I could fall to pieces at any moment, and more than anything I want this bad stuff to just GO AWAY.
In short, I'm scared.
But there are no options here, I go through it whether I can handle it or not.
So pray for me, okay?
Comments
Don't be scared.
I mentioned to a friend last night that I am getting more and more sensitive to some things. Seeing a lost child's doll can make me want to cry. He replied that it is happening to him too as he gets older and that he also noticed it happen to his father. I think it is a reaction to lower testosterone levels. GGs go through it in their teens but most TGs and old men haven't learnt how to cope with it.
It will get easier I think, but even if it doesn't it is still an adventure.
And personally, I think you are very brave.
Love Thera.
car doors
humm, i had that exact same thing happen-- only he was a friend not my brother
but umm, well, you know how friends can be....i couldn't help it.... i thought it was hilarious!
OK, here's the story.
We're at a party, and of course there's alcohol involved. My friends all decided to smoke some joints.. well, that's something i dont do but dont have any problems with others smoking. Anyway i passed on the joint. One of the guys decides that we should drive to the next town over (this is back country middle of nowhere'sVille). So we take and old back country road, and the guy driving is blasted out of his mind... but then we all were. He drives off the dirt road, through a barbwire fence... and out into a pasture. Im like he's going to stop.... but he doesnt! we drive like a mile through this pasture before i can get the idiot to realize he's not on a road! LOL
So we climb out of the car to see which direction the road is (because after he realised he tried to turn and we lost our sense of direction). When i climbed out, i shut the door... JUST as my other friend sticks his hand in the door. (why? dont ask me! it's why i thought it was so funny!)
He yanks his hand out, simply says "ouch" while we're all laughing at him.
anyway we find the road and start heading back into town... on the drive there he finally starts to complain that his hand hurts and wants to go to the ER. We're like... umm dude! you'll soo be busted by the cops if we hit the hospital.. Underage Drinking! AND use of Marijuana... not good.
but he insists that we go...so we did
annnnnd of course a cop just happens to be there already due to following someone who was driving high speeds with their emergancy lights on. (something about a boyfriend pushing his girlfriend through a glass table)
but wait! it gets worse! haha
My Mom was a deputy sheriff, and the cop knows me! so guess who he calls!
needless to say, my friends and i where in some serious trouble...