Catherine Linda Michel

My Transition Poem

I haven't posted anything for awhile and I decided to resurrect this oldie that I wrote when I started my transition, almost two years ago. I hope you enjoy it and I think it speaks to each of us attempting to travel the transition road, unsure of what will happen to us, but ever hopeful.

MY TRANSITION POEM.

Of all of the times in my long lonesome life,
full of anger and sadness and worry and strife,

the now, this moment, holds, it seems,
my hopes, my prayers, my choices, my dreams.

I stand on the threshold of change and renewal,

So. Sunday is Mother's Day, & A Bonding Experience between best friends

The year I began my RLT, I wanted to do something special for my best friend's daughter, my Goddaughter. So, I took her to a nail salon and we both had our nails done, both of us got acrylics. It was a special bonding thing for us both, I think.

Anyway, Sunday being Mother's Day, I racked my alleged brain trying to think of something special for my best friend, Tina. Now, Tina is not what you'd; call a girly-girl. In truth, she's more of a tomboy than anything else...however.

I am puzzled. Please tell me why?

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I have noticed that the stories being written in The Home That Love Built universe are receiving considerably fewer hits and comments than I feel they deserve. Are they not exciting enough? Are they TOO full of emotion? Do they perhaps, strike too close to home for most of you? Am I expecting too much?

Update. Re: Medical problem. Surgery finally scheduled.

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Another trip to the Buffalo VA hospital yesterday wore me out. However... I finally have a surgery date. May 17th. What I am suffering from, initially diagnosed as a hernia has now been re-diagnosed as an internal cyst. Basically it's a swelling in my groin area. There is very little pain involved, but it scared the hell out of me when it first appeared, as I covered in my first couple of blogs about this.

63 years young today.

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So why do I feel three days older than dirt? I'm so frustrated right now with the VA, with life, with damn near everything actually. I won't go into any of that in this blog, since you all have your own problems to deal with. Remember that BUTTON story that Grover posted? If that damned button was right here, right now, I'd jump all over that thing... in a freaking heartbeat, and have NO regrets about it after!

A video featuring a speech that could be delivered by any one of us.

The video is from a STNG episode which had Ryker falling for an androgenous person from another world who's civilization frowns on having only one gender... in fact, they consider it a crime and they have a "cure" for the perverse members of their civilization who commit the crime of having tendencies of being only one gender.

The defense speech given by Soren, the love interest of Ryker, could be delivered by any one of us, whether we're TG, TS, CD, TV, IS, or whatever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXwWwaBMxK8

Watch, listen, and tell me what YOU think.

Hugs and love,

The REAL Bikini Beach?

So...I'm watching TV a few nights ago, got the dish network now...LOTS more channels and less money than cable. Anyway, I'm on the computer at the same time when I catch a phrase from the TV about a place called, BIKINI BEACH!!!!

Well, of course my ears perked up and I switched my full attention to the TV and what did my unbelieving ears and eyes see and hear? An honest to god commercial about The Bikini Beach Resort and Motel!!!!!

Here's the URL: http://www.bikinibeachresort.com/

Post, post, maybe pre-thoughts about the Southern Comfort Conference

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It's been 6 months since I attended my very first TG conference, SCC 2009 in Atlanta Georgia. It's taken me all this time to organize, collate, and digest all I learned and experienced there.

Lost in melancholia and reverie.

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I've spent the better part of the last two days lost in remembrance of those I loved who are gone. My parents, my best friend ever, Mikey, John Denver, Mary Travers, Mamma Cass, Karen Carpenter, KimEm, and so many others.

Memories. They come as comfort and pain together, wrapped in smiles and tears, heartbreak and wonderment. I've lost or left so many friends, in so many places that I cannot recall some of them. Imagine that. People who I called friends and was called friend by them...and I can't remember their names...or even their faces. Yet I miss them, one and all.

Okay. So here's the deal.

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After a sleepless night (up at 1AM and couldn't get back to sleep) I was picked up at 6AM for the trip to the VA hospital in Buffalo N.Y. It snowed all the way there, sometimes reducing visibility to less than 100 feet. The roads, even the interstate, were not good at all, and we saw many cars and trucks off the road in the ditches.

I'm finally back from Buffalo,

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but I'm too wiped out to write anything right now. I'll blog tomorrow. For now, let's just say that my worst fears seem unfounded. There IS a problem, but not such a serious, life threatening one.

Thank you all for caring.

Hugs and love,
Cathy

My apologies to everyone, for being a bitch, and

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for having been, over the last few weeks, ungrateful, forgetful, and just generally, a bitch. I can only plead a plate seemingly overfull of everything from my own health, personal problems, other's troubles, and many other things.

Apparently some of you have the wrong idea,

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so let me set the record straight. Tina and I ONLY have a platonic relationship. That all it has ever been, that's all it will ever be, and I am FINE with that. It's being completely alone in the house that has me spooked. As for a pet...NO freaking way. Been there, been tied down by it, Won't do it again.

I hope this clears things up from my last blog.

Cathy

The last few weeks have been very difficult for me.

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I have, no doubt, alienated some friends, and have been generally hard to get along with. I know that my health issues are certainly a big part of this. Not knowing exactly what's going on with my health is preying on my mind. Additionally, there is some pain associated with what's going on, and that makes me irritable as well.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

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I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.

If I should die, before I wake

I pray the Lord, my soul to take.

this is not a suicide note. it's only me, trying to deal with more loss than anyone should have to.

I'm tired, and I want to sleep...that's all...just sleep. Don''t call. Don't message. Just let me sleep. at least in sleep, I can dream I've not lost.

goodbye.

Update re: Health Problem

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It appears, at least on the surface, that whatever is going on in my nether parts is not cancerous...at least on first examination. More tests will be run when I get to the VA hospital and further causes/ solutions will be found/discussed. A partial orchiectomy is not out of the question, although I will lobby for taking both as long as they are going to be taking one. I mean, as long as they are RIGHT THERE...you know?

I don't know how to say this, but I might have a serious health problem.

I have recently become aware of a growth in a very sensitive internal area. There is some minor pain associated with it. I am scheduled to see a doctor today and, depending on his diagnosis, I may have to go to Buffalo for surgery, since the V.A. is the only health provider I have.

Status of stories in The Home That Love Built Universe being posted elsewhere

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So far, I have posted the stories, with the exception of Megumi-Chan's, to the TG fiction list, and Sapphire's Place. I have begun posting them to Stardust, and Piper will be hosting them at her site as well.

As soon as I hear from Megumi, I will include her story along with the others. Thank you writers for your help, co-operation, and involvement with this new universe. As you all know, it means a LOT to me, and others.

Hugs and Love,
Catherine Linda Michel

URL for all Home That Love Built Stories

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All stories linked to the Home That Love Built universe, can be viewed with this url. My thanks to theTop Shelf administrators for their help with this.

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/tg-universes-series/-home-that...

Hugs and love,
Catherine Linda Michel

ATTENTION! All writers who are writing in The Home That Love Built universe.

I would like your input regarding posting your stories at other sites. specifically, The TG Fiction List, Storysite, and Stardust, and Piper's site, Story Portal.

If you all agree, I'd like to begin posting our stories at those sites. I will NOT post any of your work without your specific permission. They are YOUR stories and YOU decide where to post them, but I would really like to spread this universe to include writers who use those other sites. To keep canon, it would be a great help to have the stories already written by you, for reference to be used by others.

To everyone who read and commented on Sara's Story.

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I want to thank you all for your kind words and the seeming involvement you got from my story. I hated writing it, I hated posting it, I hated everything about it.

I didn't choose to write Sara's Story. For real, IT chose me. There are writers here who put my poor efforts to shame, and any one of them could have done a much better job than I did. I wish one of them had been chosen instead of me.

Sara's Story Chapter 6 - The Final Chapter - A Home That Love Built Story

Sara's Story. Chapter 6 The Final Chapter. A Home That Love Built Story by Catherine Linda Michel

Sandra led me to the room I'd been using and sat me down on the bed.

Sara's Story Chapter 5 - A Home That Love Built Story

FROM THE AUTHOR: This will be the Penultimate chapter of Sara's Story. It may take a day or two for me to post the final chapter. This story has been very emotionally charged, and difficult for me to write. I'm not happy about the story, but as someone else said, it's a story that needs to be written. It's my misfortune to have been the one selected to write it. I'm probably not the best one to have been chosen,but as I said, I didn't choose to write this story...IT chose me, so I've done my very best to tell it.

Sara's Story Chapter 4 - A Home That Love Built Story

Sara's Story. Chapter Four. A Home That Love Built Story, by Catherine Linda Michel

“Hi Cathy.” She said tenderly, as I woke. “I'm under orders from a doctor, a nurse, and Irene. I'm to see that you ea everything on this tray, and then lay down for a nap, unless a call from ICU comes in, asking for you, so please help me out here? Eat everything, like a good girl, so you can regain some strength?”

Sara's Story Chapter 3 - A Home That Love Built Story

Chapter Three-Sara's Story. A Home That Love Built Story by Catherine Linda Michel

From Before: Shawn Jackson was the child's name, but in his tirade, the father had blurted out another name. Sara. That's the name he said that his little perverted freak of a son was calling himself!

I will post Chapter 3 of Sara's Story Saturday morning

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I want to post this ahead of Chapter 3. It is a VERY emotional chapter, and it might make you angry, it might make you cry. This is the most emotion I have EVER felt, in any story I've ever written. I had to stop typing several times because of tears. Chapter 4 will follow, Sunday morning and, barring complications, it will be the final chapter in this story. THis story is dark, for a reason.

Sara's Story Chapter 2 - A Home That Love Built Story

Chapter Two. Sara's Story. A Home That Love Built Story by Catherine Linda Michel.

From before: “Natalie! Finally! What's going on? Who is this kid you called me about? What's her story?”

“We'd better go inside, to the nurses lounge, Ma'am. I really don't want other ears to hear what I have to say.”

Intrigued, Irene and I followed Natalie to an area that contained a few tables and chairs and assorted vending machines. When we got there, she looked back out at the hallway that led to the room and then, locked the door!

Catherine Linda Michel - The Rest Of The Stories

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Catherine Linda Michel -
The Rest Of The Stories

Including works using the pen name Cathy_t_

Catherine Linda Michel is a warm, loving, single transwoman. A denizen of the Great White North...not the Yukon, Western New York, Cathy claims to brush more snow off her coat than most people shovel. Cathy is presently retiered due to health reasons. She has been writing for over ten years, solely on the internet, but has published HEADLIGHTS GIRL, achieving a lifetime goal. She thanks all those who have helped her along the way, for their kindness, and help. She sends love and hugs to all her fans and friends on the internet.

Catherine Linda Michel's Blog

Sara's Story Chapter 1 - A Home That Love Built Story

From Cathy. This story is darker and more emotional for me, than anything I've ever written. I cried when it came to me, I cried as I wrote it, I cried when I posted it, and I'll cry at every comment, hit or vote.

A Home That Love Built Story
Sara's Story
Rededication

I am going to be AFK for awhile due to a death.

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My best friend Tina's, Granddaughter died suddenly, at the age of three months. I don't know how long the process and everything is going to take, but my place is with her right now. Forgive me, and please say a prayer for little Tehya (Tay-uh)

Cathy.

I still need authors for my universe.

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I posted this in February of 2009. Since then, only one writer has taken up the challenge. In a thoughtful, emotionally charged short piece, Grover wrote exactly what I was looking for. A beautifully written story that embodied my hopes for this universe.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

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I hope that all of you have a wonderful, prosperous, healthy 2010. I hope that we will all be here this time, next year. I hope you are spending this day and evening with someone you love, and who loves you.

Me...I'm alone again, same as every new year in my memory. I guess I should be used to it by now, huh?

Catherine Linda Michel

For All Those Who Have Left Us,

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We are nearly into 2010, and I hope that the new year will bring you all joy and happiness.

In the midst of our celebration of the new year, I think it behooves us to take a moment or two to remember those who are no longer with us. Whether taken from us by illness, ageing, suicide, or violence, they have gone to a much better place, and are: In "The Arms Of The Angels."

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction

It's just a couple of days before Christmas, and I'm looking at the "In Memoriam" box,

sitting here, grieving for friends who have passed on, either from health problems, or because they were taken from us by violence. The "In Memoriam" box, on the home page, has grown by too many names in just the last year or so. Some of them I knew, others I didn't, but all are sisters who were loved, appreciated, and are missed.

I've done something horrible.

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A few days ago I posted a blog entry that, after an hour or so, I realized i should have never have posted. I deleted it, but I had received a couple of responses,one of which I didn't acknowledge, and one I responded to in a totally wrong manner, hurting someone a great deal.

I have no excuse, and I wont even try to attempt one. I hurt a friend who has been nothing but supportive and understanding since we first met, and I feel terrible about it. Since then, she has removed me from her friends list, and ignored me, here. I don't blame her. I blame myself.

Houston elects first Gay Mayor.

In her acceptance speech, she said, in essence, that this was a new beginning for Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexuals and Transgendered people and that was going to be the focus of her term as mayor.
Houston biggest US city to elect openly gay mayor

Buzz up!691 votes
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AP — Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker, center, celebrates her runoff election vicotry at a campaign party …
Slideshow:Mayor-elect Annise Parker
By MONICA RHOR, Associated Press Writer — 19 mins ago

I've been approved for hormone injections.

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I'm wondering what to expect, if anything, that will or might be different from my use of progesterone pills and estradiol patches, as well as spironolactone pills.

Does anyone have anything they can tell me?

Oh, and Ugh is right. There are few things worse than heading into a holiday while suffering from the flu. YUCK!!!!!

Love and hugs,
Catherine Linda Michel

I don't know what it is that I'm feeling,

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but I feel it's leading me to yet another bout of non-communicative time. The last time this happened it took a year or so for me to get back "in the groove." Maybe part of it is post SCC letdown, maybe part of it is there are so many bad things happening to so many of us and I know there isn't a damn thing I can do to help. I know I do feel very helpless and dejected about that. I know, I KNOW! I shouldn't...but that knowledge doesn't translate to feeling any better about it.

Thoughts after Southern Comfort

When I arrived in Atlanta for Southern Comfort, I was as nervous as the long tailed cat in the room full of rocking chairs. I wasn't sure what to expect or how I should act. What I didn't expect, was the love, compassion, understanding, and support I received, even being just a first timer.

I received and gave more hugs in one week, than in my entire lifetime. NO one had a bad word to say about ANYONE, and everyone was amazingly open and caring. I talked to more girls in the space of the week, than I ever thought possible, and we had a BALL!!!

Day Three at SCC

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I have to say that this conference has been a real eye opener for me. Coming from a relatively small town, the sheer numbers of girls here, from all walks of life, is mind boggling for me. I've had some wonderful conversations and met more girls from more places than I can remember right now.

The Top Shelf Girls, Jacqui(Grover), Ariel, Holly and I made our initial appearances this afternoon, after Holly did yeoman work getting the transfers ironed on. So far, the response seems to be very positive, with quite a few commenting on the matching shirts and the site.

We Are in Atlanta.

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following a storm that would have made Noah go..."Ok. I give up." Grover and I are safely ensconced in our room. Grover is reading...I am destressing. We've already met two of the organizers of SCC and spent a couple hours just talking with them...so I guess that counts as a good start. I haven't had a chance to use the camera yet, but trust me...I will. We're going to make an early night of it, since there isn't much of anything going on yet at the Convention/conference.

I'll post updates as often as I can, and upload pics when I get them.

Hugs 'n love,
Catherine Linda Michel

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!

Tomorrow morning, at 5 AM, I set off for Columbia S. Carolina to meet Grover and her wife, Paula. I'll stay with them through Sunday night. Monday, Grover and I will set off for Atlanta Georgia and the biggest TG conference/convention in the world, Southern Comfort! I'm really looking forward to this trip, and to meeting people I've only talked with on skype, or in chat rooms. Holly, Ariel, hopefully Gwen, Scotty Bishop, and who knows who else will be there.

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do,

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I had to do last weekend. I must digress.

For the last 20 or so years of my life, I've been in with a bunch of guys who I loved like brothers. We've been there for one another and they are all great guys. I felt privileged to have been accepted by them as a friend. Almost every weekend we'd do stuff together...movies, RPG gaming, cards, trips to Buffalo to a place called The Super Flea, and much more.

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