Okay. I know a lot of you are gonna read this blog entry and go: "Jeeze, Cathy! Will you just make up your damn mind and DEAL with life as it is?"

The problem is that I have more questions than answers... about me, my life, where I go from here, and on and on, ad infinitum. Yes I know, this doesn't set me apart from many other people, or even the majority of people, but I do have issues in my life that I keep to myself. These issues cause me to go "quiet," or stealth, or whatever you want to name being uncommunicative for periods of time.

It doesn't matter how kind others have been, or how much I truly care about all of you. It's a personality quirk that just causes me to not want to talk, or write, for varying periods of time. It's just that, every so often, I NEED to be introspective and re-evaluate my life and my goals without any outside suggestions or opinions.

I KNOW that a lot of my goals are things that are actually "dreams," or "wishes," that will never be brought to fruition and I accept that. Most who truly know me, know my FONDEST wish/dream from reading "The Home That Love Built" Universe of stories. That dream overrides even my dreams of full transition. It ain't gonna happen unless I win a damn lottery, and I know that, but it still haunts me every day that there are T folks out there who I could help... if only.

I think getting older also haunts me. I know that I'm not alone in that, since none of us is getting younger, heh. There are a lot of other things that have led me to the place I'm at right now, but NONE of them are due to any of you out there. I have received more love and support from all of you than I have in my non internet life, and I have been fortunate even there. At least more fortunate than a lot of you have been, from what I read in your blogs and have gathered from chats with some of you.

Anyway, this time in my life will pass, as it always does, and I will be back being as wordy and opinionated as I've always been. I thank you all, from my heart, for all the love you have all shown me and for your concerns, but rest assured... this is just another episode that will pass. I'm in no danger, or urgent need, other than just needing time to myself.

I may re-visit my therapist, and I may not. It depends. I've been getting along quite nicely without therapy for several years now. Once I'd travelled on the transition train as far as I can go without massive amounts of money I don't have, I tapered off therapy, settled in, and waited to see if I'm comfortable where I am, or if I need to get another ticket to the next station.

So, for all you have already done for me, I thank you from my heart. There is nothing anyone can do for me right now, save for allowing me this time alone.

In the words of a certain Austrian of note: "I'll be back."

Catherine Linda Michel