Catherine Linda Michel

Got a great phone call.

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I got a call yesterday from someone I used to work with. His mother-in-law is visiting, and she read his copy of my book. She LOVED it, and wants a copy for herself to take back to ALASKA with her so she can have her friends read it! We had a very nice phone conversation and I thanked her for calling to tell me that she loved the book. So now I gotta order a couple of copies so I can have one handy should this happen again! LOL

Happy Mother's Day!

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I know I'm early with this, but who knows what tomorrow will bring, so here it is, right now. I also know that most of us here aren't actually Mothers, but that doesn't mean we aren't Mothers in our hearts.

God Bless you all.

Catherine Linda Michel

I should be celebrating,

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my name change became legal, finally, yesterday. Instead of celebration, what I feel is somewhat empty. My family really could care less about this, and most of my friends are gone... either moved far away, or passed away. Frankly, I've never felt quite so alone as I do right now.

So I'm now, officially, legally, Catherine Linda Michel. Hooray for me.... I guess.

Cathy

Retcon Lexicon. Where is it?

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A few days or weeks ago, someone posted what was called A Retcon Lexicon. I had to do a re-stert of my computer this morning and when it rebooted, my link to the Lexicon was gone. Can anyone help me find it again?

Cathy

Am I the only one fed up with The "Royal Wedding?

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THE FOLLOWING IS AN ANGRY RANT. NO OFFENSE IS MEANT TO ANYONE, SO PLEASE, NO FLAMES?

All the pomp and circumstance is making me violently ill! 30 MILLiON dollars for security and God KNOWS how much for the actual wedding! EVERYWHERE I turn, on TV, in the papers, even on the internet, this thing is wherever I go! Maybe there isn't enough "girl" in me to be able to appreciate the supposed romance and all the preparations, etc, that go into an event like this.

Another year older and deeper in debt.

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Well. Here we are again. My Birthday. Under normal circumstances, I don't get presents on my Birthday any more. I've grown accustomed to that. This year, however, I get a BIG present from the courts. On Monday the 18th, the final court decree becomes final, and my name change is legal. All I have to do after that is go through my life of documentation and change everything. LOL!

A story that should be read.

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http://www.spearfishlaketales.com/17gm/gm00.htm It's many chapters long, and somewhat drawn out, but it IS from a "mainstream" author, and it seems to be getting some attention from the so-called "straights".

Chapter nine, in particular, should be read by every therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist to familiarize themselves with the particular needs of the trans community.

It's free to read, but the author DOES ask for donations. If you like the story, think about encouraging him to write more like this by tossing a few shekels into his "hat".

Cathy

To ALL the authors writing in the Ret-Con Universe.

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AND to all the authors of ALL the stories in general:

In lieu of separate comments, I have chosen this means to compliment every one of you for your inventiveness and skills. I've been a comic book fan since my very early years, particularly the Marvel brand, but I did dabble in the DC comics, so I am familiar with most of the DC superheroes and superheroines.

The last 24 hours,

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have been more than a bit busy. In an attempt to obtain a surgery letter from a psychiatrist, I have gone through three hours of shrink, therapist, and social worker. The upshot? No dice. The shrink doesn't feel she has enough expertise to diagnose me, so no joy there. I also found out that the V.A. doesn't even HAVE a psychiatrist in my area who is qualified in T matters! The therapist was more than helpful, but I already have a letter from a therapist.

RE: Stories, comments, and the Ret-Con Universe.

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Speaking from the viewpoint of a former "comment whore" I completely understand the feeling that nobody gives A damn about what one writes. I learned, much to my chagrin, that the quality of the writing is seldom an indication of how many comments/hits a story will garner. It's become increasingly obvious to me that the more "hot buttons" a story hits, is directly related to the number of comments/hits it gets.

It's OFFICIAL!!!!! Re: Name Change.

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As of the 18th of April, three days after my birthday, I will be officially and legally, Catherine Linda Michel!!!!! I never thought, for real, that this day would ever come, due to financial restrictions, but it's here, it's real, and I am ecstatic!!!

Yes, there'll be a buncha stuff I'll have to do AFTER the 18th, to change all my identification and stuff, and of course, learn to sign a new name... LOL, but I can already feel a new peace within myself and a renewal of my goal, full SRS. That however, can wait til I can find the funds. This step will suffice until then.

Re: Another Lesson Learned.

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I have had a conversation with the person I harmed by my actions and we have reconciled. I'm returning to the "community" but provisionally. I will no longer offer advice, nor will I attempt to help, since I am obviously unqualified to do either. I apologize for any consternation I might have caused with my last blog entry, and to anyone who has been led in a wrong direction or confused by anything I have offered in the form of advice, in the past.

Another lesson learned.

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It seems, by caring too much, I've inadvertantly hurt someone. So...from now on, I am staying OUT of other people's lives completely. I'm not answering questions, or offering advice, or anything else remotely like that ever again. In fact, consider this my withdrawal from the "community" et al!

Every fucking time I let my feelings get hold of me and I care too much, I end up with someone being hurt! Well, I'm done. Carry on without me!

Catherine Linda Michel

Please refrain from commenting on this blog, as I will answer none of them.

Spare a moment of prayer for our Japanese friends.

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Japan has experienced a most devastating earthquake and tsunami. Hundreds are confirmed dead, and thousands are still among the missing. It might not be over yet either, as reports coming out of Japan seem to indicate that a damaged nuclear plant might be in meltdown.

The quake is the 5th biggest EVER recorded and the tsunamis spawned by it have already impacted Hawaii and the east coast of the U.S. Please say a prayer for those who have died, for those who are missing, and for a country that will have a horrible time recovering.

in sadness, I am,
Catherine Linda Michel

I'm in the midst of a panic attack.

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A somewhat mild one, to be sure, but panic nonetheless. Reality has just come crashing down around my ears, what with the name change now being in the hands of the court and everything else. I've spent the last few days, surrounded by workmen who are doing stuff around the house thats needed done forever, and either none of them have twigged to the fact that I'm not a GG, or they just don't give a damn about it.

Khadijah's computer is down and out.

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She'll be offline for awhile until she can either afford to get it fixed or buy a different one. She called me this morning and asked me to post a blog to let people know so they won't worry if they don't see her online for a few days... so I'm letting you all know! LOL. Those of you who don't know her yet as Khadijah, will probably remember her as Gwen Brown or Khadijahgwen.

The final hurdle has been cleared, re: My name change.

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My Birth Certificate, the last piece of paperwork needed, is in the hands of my lawyer. All that remains is for me to sign in all the right places, and then the filing of the paperwork and the setting of a court date. Then, the REAL work begins. Changing all my identity papers to my new name. LOL!

Spare a thought for our N.Z. friends.

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Several of our author friends are N.Z. natives, and the recent quake has really left a mess in it's wake. My dear friend Prudence Walker is a Cristchurch resident, and I am very worried about her right now. We haven't co-responded in quite awhile, but I know why, and I understand why we haven't.

Prue, if you read this, know that I'm still out here, and I hope you and yours are okay. I miss you a lot, but, as I said, I know why you had to go silent, and I accept that. My prayers are for you, yours, and all the residents of New Zealand.

Catherine Linda Michel. (used to be Cathy_t_)

Last night I almost gave up.

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Over the last few weeks I've been feeling more and more like there's no point in continuing, with my transition, or my life. It seems that every time I manage to make some progress, something happens to set me back, not only in my transition, but also in my personal life. Last night it almost got me.

Bimbo Bread?

A few years ago a story came out, in the SRU universe entitled "Bimbo Bread." The subject matter of the story should be obvious due to the title.

Recently, at our local "superstore/grocery store, I found the real deal! It's pronounced Beem-bo Bread, according to the packaging, but however you pronounce it, it LOOKS the same.

I don't, like, know if it, like has the same effect as the stuff in the story. I've been using it for sandwiches for the last few, you know, days? I haven't noticed any effects yet, fer shuuure, but I'll keep you...ummm. oh, you know, like appraised?

Finally a bit of good news re:name change.

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I've been working on several legal documents, namely: a Will, a Health Proxy and a Power Of Attorney. Those I can afford. I've been putting off my name change because of the costs and another matter that concerns only me and one other nameless person. The matter between me and that person seems to be settled, and I am proceeding with the name change because... I've been informed that our local Legal Aid thingie will not only fill out the paperwork for me, but they can also get the fees waived due to my financial status... one step below poor.

I could not have scripted a better day than today.

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My nephews and niece showed promptly at our agreed time, saw me for the first time as Cathy... and embraced me and told me they love me and accept me!

We went out and ate, re-hashed old times, insulted one another.. good naturedly of course, and just had a wonderful time. They all knew about my transition before this, but had never actually seen Cathy. Now they have, and I have regained some of my family. I had the chance to explain why I am changing, in a way they understood and accepted. THIS is the best Christmas present I could EVER have gotten, and I am so thankful.

Monday is going to be a HUGE day for me!

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I just hung up my phone after making lunch plans with two of my nephews and one niece for tomorrow! None of them have seen me since I began my RLT more than two years ago, and I'm, I think justifiably, nervous. Long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, anyone?

This might be the beginning of a reconciliation with my family, from whom I have been estranged since I began my RLT. I'm so excited right now I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight!

Wish me well?

Cathy

My vision has returned for the most part.

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I'm still going to try to get into the clinic today, or wangle an emergency appointment with an eye doctor, through the V.A. I want to thank everyone who expressed concern and gave advice over the weekend. It wasn't pleasant to not be able to read or drive, I can tell you that.

I'm still just a bit blurry, but not NEARLY so much as Saturday or yesterday when all I could see out of my left eye was an image that reminded me of a badly out of focus picture or an extremely "soft focus" scene in a movie.

I'm havimg a serious problem with my sight.

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My left eye, which is my primary one, is cloudy and I cannot read without great difficukty. Everything is as if seen through a film of vaseline. My right eye is clear, but cannot read unless the type is VERY large and VERY dark. I don't know what's causing this problem, and I hope it will go away within another day. It's been two days already and if it continues tomorrow, I will seek medical assistance.

An Invitation to join my hometown Xmas Celebration, online, TONITE!

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tonight (Friday 12/3/10) at 6:30PM E.S.T. My good friend, Mike is one of the M.C.s for the parade. http://www.jamestown360.com/

Please join me and my hometown in celebrating the holiday season.

Cathy

Acceptance!!!

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I just got home from an all day movie marathon at a friend's house, with new and old friends. The new friends are used to seeing me as Cathy, and they treat me as the female I present myself as, but two of the old ones hadn't ever seen me as Cathy, and I was a bit uptight when I got there. okay, I was a LOT uptight!

Day Of Remembrance. Buffalo gathering.

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I'll be traveling up to Buffalo for the observance, along with some others from our local support group. It's being held at:

******12th Annual International Transgender Day of Remembrance******

Nov 18 2010 - 7-9pm
Unity Fellowship Church
1420 Main Street
Buffalo, NY

"Trans people are still being killed."
An evening to reflect on our shared humanity of those who have suffered from transphobia, hatred and violence.

Please join us for refreshments and discussion groups after the vigil.

I hope to see many of you Western New Yorkers there.

hugs.
Cathy

A day of triumph and tragedy.

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I spent most of a couple hours talking with a GG who had no clue I was anything but what I presented myself to be...namely, me, Cathy. That's the triumph part. When she finally tumbled, she was blown away and completely complimentary, to the point where she wanted to exchange email addresses.

Apparently I forgot to blog about this! Extra money from the V. A.!

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I'm retired, mostly due to some health issues. So I'm drawing my Social Security benefits a bit earlier than I would have wanted to, resulting in a lower amount of money a month.

Just for kicks, I went to my V.A. rep and asked about the possibility of being eligible for a military pension, since I served 8 years, 4 more than the minimum enlistment in the Air Force, during the Vietnam conflict. He explained that if one served for more than 90 days in the military, during a period of conflict, one was eligible, depending on one's monthly income.

Looks like the "Phantom Hitter" is at it again.

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Since yesterday, my stories have received 117 total hits on them. While I'm pleased by the number of hits, it's very unusual to get that many hits on old works in one day, and I wonder if there isn't someone out there doing this on purpose? Numbers are fine and all, and I thank anyone who has taken the time to read my stories, but false increases are just that...false increases. Since there are no additional comments to accompany these increased numbers, I have to assume that they are false.

Still Sick.

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I am SLOWLY getting a bit better, but I am still way below normal functional parameters. Again, I apologise to those with whom I usually chat, but my awake times have been so erratic, and I've lost so much time that errands and tasks I'd planned to do, fell by the wayside and got bunched up. I have tons of stuff I have to do, and nowhere near time enough to do them all.

If there is a bright spot in all this, it's that the weather here is supposed to be nice through the weekend with lots of sunshine, so I can get outside and soak up some of it.

Just a short entry. I'm sick

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Have been for the better part of a week. Got a severe cold/flu/plague/something or other. Sorry to those I usually chat with, but this thing is kicking my ass.

Back when I get somewhere near what I laughingly refer to as healthy.

Cathy

Makeup. The Purchase thereof.

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I recently purchased some Avon products from: www.youravon.com/peggyhicks and I find that I am very pleased with them. I met Peggy at The Southern Comfort Conference last year and I found her very understanding about us TG/TS/CD/whatever folks, and she is VERY discrete, respecting our need for secrecy/privacy.

A nifty little shaver.

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Having resorted to shaving my arms and legs, and face, with disposable shavers, and suffering innumerable cuts and so forth, I tried a new little shaver that works VERY well. It's called The Microforce and it's only ten dollars at Wal-Mart. To my pleased amazement, it works VERY well indeed, and not only on my appendages, but my face as well. It's battery operated, no recharging, and works dry or wet. I debated with myself about whether to buy a more expensive shaver, but I thought I'd try this little one first.

Sara's Story - A Home That Love Built Story

From Cathy. This story is darker and more emotional for me, than anything I've ever written. I cried when it came to me, I cried as I wrote it, I cried when I posted it, and I'll cry at every comment, hit or vote.
A Home That Love Built Story
Sara's Story
Rededication

Lessons Learned

I wrote this story and posted it, but unpubbed it because of the very real feelings and people involved. The story is true. I recently received permission from one of the people in the story to re-post it, so I'd like to enter it in the Summer Romance Story Contest. If it's deemed ineligible, I don't mind, but I wanted it here so others might learn from it. Thanks. Cathy.

LESSONS LEARNED

By Catherine Linda Michel

She sat on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands, crying as if she'd lost the best thing she'd ever had, and in so many ways, she had.

To borrow a line from Ross Perot,

Okay, now here's the deal.

I have agonized for months, re: my feminine presentation. Having somewhat low self esteem regarding my overall presentation, I have never, I repeat, NEVER considered myself female looking enough to be comfortable in public. That has gone by the boards. Over the last few months there have been more than a few instances where I have been accepted by people who have no other reason to accept that I am who and what I appear to be. To be accepted simply as just another female is still heady stuff for me, but I LOVE it!

I'm in a foul mood tonight.

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and the reasons are...well, many I guess.

Mainly though, at the bottom of it all, is one simple thing.

I've spent my whole life searching for "the one." I've looked everywhere and she seems to be either hiding, or I'm just too damn old and ugly for anyone to care about in "that" way.

Well here's a bit of news for everyone. Ugly people need love too!

Thanks everyone.

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For your good wishes, prayers and everything else that you expressed in your responses to my blog entries about my surgery. You all really helped ease my mind and my fears about it.

What a great bunch of gals and guys you all are.

Catherine Linda Michel

Surgery Update.

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I'm back home. The surgery went well. It turned out to be not a hernia OR a cyst, but some kind of hydro seminal blockage or something like that. The upshot is they fixed the blockage and did take one of my testicles, so I'm halfway to an orchiectomy. This also helped allay some of my fears about undergoing surgery under a full anaesthesia, since I came through this well.

Today is surgery day.

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I'll be in Buffalo today at the Veteran's Hospital, getting some surgery done. Unfortunately it's not the surgery I would HOPE for... this is to remove a large, ingrown cyst from my groin area. Hopefully, while they're in the area, and they DO know my desire to have a couple of small trouble makers removed... oh well.

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