Pictures of Pictures
By Sabrina G. Langton

***

Author's Note: Hi, something a little different, something a little heartwarming for the holidays. Heartwarming? Yeah I don't even know what that means. Ha, Hope YOU like it.

***

I don't know what I was expecting. It was all new to me but I think that's what I liked most about it.

For years I always came to the same hotel. It was beautiful and inexpensive and it had great views of the Atlantic. Sometimes all I needed was a view, a glass of something red, and music low but above the din of the background.

Wait.

You know what... when I think about it, all I needed were a pair of stockings. Mmm, that's all, forget about the view and the wine, oh and the music, and give me a pair of pantyhose, sheer, of course, the shinier the better. Just sliding up my smooth legs, caressing my thighs. New, used, or even with a run. A tiny run, one you wouldn't necessarily notice, of course. One that I probably caused myself with my bracelet.

I was easy when it came to hose. I loved them all, especially nude, or 'my' leg color, but I found myself getting into colors too. I had so many pairs of cyan, red, navy, even yellow, I had an outfit that went with every single one of them. I had friends who only wore black, they would tell me black was the sexiest color, and I would argue it wasn't a color at all, where nude was a light beige, grey was a dark white, and white, well was white.

"Sabrina, that's not a color either."

"It is, if there is a crayon with that name then it's a color, who is going to argue with Crayola." But then the whole black thing popped up again, of course, there was a black crayon. You know now that I think about it, maybe gray was my favorite crayon. I had four pairs of gray heels and even a pair of sneakers. Yeah, gray was okay.

"Sabrina, I do not wear sneakers with my stockings, that's crazy. If I have time to put on pantyhose, then I have time to wear heels." The ladies liked to argue with me, they thought I was too flippant, too much into everything that they weren't.

"I guess you are prancing around with flip-flops too." They would laugh, I felt I was so different from them, plus I didn't know how to prance.

I can remember asking "How about support stockings, is that a thing? Would any of you wear those?"

"Sabrina, we are not discussing this anymore."

And that was it. They went back to their coffee. Well, THEY were the older girls, most of them were married, most of them had on black stockings. Some of them didn't even shave, hence the black, and sometimes a different pair of beige underneath.

Oh, I should bring up the fact that when I asked these questions we were all at Pat's house. Pat was a guy that liked girls who wore stockings. He had a nice house, a big front and backyard, and so much parking. His wife, Georgia, sadly died a couple of years before and this was how he spent his Saturdays. When I visited and the ladies got tired of my questions, he let me thumb through his photo albums, see pictures of him, his kids, and various children and pets. He said he had no pictures of the wife, she was the photographer. He told me at the funeral they had two pictures up during the service, one was her wedding picture, the other from the seventh grade.

I took pictures of those two I kept them on my phone.

Before I left my apartment I took pictures of me in my outfit. I had on nude pantyhose under my long pink dress, with my nude heels and cyan bag. I was full of color, especially since I was new here, I didn't really know the protocol. I have been coming for, mmm, lets me see, maybe, six, seven, eight months? I was known as the one who made fresh coffee and asked all the questions. I could throw together a salad too if someone got a little peckish.

"I went to Berkley's Pharmacy on my way home yesterday, they had support stockings in black."

"Sabrina, are we still talking about this? Do you have circulation issues?" They all laughed, they tried to giggle, but it was definitely a laugh.

"No, well, I don't think so. I was just thinking that I would like to be pregnant." There, I finally said it. It got all quiet.

They gave me that look that they saved for Pat when he dressed and put on his wife's old stockings. He didn't try too hard. For him it really WAS about the stockings, he wore any color he found, he wore sandals or slides. He never, ever answered any of my questions with the ladies around.

"Sabrina, I hope you know that you can't get pregnant. No matter how much you try." One said. They all laughed again.

"If she doesn't know, then that would explain everything. Then we would know she definitely is crazy." Said another. They laughed a little louder. Someone even rubbed my flat belly.

"No, no I just want to make believe." And I shrugged, I felt a little sad, they weren't taking me seriously. Some of them made believe they were women. Me? I took it a little more seriously than them. I always shaved, I wanted my legs to look better than theirs. I couldn't really tell them that I had given this pregnancy venture a lot of thought already. I had bought maternity clothes, lower heels, and even a big bag with ducks on it to carry future diapers. I had another bag full of vitamins, supplements and lotions. I just wanted to know if I had to wear support stockings, I wanted to know if anyone would notice the difference. The ladies went back to their coffee. Them and Pat went back to talking about the shows they were streaming and the neighbors they didn't like.

"Sabrina! More coffee."

After I poured, I let them talk, I went back to Pat's photos. I went into the other room, his little red porch, I did this every week. You could hear the music better and I could look out the window at his large back garden. I was drinking a tiny glass of wine, it was too late for coffee. I loved looking at the pictures of the children, he had two sons and three daughters. Some of the pictures were of some of the daughters getting ready to have babies. It was nice, I loved how they sat, how they put their hands on their bellies, how they pressed their lower back. You know, I think I could do all three of those poses. They didn't look that complicated at all. I took pictures of pictures with my phone. I was thinking, I would practice tonight and tomorrow, I might even practice all month.

Pat was suddenly behind me, his fingers in my long blonde hair. I turned, and he was smiling. "That's Amy she has three kids. They live in Seattle I never see them."

"Aww, she's so cute. How old are your grandchildren?"

"Well, Amy's kids are two, six, and eight. I have fourteen altogether. My son Jessie is the only one without children."

"Mmm."

"He lives four blocks away and has no kids, my luck right?"

I smiled up at him. He told me that every time I sat here, every time I gazed at his albums. I knew interesting things about Jessie, Amy, and the rest of his kids. He never talked to the ladies about his family, only me. I was the only one that left the big kitchen or giant tent in the backyard. I was the only one who ever ventured into the red porch.

Pat was light gray and in his mid-seventies, I always thought it was so great that he had me and the other crossdressers visit his home and garden. Some of the ladies had lost their partners too. Some of them were older than Pat, some even brought their husbands or wives with them. Pat had parties, BBQ's and everyone was invited, I thought it was nice, I loved to be introduced to people I have only heard stories about, seen in pictures. I loved getting compliments on my nails, hair, or my legs, the ladies never said anything nice about me ever. Sometimes they told me I didn't match or my lashes were too long, they said they were trying to help.

My partner, well wife, was no help. She decided she didn't want to be married anymore. I never told Pat or the others, I didn't want any sympathy, I just wanted somewhere to go on a Saturday. I wanted to be with people, outside, and wear a dress like the others. I didn't think I could tell anyone about my past anyway.

"You should invite Jessie next time when everyone is over, it will be fun. I'm sure he would love a party."

Pat made a face like he ate some bad fish, "Mmm, maybe."

"I can keep him company if you want, I can ask him all sorts of questions."

"Ha, ya know he would love that. Jessie loves games, museums, he's always reading and he loves all kinds of information. He is some sort of analyst."

He rubbed my shoulders as he told me memories about a couple more of the pictures. He only talked to me in the glow of the Tiffany lamp on his dark red porch, he never talked to me in front of the other ladies. They told me I was too young, I made him nervous. I was twenty-seven, I didn't feel that young, but it made me feel good to think that's the way others viewed me. Pat told me he could care less how old I was, he just didn't want to make the other CDs jealous. Sometimes when we were at the table together he would wink at me, he knew the older ladies were crazier than ME.

When I got ready to leave one of the ladies stopped me. She motioned me with her fingers, she whispered in my ear. "Make sure you do some stretches, get that circulation going in your legs." And she laughed, she shook her head, she made me get her another coffee before I left.

*

So, I was at the hotel.

Before I got distracted I was telling you that I always came here. Right here, right in the neighborhood. I usually got the same room on the second floor, but today I picked one out on the first. There were no elevators, I couldn't be walking up any flights in my condition.

I used to come here when I was married. I told my wife I was working over the weekend, I told her I had to travel, told her I would be busy. It was fine for the first ten visits or so and then she wanted to know why I had to pay for a hotel. She wanted to know why I wasn't getting paid for overtime, she wanted to know who I was seeing. She especially wanted to know why I was only six blocks away.

I couldn't tell her. I lied, it was easier. When we divorced last year I felt this little trip to the hotel was the cause of it, but it wasn't. I wish it were, it would be easier on my mind, it would help me sleep better.

So on Friday, a beautiful May afternoon, in another beautiful tight pink dress and cyan bag, right after a quick trip to the Pharmacy again, I walked into room 101. I was right next to the front desk, right near the parking lot, just a quick walk to the restaurant. When I called and reserved the room the day before, I told the staff my sister was going to be staying there, she was flying in for the weekend, she was twenty weeks pregnant. I walked in unpregnant, I had to get prepared.

The bell boy took my luggage, my makeup case, my belly. I carried the shopping bag from Berkeley's with all the things I knew I would need for the next two and a half days.

I was thinking I didn't have to even stay in a hotel anymore, I had a perfectly good apartment. I had the most luscious feminine bedroom, four poster bed, gray vanity, and two gorgeous antique mirrors, but I wanted to get out, and get away for the weekend. Show off my glow and baby bump to people. What good was being pregnant if you couldn't mingle?

Briiiiingggg...

"Hello, Miss Langton?"

"Yes?"

"Will you be coming into the dining room for dinner?"

"Of course, thank you."

"Six o'clock see you then."

It was nice, they treated me a little different already. They didn't know I didn't have the belly on yet. I came out of the shower, perfectly smooth and smelling like Loreal. I put on my breastplate, I put on my silicone belly. The girl online that sold it, informed me it was from fifteen to twenty-five weeks. I decided I was twenty, I think I was almost halfway through my pregnancy, I was looking forward to giving birth.

I put lotion all over myself, then I put on my maternity support pantyhose, in nude. I realized it had extra room for my belly. I would have to tell the ladies, maybe I would buy them all a pair in black, they were all so much bigger than me. It was tight, it felt so comforting, I was going to wear them when I needed some support when I felt a little lonely. I didn't even need to wear panties with them, but I did wear pads in case of a little leakage, just in case. I read about that in Redbook. Ooh, I also had a bunch of magazines to thumb through, I was taking this pregnancy thing very seriously.

For visiting the restaurant tonight I had the perfect dress, it had thin horizontal blue stripes next to white horizontal stripes. The hem came just to my knees and my belly looked spectacular, the tightness of the dress made it protrude out perfectly. I couldn't wait to head to reception and smile. Smile with my new dark pink lipstick, my new whitened teeth. I had on my streaked blonde wig, no curls, just long and straight. An impending mommy doesn't have time to curl her hair, she barely had the strength to wash it, it was hard carrying a baby, eating for two. It was hard doing all this without a husband, a nanny, a mother-in-law, or anyone to help. I would manage though, I was always fine.

I had two-inch heeled booties, they were brown, they were so much smaller than the heels I would normally wear. I loved a good six-inch pump, an eight-inch platform, I could maneuver in any height. I sat and did my makeup at the little desk in room 101. I brought my makeup mirror, my makeup case. When I was married I had a box, a cardboard box, now I upgraded. I had a sturdy pink travel case filled with an Ulta eyeshadow palette, I had a Kylie matte lip kit, I had so many blush brushes, pencils, and sprays, I was ready for a weekend away. I was ready to be pampered. I decided against my false lashes but I put on lots of mascara and my nail tips, they were white, they weren't that long, they went great with my dress. They looked incredible while I held my belly. I wondered if anyone would notice I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I was going to smile big, and shrug if anyone asked, I was going to be cuter than usual.

I did the poses that I captured on my phone from Pat's photo album. I took about a hundred and eleven pictures, that should be enough. I then practiced my walk, I couldn't be too sexy, I had to walk slower, had to hold my back and/or stomach, I had to do this correctly. I considered this trip to the hotel, practice. Practice for when I visited Pat and the ladies. They would be disappointed if I didn't look real enough. The friends that came to Pat's parties told me I looked like their daughters and nieces and that made me blush, but I couldn't wait to see what happened when the ladies said I looked like a real expectant mother. I would be prepared, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I would still pour the coffee if asked.

Once out of 101 and in the dining hall, I was in my element. I walked slowly, I lay my hands on top of my belly, smiling my big pink smile, I stretched my legs. I told everyone who asked I was twenty weeks, and I didn't know what I was having. It was going to be a surprise. The hotel brought me dinner, they brought me sparkling apple juice, they were happy a young expecting woman was in their hotel. I asked if I could come every weekend, I was having fun with all the pampering. Of course, they said sure. They said I could stay in the same room, they would set up the shower with a chair, they would send in a masseuse, they would even have someone do my hair and makeup.

"Oh thank you, but no need, my hair and makeup are easy. It relaxes me." I smiled, I showed my white teeth, I didn't want them to discover anything.

So, I made believe I flew in, and for the next four weeks I went and stayed in the same room, I practiced, I even got just a little bigger with some air in the belly. People in the hotel were constantly rubbing and helping me out of chairs, I loved it. I hated saying goodbye on the final Sunday. I told them once I delivered I would visit and show off my new child, I had little tears in my eyes, everyone was so kind to me.

"Maybe I'll have the baby shower here, I so love the restaurant." I made a crooked smile, "I just have to discuss it with the relatives."

*

So, let's see, I missed visiting Pat's for the last five weeks. I wanted to go, just to show my face, my colored stockings, but I knew I couldn't, I had to wait. This Saturday was one of his big parties, he hired a bartender, he hired a chef, he was expecting a ton of people. I would show up with my twenty-six-week baby bump, I would definitely be matching.

*

I was going to wear my favorite crayon color, gray. I had a stretchy tight gray dress that landed right above my knees, showing off my nude shiny support pantyhose and then my four-inch nude pumps. I wanted to go a little glam for the party. My belly looked great, a little big but great. I even wore padding on my hips and ass, I upped the size of my breasts to a double D, I wanted to look curvier, rounder.

I had on my long blonde wig again, this time I curled the bottom, made little ringlets. I then put on my false lashes, lots of mascara, wore copper shadow over my eyes. I wanted to look a little mysterious. My lips were taupe, matching my longer-than-usual nails, matching my toes hiding in the pumps. I wore my new Chanel perfume. I posed before I left my apartment, I took another sixty-two shots.

I stopped in the Pharmacy before I went to Pat's. I bought antacids, then some fruit juice and candy just in case there were kids, I even bought some coloring books and crayons, I was a prepared mother-to-be. I was a practicing mommy. I walked up and down every aisle making so much noise in my noisy heels, I made sure I smiled at the sales girls, the boy with the broom and the older cashier with a sneer.

"Uhh, thank you, come again."

"Oh I will, you will be seeing me soon." And I smiled, I flicked my long hair over my shoulder. I made sure everyone saw the pregnant woman in her new gray dress. I felt my practice really paid off, a couple held the door for me when I made my way to the parking lot.

"Thank you."

*

I was late, the block was crowded, there weren't too many parking spots, I had to walk kind of far.

"Hi, need help?" A tall man, dark eyes was holding a shopping bag, took mine.

"Thank you." I smiled, my tongue making an appearance on my top lip. He walked and talked with me the whole way on the path to the front gate.

Once at the door, he smiled again, "I'm Jesse, Pat's son. Are you one of the girls that visit on Saturdays?"

I looked at him, he was probably a little older than me, he seemed pretty nice. I knew it was him when I saw him, as I waited in my car. Did he know about the parties? Did he know about the girls? If I was one of them then how could I be wearing these support stockings?

"Not really, I sometimes work for your father." And I smiled again, I wasn't even lying.

"Sabrina, Jesse, great come on in." I gave Pat a bottle of wine and the cookies I made, the juice and candy I bought, and we headed out to the yard. He couldn't take his eyes off of my pregnant belly, of course, he didn't ask any questions.

The ladies were all huddled together under the tent, out of the sun, away from the guests. When I came to the backyard parties Pat paid me. I made drinks, I cleaned up the paper plates, I poured the coffee. Sometimes I came early and decorated, I took out the leaf blower, I ironed all the tablecloths. I always wanted the yard, the bathroom, and the kitchen perfect for everyone. I wanted them all to have a great time, I wanted them all to be happy they were visiting Pat and the 'girl' who served coffee.

The last thing I did before the guests arrived was organize the larger table, where all the ladies always sat. They always got real mugs never paper. I put the pictures of Pat's wife, one from the wedding and the other from seventh grade. I always invited her to sit with the girls, Pat said she would have so much fun. I always cleaned the frames with Windex. I did the same thing today, but I didn't want to bother the ladies, I didn't want to start asking any questions or beg for compliments. I snuck around them, I looked down at the ground hoping they didn't recognize my hair color.

As a surprise I put the coloring books and crayons on a smaller table in the garden, surrounded by chairs, right near the speaker with the music. I then put a photo album right in the middle, it was nice and thick. The table made a little creak when I put it down.

As I was setting things up one of the ladies tapped my shoulder. "Sabrina?"

"Hi."

"Where have you been, it looks like you have been busy." And she rubbed my shoulder.

"I missed all of you." I smiled, I missed asking questions, I missed the mix of their perfume, I even missed them making fun of me.

"Sabrina, you look fantastic. How many weeks?"

I smiled, I stood, "Twenty-six." I put my hands on my waist and made a cute face, I was glad she was taking me seriously, I was hoping she would tell the others how much weight I gained, how much I was glowing. Instead, she took my hand and walked me to the tent, there were seven ladies today, of course, I knew them all. I was a little nervous.

"Sabrina, I didn't realize that was you looking so fabulous."

"Sabrina, look at those gorgeous legs, are you wearing the support hose?"

"I am." I showed them the back of my legs.

"Sabrina, are you taking your multi's? Doing your exercises? Calling your Doctor and friends?"

They smiled, they squeezed my boobs, they rubbed my belly. One of them even poured me decaf coffee. It was a nice afternoon as I told them about my little adventure at the hotel in room 101. I told them about the baby shower I wanted to have and they all giggled with me and said they wanted to come. They all told me I looked so cute.

"Hi, Sabrina would you like to color with me and the kids?"

I looked up, it was Jesse. During the party, I was watching him visit with his father, talk to some of the husbands and wives, and compliment some of the ladies. He seemed like a gentleman, he seemed to respect everyone. Everything Pat told me about him was probably true.

"Okay, I would love to." And he helped me out of the plastic chair. I said thank you to all the ladies, I kissed all of their cheeks. He held my larger waist as we went over to the kids, there were three of them, two girls and a boy. I said hello as Jessie and I sat with them. Soon I knew their names. I brought ten books, ten packs of crayons, plenty to keep us all busy for the rest of the party.

I felt a different hand on my shoulder. "Jessie, Sabrina lives in the neighborhood, she lives right down the block from Berkley's."

Pat was now rubbing my lower back. "Ooh, right there, perfect." My eyes were closed.

"The pharmacy? I live a couple of blocks north on Tyler."

"I'm on Remsen, right down from the park." My eyes were still closed.

Pat left and Jessie took up rubbing my back, we watched the children make their masterpieces, I breathed deeply, I was doing my kegel exercises and stretches. Pat then brought over some of the candy I had in the shopping bag, laying it on the table.

"What's this?" He picked up the album.

"Ooh that's for you, I was thinking you could show the ladies and your kids, maybe even your grandchildren the next time you see them." He picked it up, it was quite heavy, I take lots of pictures.

He was flipping the pages, he was smiling. "Georgia would have had so much fun, you know, annoying the ladies." He laughed, he pointed pictures out to Jessie and me. "She would ask so many questions, just like you do." He tapped his finger on my nose. He bent down as we all looked at the rest. He put his lips right near Jessie's ear. "Sabrina likes to tease the ladies, I watch, it's my favorite part of the get-togethers, ha."

We went back to the photos, there were at least six a page.

"I remember this one, there's Mom through the mirror." Jessie was pointing he was shaking his head. "Mom hated getting into pictures. She used to say 'I'm taking them, not starring in them,' she was quite adamant about it too."

It's crazy but there were so many with her hands in front of her face, she must have been very private.

After we were done with the book, Pat brought it around and showed the guests. I had found every single picture I could find of Georgia. I went through every book for months. He had shelves of them, I felt like I was searching for a ghost, searching for a friend. Most were from mirrors or reflections, some were group shots with her ducking behind someone, or just an arm or a leg, but I found them all, I took pictures of pictures and made a new album to put on the shelf in the dark red porch. I even intermingled some shots from the Saturdays and parties with the ladies to make it look like Georgia was here with them, it was fun, I knew she would approve.

"Can I rub your belly?"

"Sure." I smiled at Jessie, I wished I could feel his hands on me, wished I could feel the warmth of his fingers.

"Twenty-six?"

"Mmm-mmm."

He had one hand on my belly and another on my back as we watched the three kids color. As we watched them eat some of the candy. As I started to silently cry. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, I tried to be quiet, I didn't want anyone to know I was feeling emotional. I was suddenly feeling a little high, a little low, I was getting the 'baby blues.' I read it in one of the Parent's magazines. I put my hand over Jessie's as he rubbed, I held it, I then picked it up and kissed it. I was still watching the kids.

"How's this Sabrina?" One of the girls picked up her coloring book showing us.

"That looks great. Is gray your favorite color?"

"Yep."

"Me too, that's why I am wearing gray today." I didn't want to tell them gray also made me sad, it was a powerful color, it was a mix between black and white.

"I'm going to make the dogs in this picture gray," Said another one, Diana. She looked up at me, she smiled, "You look just like my Mom."

"I do?"

"Mmm, she's home, she doesn't feel too well. I'm going to color her a picture, then when I get home I'm going to tell her I was sitting with a lady who is having a baby just like her."

And then I cried again, Jessie put his arm around me. I got up and kissed the little girl on the head, I rubbed the other one's hair, and I squeezed the little boy's shoulders. I went into the house and sat inside the little red porch. I think I was happy, maybe sad, I really couldn't tell.

*

"Hi can I come in?"

It was one of the ladies, one of my almost friends. "Yes, please."

"You like it in here, don't you?" She sat next to me, instinctively she put her hand on my baby bump.

"I do, Pat says Georgia used to spend hours putting all the pictures in these albums, all the little titles, and dates, all the memories of her family. Sometimes I wish I knew her, sometimes I wish she was still here."

"Mmm, me too. Georgia and I went to High School together. I met her when I was fourteen. God, that was decades and decades ago."

*

She convinced me to go back outside, sit under the tent with them all. I was feeling melancholy so I held my breath when I wanted to ask something, I closed my eyes when a thought came to my brain, I giggled instead of talked, I tried to assimilate.

Soon it was dark, the three children and some of their parents came to say goodbye. Diana even invited me to her mother's baby shower, it was the next Saturday, Jessie surprisingly said he would take me.

I said goodnight to the ladies, goodnight to Pat. But before that I put away all the photo albums, they were all over the tables, all over the yard, everyone got to relive Pat and his family's memories. Jessie watched me put away the two frames. I put my long nail on seventh-grade Georgia's nose. "Goodnight."

*

"Here's my car." I smiled. "Jessie, I had a great time how about you?"

He took my hand and he drew me closer, he kissed my cheek. "It was fantastic, thanks for inviting me."

"Me?"

"Dad said Sabrina wants you to come to the party, she wants to ask you questions. I realize you didn't ask me anything all day."

I bit my lip, I didn't need to know anything anymore, I feel I was finally a grown-up, finally felt my twenty-seven years. Being with the ladies I felt like a child, a teen, felt I was doing everything wrong. I needed the practice, now I needed support. Jessie helped me into the car.

"Jessie, would you think I was crazy if I told you I wasn't pregnant?"

"Hmm, no."

"Would you not like me if I told you I wasn't born a girl?"

"Hmm, no. Dad told me all about you. Well, everything that he knew. He says you ask a lot of questions but give very little information." And he laughed, he leaned in, and kissed my cheek. I made him get in the passenger seat, I was going to drive him the four blocks home.

***

"This is where you want to go?"

"Mmm-mmm."

Jessie and I were in front of Berkley's Pharmacy, a couple of blocks away from me, a couple more away from him. It was the next day, Sunday, he wanted to take me somewhere, to eat, a museum but I wanted to go to the pharmacy.

"My father says all the ladies think you are crazy."

"Ha, they are probably right."

We walked in, I was wearing my new white lace maternity dress, it was very tight, short, and halfway to my knees. Showing off my nude support hose. I had on white five-inch platform pumps, I wanted to be taller, sexier, than the other mothers in town. My dress was quite sheer, showing off my bra, even slightly showing off the top of the hose with my hip pads. I decided against padding on my ass, but I wore the double D-cup breastplate. We walked in with me gently holding my belly, gently taking steps in my loud high heels. Jessie held my waist, my long hair touching his chest.

He held up some shampoo, "I can use some of this." He showed me his favorite shaving cream, his favorite razors, air fresheners, and hard candy. We walked up and down the aisles, banging my hips into the displays and signs, taking deep breaths for effect.

We got closer to the back, I held his arm. Once at the end of the row, he turned and faced me, he gave me the best kiss I had ever received in my entire twenty-seven years on this earth. His tongue made its way into my mouth, my lips against his, my larger breasts pushing against him.

"Mmm, why did I wait to do that?" He watched me, he played with my hair. I then kissed him, yeah why did he wait? We made our way to the two pharmacists in the back of the store, raised slightly higher than everyone else. I knew that the two of them were watching me, us. I was making so much noise in my heels.

I rang the little bell, they looked down. "Hi." I gave the woman the script. It was my prescription for a new patch and spray. It had my new name, my old provider.

Jessie was still holding me, I was still holding my belly. The woman lowered her glasses, she looked right at me as I kept on smiling. I knew she recognized the address, saw the last name, I knew she knew who I was.

"Sabrina Langton?"

"Mmm, yes."

She made a face as she glanced at Jessie, my belly, maybe my legs, definitely my heels. I was in white, I wanted to tell her Crayola made a white crayon, I wanted to tell her my favorite color was now gray but I wore white for her. It was lace, sheer, showed off my lingerie, my perfect soon to be developing body.

I wanted to thank her for divorcing me, I had low sperm production, she wanted to have children, so did I. When we found out from the doctor I told her I was sorry. I got depressed, she got angry, she looked a little angry now.

I was pregnant and she wasn't.

I had a wonderful man clutching me and she had an older boyfriend standing right next to her, they had been seeing each other while we were still married, since before we were even separated.

I smiled as she filled in my prescription. "We are hoping for twins."

She didn't look at me.

"We have so much room at the house," Jessie added, "We have such a big yard, the twins will love it."

I looked at him, "When they get older."

"Of course when they are older." He smiled, he leaned in and he kissed my cheek, he held me tighter. I felt another tear roll down, fall onto my breast. I forgot we were waiting for a prescription. I forgot we were acting.

The man handed me my vial, my spray in a little bag. He was quiet.

"You two are ridiculous." My ex-wife told us.

I didn't care. Usually I was called crazy, so ridiculous didn't sound as bad. I smiled big, I showed off my neutral lips, my longer-than-usual lashes, I rubbed my bump. "I know, thank you."

I heard her say something nasty under her breath, I heard them grunt and make noise. I stopped and turned. I made sure they were looking at me and Jessie. "I mean it, thank you for everything." Without her, I never would have met Pat and the ladies, never would have met Jessie, never would have become such a good photographer.

Never would have become pregnant.

I gave them my little wave and we walked up front to the cashier, we said goodbye to everyone we passed. I guess I didn't have to come here anymore, there were so many pharmacies in the area, so many superstores. I could even have these things delivered, I might even go shopping with Jessie.

"Jessie, would you come shopping with me?"

"Sure."

"Thirty-six, fourteen, cash or credit?"

*

We kissed like teenagers in the front seat of my car, the belly pushing against the steering wheel, his hands all over my larger breasts.

"Would you like to come to my house? I would like to show you MY pictures, I would like you to ask me some questions." He was teasing me, he had his hands on my thighs, his lips on my cheeks, and lips.

"Can we do some more kissing when we get there?"

"Ha, we can. You know, that was only your second question."

*

So, I was in all white on Jessie's brown couch. I stood out, I was guessing you could see me for miles. My light skin, easily visible through the transparency of the dress, the pantyhose top very easily seen as well as the padding. If you looked hard enough you could see that something was going on underneath this beautiful three-quarter-sleeved, lace. I felt like a bride under an x-ray on her wedding night, I was nervous and my mouth was dry. I was waiting for Jessie to bring in some wine and glasses, I was waiting to kiss some more, I think.

"Jessie?"

"Yes?"

"Are we going to have sex on your couch?"

He walked in, he opened the bottle of merlot, he poured, he watched me suspiciously the whole time.

I felt like I was up to something, I had some other motive for sitting with my legs nicely crossed on his couch.

"Hmm, I didn't initially think we would, but, um, If you would like to we can." He smiled, he was definitely teasing me. I bit my lip as we toasted. "Congratulations, by the way."

I giggled, "You too."

We put down our glasses he started to kiss me again, I held my belly as he pulled me closer. His arm over my shoulder, his other hand on my breasts. Soon he was kissing the forms through the thin dress, he kissed my belly, soon he was on the rug and in between my legs. He started to rub my thighs as I played with his hair. He was helping with circulation. He kissed my belly again, my thighs, even my ankles. I put my legs over his shoulder as his mouth went back up to the top of my compression pantyhose.

"Um, Jessie?"

"Mmm." He couldn't say much his mouth was pushing against my body.

"I'm not wearing panties, I'm sorry."

"Ha, that's okay. maybe next time."

"I just want you to know, I have very sexy panties, they are made of silk and the rear end part is completely sheer, unfortunately, you won't be able to take them off of me today."

He laughed as he moved up, I lay on the couch. He climbed on top of me, his body keeping me warm, safe, still. We kissed, his hands went into my hair, I felt my wig shift and prayed it stayed on, I didn't want to expose my slightly long blonde hair. He rubbed his body against me, he made me moan, I pulled him even tighter against me.

He moved away from me. He stood, then lifted me up.

"I think maybe I would like to show you my bedroom. That's where I keep all of my pictures."

My lips were so close to his, I was in his arms with mine around his neck. "Okay."

He made me turn the knob, I pushed open the door. We walked into his room, his dark red room just like his father's porch, just like his mother's favorite room. "Jessie is red your favorite color?"

"Mmm, I don't know." He looked around while holding me in his arms, spinning me. "What color are those satin panties I won't be seeing today?"

"Red, definitely red."

"Good, because I think that IS my favorite color."

*

So I was reading Redbook, Cosmo, and Parents magazines. I was keeping up with things, learning more about my condition, well my imaginary condition. I read the best ways to have sex with a larger belly. I decided I might share all this information with an analyst.

Jessie put me down onto his bed. I pat the bed and made him sit. I took off his shoes, pants, socks. I tentatively slid off his briefs. His manhood stood up straight once it was released, I started getting embarrassed, I felt I was acting too forward.

"Um Jessie, according to my sources the best position is on my side so I don't put pressure on my belly."

"Okay, sounds good."

I lay down sideways as he lay in front of me. We started to kiss again, sloppy, chins, cheeks, finally lips. I grabbed his hard manhood. I pulled back, I wanted him to see me smiling. I jerked him slowly as I studied his face, his light beard, his dark hair in his eyes. I was surprised I was in his bed, I was surprised he wanted to sleep with me, with someone obviously so pregnant.

"Jessie?"

"Mmm?"

I made a face, I bit my bottom lip as I kept him hard, kept playing with him. "Do you think I'm ready?"

He smiled, "Do you feel ready?"

I shrugged, I felt so different, but also quite the same. I wanted to ask the ladies under the tent, Pat in his porch, even Georgia, she would know if I was ready or not. I then went on my back, then with a little trouble rolled over on my right. He moved close to me and started rubbing my ass through my thick stockings and dress. His hand then went to the front and massaged me as his body pushed into me, I felt his hard cock against my ass, between my cheeks. He pushed up my lace dress and pulled down the stockings.

"This is going to be cold."

"It is? How come?" I had to admit I wasn't expecting it to be cold.

And I felt his fingers inside of me, it was cold, it was gooey. He played with me as his other hand rubbed my breast. I wiggled my body, I couldn't wait until he was inside of me. I was bouncing my ass, back and forth just waiting for him to enter.

"Oh my god." I felt the tip of his manhood right outside of my hole, I held my breath. I prayed I didn't scream. Suddenly I felt him enter me. This morning as I cleaned my insides and outsides, I practiced with my brush handle again but it felt nothing like this, like a man, nothing like Jessie's large penis. I tried breathing again and gave a little scream. He rubbed and kissed my arm and shoulders as he pushed, I let it happen, I rolled with the punches.

He then took hold of my waist and pushed in harder, his manhood was all the way in, his body completely against me. He shook me and I felt my hip pads fall out of my hose. I took them and threw them on the floor. My wig was now in my eyes and I took it off, throwing it next to the pads, I felt my hair in my eyes, slight sweat on my forehead.

"Take off the belly, there is velcro on the seam."

And he stopped pumping his hard cock into me as he looked for an opening. We heard a rip and I started moaning. I took the belly and threw it next to my wig. He held both my breasts, I couldn't lose them, They were tight they would have to slip over my head. I wouldn't take them off for anything anyway.

He pulled out of my ass and I went back onto my back, I opened my legs, I felt so much lighter, I felt so much more like me.

"You look incredible."

He smiled, he watched me play with my breasts, my dress a mess and bunched up around my smaller belly. He moved his manhood closer to my body. Slowly he slipped in, it was so much easier than before. He put my legs over his shoulders. The pulled-down support hose right in front of his face as he bounced me around. Soon he yelled, I felt him cumming, I felt his sperm inside of me trying to find an egg, I closed my eyes and followed its progress. I screamed, I started to have my own orgasm, I came into my hand while I was hiding myself. I pushed as he thrust harder into me. We stayed moving together for so long as we watched our expressions change, as I held out my fingers for him to kiss me.

When he slipped out, he leaned down, we finally kissed, I didn't want him to far away from me.

I fixed the stockings, I repositioned my boobs, and sort of fixed my dress. I lay on my back feeling a little naked, without everything on that makes me feel more like a pregnant girl.

"Jessie I'm sorry I don't have a wig on."

He lay on top of me, he kissed my neck, my cheek, my lips. "Sorry? How come?"

"I don't know, I feel better with better hair."

"Sabrina all those ladies are right about you, you are crazy." And we fell asleep, it was three o'clock in the afternoon. We made love two more times that night, it turned into my favorite day.

***

Ding Dong

Diana opened the door. "Mom, this is Sabrina, she isn't havin' a baby anymore." We went to the little girl's house for the shower, I brought flowers, a present, sparkling apple juice, even a boyfriend.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She took my hand, she looked quite concerned.

"No, no, nothing like that, I'm sorry to make you worried." My perfect eyebrows lowered giving a reassuring look.

She smiled again, and took my hand, "Whoo that's a relief, you are going to have to fill me in you know."

"I just wanted to feel what it's like, it was a dream of mine since forever, I can't have children of my own."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"That's okay, I have low sperm production." And I shrugged.

"Oh?" She made a face, "Well just keep on trying."

"We will, but we have something else, we have Jessie's nieces and nephews, all fourteen of them."

"That's a lot of kids."

"We are flying to Seattle next week to see three of them, plus we can share Diana." I put my fingers on Diana's long braids, with her long yellow ribbons.

"We can." And the mom gave me a lovely, genuine smile, she gave us both a huge hug. She took our hands and introduced us to her family, her friends. She showed us her busy kitchen, her daughter's room, even her own maternity dresses hiding in her big closet.

"Do you use support stockings?"

"Sometimes."

We played games and colored with the kids. The mom gave Jessie and me something deep red in beautiful wine glasses. We were all sitting on her deck looking toward the ocean, we were listening to music. I felt I didn't have to ask any more questions, I thought maybe it was fine just sitting, relaxing, watching all the kids play. Listening to all the adults laugh.

When I go back to visit Pat's house I would take Jessie, I would ask if we could sit with the ladies at the big table, I would be quiet, I would just enjoy the conversation.

I glanced at him, he was probably wondering why I was so quiet. His father probably told him I was so chatty. I had to say something. "Thank you for taking me out today."

He lightly squeezed my hand, "You're welcome."

I started drifting in and out of the conversations. Of course, I was rubbing my legs with my free hand, my nude stockings. My dress was so short, almost my whole thigh was exposed. I was thinking all I really needed was a pair of stockings. Jessie had his arm around me, he would kiss and comment into my ear, but I was concentrating on my nylon legs. I started to realize I didn't even own a pair of colored ones, I had fourteen pairs in nude, a couple in beige. I was recently looking through all of the pictures I took of myself over the years and there were no colors at all. Why did I ever think I had yellow, gray, navy, and cyan? I must have been thinking about someone or something else, maybe crayons, Crayola. Maybe I was imagining I had kids. I must have been having a fantasy, a fantastic time.

"Thank you for the wine, we are having a fantastic time."

Wait.

You know what... when I think about it, all I needed was some wine, a nice view and music, and of course some people. Some things you don't want to do alone. I'm glad I figured that out.

I ran my fingers through little Diana's hair instead, she had yellow ribbons in her braids matching her dress, matching her socks. Jessie kissed the side of my cheek and hair, he didn't know what was going through my head at all.

You know what? I really was having a fantastic time, I couldn't wait to take some more pictures.

***

The End

***