Match Maker

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The Matchmaker 3000 is known to have the perfect matchmaking algorithm. Sam should have read the terms and conditions more carefully….

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I smiled as my pod arrived. I stepped inside and sat in the large chair provided. The pod closed behind me, and I felt it move along the rail.

The large touch screen came down in front of me and displayed a message.

Welcome, Samuel Rollins.

I was finally here. The Matchmaker 3000. A super advanced matchmaking algorithm. After answering a series of questions, and listing my preferences, goals, and values, this computer algorithm would match me with the perfect woman. It was hard to believe people used to court each other without a computer’s assistance. No wonder the divorce rate had been so high.

So far the success rate, couples that progressed to marriage and never got divorced, was greater than 99%. In fact, people had so much faith in the algorithm, that many, including myself, selected the direct-to-marriage option. Once the algorithm found the woman that would be my wife, our pods would be brought together, and the marriage ceremony would commence.

I leaned forward and began the questionnaire. I could specify a surprising in-depth set of qualities I wanted in my future wife. Financially well off. Flirtatious and seductive. Confident.

I kept checking the boxes next to each quality I wanted, ending up checking nearly all of them. I was getting more and more excited to meet the woman that would match with me.

After that, two sensors came out from the headrest of the chair, and pressed against my temples. Then a series of images flashed across the screen, some of people, some of objects or nature. The chair seemed to be recording my reactions. Maybe this was the part where the computer made sure the newly matched couple would find each other attractive.

Finally, a confirmation screen came up. It was done, all I had to do was accept the terms and conditions. I checked the box and hit the big Match button.

Searching….No match found.

I blinked in surprise. I’d never heard of something like this. No match for me? Did I select too many requirements? Maybe I did get carried away. I leaned forward, trying to figure out how to go back and select a more reasonable set, but the screen changed.

Expanding search….Match found.

Ah. It probably had to be a little more open than my selection, but at least it found me a wife. I sat back in the chair and smiled in anticipation.

Analyzing compatibility….Incompatible.

I sat in confusion. How could it find a match for me, but then say she’s incompatible?

Recalibrating.

I raised an eyebrow at that. Recalibrating? What did that mean?

Transporting to recalibration center.

Suddenly, restraints came out from the chair, locking my arms and legs in place. Another three held me at my waist, chest, and neck. “Hey! What’s this?!” I tried to resist, but I could barely even move in place, let alone escape the chair. I could feel the pod zipping along the rail for half a minute before stopping and docking somewhere.

Arrived at recalibration center. Initiating clutter removal.

A nozzle came out from a panel on the wall. It sprayed me with something, and circled me to cover every side. The nice suit I’d worn seemed to shrivel up. “What the heck?”

Several claw machine looking arms came out from the wall to pick at my clothing, ripping it away in chunks until I was naked. “Hey!” Another nozzle came near me, but this one blew warm air to dry me off.

Clutter removal complete. Initiating hair removal.

A different nozzle sprayed me down with some kind of chemical, except for the top of my head. Then I was sprayed with water. As the water washed over me, all my body hair seemed to go with it. I was once again dried off.

Hair removal complete. Initiating hormonal replacement.

Hormonal….what? What the hell was going on?!

Several syringes came out from the chair and walls, and poked into me. “Ah!” I cried out as they injected me.

Hormonal replacement complete. Initiating body sculpting and fat redistribution.

The restraints forced my arms above my head, and the back of the chair wrapped around my torso. It squeezed tight, particularly around my waist and mid torso.

I could barely breath, much less cry out. I felt many tiny needle pricks along my ribs, followed by what I could only guess was a few ribs breaking. Strangely I felt no pain, but I did feel like they were being rearranged.

Something I couldn’t see wrapped around my shoulders, and jerked them this way or that. It felt like my shoulders were being dislocated and pushed into a new position, again painlessly.

My hands and feet were enclosed in small box shaped pods, and I felt the needle pricks, followed by that familiar painless breaking and rearranging.

The makeshift corset I was wearing started vibrating rapidly. At the same time a few flat panels began almost massaging my hips and butt. This went on for nearly two minutes, before I was unwrapped and my arms brought down to the armrests again.

I just barely got to notice that my hands and feet were smaller, my shoulders and waist were a little narrower, and my hips were wider, when my attention was called back to the screen.

Body sculpting and fat redistribution complete. Initiating external reproductive organ conversion.

I actually froze in fear. Just what did that mean? Before I could even think about it, something resembling a sports cup came out from the seat and covered my crotch. I felt a quick stab on each of my balls and on the shaft, then my package went somewhat numb. I could vaguely feel it, but there was no pain from the stab.

“Waah!” I cried out from the next sensation. While there was no pain, it felt somehow like my penis was being spilt apart and tugged in two different directions, while my balls felt like they were being severed. “Hey! Help!” I tried calling for someone, anyone. Maybe a worker could stop whatever was happening.

Two round panels that almost looked like suction cups came from either side and placed themselves on my chest. I felt stabs of needles from under the panels, then an almost bloated sensation on my chest.

The sensation in my crotch continued. It felt almost inverted, like my penis had been turned inside out and pushed up inside me.

The panels on my chest withdrew, leaving me swollen in those spots. The two swollen spots left behind were large and firm, and my nipples looked a bit enlarged as well. I didn’t have time to comprehend what I was seeing.

External reproductive organ conversion complete. Manifesting internal reproductive organs.

I then felt like my crotch was being impaled by a tube of some sort that snaked it’s way into my abdomen. “Ahh….wh-what is this?” I could barely speak as I felt queasy, as if someone was constantly clenching my insides. After half a minute, the tube withdrew, giving me a small bit of relief. The cup moved away from my crotch completely, but I couldn’t lean forward enough to see it past my chest due to the restraints.

Manifestation of internal reproductive organs complete. Initiating facial realignment.

A smaller, egg shaped pod with a hole in the bottom came down from the ceiling, splitting in half as it neared me. It closed around my head, with my neck fitting into the hole snuggly.

I felt the foam like inside of the pod cast itself around my head. After an injection into the side of my neck, it pushed and constricted at various places around my face. I cried out, but my voice couldn’t penetrate beyond the small pod.

It was the same break and reshape sensation. My jaw felt smaller, and my face overall felt different. I also felt two stabs, one in each earlobe.

Facial realignment complete. Initiating vocal pitch adjustment.

A cable of some sort forced its way into my mouth and down my throat. I felt it scratching at the inside of my throat, followed by a cold spray. It withdrew, and the smaller pod peeled back from my head and lifted away.

Vocal pitch adjustment complete. Initiating sexual reorientation.

Now what? I could barely think straight. All these assaults on my different body parts was sapping me of my strength.

The restraints suddenly held my head in place so tightly that I couldn’t nudge even an inch. I felt several little panels on the back of my neck and head. Then suddenly a sharp pain as a needle poked into the base of my skull.

My first reaction was to flinch away, but the restraints held firm. I felt an odd wet feeling on the inside of my head as the needle injected a large amount of liquid. It was almost like it was flooding throughout my head and seeping into my brain. Finally the needle pulled out, and I gradually felt my head clear up.

Sexual reorientation complete. Recalibration complete. Analyzing partner cosmetic preferences.

While the machine was paused for the moment, I tried to look at what had been done to me. I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t even make sense of what I was seeing.

Analysis complete. Transporting to cosmetic center.

I once again felt the pod moving along the rail. It was only a few seconds before it stopped again.

Arrived at cosmetic center. Applying hair extensions.

A half-sphere shaped panel, kind of like those things from old beauty salons, came down and covered my scalp. I could feel my hair gently being tugged. After a minute, it lifted off my scalp, and my much longer hair fell down past my shoulders, nearly to the bottom of my chest. Two robot hands then rearranged and styled my hair to stay above my head.

Application of hair extensions complete. Applying facial cosmetics.

Several robotic arms holding various makeup items came out from the wall, and began applying makeup to me almost faster than I could keep track of.

They applied lipstick, eyeliner, blush, and several other things I didn’t know the name of. By the time it was done, I could actually feel the thicker eyelashes and taste the lipstick.

Application of facial cosmetics complete. Applying fingernail and toenail cosmetics.

Separators were inserted between fingers and toes, forcing them apart. Four robot arms came out, each wielding a nail file. They shaped each nail on both hands and feet.

When they were finished, the nail files were replaced with polish brushes. They quickly went from one nail to the next, applying clear polish. I was left with nails that just about shined.

Application of fingernail and toenail cosmetics complete. Cosmetics complete. Transporting to wardrobe center.

Again, the pod moved on. What was happening? I felt so confused.

Arrived at wardrobe center. Fitting undergarments.

The restraints held my arms up and my legs apart, and lifted me out of the chair completely. Two robot arms brought a piece of fabric forward. It looked like a white lacy garter belt. It was wrapped around my waist and secured behind me.

Two silky white stockings were slid up my legs, and secured with the garter straps.

My legs were brought together so a pair of panties, white and lacy to match to garter belt, could be pulled into place against my flat crotch.

A matching bra was slid down my arms to encompass part of my swollen chest, just up high enough to cover my nipples, and was hooked behind my back.

Undergarments fitting complete. Fitting bridal gown.

A large panel opened on the wall, and a beautiful, intricate wedding dress was brought near my feet. I was lowered into the skirt until it reached my waist, which left it at floor length.

The corset of the dress was brought up to cover my torso, just high enough to cover the bra cups, then laced together behind my back. The two straps were slung over my shoulders to connect to the back of the corset.

Bridal gown fitting complete. Fitting shoes.

Two white high heeled shoes, with pretty little bows right near the bend at the front of the shoe, were brought in from either side of the pod. They disappeared under the dress, and I felt them slide snuggly onto my feet.

Shoe fitting complete. Fitting accessories.

I caught a glimpse of two pearl earrings as they made their way to my ears and slid into the newly pieced spots.

A necklace with a teardrop shaped sapphire was placed around my neck.

A delicate looking bridal veil was clipped into my hair and fell to cover me down to my chest.

Finally, what looked like a diamond engagement ring was slid onto my left ring finger. I was once again lowered to the seat and secured to it.

Accessories fitting complete. Wardrobe fitting complete. Change of name and gender filed with government. Analyzing compatibility….Compatible. Transporting to wedding ceremony.

I started moving again, just as I felt like my mind was finally starting to clear. What happened? I felt so different.

As the pod moved along, it displayed the personal information of my match. It included all the qualities I had checked off, but I was very confused by one bit of information I saw. Male?

The pod came to a stop.

Arrived at wedding ceremony. Congratulations, Samantha Rollins.

The restraints finally released me. The chair angled forward so I was brought to my feet. I minced forward a bit, unaccustomed to walking in the heels and dress I was wearing for some reason.

The door of the pod opened, and beyond was a larger room with an altar decorated for a wedding. At the altar stood the Matchmaker 3000 employee that was legally registered to perform and observe wedding ceremonies.

And for some reason, there was also a man at the altar. He was tall and fit, and wore an expensive looking tuxedo. And, I was surprised to realize, he was handsome. Very handsome. Very….sexy. I stared. A man was sexy to me?

He smiled at me, which stirred up a pleasant feeling in my stomach, and warmed my cheeks. He approached and took my hand, and kissed the back of it. I placed my other hand on my chest.

“So, you are my fiancé.” He said with another charming smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Nicholas Smith. I’m honored to become your husband.”

“I’m…” For some reason I felt shy and submissive next to him, and my very feminine voice only added to that feeling. “I’m Sam.” I remembered what the computer had called me, and automatically corrected myself for some reason. “Samantha.”

“Samantha. That’s a lovely name.” He smiled again, and stared deeply into my eyes. I couldn’t make myself look away. “A lovely name for a lovely woman. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful woman.”

I nearly swooned at his words. “Samantha, would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?” He gently pulled at my hand to guide me toward the altar.

“Y-yes.” I said shyly. I felt like I could barely control myself.

He escorted me to the altar and held my hands as the employee began. I could do little more than stare at Nicholas as the ceremony was performed.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife.” The employee said. “You may kiss the bride.”

Nicholas, my husband I realized, stepped forward to lift my veil and kiss me. I was nearly overcome with longing. His kiss was intoxicating.

After we broke the kiss, I noticed my computer screen was nearby.

Change of name and marital status filed with government. Congratulations, Mrs. Samantha Rollins-Smith. You may proceed to the consummation pod.

Consummation? I noticed one of the pods docked to this room was larger, and contained a large bed. Plenty big enough for two people.

Nicholas embraced me, then swept me off my feet and into his strong arms. I couldn’t help but feel small and feminine being held by him.

He gave me that smile that made me melt as he effortlessly carried me toward the consummation pod. “As beautiful as you look in that dress, I can’t wait to get you out of it.”

I couldn’t help myself. I cuddled in close to Nicholas, to my husband, and imagined him out of his tuxedo.

Somewhere far in the back of my mind, I wondered if I should have read the terms and conditions more carefully.

The End

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Comments

The title makes me think of

This is a silly comment not really related to the story, sorry.

The title makes me think of Swedish businessman Ivar Kreuger who at one point controlled close to 75% of worldwide match production.

It’s always the fine print

It’s always the fine print that catches you. A perfectly written example of why the “famous last word” is usually ”Oops!”

Reminds me

Of "The Autocloset" only better.

Kathleen