Act one:
It's fumny how one minute everything is normal and the next minute everything becomes a shit show.

I have to look back and laugh sometimes, I personally believe it was meant to be. That some force knew who I really was and knew what my plans were and was like "Nope, no you're not doing that so let me help". So lets have a quick run down of the events that brought me here to this point in my life.

It was a normal day, at a normal high school in a normal East Tennessee town.
I was seventeen and a bit of... well I was a major asshole if you needed a simple description of the type of person I was.

I was that guy, the stereotypical all American bully. Football player, Letterman Jacket, fast car a hot cheerleader girlfriend part of the popular crowd I checked all the boxes of the stereotypical douche canoe.

But there was a pain inside of me. Something that I had been hiding since I was little, not just hiding but actively trying to kill.

Up till that point five months ago I had been having some bad days, I had written some notes and made some plans but at that moment my day was supposed to just be the usual go to school, play the roll I was Given, act as if everything was perfectly fine and that nothing was out of the ordinary.
I didn't know how to handle the feelings inside of me. I hated anything or anyone that reminded me of what a freak I was.

I didn't mean to hurt him that bad. I made the joke mainly to fit in and get a laugh out of my "friends". But I purposely said it where the "fag table" could easily hear me.

I wanted a rise, I wanted them to know I was nothing like them. It was more for my own reassurance then anything else even though now looking back it was a unessecry and heartless thing to say, I regret it.
"Hey guys you hear about the bad joke with the good ending?"
"Naw man what about it" My best friend Mike laughed.

"Vicky Newman" and that got a round of laughter out of the guys.

"You fucking assholes" I heard screamed across the room.
I looked up and this pink and blue haired girl named Deanna Taylor was storming over too us.

"Here it comes" mike laughed nudging me.
I saw the others coming up behind her, mainly to stop her from getting in trouble.

She exploded on me. Yelling and cussing trying to defend the honor of her friend and cousin who had recently been killed in a car accident. Vicky Newman was the town tranny. More popular then you would expect especially in our small Tennessee town.

I personally never did anything to bad to her. Just the usual joke or remark here or there but nothing too mean.I honestly had a good bit of respect for her and had cried about her loss behind closed doors more then once, she had the courage to do what I couldn't. Of course I never would have admitted to any of this at the time I did have a reputation to uphold after all.

It was mainly to piss off her friends who I had found out had been making their own jokes about me. Mainly about my own masculinity and sexuality. It's kinda funny how they had no idea how correct many of those supposed jokes actually were. But regardless of accuracy I had a reputation to uphold and part of that was not being afraid to go for the low blow and mocking a dead girl was about as low as you can go.

And it got the reaction I had wanted.
Deanna was kinda the head of the group of freaks as they were referred to. The goths, emos, scenes you get the picture. I honestly envied them, how they had the guts to dress how they wanted, act like they wanted and didn't seem to care what the rest of the world thought of them. Yeah I know half of them weren't gay or anything including Deanna herself but the rise I got out of them with my comments or jabs at them always made me feel better about myself. Yeah it was only temporary and wouldn't be long before the thoughts came back but it was worth it for that brief moment of feeling normal.

She was in the middle of her tirade when we decided to leave and go elsewhere.
As I went to stand up Kyle Giggs hit me in the head with the side of a tray cutting my ear in the process.

"Mother fucker!" I yelled and before I could stop myself I punched him as hard as I could in the face. It was almost in slow motion as he fell backwards and I heard the loudest crunching sound as the back of his head hit the corner of the table.

He hit the floor and a large pool of blood started to form. I didn't think I just reacted.
"Oh my god I'm sorry" I was the first one by his side. I was horrified at what I had just done and dropped my act letting my true self come out. I didn't care at that moment.

I had killed him he was dead and it was my fault. I was quickly pushed away by a teacher and the gym coach.
I felt all eyes on me and my tears, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks I was terrified.

"What have I done,I'm sorry" I said as I jumped up and ran.
A teacher tried to stop me but I pushed her to the side. Not hard mind you but it got her out of my way. I got to my car and peeled out towards home. I made it fifteen miles in about eight minutes.
No one was home when I got there. I walked out to our barn and upstairs.

I walked up to my hiding spot. I was running on pure adrenaline at this point is the only explanation of why I did what I did. I wasn't thinking I was just doing, I had planned this differently. It was supposed to be at night and I knew my family would hide the real reasons as to why. They would know and probably be glad they wouldn't have to live with the embarrassment of the truth coming out. But now things had to go differently.

I went to that old duffel bag stuffed behind some old tractor parts and pieces of equipment and took out my favorite outfit.
I didn't have much just a bunch of "oh its for my girlfriend" thrift store finds.

But there was this one "cute" dress, just a yellow with white polka dots sundress that was one size too big for me,But It was my favorite. When I would wear it and close my eyes while spinnimg and twirling feeling the skirt move and dance with me it made me feel like the real me, if only for the moment.

Just like I had planned in my head I took off my clothes and pulled on the dress. If I was going to die at least I would feel like the real me.

I pulled out the folded four pieces of paper, a note that had been written and rewritten a thousand times. An explanation, an excuse, a detailed description of the real me.

I rolled it up and used a piece of old ribbon to tie it to my it to my wrist .
I walked back down to the main barn and grabbed the rope.

The old tractor sitting off in the corner was to be my makeshift gallows. Not very high off the ground but high enough when standing on the hood to reach a low cross beam. I tied the rope over the beam and the other around my neck.

I heard the dogs barking and knew someone had pulled up outside. I wasn't going to prison. As the front door of the barn opened I stepped off the tractor.
------------

Act two:

Well to say the cat was out of the bag would be an understatement.
Let's give you a rundown of the events following what was supposed to be my dramatic exit from this world.

Not long after I had left, Mike, Andrew, Jake and Greg my best friends growing up piled into Mikes pickup and hauled ass towards my house.

The main reason they did that was cause Deanna, Melissa, Ryan, Justin and Shaun all friends with Kyle had piled into into shauns suv and took off after me most likely with not very good intentions on their minds.

And at some point someone had called the law. I had parked my mustang outside the barn and hadn't taken the time to close the front door all the way so it didn't take a genius to figure out where I was.

Shaun was the first one through the door and I remember seeing him as he watched me step off of the tractor. The look of being absolutely pissed turning to being absolutely horrified in an instant is something that I'll never forget.

He tossed the bat he had in his hand and by the time I felt hands on my feet and lower legs I was already blacking out.

Apparently it was a full on team effort to cut me down. I was told the cops arrived as Mike was giving me cpr.
I remember coming to briefly in the ambulance but I don't have any recollection of what was happening.

Basically it was a complete shit show. But you wanna know the funny part?
It was all for nothing, kyle was for the most part completely fine.

Turns out the sound of his skull crushing was actually the old ass corner of the wooden table breaking when he hit it which also cut his scalp and apparently head wounds bleed alot.

He didn't even have a concussion just a busted nose,a cut, a knot and a bruise. So there I was in my finest dress having just been seen by both my best of friends and worst of enemies after trying to push my own off switch prematurity for nothing.

It turns out that Deanna is the one who found my note.
She had swiped it while Mike was doing cpr and read it before giving it to my parents later at the hospital.

I ended up having to have surgery on my throat to fix some broken veins and my windpipe, luckily I didn't have the rope in the right place to snap my neck had it been a little higher under my jaw that would have been the result.

mom and dad were there when I woke up after surgery.
I couldn't talk, my throat hurt and I felt like hell. Mom was the first by my side and all she could do was cry and call me a stupid asshole for like fifteen minutes straight.

Dad would barely look at me but he was there at least.
Mom asked me if what I wrote in my letter was the truth. All I could do is look away but she demanded I look at her.

I broke down in tears as I nodded what little I could cause of the pain and the neck brace I was in. So began a long one sided conversation. Followed by lots of one sideed questions.

I was taken out of school for the rest of the school year which was only two months. I was allowed to do my class work though so I didn't have to be held back and got to go on to my senior year.

Two months of healing, lots of talks with my mom and well.... mainly my mom but every now and then dad would be a part of the discussion, visits with head doctors and finally an endocrinologist and I was standing in my room with two pills in my hand.

One down my throat and the other up my..... well.
I couldn't believe it. All these years, all that mental anguish and I was here. I took my first round and it had begun. bitter sweat but It had begun.

Mom didn't like it but she was trying to understand. Dad made it clear he didn't support this but he also didn't want to bury his only child so he just stayed out of it for the most part, seeing his disappointment as he saw me changing was the hardest thing cause I do love my dad, I just needed to do this to save myself.

My parents were more furious with the attempted suicide then they were about the trans issue it seemed. I knew the best way was to have patience and maybe one day they would come around, they hadn't outright disowned me so that was a start at least.

So that's the short version of everything that has happened over the last five months. Now being the first day of my last year of high school.

I woke up that morning feeling like my nerves were on fire. I had basically been a hermit for the most part and had very little interaction with the outside world.

Three whole months of HRT had already taken its toll. I never was all that big of a person. Five foot eight around one hundred and sixty five pounds and a medium build with a size eight mens shoe.

I had had a bit of facial hair but I was already going through laser treatments to fix that, my dad actually paid for them if you can believe that. Mom and dad have been for the most part chill about the whole thing. Dad has mellowed out a little bit and mom has come around to the idea of having a daughter.

She gives me little bits of advice on how to act, corrects me on my mannerism, posture and other little technical things like what outfit combos she thinks would look good or makeup advice, it helps that she's a professional cosmetologist and hairdresser. Still on the fence for the most part but they're slowly coming around.

At this point it had been right at the three month mark. My body had slowly been changing and as I woke up that morning I couldn't help but smile.

My body mass has gotten noticeably smaller as a whole, I had some visible curves and my face was the most noticeable change, it's cute. My brown hair was kinda long before hand I had always worn it past my ears but now instead of a shaggy mess I had had it cut in a cute pixie with bangs and blonde highlights. The effect was super cute and really made my face pop.

I was scared and nervous for my first day.
I had basically shut myself in on our farm for three months. Mike was about the only person that had stuck by me through this whole thing. We had been friends since pre-k so that didn't really suprise me. A few of the others were civil but uncomfortable and some were just down right hostile.

But even though this was the case I was actually happy. I was finally getting to be me. I was determined that morning I was going to try to make a good first impression but as I stood there I was getting cold feet.

I was wearing a pair of distressed denim shorts that went to about mid thigh, a pair of sheer black pantyhose,a black label society graphic tshirt,a yellow and black mid sleeved flannel over shirt and a pair of three inch Brown buckled ankle boots. A style I had always liked kinda chic,grunge and alternative all rolled into one and it fit me perfectly and as a bonus just because I really like the color my nails were done in pink, white and blue in a signature pattern.

After I did my makeup I put in a pair drop earrings with a set of cute silver feathers on the ends and I was done.

I had been out three times prior to this dressed up and that was two towns over where no one knew me while mom took me shopping for some new clothes and to get my hair done and ears pierced.

So much had changed and looking at the girl in the mirror I was both excited and terrified of what the day would hold.

Taking a deep breath I walked downstairs where mom and dad were having breakfast.

"Morning mom, morning dad" I said as I started grabbing my plate.
"Morning Brian" My dad said.
Dad has made it clear even though he's willing to accept that this is the path I've chosen I will always be Brian to him. I can tell this whole thing has been tough on him as well. Many people forget that its not just them that is going through this change it's everyone you've ever known and sometimes it can be a real shock to the system.

I believe dad will come around in time so I had decided to be patient and not make a big deal of it, at least he was trying.

"Morning Breanna, you look very sweet today" Mom said giving me a quick hug as we passed each other.

"I'm nervous as hell but hopefully it won't hurt too bad" I said as I filled a plate.
"I think you'll be fine" mom said.
"Of course she'll be fine sh.... he's a Wilkerson after all" dad daid catching his "mistake" mid coment. It wasn't the first time he had slipped up and called me something feminine.

"One of these days you're going to call me she or her and not correct yourself" I laughed.
"Don't hold your breath kid" he said continuing to his morning news feeds on his phone.

"what time is Mike picking you up?" Mom asked.

"He should be here soon" I said looking at my dainty pink watch.
Mom had asked mike to take me to school for my first day and kinda act as my chaperone.

And before you get ahead of yourself mike is currently dating my former girlfriend Jessica and has no attraction to me what so ever, we're just friends and thats personally how I prefer it the guy's pretty much my brother for crying out loud.

Speaking of Mike it wasn't a few minutes later I heard his truck pull up outside.
I had just finished my last few bites of biscuit and chocolate gravy with bacon and cheese covered eggs with hashbrowns so I grabbed my backpack and my small Indian satchel purse and I was out the door.

I made my way over to Mikes dodge and had to boost myself up into the seat. Use to be really easy but back then I wasn't wearing heels.

"Morning Bree" he said as I buckled up.
"Morning Mike thanks for picking me up" I said.
"No problem" he said as we pulled out of the driveway.
"So, excited about the big day ahead?" He asked as we turned out of our driveway.

"Nervous, but hopeful" I said looking out the window.
"Well I'm sure it'll be fine some of the crew have been looking forward to seeing you again" Mike said.

"Thats a surprise".
"Yeah, Andrew and Jake have been worried about you after what happened and all".

"I know I should have let them come visit but I just wasn't ready for them to see me like this, hell I'm still not ready but at this point I have no choice" my nervousness was really making me paranoid.

"And Greg?" I asked.
"Ah.. yeah we aren't talking anymore" Mike seemed pissed..
"Say no more" I said.

"There's also some others who have been wanting to meet the real you for a bit now".
"Let me guess Deanna and her crew?" Its her I was dreading of seeing the most.

"Yeah, she ask me how you're doing every time she sees me" Mike said.
"Not looking forward to meeting her, no telling how her and the others are gonna get me back for everything" I hugged myself and brought my knees together feeling my stomach tieing up in knots.

"Hey its ok she isn't mad she's actually been pretty worried about you" He laughed a little.

"I'll believe it when I see it" I said as I turned on the radio.
Mike got the hint and the conversation was over. I wasn't trying to be mean but the more I talked about it the more anxious I felt.

We made it to school about fourty minutes before class started.
I took a deep breath and climbed out of the truck into the morning air.

As soon as I was down and had my backpack I could feel eyes on me. Mike and I walked accross the parking lot to the cafeteria where everyone liked to hand out in the mornings before class.

As soon as we walked in things got quite for a minute.all eyes were on me and I couldn't help but try to shrink back but Mike was in the way so I couldn't do anything but move forward to our usual table.

As we approached Andrew and Jake stood up and came over. Andrew gave me a bro hug while Jake gave me a normal hug.

"Man it's good to see you" I could tell Jake was nervous and didn't know what to make of what he was seeing but he was apparently determined I was still his friend.

"Ain't gonna lie this is pretty fucked up but I'm here for you man...
I mean gi...ahh... I ahh don't know how this works" Andrew said scratching the back of his head.

"It's what ever you want I'm not to concerned about such things, I'm happy now is all that matters to me" I said with a smile.

As this interaction was happening I felt my nervousness starting to fade away.
We went to sit at the jocks table when Greg, Jimmy, Lemon, stacy, Courtney and several other of the football players and cheerleaders stood up.

"Yeah ain't no faggots allowed at this table" he said.
"And who made you the boss?" Mike said stepping up.

"We took a vote and are saying, yall ain't welcome here no more" Greg said.
"Breanna has been your friend since we were in the second grade" Andrew said.

"No, Brian Wilkerson was my friend all these years, not this little freak here, now beat it" He said and Tyrone Davis and his Brother Deshawn backed him up.

"Its ok mike we'll sit somewhere else" I said as I turned to walk away. I knew it was coming Greg was the one who always laughed the hardest and had the cruelest jokes to go with mine so it was no suprise knowing how he feels. He was a good friend while it lasted though.

Our small group walked over to a seldom used table at the back of the room.
As I was about to sit down I heard "Oh my god you look amazing" and felt someone wrap me in a hug from behind.

I turned and it was Deanna and some of her people. She had ditched the multi colored hair I had seen last time and was just a straight blonde now but her smile said it all.

"I've been so worried about you" she said.
"I figured you'd be laughing your ass off honestly" I kinda chuckled.

"No no I wouldn't, not after...." she shook a little and seemed hesitant.
"Are you ok?" She asked taking my hand in both of hers.

"I'm fine, I'm ok now. And.... I'm sorry, for everything" I had been trying to figure a way to apologize for months and that was apparently the best I could do.

"Water under the bridge, you may not believe me but Vicky had gone through a bit of a homophobic phase when were kids as well but my aunt got her out of that pretty quickly" She laughed.

"Come on you guys can come sit with us" she said as she motioned to the much larger table that had been theirs since freshman year.

We all walked over and sat down. I had a clear view of our old table and could see some talking but couldn't tell what was happening.

Suddenly Lemon Diaz and his Girlfriend Courtney Long stood up and walked over towards us with Leamon giving Greg and the others a double middle finger.

They arrived at our table looking kinda nervous.
"Ah... you guys got room for two more?" Leamon asked. I always knew he was good people.

"Sure" Deanna said.

As we all sat down Deanna looked at all us new comers. "I would like to formally welcome you all to...." she was looking right at me with a smile.

"The fag table".
"Yeah, sorry about that" I said blushing knowing I deserved that.
They all laughed and we started to talk and make introductions.

Its strange to be sitting here, I always dreamed of this but never thought it would be possible but not only did I feel ok I felt normal, truly normal for the first time in my life and the feeling wasn't fading or coming in and out. It was here to stay and so were the main important people in my life, It took a lot of drama and pain but I not only know who my true friends are, but have made some more along the way.

"This is gonna be a good year" I thought.

The end.

-----------
I actually wrote the premise of this story while I was still in high school. I have a few of these from back then I'm refreshing and fleshing out that I had completely forgotten about till I found them in a lomg lost file on an old usb a while back.

So please excuse the next few high school based stories I'm gonna be releasing. They are all gonna be one shots including one that is probably the longest story I've ever written at this point.

Hopefully you'll enjoy this old new crop over the next while.