“Come on upstairs with us Ellie,” Jemma said when they came back down later, “your big sisters are taking you out for a night on the town, You’ve been hiding yourself away in here since you arrived, it’s time that you learned the delights of getting glammed up and having a night on the pull.”

“I don’t want to go ‘on the pull’ as you so crudely put it, don’t forget, despite what I look and act like, that I am not a girl.”

“Don’t be daft, we just mean a bit of dancing, a bit of flirting , maybe even a bit of snogging, you don’t have to drop your panties for the first boy that takes an interest in you. If you are going to keep living as a girl, you need to learn to relax and enjoy yourself like the rest of us.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mam was a bit reluctant to let me go out with them, but they promised to look after me and not let me get into dangerous situations. A bit later, wearing a dress that stretched tightly across my bust and flared from my waist to a hem not far below my panties, and full evening-out makeup, I edged warily down the stairs tottering on unfamiliar 4” heels, followed by the girls who were dressed in even more revealing outfits

Mam and Fiona took one look at us, rolling their eyes.

“Be careful that you don’t get the wrong attention, and that applies to all three of you, not just to Ellie, dressed like that boys could get the wrong idea and think that you will be easy.” Mum gave us a stern warning look.”

“Where we are going we might even seem a bit overdressed, there will be girls a lot more likely to get the wrong attention than we will get.” Carly cheekily replied as we flounced out to her car.

“Look, you two know the damage that too much booze can cause, and I am driving and will have to stay sober, let’s keep to the soft drinks, we can still have a good time.” Carly suggested.

We started off in a couple of music bars, keeping to mocktails, but otherwise chatting to boys who Carly and Jemma were mildly flirting with, and gradually I followed their leads, and soon learned the dangers of very short tight dresses and accidental hand brushes acres my bottom or bust, but made sure that was as far as it went. Three of the lads asked us to join them at a nearby club, where we were intending to go anyway, which saved us the expense of paying the entry fee ourselves.

Jim, that I was paired with, was the quietest and shyest of the three of them, and luckily was the perfect gentleman, almost, not being quite as hands-on as the two of his friends who seemed to be groping Carly and Jemma as they danced, but the girls didn’t seem to be objecting too much.

Every now and again the DJ played a slow smoochy number and I found myself being pulled in by my hips closely to Jim who was obviously expected a kiss and possibly even more. I panicked, not knowing how to react and fled from the dance floor to the safety of the ladies toilets, where I sat down, locked the cubicle door, and tried to compose myself. A few minutes later there was a knock on the cubicle door.

“Ellie are you in there.” whispered Jemma

“I am, leave me alone for a few minutes.”

“Stop messing about, open up and let’s go somewhere not too busy and have a chat.”

We found a relatively quiet corner well away from the bars and dance floor and sat silently for a few minutes.

“What happened, did he grope you or try it on?”

“Not really, there is nothing to cause a fuss with him about, it is just me. He pulled me in close and went to kiss me, and I could feel him getting aroused, I panicked, not knowing what to do.”

“Look Ellie, all us girls have been there, the first time a boy had pushed towards us for a snog, and the first time we have felt an erection in a boy’s trousers, we have all panicked, it doesn’t mean that they are about to pull your panties down, it is all just part of the flirting game. Get yourself back out there and go back to Jim, have a laugh and a dance with him. Just tell him that it is not a good time for you, the time of the month, and you are feeling a bit off. He’ll calm it down a bit, boys are even more embarrassed about periods than we are and it’s usually a turn off for them. I’ll keep an eye on you and if it starts getting heavy again give me a little finger wave and we’ll all go back home.”

I rejoined Jim, apologised for rushing off and after that we just had a good time together. At the end of the night there was another slow number, but this time I was more relaxed and let him pull me towards him until I tilted my head back to look up at him and our lips touched. It was like an electric shock for me and surprisingly I felt elated and excited rather than the panic I had felt before. We stayed close like that for the rest of the dance until the main lights came on to chase people out, and Carly came over to tell me we were leaving. I gave Jim a hug and another quick kiss, leaving him looking a bit disappointed that I hadn’t offered to give him my phone number, and followed Carly and Jemma back to the car.

“Did you enjoy your girls’ night out then Ellie? You seemed to be having a good time with Jim, you looked like you didn’t want to let go of him.” Jemma asked with a big grin.

“Yes I did, but I get the feeling that I cramped your style a little bit, truthfully if I hadn’t been with you would you have gone off with your two lads?”

“Let’s just say that I was getting a bit worked up, but tonight was not the night for it, as I said before, you need to experience life as a girl and it’s my job to help you along the way. Besides good girls never go all the way on the first date, not until you sober up the next morning and think about whether you want to get to know them better. By the way clean up your lipstick smears and reapply it, you don’t want Mam to get the wrong idea.”

The excitement and confusion of the night out left me tossing and turning in my bed for a long time until eventually I dropped off to sleep. Waking up the next morning I looked at my bedside clock, it was almost 10:00, I was supposed to be at the café hours ago. I quickly dressed and made my way to the kitchen to grab a coffee before I rushed off, only to find Jemma and Carly sitting there waiting for me.

“Good morning sleepyhead, calm down, there’s no rush. Mam has gone in with Fiona to help out in the café, you are working here today. We told them that you were just a bit exhausted after a late night and too much dancing, we never mentioned your big goodnight kiss with Jim though, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”Jemma told me as she brought over coffee and toast.

“What did you think of your first girls’ night out with us then Ellie, you seemed to really get into the swing of things and enjoy yourself? By the way, you acted perfectly all night just as any other girl out for the first time with her big sisters, there was no sign of Ally at all, being a girl suits you.” Carly added.

“Between us, it was the best night I’ve ever had out, as Ally I didn’t really have any close friends to have a good time with and on the few occasions I took a girl out, I was so nervous and on edge about how to behave that I couldn’t relax. Last night out with the pair of you, I just felt that at last I didn’t have to think about what I was doing, I just took things as they came and acted naturally.”

“As I just said, being a girl suits you, are you going to stay as lively, bubbly, outgoing attractive Ellie, or are you hankering to get back to being boring, dull, shy, plain Ally? I’ve never seen you so relaxed and enjoying yourself, even in the café you are mixing with people effortlessly. You seem to have settled into life as a girl, you need to think about what you want to do.” Jemma took my hand and looked into my eyes as she said it.

“Back off please. Since I was forced into dressing and behaving as a girl by Dad, I have just got used to it, particularly being around females all the time, here with you two and our mams, at work with Jenny and Linda, I just seem to fit in easier as Ellie.”

“I’ve only ever known you as Ellie, and to me you are, and always will be, a girl, you are as natural at it as any of my friends.” Carly moved in closer and took my other hand, I felt a bit like the filling in a sandwich getting squeezed from both sides.”

“Sorry to break up your onslaught on me, but I think I’ll be better off down the café mixing with people and let Mam come back here, can you give me a lift please Carly?”

The rest of the morning was just routine, everything going smoothly, although my mind kept drifting to what the girls had said about needing to decide my future. At lunchtime Glen and Bob came in for their usual snack and as I was not busy, I sat down for a chat with them. After a bit of general social chat I raised the subject that was really on my mind

“We are all interested in whether you ever found that boy you were looking for, he seems to have been missing for a long time, are people not concerned?”

“Apparently, there is not a lot that can be done. Most of what the local police know about his father points to him being a violent abusive man, but it’s all hearsay and second-hand gossip. The mother and sister have disappeared again and the boy has never been found. Unless any of them is prepared to give more information that can be used as evidence in court, it’s unlikely that there will be any charges or conviction other than the minor offences of being drunk and disorderly, and threatening behaviour. He has been released on bail and is continuing to mouth off about his disloyal family and what he will do when he finds any of them.”

“I thought you had said that when he was arrested he admitted to abusive behaviour, is that not enough?”

“He was still drunk at the time, even a half-trained lawyer will drive a coach and horses through that admission and have it declared inadmissible. You seem extremely interested in this case, do you know more than you are letting on?”

“Of course not, let’s just say that I know what it’s like to suffer abuse myself and I feel for the family, and leave it at that, I don’t want to open old wounds and bad memories.”

“Ok, but if you ever want to follow up on what happened to you, let us know.”

That evening I told Mam and Jemma what they had said.

“It seems that Dad is on the loose again, and is still looking for us. I’ve been thinking about reporting his attempted rape of me, along with all the other abuse I had to suffer, would you be prepared to do the same, particularly his attempted rape of you Jemma. It’s the only way that we can get him locked up and feel safe again.”

“I’ve been trying to forget it, but it keeps coming back in my dreams to disturb me. I agree with you, but can we trust the police?”

“Glen and Bob are ok, if we start by telling them, in confidence, unofficially, and see what they say about keeping our whereabouts secret if we make an official statement.”

I called the number Glen had given me which got me through directly to them rather than through their station and asked them if they could come to the Lodge to talk to me, and the next morning they called around just in time have their breakfast with us.

“Ok Ellie, what’s this about?”

“This is a private chat between friends and is not official, is that ok for you?”

“Go ahead but if it is anything significant we may have to report it.”

“This is Mrs Caroline Taylor, and her daughter Jemma, the people your colleagues are looking for in relation to charges against Harry Taylor. They are prepared to tell you about the abuse they suffered including an attempted rape on Jemma, I’ll let them tell you their stories.”

Leaving me out of it they briefly told how they had both suffered violence and abuse, and how the son, Ally, had been treated by his father, keeping back the fact that I was actually Ally.

“That will give the prosectors enough to go on, particularly as you, Mrs Taylor, witnessed the attack on your daughter. The icing on the cake would be if Ally could be found and confirm what he had seen and heard over the years, have you any idea where to find him?”

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for their reaction, stood up and walked over to them. “Actually you are looking at him, I’m really Ally, Ellie was a way to escape from him and I’ve continued to live as a girl since then, as you well know.”

“Is this a joke, if it is it’s not funny, we’ve known you for months, that can’t be true.” Bob replied as I looked at their shocked and confused faces.

“I don’t understand, what, why, when?” Glen followed up to react and just about managed to get the words out before getting tongue-tied.

“Let me tell you things from the beginning, you might then understand and I’ll be happy to answer any more questions.”

“Many times we heard Mam and Dad arguing and she was often bruised the following morning, she can tell you all the details about that later. All through our childhood Jemma and I suffered constant put-downs, verbal abuse, and physical abuse from him. One night a few months ago I heard a big row, shouting and screaming, and woke up the next morning to find Mam and Jemma had left home, leaving me with Dad.They can tell you more about what happened, but the bare fact is that Dad tried to rape Jemma and only stopped because Mam was attacking him to get him to stop.

When Mam and Jemma had left he decided that all the housekeeping duties were now down to me, ‘woman’s work’ he called it, as he considered that was all I was fit for. That developed into him forcing me to become the woman of the house, wearing girls clothes and makeup, giving me beatings when I argued with him about it. It ended up that the only times I didn’t dress and appear female was when I went to school, but even then I was having to wear girls’ knickers under my trousers.

The final straw was one night when he tried to rape me, “to really know what it is like to be a girl”. I managed to fight him off by kicking him hard in the groin which gave me a chance to escape. On the bus out of town I met Carly and ended up here, where Fiona and Carly have been like a second family to me.”

“That sounds appalling Ellie, are you prepared to repeat that and all the details in a formal statement and later in court. I assume that you will not be able to prove what he did to you, but it will all help to show his character.”

“Yes, of course, we cannot hide away for ever worrying about him finding us. It might be worth checking his medical records to find the treatment he had for badly damaged testicles.”

Mam and Jemma went through their stories with them again in more detail, and they were particularly interested in the attempted rape of Jemma as Mam was a witness to that and it would carry more weight in court.

‘We’re going back to the station to see what can be arranged about keeping your whereabouts secret, even from the local police that know your father, but it’s their case, not ours, and you will sometime have to speak to them.”

A week later Glen drove the three of us in an unmarked car back to our hometown for official interviews. To keep my new identity a secret I was again in Ally’s clothes, well-scrubbed of any traces of makeup and with my hair tinted and brushed into as near a boys’ style as we could get it. We were interviewed by a Chief Inspector Evans who was new to the area and did not know my father, and went through our stories again answering lots of background questions and signed formal statements, before being driven back to the Lodge.

When we got back I went straight to my room to to return to the comfort of being Ellie again, resigning my Ally clothes to the back of the wardrobe, somehow I felt safer and more relaxed once more.

Glen and Bob came in for their normal break a few weeks later and called me over. “We’ve heard that a couple of the police in your hometown have been severely reprimanded by CI Evans for abusing access to official police search engines to try to get information of your whereabouts for your father, and that he is again in custody, charged with two counts of attempted rape. If you need to go back to the house to get anything it should be safe to do so. We’re off-duty soon either of us would be quite happy to go back with you just to make sure that you are ok.”

Again Ally came out of the wardrobe, so that if any of our old neighbours saw us they would just see the family that used to live there. Glen drove us there and waited outside in the car to make sure that nobody else came in. When we went in we were appalled at the state of the place. The house was a complete mess, dust, dirt and cobwebs everywhere, bottles cans and takeaway packs lying all around, the sink piled high with dirty dishes, and clothes strewn all over the rooms. Mam was in tears, she had worked so hard to try to keep the house clean and tidy and was disgusted and how her husband had let it turn into a pigsty.

Just ignoring the mess, apart from taking a few photos that the police may find useful, we collected what personal items of ours were still there, including a box containing some paperwork files including the deeds to the house and suchlike, took a last look at the house where we had lived for so many years and were driven back to the Lodge by Glen, deep in our own thoughts.

We took all our stuff to our rooms to sort out later, then Jemma and I went down to tell Fiona what we had found, leaving Mam in her room to sort a few things out. Sometime later she came down with some papers in her hands.

“Let’s all sit down there is something I need to discuss with you all, Fiona included. When we went back home it brought back too many memories of the bad times and all the abuse, and I don’t think that I could be comfortable living there anymore. These are the deeds to the house and they confirm that the house was bought in my name with a big deposit from my parents, and is totally my property, your father has no claim on it. I intend to get it fixed up and put it on the market, the sooner we can leave our old life behind the better.”

“But where will we live?” Jemma quickly asked.

“That’s why I wanted Fiona to stay with us. Unless she would rather not, I would like for us to stay here. However, we cannot depend on her goodwill and charity forever, so I am offering to put a big proportion from the sale of the house into the business here and form some sort of partnership and joint ownership. If she doesn’t want that we can stay here as permanent guests at an agreed rent, or look for somewhere of our own. What do you all think?”

Jemma and I looked over to Fiona, waiting for her reaction, before we said anything.

“Sounds good to me, as I have said before Ellie is almost family here and treats this place as her home, you are her family and are more than welcome to stay, you have been a big help in re-organising things and improving our bookings. We can sort out the details later, but it sounds like a good plan, let’s get a bottle of fizz and celebrate.”

I rushed over and threw my arms around her. “That’s brilliant, I have been so happy here, I can’t think of a better way forward.” Mam and Jemma soon joined us in a group hug.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Epilogue

Over the next few months Mam hired a home-maintenance company to go into the old family home, clear up the mess, clean it all up, spruce up the paintwork and freshen up the furniture before it went on the market and it was soon snapped up at a much better price than we had expected. We were able to leave all our unhappy memories of our time there behind us and live a much pleasanter life at Ivy Lodge.

My father was convicted of attempted rape of Jemma and me, in addition to charges for all the abuse he had directed at us and Mam, after what was my my last appearance as Ally as I gave my testimony in court. When he was sentenced to a long prison term he was furious, shouting and raving at the judge and at us as we sat in the public gallery, delighted that he would be out of our way for many years. We later heard that he had been seriously physically and sexually assaulted in prison for raping one of the younger prisoners who was considered be the property of a gangland leader who more or less ran the wing. We weren’t told all the details but were assured that he would never be able to rape anybody ever again, and would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. He got no sympathy from any of us, we all thought that he had got his just rewards for what he had done to us.

I continued to live as Ellie, starting a course of hormone treatment that would eventually lead to surgery to confirm my condition as a full woman that I have since become, helped along the way by the best of advice from my two mams and two sisters.

Jemma went off to college to join up with Carly, studying economics and corporate management, and between them later formed a business development company which was very successful. Despite Jemma still being slightly mentally scarred for my father’s attack on her, she and Carly both found kind caring boyfriends who treated them well, and at both their weddings I was proud to act as a bridesmaid.

Mam and I remained at Ivy Lodge and helped Fiona run it and the café, and a few years later they retired to spend more time enjoying life, leaving me to manage everything myself. From being a shy, subdued withdrawn weedy boy, I had now become a confident outgoing attractive businesswoman, enjoying life to the full and had no regrets at the changed direction of my life.

The end