Part 4 of 29

`Wednesday, June 19
I consorted with the Devil this afternoon. That's the way Dad puts it when he talks about Planned Parenthood. If Satan was present I didn't get to meet him and damn me if I could find any little devils in the building. The more I get to see of the world the more I wonder just how much of what I have been taught is true. It all sounds so real when Dad talks about it, but every time I come across what he would call 'sin' or 'temptation' I get a little less sure of just what is going on.

I think Mary Ann was more nervous than I was. Funny, she's the one who is so open about sex while I still have the occasional pang of guilt. They were very nice people and I learned that I didn't know as much as I thought I did about contraception. No, make that sex in general. Well, it's not a topic that was discussed in my family.

The new quick aids test told us we were not infected, not that there was any chance of that since neither of us has had sex with anyone else. Still, it's good to know. We came home with several books and pamphlets that made interesting bedtime reading.

Mary Ann threw the rubbers in the trash before we went to bed. She's not one to put off things until tomorrow
 

Thursday, June 20
Well, it had to happen sometime. I had to pee, I mean like I really had to pee. The last few days I had been putting it off as long as I could. I didn't want to take off my nightgown in order to reach the bathroom; I still didn't want Grandpa or Eve to see me wearing it. Besides, I didn't bring a robe but Mary Ann's is OK, just that it's frilly as all get out. She thinks it's funny, she pokes me in the belly and torments me when I have a full bladder.

So when I couldn't wait any longer I wrapped myself into her robe and tied the belt. Well, the robe did show off my tits, or the washcloths that I was using for tits, rather nicely. Really phat, at least as long as didn't look above the neck, that is. So anyway, I listened at the door and, when I heard nothing I quickstepped out in the hall to the bathroom. The only problem was just as I was passing their door it opened and I ran full tilt into Eve.

"Angel, I didn't know you cared!"

Her arms were wrapped tightly around me as we struggled to keep standing. I know I had to be red from head to toe from embarrassment because once we were steady Eve held me at arm's length and gave me a thorough inspection.

"That robe is awfully fancy for you. Don't you have one of your own?"

I admitted I didn't.

"We'll have to do something about that.

"Eve - I gotta - I mean I need the bathroom. Now!"

"Oh. So go and pee. I'll see you in the morning"

I did. Whew, it was such a relief I almost forgot to be uncomfortable about wearing a nightgown around an almost stranger.
 

Friday, June 21
A very strange day, that it was. We had breakfast with Eve and Grandpa and you can bet I was dressed in all boy clothes. Conversation was a bit strained, I was still worried about what happened the night before. Finally Eve decided it was time to quit talking in circles.

"Angel, I hope you don't mind if I say you have very good taste in nightgowns."

I just stared at her.

"OK you two, let's get this out in the open" That was Grandpa. "I'm not going to dance around the issue. Do you just like to wear nightgowns or are you a full fledged crossdresser?"

It seemed odd to hear him call me a crossdresser because that's not how I thought of myself. To tell the truth I haven't been thinking too much about why I like bras and panties so much. This all just sort of happened, I didn't plan it and I sure didn't plan for anyone but Mary Ann to know about it.

The funny thing was while I wasn't exactly comfortable talking about it, Grandpa and Eve were the kind of people who you could be honest with. Mom and Dad would go completely bonkers if they even suspected.

I'm sure there's got to be something in the Bible against it, even if it was never covered in the Bible Studies I took. As far as I can tell Dad figures anything connected with sex is gonna send you to Hell. I guess it doesn't really matter if I go to Hell for loving Mary Ann or wearing a bra. I just wonder if the Devil would let me wear a bra there?

I stumbled and stammered and tried to explain. Mary Ann held my hand while I spoke and she seemed to know just what I wanted to say when I couldn't find the right word. When I tried to put it into words it didn't make any sense, even to me.

So Grandpa issued a challenge: since we were allegedly here to do research why not spend the day researching crossdressing and tell him all about it at dinner.

What else could we do? I plugged the laptop into his network and so did Mary Ann. So I typed 'crossdress' into Google and back came a flood of information. I had no idea there were so many other men who like women's clothes. If I'm going to Hell I will certainly have a lot of company! My favorite is Tri-ess - none of the crazy stuff there and lots of sensible information.

It figures Mary Ann found the porno sites first. I still don't believe what I saw, but we both got very horny and took a break to do something about it. By the time we had supper ready we were able to tell Grandpa and Eve something coherent about crossdressing.

"Well son, now that you know a bit about the subject, just where do you think you fit in?"

"I think I'm a heterosexual crossdresser. I like to wear the clothes but I really like being a man, too." I had some of the lingo down pat.

"Something I'm sure my granddaughter appreciates. I did a little research the other night when Mary Ann dropped her bomb on me and it doesn't surprise me. I've met a couple of crossdressers over the years, they were pretty decent people. If she appreciates your interest in the clothes then you two have a decision to make.

You're now considered adults, you're away from home, there's no one from your past around to know what you do here. The rest of the summer is yours to explore this if you so choose. Think about it tonight, there's no hurry and we'll talk about it tomorrow. Eve, since they cooked we clean - you want the dishcloth or the towel?

And so we talked about it, wandered about the net a little more, made love again and talked some more. Once I started reading about men who could live as women I knew I wanted to at least try it. Mary Ann seems to be willing to let me try it. She says I'm the cutest boy she ever met and as long as I remember I'm a boy in bed it's OK with her to wear a dress if I want to.

Somehow I hadn't even thought about wearing a dress until this afternoon, my obsession with bras and panties had been exciting enough.

Mary Ann is curled up on the bed, sound asleep while I bang away at the keyboard. I can't sleep. I remember how I looked in my fake tits just before running into Eve the other night and now I want to know what it feels like to be woman. Just how we're going to do anything about it is a mystery to me, the spending money I have isn't going to buy many clothes and the internship paid just about enough to buy lunch at the cafeteria each day. Enough worrying about tomorrow for tonight.

If anyone had told me I would be considering something like this a week ago I would have told them they were crazy. Dad says that the Lord will provide your needs if you are patient - I wonder if that extends to the need to crossdress. That passage in Deuteronomy makes me hope that God isn't as hard-assed about the rules as Dad is.