Mommy only says, “It is a nice offer, but it can’t be a deciding factor in that choice, Sweetie. We will have to think about it tonight. Tomorrow, you can let me know your thoughts on what you would like to do and we will decide.”

I am quiet the rest of the ride home. I help get supper ready and we sit down and eat. There are a hundred thousand things going through my mind. Could I stay as Kanya and model? Could it be my career? Should I stay as Kanya? Do I want to be a model? Does it matter what I want? Will Mommy even let me decide? What about Danny? What would Daddy say?

Mommy is quiet and just lets me think. After we finish up the dishes, she makes us a cup of herbal tea and we sit down on the couch to talk. She asks, “OK, Kanya, what are you thinking? Do you want to go back to being my son? Or are you leaning towards being my daughter?”

I sigh and get ready for a fight. I just know what feels right--what I want to do with all my heart. But, how do I convince her? I say, “Mommy, I have really thought about this. I had made up my mind before today. I think I have known for a while now. I would really like to be Kanya. Being a model would be icing on the cake, at least for a while until I know whether I like it or not, but that has nothing to do with my choice.”

I hold my breath and wait for Mommy to respond. I am fully expecting her to just laugh, or something… She looks at me…but she doesn’t laugh. She sighs and says, “I expected that was going to be your answer; I have known for a while that you have been much happier as Kanya than you ever were as Danny. Honestly, I would miss Kanya so much if Danny were to return. The week you were Danny was one of the longest I have had in a long time. But those are just surface emotions we are having. I don’t want you to regret the decision in a few years. This will affect you the rest of your life.”

I look at Mommy in a different light. She really likes me better as Kanya! I take a breath and say, “OK, Mommy. I can say without any emotions that my life as Kanya is better. As Danny, I don’t have any friends and never have really been able to make any. As Kanya, I have several that are so good that they conspired to bring A-Wut down for me.”

I pause, then continue, “As Danny, I don’t really want to do much other than hang around the house and read–and I don’t like those books anymore. As Kanya, I have a social life that I really enjoy.” I wait and let that sink in, then continue, “As Danny, I don’t have near the connection to you Mommy as I do as Kanya. I missed that terribly for that week as Danny, Mommy. You treat me differently as Danny than as Kanya.”

I wait a bit more and then say, “Mommy, you have to let me be Kanya! I never intended to fall in love with that life, but I have become Kanya. I am not Danny anymore!”

Mommy is quiet for a while and finally says, “Kanya, let me think about it for a while and sleep on it. I will let you know in the morning. In the meantime, let’s make some popcorn and watch a good girlie movie together.”

After we both cry through the movie, we go to bed and I barely sleep a wink. I just know Mommy is going to make me go back to being Danny. Or, maybe just put my hormones on hold until I can see some shrink…

I finally just get up at six and take a long hot shower. I use all of my skin products and then carefully put on my makeup; I don’t know if this is the last time I will get to do so. I get dressed and go to the kitchen to make pancakes and bacon. The tea has just finished brewing when Mommy comes in and says, “Kanya? You are up early. And you made breakfast?” She smiles and sits down. I serve her some pancakes and can’t wait anymore, “OK, Mommy. I couldn’t sleep. Are you going to let me be Kanya? Please? I don’t think I could take going back to Danny, now.”

Mommy takes several bites of pancake and chews them very slowly. Then she takes several sips of her tea after stirring it forever. Finally, she takes pity on me and says, “Kanya, Sweetie. My little Thai Pie, I really know that you are at peace as Kanya. I am not a psychiatrist and I will be judged by many in the family, and others back home, but I trust your feelings. Miss Karawek is right, I need to listen to you. I just hope you don’t blame me for it later.”

I jump up and hug Mommy and almost shout, but wind up just whispering, “Thank you! Oh, thank you, Mommy. Of course I won’t blame you. I love you for it!” We are both crying and I wind up having to completely redo my makeup.

Mommy and I just spend the whole day watching girlie movies and baking and chilling… It is one of the best days of my life.

Mommy and I are back at Dr. Mongkut’s clinic waiting for my appointment. I didn’t think school would ever end, I was so excited. Hom and Chimlin were totally excited to see me show up at school as Kanya and Miss Karawek just smiled and hugged me.

Finally, we are called in. We had only been waiting for ten minutes, but it felt like ten years. Dr. Mongkut smiles at me and asks, “So, Kanya. Have you made a decision?” I nod enthusiastically and say, “Yes, Sir. I want to continue with girl hormones. I have decided that I really am Kanya and Mommy is going to let me be her.” He looks at Mommy and she nods–only showing a little that is she is a bit unsure of herself.

Dr. Mongkut says, “OK, Kanya. I know that your Mommy is a little nervous, since you are so young, but I have learned to trust little girls’ feelings–and to me you are a little girl. There is no doubt in my mind at all, even if you came to know that in an unfortunate manner. So I am going to give you the same implants that Kamlai has. That way you won’t have to take pills every day, or shots every week or month. The implants will last for five years and then you will have to get new ones. I still want to see you at least once a month for a while, though, to check up on your progress. So, are you ready?”

I just nod and feel like I am in a dream when he inserts the implants. When he is done, he says, “Kanya, we will discuss many other options you have to become a more complete girl when you are a little older. Because I think of you as an adoptive daughter, anything that we do will be at no cost to you. I thank you for helping me with your new sister, Kamlai. She has a long road to peace, but I know you will help her.”

I hug Dr. Mongkut and Mommy and I leave. I smile at Mommy and say, “I can’t believe it. I was so afraid that you would make me go back to being Danny.” Mommy has tears in her eyes and says, “I had to let Danny die to gain my daughter. I almost did not let that happen, Thai Pie, but I knew it was the right thing for you. I love you so much.

Miss Karawek calls me into her office after second period the next morning. I am surprised and have no idea what is up. She hugs me and congratulates me on really becoming Kanya and a true kathoey. She says, “Thai Pie, Dr. Mongkut told me that you agreed to help Kamlai as a sister despite your past. I would expect nothing less of one kathoey to another, but I know this is a special case. Now, I have a favor to ask of you, as well.”

Now I am really surprised, but say without hesitation, “Of, course Miss Karawek–anything.” She smiles and says, “Well, make that two favors. First, you need to stop calling me ‘Miss’ Karawek. Karawek is my first name, did you know that? So, why don’t you call me ‘Aunt’ Karawek? We are, after all, family now.”

I feel all gooey as she says that and hug her again. After I agree to call her Aunt, she continues, “The second favor I have to ask of you is a little more complicated. You see, I have adopted a daughter, well a kathoey, and I would like for you to be a sister to her, as well. Maybe bring her into your circle of friends if they will have her?”

I smile really big and say enthusiastically, “Of course, Mi…Aunt Karawek. But who is this new sister of mine?” She just smiles and speaks into the intercom, “You can come in now...” The door opens and a girl comes in. I jump and hug my oldest Thai friend and, through free-flowing tears, say, “Dao? How can this be? What happened to your uncle?”

Dao is so emotional that she can’t speak, so Aunt Karawek explains, “I was able to come to an ‘agreement’ with Dao’s uncle. He has relinquished all claims to her and I am her legal guardian until the adoption is final in a couple of weeks. Dao will be going to school here, of course, and will not be entering the ‘entertainment business’. She has you to thank for that, Thai Pie. I can’t save all of the kathoey, but I was looking for a special case to take a special interest in. You put me on her trail…”

I introduce Dao to Hom, Chimlin, and the other girls at lunch. Hom, Chimlin, Dao, and I become inseparable pretty much from that point forward, especially since they know that Dao is basically the reason that ‘Kanya’ exists. We make a pact to pull Kamlai into the group, just so we can turn her into a girly-girl for the fun of it. Poor Kamlai does not have any chance to resist our combined efforts, she just doesn’t know it yet.

The next day, Aunt Karawek takes me to Malee’s. Malee hugs me and cries as she says, “I couldn’t believe it when Karawek told me that you are here to stay, Thai Pie! I was so afraid that your Mommy was going to sentence you to being Danny until you were old enough to do what you wanted and ruin you with boy hormones in the meantime. Has she said anything about you modeling?”

I smile at Malee and Aunt Karawek says, “Malee, Kanya’s Mom is willing to talk about it. She is OK with working a short-term deal to let Kanya try it out and see how she likes it. It has to be clear that her studies come first and cannot suffer. She has given me the power to act as her manager and is willing you let you act as her agent. You will get say ten percent of her earnings for this short-term, say six month, deal. We can renegotiate if it turns into something more long-term. Just so you know, I am doing this for free.”

Malee smiles and says, “Six months is a good starting point. We already have one client and it won’t pay much. I don’t want a cut of anything you earn to start out with. However, I am fully confident that you will love this, Thai Pie, and want to continue. Don’t get me wrong, you are young and it is hard work, but I think it is in your blood–you are a natural. I am also confident that offers will come quickly and you will be one sought-after model. When those high-paying jobs come along, then I will take a small cut as your agent. Deal?”

We all shake on it and Malee calls Ms. Bussaba to let her know that I will sign a six-month contract, as a start.

The next weekend is my first modelling gig under contract. I model ten dresses and make the equivalent of three hundred dollars for about two hours of work. Hom, Chimlin, Aunt Karawek, and Dao are all there to cheer me on. What surprises me more is that Dr. Mongkut, his wife, and Kamlai are there, as well. Malee was right, I love the work…and after a few sessions, clients start asking Malee for the American ‘Thai Pie’ to model for them–and the offers become increasingly lucrative. Malee tells me it will only get better as my body continues to develop…

But that is the stuff of another story…