There something about Maury - the date

What do you mean I HAVE to post more to this?

Ok fine but I better have a break from writing my fingers are getting sore.

I can't believe I am about to do this. Here I am a 22 year old male dressed up in a little black dress that shows off plenty of cleavage and is a touch too short. I am about to go out on a dinner date with a doctor no less, who cannot seem to understand what the word no means at all.

I have put on and taken off this dress about ten times at least. I have picked up and put down the phone to call the whole thing off about the same amount of times. There is no logical reason for me to be doing this. I look into the mirror for like the hundreth time and all I see is a drop dead gorgeous woman looking back at me. So wrong. I am a guy dammit! Ok breath in through mouth and through nose. Or is it the other way around. Oh gods if I do it wrong will it mess me up? I run to the phone and dial his number.

"Hello?" Slam goes the handset. I back away from that phone. Yes its an older phone one of those mid 30s english things all brass and black with a rotary dial works too. One of my former suitors, not boyfriend got it for me as a birthday present. What is it with guys, well other guys, well other guys who don't look like girls, well other guys oh gods you get the idea.

Zip goes the zipper on the dress and I throw it in the corner. I can't do this. I can feel that tightness in my throat that heralds the onset of tears. But I have to be a man and not cry. At least thats what dad always said. A thousand times a day I ask myself why couldn't I be a normal guy. As usual there is no answer.

KNOCK KNOCK."Mary are you ok?" The sound of Kate from work.

"GO AWAY! I CAN'T DO THIS I AM A GUY FOR CHRIST SAKES!"

Years ago I thought heavily of putting locks on every door in my apartment. The landlord vetod the idea. I should have done it anyways. Kate of course came into the room where I was scrunched into a corner in just my sexy lingerie as far from the dress as possible.

"Oh Mary hun.."

"My name is Maury! I am a guy!" I tell this or try to with force but its really hard to call myself a guy when all I see in the mirror is a gorgeous girl.

"Mary you have to stop doing this to yourself. Come here" with that she holds my arm and I stand infront of the mirror again. "What do you see?"

"A freak of nature guy in womens lingerie" Well actually all I see is myself in sexy black lace lingerie, my full b cup breasts threatening to overflow the tiny cups of a bra that is made to make men want to take it off not really there for long term support. I am wearing a black garter belt attached to black silk stockings with my black silk lace panties overtop of a gaff. I look every inch a sexy girl. I would bang her in a heartbeat. But I can't say that. My face is highlighted with minimal makeup that make my baby blues just pop out coupled with my full ruby red lips and the small upturned nose just rivets attention.

I have a female waistline over hips that are just as wide as my shoulders. My delicate slim neck with no visible apple, I do have one its just small, to graceful shoulders to slim arms to small delicate hands. Any body hair is now gone thanks to a waxing I did not enjoy. My wasteline that never seems to get any bigger even though I have tried various weight things.

All of this I can't really say to Kate. But I think she knows it anyways. Some girl mind reading thing. My hair is piled atop my head with curls that dangle down to my cheeks. I couldn't reproduce it if I tried. I have no earings and have been adamant about not getting them. Trust me plenty of people have tried over the years.

"Mary you know your a girl and a drop dead gorgeous one at that. I would kill for your looks and you know it. So stop fighting it all the time. YOU. ARE. A. GIRL!" she actually said that last part punctuating each word.

"But I am not! I am a gu.." She puts her hand over my mouth stopping the words I tell myself 20 times a day. I stand there with tears standing in my eyes which she blots of course. She leads me to my vanity, yes I have one the girls at work totally conned me into buying it. I thought it was a present for someone else I even carried it out of the store. Displaying my maleness. Okay 2 guys tried to lift it off my shoulder and carry it for me but I did carry it out of the store itself just not to the car. She just sits beside me blotting my tears and making comforting noises till I calm down. How do girls do that?

Kate grabs my dress and goes off with it to iron it a guess. I just sit there with my tissue twisting it into knots while I wait. I am cried out and thanks to all that blotting at least don't have mascara running down my face although much of the mascara is missing. Before long Kate returns with my dress now looking impressive all on its own again and helps me into it. Its really not that hard as there is a side zip to it. The dress of course hugs and displays with little imagination all my depressingly womanly curves.

Since I am horrible with makeup, and have no intention of learning it, Kate reapplies mascara to my eyes bringing out my long and lush eyelashes again. She pulls out some perfume and makes an attempt at putting some on me. I avoid it barely and probably have just the tiniest hint on me. There are some girly things I just don't want a part of. It is technically my own perfume from a pile of perfumes given to me from past girlfriends, workmates, boys, well you get the idea. I never wear any but they give them to me anyways.

She pulls me to my feet and puts as a final touch my little black purse that contains lipstick, a tampon I will never use, some eyeshadow, mascara, and a powder compact. All new of course. I can forget about my wallet as it would never fit. I do put in my id in their clear plastic case. Even my keys don't fit and I have to remove my apartment keys from the ring and put them separately into the purse. I have a feminine watch on my left wrist for the simple reason that nobody would sell me a male one in my size. Its gold colored. This is as far as I will go to being a girl. I do have a jewerly box that some guy made to impress me during highschool with various gifts of necklaces and bangles all lumped into it. Kate did look and just stared at me with a horrified look on her face.

That part did bring a smile to my face. You see for the last 5 years or so every birthday, easter, christmas, or halloween, gods even my difficult prom I got presents. Alot of them. So that box is actually quite full of never worn earrings necklaces and bangles. None of which have ever been separated at all. Its a mess and I am quite happy with it.

Yes my prom was difficult. That is a story all on its own and I might just might tell it one day. To get back to the date Kate pulled me out of my room and sat me down in the kitchen out of sight of the door. I don't think that was the best place for me as I knew in the fridge freezer was a nice chilled bottle of vodka. A drink to steady my nerves was really really tempting. I passed though. I was sure I would slop all over myself. I got my hand slapped when I put my nails towards my mouth. Not fair. I also got admonished for playing with the purse strap. I sat there wondering where the hell 'call me Craig' was. I was sure he was like late and that all my clocks were not working.

When the doorbell finally rang I bolted for the bathroom. I was later told by Kate that I moved so fast she was speechless. So unlike girls I was not spending time getting ready, though I understand Craig was told that anyways. I was terrified in the bathroom and actively trying to open the window that doesn't open. Kate came in and rescued me of course and sort of lead me to the living room from behind. I was really infront of her but she was leading. Its hard to explain.

"God she is so beautiful please don't let me screw this up." Craig said outloud. It caused me to giggle. I know but really I did. I minced up to him in my too short dress and I stood there waiting for him to do something. The flowers in his right hand were crushed. I believe he completely forgot about them. We stood in silence for a time. He finally cleared his throat and brought up the forgotten flowers.

"Uh I know its roses but I bought these corny for you."stuttered Craig. I couldn't help it I giggled yet again. I had this total power over him it was intoxicating. I had been there when confronted by a pretty girl. I did however take pity on him. With a slap in the arm I replied."Relax Craig its just me."

To which he shockingly replied" No its not. I mean it is you but you are far and away so much more beautiful."

How do you reply to a comment like that! Kate bless her broke us up and pushed us out the door. Once out of the door to my apartment Craig became the perfect gentlemen and escorted me like a piece of glass all the way out to the waiting rented limo. I knew he had rented it to impress me. And in a way it did. I did however flash my underwear at him getting in. Dresses are just not made to prevent that. I have since learned you should sit first then swing your legs in. I am a guy so I had no clue about that. Truthfully I don't think he minded in the least.

The short silent ride to the restaurant was uneventful. Getting out of the car I just opened the door and got out like normal. This was a bad thing to do. I didn't get out on the "girl side" I got out on the drivers side. As there was plenty of lighting when I got out I am afraid I caused a bit of a accident.

As I exited the car I apparently got the attention of some passing guys One of which was on a bicycle. He just plowed into the open limo door of the driver. The guy in the car stalled his car somehow and that blocked traffic on the street. I was of course clueless as to the cause and looked around for the source. Just like everyone else. Craig came around the car and retrieved me with this huge smile on his face. He knew something I didn't.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."was his maddening reply. I followed him into a very posh restaurant. Neither of us had coats to check in so he went to the maitre d' and said "Table for two for Muchanson." It was at this point it started to dawn on me that I was causing a stir. The head water, which is what maitre d' means if you didn't know, was just staring at me. We had not entered beyond the foyer of the fancy restaurant yet. So I was still hidden from everyone else. Craig had to repeat his request twice to get his attention. He finally did and led us to our table with the breakfast menus in his hand. I thought it was cute.

Now this wasn't the first time I have encountered reactions like this. With this face its hard to not get them. Mom and I used to watch for them and then laugh when we got home about how silly guys could be. I'll do my best to describe the whole dinner. Upon entering the restaurant proper I noticed a few things. One was the guy staring at me trying to cut the table cloth with his fork. Knife in his other hand doing nothing. At another table a guy was chewing his table cloth and wiping his face with a piece of steak. Two tables down from him a woman was vainly trying to protect herself from the onslaught of wine being poured on her by a stunned waiter. Another girl was also trying to fend off the lit lighter of the chef from setting her hair on fire. I could tell those women who are either lesbians or bisexuals very easy as I had their total attention as well. The one poor couple with the guy trying to propose to her was rather funny as well. She was holding her hand way above his head while he was trying to push a ring into her cleavage. The one waitress I saw was on the ground with her order pad on the ground as she had broke out in tears right in the middle of the restaurant. The one waiter was making waving motions as if serving a couple at the table. It took me a second to spot the spilled platter behind him.

All this brought a smile to my face of course. Craig didn't notice a thing at all. His eyes were totally on me the entire time. We finally got seated and amid many apologies whispered around the restaurant things returned to a semblance of normal. This was a good one that I knew I would have to call mom and tell her about when I got home. Yes I'm male enough that causing a rucass such as that was intensely satisfying. I was on cloud nine. Maury 1 people 0!

After the maitre d' got us the correct menus we spent some time just looking at all the choices. Craig even tried to engage me in polite small talk. However every time he opened his mouth to speak he ... well he squeaked. And I just couldn't help myself I laughed. Not a giggle a real laugh. I know it was cruel but it was just so totally unexpected I was caught offguard. I tried to behave myself, really I did. I just couldn't stop laughing every time he squeaked. We did eventually order supper I asked for the roasted glase chicken with chef salad entree. Craig asked for wine by name. I do not know what kind of wine it was I never saw. He also ordered some italian dish of some sort. When the waiter bought out our salads. Although Craig didn't order one he got the same salad as me, we just munched away. It was a nice salad with crutons, and a vinagrette. Craig played with his salad nervously the entire time and didn't really try to eat it. I found this strange. It was not till he stopped the next order with a wave that I knew something was up.

Craig took a bunch of deep breaths which let me know the seriousness of what he was about to do. To my utter horror he got up out of his chair came around to my side of the table and kneeled. I knew what was happening and couldn't believe it. Here we were supposed to be out on a date of sorts to shut people up at work. Not a full real date or even a romantic date. But none the less Craig was kneeling infront of me. He pulled that stupid box out of his tux and stared deep into my eyes.

"Mary I know I am making a complete fool of myself. But I have loved you for months and I would be honored to have you spend the rest of my life with you." he said in total seriousness. I do not know why but everything else in the restaurant had disappeared there was just me and him.

"Don't do this Craig we work together."I was trying vainly to stop this from happening.

In a raised voice that many in the now silent restaurant could no doubt hear."Mary Addams would you please be my wife?"he said it. He actually said it. I pulled my hand out from where he had somehow gotten ahold of it and stood up really fast.

"I need to pee." I know not the best excuse to utter at such a time. But it allowed me to escape to the restrooms. I charged across the floor straight to the mens room pushing open the door with enough force for the door to bang against the stop. I went straight to the sink to gather my thoughts.

"Miss" uttered some guy.

"Miss? This is the mens room. Miss?"The same guy said. I wish he would stop I am trying to concentrate. The bathroom door banged open again and I felt myself pulled out by more than one soft hand. I was led into the womens room which at least had a couch. I sat down with my legs spread and my elbows on knees holding my head. I just couldn't think. How could he do that to me? My knees got gently pushed together and I felt someone sit to either side of me. When I looked Kate was on one side, Marie on another and Jennifer was infront of me holding tissue and a glass of water. I just stared when it dawned on me.

"You guys set me up!" I screamed.

"Well we had to, this playing hard to get was driving everyone at the hospital around the bend." they replied. How do girls do that speak? They speak in unison.

"You knew he would pop THE question on me! Me a friggin guy of all people!" that gota few stares from the two girls in the restroom."I can't believe you would con me into this this costume and then set me up to go go.. I am so outta here. Good bye!"

"Mary please listen." Jennifer started to say but I interrupted her. I had had enough!

"Its Maury M.A.U.R.Y. Got it! I have had it to here with you girls trying to make me into some frigging girl just because of this stupid face."my screaming probably was heard in the restaurant but I was far past caring anymore I was livid.

From one of the stalls this kindly little old lady calmly walks up to the sink and washes her hands. I was just huffing and puffing and the girls were stunned speachless at the moment. I knew it wouldn't last long though. It never did. To them this was just yet another denial of myself. I heard it all before.

"Well Miss Mary who is Maury. I have to say I do not know you at all and yet even I can tell you are a girl. It is not what is inbetween your legs that determines a girl." with that the little old lady stops her speech and walks up to me then continues." It is what up here that tells everyone who and what you are. The packaging just helps people to see it. Think about it." she had tapped my head after her hands were dry. She then turned and left dropping off the tissue into the disposal.

I stood there for a minute in silence before I said in a much calmer voice"I can't deal with this now. Sorry girls but I need to leave."

I left the restaurant without passing by Craig who I had left at the table. Nor did I even stop to pay for the food I had eaten. I got outside ready to call a cab when I saw the valet in the Humvee drive away looking at me so much so that he drove the Humvee over another car. I just shook my head and held up my arm to call one of the three cabs I saw parked outside. Ever seen three cars try to occupy the exact same place at the same time? No well its not a pretty sight. I ended up walking over to the one girl valet and asking her to drive me home.

She informed whoever was the head valet and ushered me to a small honda civic not new but not totally old either. She tried to get me to talk but I was so out of it. I was still puzzling over that total stranger of an old lady's words.

When I finally got home I made sure the door to my apartment was not only locked but bolted and even jammed a chair against it. I then unplugged my phone. This had to stop. Why was it nobody sees me as the guy I am, why are they so convinced that it is my destiny to be a woman. These thoughts and the words of that lady played over and over in my mind while I sat in my bathtub trying to get warm. Since Craig had popped the question I had felt cold. I wondered why I just didn't laugh at him and say no.

Was there really a part of me that was a woman and wanted to marry him? What on earth was I gonna say to him come Monday. I didn't know but I knew I had two days to find out.



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