Should have stayed in bed.

My real name is Linton Milton, Linton Markus Milton. My Father was responsible for my name even though he left us 2 months after I was born for some sleaze that got him killed so I never knew him but I can happily blame my troubles on him.

My mother went back to her maiden name of Saunders when he left. She is Marie Saunders. Officially she is a low paid legal secretary that lives off her ex husbands life insurance. Unofficially she works for a government organization that handles giving people legal new identities. She really is a legal secretary just not the same as people think. The place she works at looks, to all purposes, as a private non-profit legal firm. They really do handle some of the poor cases. Like small claims court for wife and husband arguments about child support and some such.

Mom dresses for the most part in ladies skirt suits at work all the time. Nothing expensive or fancy but they fit very well. The fact that she carries a government issue small handgun in her purse was always kinda cool. It's a new one that has print reader thing safety on it so only she can fire it. Each bullet is also tagged somehow.

I know she has it cause I saw it once but I'll be damned if I can ever find the thing in that horde of junk she calls a purse.

Of course I didn't know any of that till I was 12 and kinda ran foul. Mom worked a lot in those days and I was a bit wild. Okay so stealing a car that happened to have a kilo of unrefined coke in the trunk was not the best idea. I saw the car with the window just barely down and the keys on the seat and thought what the heck. Best 28 minutes of fun I ever had. I got caught of course. Mom managed to get her boss to get me out of a record but just barely.

Instead of a grounding, that wasn't the only thing I had done for attention but the worst, mom got the brilliant idea to have me attend a private school for 3 years. A private girls school, uniforms with skirts, blouses the whole nine yards. Not fun since she also had me fitted with a fake vagina and breast forms. Thus for grads 7-9 I was Linda Milton, female student. I resisted at first. That got my a pink bedroom with all the trimmings. I even lost all my childhood toys and junk. I gave in after a bit and reluctantly was her daughter for those long 3 years.

A few things helped me pass, one my voice never changed, I was not quite in puberty at the time and some chemical concoction made my natural hormones be accepted as the opposite till I got the antidote in grade nine. I didn't develop as a boy nor really much as a girl. Most I got was wider hips, smaller waist, softer skin and a very tiny chest. Well tiny in comparison but really AA doesn't really count. Mom also made me suffer through home hair removal each time she saw a new hair on my face, arms, or legs.

I did make friends at the school and eventually fit in with the girls, mostly. The social highlight was the twice annual dances with the neighboring boys school. The bad thing for me was that between genes and the effect of the concoction my face was naturally quite pretty. Almost beautiful for a girl.

But that was ended with my punishment at the end of grade nine. The summer before highschool was spent with a voice coach learning to speak like a guy again. I hadn't noticed that I spoke quite naturally as a girl till then. I was free of the breast forms and vagina, got that felt so nice, and could resume my boyhood provided I stayed out of trouble. I made extra sure to do just that. Though I still wear nighties to bed as they are just so much more comfortable. I even keep my hair long but in a low ponytail. Add mouse and it really is quite presentable with my tail down the back of my new school uniform dress shirt.

I have been in Markham Graduate School, a private coed school, for the last year and a bit. I completed grade 10 with flying colors and good grades. All , happily , as a boy. I don't get teased much since a number of the popular girls happen to like me. Not quite friends but if I get teased by some jerk that jerk is blacklisted. I can also defend myself. The girls school I went too had self defense as part of the curriculum. I think a few of the girls have noticed the way I do that and I get funny looks when I do defend myself.

While I had no facial hair, or body hair come to think of it, it is all hidden under my uniform. The boys uniform is a dark blue blazer over a sweater that sort of looks like gold but not really. A short sleeve dress shirt, cotten, with a school tie that is diagonal slashes of gold, purple, and grey. The pants are grey and the shoes are grey. It's sounds awful but is actually quite comfy.

The girls uniform is a short sleeve blouse with puffy sleeves made of polyester and silk. So is the form fitting vest in purple. The blouse has a small collar that barely covers the school tie. The girls tie is much shorter than the guys. The girls can't wear slacks but a flared A line plaid skirt, in school colors. The school colors for girls don't have grey but pink instead. The shoes of choice seem to be sandels with a strap in purple or pink. Some wear dark leggings while others wear various nylons from full pantyhose to garter belts and stockings. They can wear makeup as long as it is not gaudy.

I learned to use makeup as well when I was a girl but I use it now to do quite the opposite of what girls do. I actually thicken my eyebrows by brushing them to stand up. I also use some concealer and foundation with skin toned blush to make my cheeks less pronounced and my nose look crooked and wider. Not much but enough to make me look more like a boy and a lot less like a girl.

It however was not enough to make me unrecognizable. I though my years as Linda had been left behind me when I walked into the school auditorium for my second year of highschool. I was wrong. I'm part of the drama club, my major, in highschool in the costume department. Well three years of learning dressmaking might have something to do with it. During the start of the school year we take turns on stage helping the principle when he introduces a new student to the school. The student is hidden from view in the sidelines so I never got a chance to see her before I was on stage infront of the whole school. I didn't even get to know who was who as I had arrived late getting to the podium from backstage where I was helping to organize the mess the painters had left of the costumes.

So there I was standing holding the welcome package. For girls it was a pink backpack with school logo on the flap, for boys same thing but in grey. When out from the sidelines happens to walk Lisa Whithers. One of the few people from my old school who was a good friend. I stood there open mouthed as she walked right up to me next to the microphone. The working microphone.

"Linda!" Squeal!"Oh my god girl its been ages! Why are you wearing a boys uniform? I thought we could only wear the girls uniform?" My face completely lost all color at her remark. I tried to bluff my way out of it saying I wasn't Linda but since I used her full name in doing so without being introduced by the principle it was a lost cause. I panicked and ran from the room. We don't run so my horribly girl run didn't help my cause any at all. I don't know why but being called Linda just brought back all the actions and stuff I had tried so hard to unlearn.

This also included my voice or so I found out after. I had hid myself in misery at the back of the school on and older bench away from the normal areas the students used. It was not the best hiding spot as the few girls that knew me somewhat also knew this old bench was a favorite hangout for me after being teased. I almost didn't even hear them all, and I do mean them, walk up to me as their shoes didn't make much noise on the grass. It was the rustle of their skirts, I guess that made me look up into a small sea of girls headed towards me. I made to run again when Lisa called out.

"Linda don't please." I stopped and tried to hide my tears.

"Linton something funny is going on here. The new girl says your really a girl. I find that hard to believe can you explain." That was from Marcie. Marcie is like the unspoken head girl at the school. She isn't mean or anything but when needs be she will put her foot down. She is also one of the best looking girls at Markham. What was worse was that I had caught myself thinking I could look better than her with just the right makeup.

"Marcie actually she does look like a girl always has. She even moves like a girl but we thought she was just a feminine sweet boy." That's Beth the school sport fanatic. She plays tennis, badminton, polo (rumored) and just about any sport that is non contact. The girls that were facing me were all head girls of their different cliche's. Still it was a blow to my shredded masculinity. I thought I had done a better job of hiding Linda than that.

"Beth has a good point why else would we let a boy fix our dresses in just our panties?" I thought Barb was a friend since she was the lead in most of the school plays and we had chatted a number of times. I had missed looking at Lisa searching her purse for her phone since my head was faced down with tears ruining my carefully applied makeup.

"Girls I can settle this quick see here is a picture we took at our grad party. This.." I looked up to see Lisa fiddling with the display on her phone which from the looks is her zooming in to a picture of some sort." that's Linda." and she handed the phone around. The looks on most of the girls faces was either shocked or in Marcie's case thunderous before I got to see the phone picture. It was worse than I feared. It was a picture of the group of girls I had gone to school with in wet bikini's that showed without a doubt that I was definitely a girl in the picture.

"I ... See. Well Linda it seems you have some explaining to do." Marcie was upset.

"Leave me alone." I mumbled out.

"What did you say Linda?"

"I said Leave me the hell alone!" I screamed out. I inwardly cringed as it was a scream in my very Linda voice. Things went from bad to worse so I got up and ran. I ran from the school yard. I ran from the school. I ran pretty much all the way home.

To my surprise mom was also home as evidenced by the car in the driveway. I don't remember how I got through the front door but I do remember that with tears streaking down my face I yelled at mom that it was all her fault people thought I was a girl now before I ran to my room and slammed the door shut.

I still do not know what made me do this but once in my room I removed all of my clothes. I also got out the vagina and the glue along with the forms. The glue is medical grade and lasts a month at a time. The forms are very realistic so is the vagina since there is even pubic hair on it. I glued everything into place through my tears. Before opening a drawer in my bedroom I had not opened in months. I pulled out a pair of white panties and bra putting them on with ease of long practices before I even knew what I was doing. I also tore the elastic out of my hair freeing it from it's boyish prison. With a few small brush strokes my long light auburn almost dirty blonde hair with its natural wave framed my face. I didn't have to look in the mirror to know that I was once again fully Linda. That had happened before I even got home.

I just went to my bed and cried into a pillow before I fell asleep. When I did wake up some time later. Maybe an hour had passed. I had remained undisturbed which was a bit strange as mom usually would come and comfort me or do something. This time she hadn't. My face felt awful, so awful I had to wash it clean. Which I did scrubbing then using a facial pack to remove any last remnants of makeup before putting on some moisturizer. When I sat to pee I realized what I had done to myself and almost cried again but didn't I was upset but not really.

I decided to try the old trick of spending time in front of my vanity, yes I have one, and doing up my face. Mostly so see if I could still do it. During school us girls were not really allowed to have makeup but we still experimented a lot especially during the many sleepovers we had. It took me longer than it used too but I could still make my face look really beautiful. I even spent a bit of time choosing jewelry before I walked to my closet and opened it up. I finally chose a simple pink skirt with a daisy embroidered on one side and a white top with puffy short sleeves and a low neckline. From my dresser I donned a short white slip and white pantyhose. Next I found a pair of my low heeled pink pumps that completed the outfit.

I turned to the mirror and looked. Linda was back with a vengeance Linton was gone. I started to cry but stopped myself. It was just for the night, or so I told myself.

"Linda sweetie can you come downstairs please." I heard mom through my door. She didn't knock or even try to open it. I heard her walk away before I even responded. I don't know why she had switched to calling me Linda again. She had not yet seen me dressed again as Linda nor did I mention anything when I walked in. It was therefore with me still puzzling this over that I left my room still all done up. My mascara was flawless as was my face. My nose had resumed it's former cute button look alone with my prominent cheekbones. My small oval face was framed by my wavy hair. The only thing I had not done was my nails as I gracefully decended the stairs.

My living room was full of the same girls,including a very sheepish Lisa, that had accosted me at school. My breasts were still boucing a little in their bra when I stopped on the last step. A look at this sea of femininity and I turned to go back to my room. The heel of my pumps had just made contact with the wood of the plain stairs to my room when I felt a hand on my free arm. My other hand was on the railing I could have easily pulled away.

"Linda please. You don't have to hide from any of us." It was Lisa. I wanted to be angry at her but I could not only hear but feel the sorrow in her voice.

"I'm not hiding." I said in my soft melodious voice.

"What do you call it then when a girl, and from what I can see a very pretty girl, dresses up as a boy to attend highschool then?" that one was from Marcie. I turned to look at her. She was standing by the couch where the other girls were primply sitting with her arms crossed under her breasts.

"I'm not a gir.."

"Dammit Linda! We all saw the picture of you in your bikini!"she was really mad. I found this a bit strange. Why was she so mad.

"I can explain that you see.." mom started.

"I don't want to listen to any more lies from.. from..." and Marcie suddenly bursts into tears before collapsing on the armrest of the couch.

Huh I had no idea how or why but I moved so fast to hug her it was like I teleported. But I was not the only one hugging her.

"Dammit Linda! Do you know how hard it was to compete against a boy who was prettier than I am and now I find out your a girl and and.." Marcie just kept sobbing away.

"Don't worry Marcie. I'm not competition. Not even close! I mean your a girl and they all know that where as me I'm just Linton the small guy.."

"No your not! Don't you realize it? Everyone now knows your a girl at school! I would not be surprised if the principle gave you detention for not being in uniform!"

"She has a point Linda. Just yesterday he was telling me about how important it was for the school image that girls wear the stupid thing." Lisa was not helping!

"Nonsense girls! Just a simple trip to the office will clear everything up and Linton can continue as a boy at school."

"Linda are you trans or.. no you can't be. Trans boys, or I think they are called that, dress as boys all the time and right now you are definitely anything but. So what is with the Linton thing? Are you trying to hide from the boys for some reason? Are you a lesbian or something?"Marcie is closer than she thinks but way far off at the same time.

"Ms. uh what is your name young lady?"

"This is Marcie mom."

"Very well Marcie. Linton is trying to go to school as a boy instead of a girl. It is better that he concentrate on his schoolwork than play with all the guy vs girl dating nonsense." uh even I'm confused. Did mom just say I'm a girl posing as a boy or the other way around? I looked around at the girls and noticed I was not the only one confused.

Knock knock

'We have a working doorbell who knocks anymore' was my thought as I walked to open the door. Imagine my surprise when the person at my door was none other than my principle Mr. Kindler.

"Good afternoon young lady. I'm looking for.."

"Principle Kindler!" this was followed by a few low squeals from the girls. Seems I was not the only one to err skip school classes this morning.

"Ms. Saunders." He finished before looking me over very closely." I see. Is your mother at home Ms. Milton? There seems to be a misunderstanding of what a young lady is required to wear in the regard of school dress code guidelines."

The rest of the morning was spent in our living room with me unfortunately dressed from head to toe as a young woman. Because of my fake vagina and a rather embarrassing incident where Beth flashed it for all to see. She pulled down my panties and pantyhose while lifting my skirt to show everyone that I was a girl as there was an argument at the time between mom and Mr. Kindler. The less said the better I think on that.

At first I thought I could get out of it for a day or so till we could get a doctor's note or something because I didn't own a girls uniform that would fit. Lisa, being ever helpful, got her mother to bring over the other uniform that didn't fit her. Apparently I'm actually slightly skinner than her go figure. The girls of course had to help me get 'properly dressed' for school in the stupid thing.

Thus I ended up spending my second year of highschool as Linda Milton once again. Mom and I did try to fight the system, she doesn't give up, and I would dress as a boy as much as possible at home. None the less the girls routinely found ways to 'keep Linda from going into hiding' all year long. Most of which involved begged double dates with them. I have no interest in ever dating other men, though for appearances I did go to a few movies and dances. My girly wardrobe expanded twice over along with my various accessories, jewelry and cosmetics. I did keep up my classes and continued with the costume designs and repairs. Kneeling in a skirt became second nature by the end of school.

For my senior year I plan to enter college early as all chances of me resuming a normal male life at highschool have been ruined. I'm not quite sure how well that will work though as mom refuses to move as she enjoys her job. Lisa and I are still good friends as she turned out to be a wiz at makeup. Our drama's classes performances were perhaps among the best put on by the school because of that.

I have 2 weeks before I leave for college and Lisa, Marcie, Beth, and the gang are coming to pick me up in yet another bikini to go tanning. Mom is of mixed feelings. She does enjoy having her daughter Linda to show off while at the same time she is doing her best to help me find a way to return to being her son Linton. Last I heard one of her coworkers complimented her on her two children.

L Milton
Journal entry 346 August 2012.



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