A funny thing happened on the way home...

Printer-friendly version

Author: 

Audience Rating: 

Publication: 

Genre: 

Character Age: 

Permission: 

My brother and I had just finished watching Interview with a vampire. We were staying with our grandmother for the night. As usual my brother was playing the part of the evil vampire and I was the damsel in distress. As the younger brother I was never allowed to be the vampire.

He was chasing me around and around the living room when Grandma walked in.

"What are you boys doing?"

"Playing Vampire and maiden. I'm the Vampire I vant to suck your blood." I squealed and ran to grandma.

"Boys sit down. I am going to tell you a story my mother told me when I was your age."

A grandma story yeah they were always so good. She was a great story teller. So as grandma sat on her couch my brother and I in our pjs cuddled up close to her. She told a wonderful tale.

She said that not all vampires and werewolves were actually bad. They were just people once who, by fate, got changed. Many of them could pass you on the street and you would never know. They don't go around ripping out human throats and stuff. We said that has to be wrong they are evil. She said many were not. However some once in awhile did actually go the full evil route. She said that some people before they were born were destined to one day be either a Slayer or a Hunter. We of course asked what those were.

A Slayer is a person who can heal fast, not as fast as a vampire or wolf, but still pretty fast. They have great agility, but no super strength.

A hunter is one with great strength, but they heal normally.

The reason for these two being so different is because of thier roles. The hunter was the one that would hunter down these turned evil ones. They could hurt them but never kill them. Stakes, garlic and whatnot are movie tricks. To kill either one requires a special blade. It was the Slayers job to kill these evil ones.

There have been many a generation of slayers that did nothing more than sit around drinking tea with both vamps and weres. Others had died shortly due to an overwhelming amount of turned ones.

Jessie stated that I would have to be a hunter since I couldn't kill a fly. Its true I have a really hard time with killing anything. Jessie did pester our grandma about what special blade was needed. She got up and retrieved an old painting of two very weird looking blades.

She showed us the picture, The blades were attached to some wristguards in retracted position they would lie against the forearm with the blade part way from the elbow. and curved outward, When needed they would pivot on the wristguard and handle parts would slap into a palm. Kinda like lightning bolt looking handle.

We both said they look cool. Grandma said in all seriousness that if the slayer was given these blades they had them till they died. She said even her mother didn't know how they were made or where they were from. She said in the presence of a turned one they would glow green. I said they should glow red, Jessie said yellow is hotter than red. We did that childish bit of does not dos so.

Grandma sent us to bed in the spare room where Jessie usually kicked me off the bed. That winter we laid grandma to rest. I remember that the magical warmth seemed gone. It was like looking at store dummy. It never felt real. It was the first time in my life I was faced with the reality of death. I loved her very much. It took me days to cry, when I did finally start it was in the middle of school, I cried while I was awake until I went to sleep, when I woke I started again, I cried while I was eating tasteless food, I cried while being bathed by mom. It just didn't stop. Then one day I did stop. I have never cried since. I was brought by my family, many a time, to the thought doctors. There was times I should have been crying but couldn't.

I am now almost twenty. I have my own car, its a 2003 mustang gt 500, Gray with black strips. I bought it as a wreck a few years ago and fixed it. The body took a bit of work to straighten up. The engine my dad and I went through and tweaked it out, all the best ecu chips and pieces were added under the hood. Then a year or so ago I found a guy who was willing to install a 5 speed manual into it with a pistol grip shifter and it looked sooo cool. Its my baby and has never let me down.

Till today, The tire in the back just gave out on this road to nowheres. Spare tire., what spare tire? Never needed one so it was removed and a nice subwoofer system was installed in its place. My cell phone had no signal bars at all. I cursed my friends who had given me this shortcut. It was an older road. There was no painted lines on it. It was a gravel mud road so packed over the years it looked like pavement. It saw use apparently as there was no grass in the middle like some. I was walking since the night was warm and the moon full so I could see my way. I figured I would either find a house or get some signal if I kept walking.

I passed an old wooden sign that had been used for target practice more times that anything else. You could just make out in the much faded paint and holes. El om o aven st. I think it meant Welcome to Haven Est. 1908 Nice name for a town. Then I heard the growling.

It was an eerie growling of something that the mind told you wasn't a dog. There was also a flapping sound. The crickets had stopped making that noise they make. I heard a twig snap from the side of the road near the woods. I was scared so I did the only thing a person does in this type of situation. I ran. I got about 50 feet when I was knocked over from behind into that road. Something tore the back of my leather jacket and I felt a pain. Then whatever weight that had been there was lifted off. But not before some warm liquid got splashed on me, and then some more but you could feel it was different.

There was a sound of something fighting something else in the woods. I don't know what happened as at that point I passed out. My mind played a trick on me though. Just before the darkness took me I heard the sound of my grandmothers voice and someone else's. All it said was "At last!"

"Boy. Hey boy you in the ditch." I woke the sun shining on my face. There in the sun was a figure. Squinting to get the sun out of my eyes to make out the figure of a CAA uniform on some guy.

"You Marion Crest?"I sat up feeling oddly good. I could see a flat bed tow truck about 20 feet away with my baby on the back.

"Yes I'm him. You got my baby."I went to stand expecting some dizzyness. There was none odd.

"You youngins."He shook his head" You should have stayed in the car. Took a bit to find this road but your gps led me to it alright."

"Oh yeah never thought of that. Can I get a lift with you. Need to find someone to fix my tire." I felt like an idiot already for not remembering the gps in the car.

"Why you think you got a slow leak in one?" Huh? Is this guy blind one of the tires is flat as a board. I know I checked last night. Curious I went to my car and looked at the rear tire. It was full of air.

"I could have sworn..." I was now confused. What happened last night. Was it a dream?

"That is a nasty rip in your coat. No blood though so your disagreement with the bloke wasn't that bad." he thought I was in a fight of some sorta. What the heck is going on. I remove my jacket and sure enough is a perfect slice like a knife from shoulderblade to waist. I sniffed no smell. So if the rip was real, and the pain, what was the stuff that fell on me?

We make good time getting back to the highway where he lets down my car and we check oil and tire pressure. One is about 5 pounds low. My baby seems fine and purrs her contentment. I thank the nice CAA man. His name is Jack, he got a call from dispatch to pick up my unmoving car. Apparently my Dad was a bit worried and sent them. I was gonna get a talk when I got home.

I drive my baby listening to the music of her engine. It always soothes me. My back is a bit itchy so is my chest but then since I slept in a ditch on the side of a road I suspect a good bath will fix that up. My baby just goes and goes. This is her road. I have not been paying attention when I hear a siren. Of course I look down at the speedometer. Yep doing 95 Mph is gonna be a big ticket. I briefly think about running but in today's age with satellite tracking and stuff its a waste of time. I pull to the side of road and open the glove box for my registration. Then pull out my drivers license. Its not the first time ive been pulled over. The sheriffs car pulls ahead of me blocking the road. Its an older sheriff crud these guys are not fun to deal with.

"Drivers and registration please." I hand them over. I say nothing unless asked its the best policy.

"You know what speed you were doing?" A classic line.

"95 sir I wasn't paying attention."

"You know that isn't a safe speed. But as seeing your car is a special I can see you wanting to open him up" Its ok baby he doesn't know your a female. Ill give you a nice wash and wax later.

"Don't let me catch ye again Miss." With that he hands back my stuff. Miss? I keep my mouth shut as he returns to his car and drives away. Weird. Im 5'8" 200 pounds and haven't shaved in a week. Miss? Time to take stock.. Looking down no bumps on chest. check. Slightly bulging belly check. Hairy arms check. Weeks growth beard check. Hands small but still manly with hairy knuckles check. So...Miss? Must be the name. All of our family has ambiguous names. Its an old family tradition. My brother Jessie, My sisters Jean and Erin. My dad is Jayne. My uncle is River. Which is funny with the last name Crest. Get it River Crest. School was hell.

I go to start my baby she sulks from the insult and just clicks. I pet the wheel and say its alright. She fires up and purrs on the next try. Cars have personality anyone who says different is tone deaf. This time I set the cruise on to that im at the 65 mph limit of the road. I spend the next hours ride home thinking over last night and this morning. Nothing seem to make sense. Must have dreamed most of it.

I pull into the driveway entrance and open the window to put my card into the gate lock. The gates open and I drive slowly down the driveway taking the side path that leads the my shop in the back. Dad, Jessie, Erin and I built this a few years ago. Its a nice little shop for me to do maintenance on my baby or wash her if I want. My baby is happy to be home I can feel it. The automatic door closes behind me as I shut off the car.

Each of us children got something when we graduated. Jessie got a BMW. Erin got a Kawasaki Ninja. Me I got a garage. Jean has expressed and interest in a cruise. She still has another year before she graduates though. We all pitch together to stuff around the family estate. Cleaning grass cutting extra. Even my Uncle and his current flame help out with cooking.

I should mention that the Crest family is not poor. We come from Ole money but don't act it. Uncle River is a stock broker and does really well. Dad is a corporate executive of a multi million dollar company. Erin, the oldest, is in her 4th year of medical school. Jessie wants to be a criminal lawyer. Myself get married to some girl, raise kids and work on cars. Jean believes she is an actress. Last year it was songwriter. Mom is a consultant. Its how she and dad met 25 years ago.

Dad thinks he is a handyman, more often than not though we have to call someone to repair his repairs. Uncle thinks he is a gourmet chef, I have to agree with him. Mom is our kids instructor, She has a double black belt in Jujitsu. We kids do okay in it. Never been test myself. I can hold my own against mom though for the most part. Jean would do better if she would stop worrying about her face and nails. Shes the girly girl of the family. Erin my other sister is a tough feminine to her skirts and dress are the same as pants. Nails don't need anything and makeup is something to wear on special occasions. Jessie is the joker of family, always pulling stunts. In comparison I'm the quiet one. I play with my car, help out wherever. Otherwise I keep to myself. Our family house is big but nothing super fancy. 3 stories if you count the attic as one. each bedroom has its own bathroom. There is no push to make anyone live elsewhere. In the back is moms dojo a big greenhouse for our garden veggies. The family garage for all the other vehicles. And at the back is my shop.

I walk back to house stopping in the greenhouse to pick up some veggies, carrots some peas some radishes. Corn and tomatoes are not ready neither is the potatoes. I enter the back near the kitchen to the sounds of Uncle making the family breakfast. Don't know what it is but my stomach likes the smell. I dump the veggies on the counter to be washed by his flame Karen.

Funny thing is this story is actually a mistake. Figured I would post it anyways, as like all stories, It has a life all its own.



If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos!
Click the Thumbs Up! button below to leave the author a kudos:
up
89 users have voted.

And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks. 
This story is 2536 words long.