After my dinner, Dr. Campbell came in to check on me.
“How are you feeling, Sam?”
“I’m feeling fine, doc. I can’t wait to go home though.”
“We are just going to keep you overnight for observation and you’ll be able to go home tomorrow morning after your consultation with the psychiatrist.”
“A shrink? What for?”
“She will help you to cope with whatever decision you make.”
“I already made my decision, doc.”
“Oh, and what was your decision?”
“I want to have a healthy life. I’m scared senseless about becoming a girl though.”
“It’s understandable. I think you are a very brave person to do it though.”
“Thank you doc.”
A little after that, mom, Jess and Steph came back from the cafeteria.
“Hi sweety, how was the food?” Mom asked.
“Tasteless.”
“I think we have something to cheer you up.” Steph said.
“What is it?”
Jess then gave me a bar of my favorite chocolate.
“Ohhhh thank you.” I said ripping the packing.
“Aren’t you going to give us a piece?” Jess asked me.
“Hmmmm.... maybe. if you are good enough.” I said.
“And what do I have to do then?” She said almost purring.
“Give me a hug? Can’t be much more with the parental unit present.” I said making a puppy dog eye look.
“Sam!” Mom said and laughed.
“You are feeling pretty nervous, aren’t you?” Steph asked me.
“Why do you say that?” I asked back.
“When you are nervous you start making jokes and acting silly. Did you forget we grew up together? I know all your tricks Sam.”
“Yes, I am nervous. I am scared senseless, actually.”
“What are you scared of?” Mom asked.
“Everything. Myself, my decision, I don’t know. I’m so confused right now.”
“We are right here with you Sam. Things will get better I promise you.” Jess said holding me tightly.
“Thank you guys.” I said and yawned.
“I think its time for us to go, you need to get some sleep. It was a very stressful day for you. I’ll see you tomorrow, sweety.” Mom said and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
“Thanks mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweety.”
Steph came closer to me and whispered. “Good night sis.” and gave me a peck on the cheek and I blushed.
Jess gave me a light kiss on my lips and said. “Good night, lover. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.” I said with a smile.
After they left I lay down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. ‘With them supporting me I think I might just make it.’ I thought to myself and soon was asleep.
*I’m walking down a beach, I can feel a nice summer breeze blowing, the sun is setting over the ocean and I feel the warm sand between my toes and I hear the sound of the waves. I walk for a bit, and adjust the skirt I’m wearing before sitting down and I look at the ocean, watching that beautiful sunset.
“Hi Sam.” I hear a familiar voice say behind me.
“Hi Jess. Come sit here with me.” I said patting the spot next to me.
She sat down beside me and we cuddled together enjoying each other’s company and watching the sunset. It is a perfect moment. I am happy and beside the one I love.
Jess looks at me and soon our lips met. We embrace each other and we kiss for a long time and the world around us cease to exist, at that moment, there are just the two of us and nothing else matters.
She looks deeply into my eyes and she says. “I love you, Samantha.”
“I love you too, Jessica.” I say to her and we kiss again and again and again.*
I wake up smiling, thinking about the dream I had and how good it felt before starting to cry.
A nurse come inside the room and asks “What’s wrong, honey? Why are you crying?”
“Nothing... (sob) is wrong. It’s just a dream.” I said.
“Bad dream?”
“No, good one.”
“So why are you crying?” She asked me confused.
“Because I remembered it. I haven’t remembered a dream in years.”
“Oh, I think I would be crying then too.” She said with a smile.
“Thank you.” I told the nurse.
“You are welcome, honey.” She said and left the room.”
After breakfast, a new doctor came in and introduced herself. “Hello Sam, My name is Amanda Walker. How are you feeling today?”
“Hello doctor, I’m feeling fine, thank you.”
“I came to talk to you I am one of the Hospital's psychiatrists.”
“Do I have to? I'm not crazy or anything like that.”
“I'm just here to help, you don't need to be crazy to see a psychiatrist. But you do have to see one if you decide to change genders and I'm here to help you cope with your decision.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Why don't you start talking about how are you really feeling right now?”
“Angry, relieved, scared. Angry because of what happened to me, It robbed me of any options I might have had and the choice was practically forced upon me, but I am also relieved because of it. It’s a hard choice and I don't know if I would have ever do it even though I had wondered for a long time that maybe I should have been a girl, and I’m scared because I don't know what will happen from now on; how people will react and mostly I'm scared that I might never be happy. I might not have been good at being a boy, but it was all I knew.”
“We all get a little scared when facing the unknown, its a natural reaction. You said you wondered for a long time that maybe you could tell me more about that.”
“Where do I start?” I thought for a minute. “I think it started when I was little, I never had many friends but as long I can remember I always had Steph, and we were always playing together. She was like my best friend and like a sister to me, we were inseparable. I always loved how she dressed and envied her a little, because I always had to wear the same old boring boy stuff. Of course I never told anyone, not even her. I always thought it was unfair how differently girls were treated by others and how I was supposed to act and I did get beaten more than a few times at school while growing up because of how I acted. I mean, why couldn't I play with the girls? Why the boys games had to be so rough? Was it me? I then started to think that maybe I should have been a girl.”
“And how old you were when you started to think that?”
“I think I was around 8, probably.”
“The way you said earlier, it sounded like you stopped thinking that way, when did that happen?”
“It happened when dad died. I was 12 at the time.”
“And why did you stop thinking you should have been a girl?”
“Because It was my fault he died. If he hadn't come home earlier that day he wouldn't have seen me trying on my mother's clothes and would have not left the house to cool down and wouldn't have been in the accident that killed him. After that I premised that I would become the best boy I could be, a boy he could be proud of.” I said in tears.
“So you are saying that you blame that you wanting to be a girl killed your father and you feel guilty about it?”
“I guess so.”
“Sam, whatever happened it was all his fault, you were only 12 years old and he overreacted. At least he didn't hit you, did he?”
“No, he didn't.”
“Have you thought that maybe he would come to accept you the way you are?”
“I don't know. I can only hope so. I guess I'll never know.”
We talked for a long time and I cried a lot. After we finished mom came in and gave me a big hug.
“Hi sweety, how are you feeling? How did it go with the shrink” She asked me.
“Did get the license number of the truck that hit me?”
“That good?”
“Yes, my head was thoroughly shrinked."
"Shrinked? Is that a word?"
"I have no idea" I said giggling. "What will happen now mom?”
“I think the doctor will make a final visit and then we can go home.”
“Great, I can't wait to go home.”
To be continued....
Comments
Very romantic....
...like Arwen and Aragorn? But with where Aragorn is a Queen of Gondor? (From Return of the King, the movie) "Go to sleep." "I am asleep. This is a dream." "Then it is a good dream."
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
OT
Don´t watch movie, its twisted junk and cutted all over! Get the Book and Read original story, it is kind of melancholic, but much more enjoyable, that´s what I would recommend. XD But I agree, it is romantic, may be a little to good old fairytale side, but I like it. It on good course so I think I look forward to next chapter.
Not that I dont have anything to read, but lately there is less stories, which aren´t from retcon or center. Hard way to find why I don´t like center, may be much similar to Kittyhawk or MORFS, or just not my cup of tea. But retcon is too much chaotic and confusing for me, then there is my alergic reaction on anything connected with superman. So it´s joy to see football girl again or angel O´Hare work.
Hopefully even some Sk8r girls in state what doesn´t make mistakes may appear and write to Dear Diary that girls are not only Sugar and Spice, but can Stand up to life and be Home alone or can go to Bikini beach and with little Accidental magic can meet Little fox-girl there or some sister of Violet Ajah in Towers of Midnight... May be, or MayBee? Surprises happen, like to boy who wasn´t seen and to girl who could not speak, Made to be maid maiden by decree which states that Pigtails are for girls. You may go to camps like Shoni and Kumoni, on Summer Odyssey with Marcie Donner, Elan Owen and Angel Markez. So many friends have been lost in sands of time, but I hope I´ll see them again (So much to my nostalgic mood tonight).
Robin
This one ^
Is a clear candidate for Blue Text Comment - that with so many refs. :)
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
I dit it as sort of wrting
I dit it as sort of wrting exercise to make sense of names and also as my little wish list. One never knows...
Robin
Sam & Jess - 07
Very sweet. Young, innocent Love.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I Think The Dream Really Helped
I think the dream really helped Sam know that she will have a wonderful future and Jess will be right there beside her as her soulmate. I am glad the Therapist was there to help Sam understand that her father's death was not her fault. It was his decision to get behind the wheel when he was angry. I think that with Jess beside her and Stephanie there as a sister, she will come out of this as a stronger young woman.
answers
lol no.. shrinked is not a word... it is 'shrunken'.
I can't help but to feel a bit of jealousy over Sam. Having a close friend of the feminine gender is hard in RL as many tend to spook easily at that age.
__-=Foxxe=-__
If you see a shrink, then
If you see a shrink, then you get shrinked - so I'd say in that context, it is a word.
I know shrink is vernacualr, but then shrinked can be too.
Sweet story - It's a dilemma a lot of us wished for when we realised we had to be girls.
We all lay there at night praying for whatever God there may be to change us into girls by morning
I had overheard mum and dad saying how do we tell him?
It was only that I'd failed an exam, but I was hoping that maybe just maybe the doctor had made a mistake and I was really a girl.
I was quite annoyed when they eventually told me. Since the exam was irrelevant and I was so far ahead of that particular curriculum that I'd dismissed the exam as a phurphy and not really bothered to concentrate - silly really.
If I'd passed the exam, I might have had a totally different life - but then we all say that don't we?
Altho the chapters are
Altho the chapters are short, I do love how this story is going and seeing how Sam is starting to cope with his/her new future.
short and sweet
I think the dream will help, but there is a long way to go.
Where's my clothes
I would probably have mixed emotions, but I would be surprised if I didn't ask how I would be dressed for the trip home. I would have hoped someone would have given me the possibility of going home dressed as a girl.
JessieC
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors