dorothycolleen's blog

a bad news/good news day

Today was a "bad news - good news" day.

First the bad - I somehow managed to tear a hole in one of the tires on my car, and that was a serious stress
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But now the good - My neighbor helped me put on my spare so I could take the car to a tire store, and after we got that looked after we were able to get a refill on my medications and some groceries.

I like days that end better than they start, don't you?

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Today, I must pretend I'm okay

This morning I found myself thinking about my rapes and my gender issues.

When I first went for counseling, all I was hoping for was to find out for sure if my rapes had caused me to be transgender. I didn't think it would be possible to heal me from the damage done, but I hoped to understand and perhaps settle the issue of my gender identity.

The result was it seems that the two issues are not connected in a cause and effect way, so if one had been removed, I would still be dealing with the other.

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We've applied for housing on the south side of Edmonton

So, I finally finished an application for subsidized housing on the south side of Edmonton for mom and me.

Being closer to Sharon and Sam would be a good thing, and maybe if my mom isn't here she wont have as much paranoia about my sister in law. (I know, unlikely, considering what dementia does, but I can hope)

Personally I have mixed feelings about leaving. I've felt safe here, which has been a rare thing for me, but the long drives are tough, and I think I can still be of some good to my mom by staying with her, or at least I hope so.

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a day with two girls while mostly undressed

last night I had a dream that reminded me of something that actually happened.

When I was 16, we returned to Calgary after spending a year in Denver, and I was lucky enough to fall into a group of people who were into D&D, including some girls. later, in summer, two of the girls invited me to come over and spend the day with them.

As it was very hot, they soon decided to strip to their underwear, and encouraged me to do the same.

Nothing even slightly sexual happened, we just watched tv and played some games.

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dreaming of dysphoria

So last night, I dreamed I was back in school, and for some reason, after one class I was escorted around by a girl.

She was wearing a pretty black dress with rhinestones, and dark hose that was still sheer enough to show she had a tattoo on her thigh, and I was just dying of jealousy.

I woke feeling sad.

ah, well.

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two bits of good news to share

I have two bits of good news to share.

1st bit of good news, I found the email of the lady who ran the local writing group, we had a good trade in emails, and I feel like I have rediscovered a friend I had lost.

2nd bit of good news, I used my new CPAP machine for the first time last night, and I only had 6.6 apnea incidents per hour. in my original sleep study I was getting 130 incidents/hour, and on my old machine I was still getting 35-40.

so yay!

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the level of talent on this site astonishes me

I've been reading some of the other entries for the Valentine's day contest on my writing site, and all I can say is that many of the authors are as good as any major bestseller's author.

I'm just a duffer, but I feel privileged to just be in the company of such talent.

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Muse update

Well, it feels like its been a while since I have given a writing update, here goes:

Chapter 4 of "portal problems" is being written now. hopefully done by the end of the month.

Horror story "when paths cross" and its sequel are also being worked on. not sure how long to go.

Latest story about "Tinker Tailor Soldier Dot" is actually done, but waiting for Amethyst to be able to finish her Pinpoint story before it gets released, and a 5th story has been started.

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I might be moving

Well, things could be changing here in a serious way.

I think the time has come for my mom to find a senior's lodge, as her paranoia over Carol is causing problems.

It might take a while, with waiting lists, and COVID being factors.

But the bigger question is what do I do?

Do I try and find a place with a 2 bedroom suite so we can continue to be together?

That would be mom's first preference, and mine too, but it may not be practical, or even possible.

I guess time will tell . . .

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allergy results and revelations

Today I went to get tested for allergies, and I tested positive to cat hair, tree pollen, grass, and shrimp - the latter is apparently bad enough they have proscribed an epi pen for me.

But something interesting happened.

When they first gave me my results and the prescription, I noticed it had the wrong name, so I had to go back in and get things straightened out.

But what was interesting was the young woman receptionist apologized repeatedly, and I told her not to sweat it, since I got the corrected information.

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"The Killing Joke"

I was watching "Atop the fourth wall" on Youtube, and he did a review of "the Killing Joke", which is a Batman story. The main theme of the story is the Joker believes what separates him from regular people is just one bad day.

He's wrong, of course, and I can show proof by pointing to many of my friends who have had "one bad day" - in many cases it was much more than just one day - and who are kind, generous, and would never hurt anybody.

Now, if you're wondering why I don't use me as an example, the answer is simple.

Unlike my friends, I'm broken and dangerous.

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I'm very frustrated with myself

I've been working on a sequel to "Demonstration Model" and I'm getting frustrated with myself.

I've developed a reputation for flash fiction, and while that's not bad, sometimes, I'd like to actually let a story breathe a bit.

But that's not happening with this story. I'm 370 words in, and I'm going to be lucky to end up with over 500 words.

sighs . . .

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I had an unusual dream

Okay last night I had a very unusual dream.

it started with me in school, and discovering I was failing in a class, and feeling very upset about that.

Then I went out of that classroom and realized that the building was some kind of construct, and I could walk through the walls.

So that's exactly what I did.

I had one scary moment when someone grabbed my arm as I was walking through a wall, but I told them to let me go or something messy would happen, and they let me go.

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dodging bullets

Well, "dodging bullets" seems to be a theme around here today.

My brother dodged a bullet when we found out he hadn't dislocated his knee or torn tendons as we had feared, but had just inflamed everything. Bit of rest, and then light exercise, and he will be on the road to recovery.

Mom and I dodged a bullet dealing with COVID, as while we couldn't get a test to confirm, it seems likely we had a mild version of the disease, meaning the fact we were both vaccinated probably prevented us from needing to be hospitalized.

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My brother has had a bad couple of days

My brother Mike has had a bad couple of days.

It started with him finding out yesterday that a good friend is in the hospital after their vehicle was struck by a train.

And then today he tried to help me shovel the walk and made his knee worse, to the point he couldn't hardly walk.

so if you're the praying type, some prayers for my family would be appreciated.

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