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Well, last night, Samantha's mother found a letter at her work that said the health department had done an inspection of the doctor's office she cleans, and said the bathrooms are below par.
And since cleaning them has been my job for the last while, that means I have failed her in that task, and its really pulling me down.
For most of my life, you see, I've struggled with a sense of failure. First, because I couldnt seem to beat back my desire to be a girl, and then as I got older I seemed to acquire more failures - failures at jobs, failures at a higher education, failures at personal relationships, and most recently, failure at marriage.
I'll pick myself up and keep going, no choice, but I could really use a success....
Ah, well.
Comments
I know this feeling only all too well...
I've failed at life itself too many times to count.
Hopefully things improve for the both of us.
Abigail Drew.
I don't recall
why you are cleaning restroom's for your ex.
Inspections can always find something wrong. If there were specific problems, you can address them. But really? Why are you helping the ex do her work?
Hope you feel better soon.
SuZie
SuZie
I think a lot of us struggle
with the old "shoot myself in the foot" syndrome.
For me, the realization that I had been doing that very thing came when I understood that "Catherine" had been inside me all my life. She'd wanted her time in the sun so badly that she'd caused me to foul up every thing I thought I had working for "him." I know...that sounds kinda "split personality" like and maybe you're right. I only know that, once I allowed Catherine to take charge, as it were, things began working for me. I managed to finally begin to fulfill a lifetime dream of becoming a writer, I got a book published, thanks in no small way to Erin, I took m first REAL vacation in over 30 years, I began to socialize more, and I began to help people instead of hurting them.
You've come a long way Dorothy, and you have a considerable way yet to go. Have confidence in yourself and in the fact that you've made a positive step in your life. Build on that. Concentrate on being the best YOU that you can be and don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of what you know is right for you.
You only fail when you don't try. If you've done your best and still haven't succeeded, there's no blame to be shouldered. It just means you need to either try harder, or change your approach to whatever problem caused the failure in the first place. We all have temporary setbacks. What matters is that you don't quit...on yourself, or whatever else is important to you.
Hang in there sister. You CAN do it.
hugs and Happy Holidays,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
OH, come on.
Look muffing once does not mean you are a failure. That is pure Drama Queen.
Just go to your boss and ask how you can improve. That's simple. Having done some of that sort of cleaning, don't just rely on the mop in the corners. Carry a rag and use it to get clear in the corners. Reach under the rim of the toilet bowl and wipe there too, then get around in back of the toilet on the floor by the wall.
It's a tough job but someone has to do it.
G
I don't really understand.
Shouldn't she be doing her own job?
Self Talk
Its time to start telling your self you are worth the effort. Telling yourself you are a failure is going to bring you failure, succssful people are successful because they tell themselves they are.
I see your writing/blogs a good part of them are at how bad you feel.
I have Depression, PTSD (Combat Related), anxiety and panic disorder. I can if I let them be taken down by all four of those in a simple thought. I chose to educate others about my illnesses through a Program called N.A.M.I. (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill).
When I was first introduced to NAMI my first class of Peer to Peer the mentor said and I quote "There are no wrong answers."
It made me realize that whenever someone told me what I was doing was wrong, I knew they were incorrect. I made my final transition from male to female while in that class.
I'm quite sure You have PTSD from your past experiences. It can be devastating if you let it.
I was 19 when I came home from Viet Nam I was forty six when diagnosed with PTSD. I had that illness since I was nineteen. I self medicated with alcohol, told myself I was worthless and stayed in the military where I had structure.
I now take a cocktail of psychotropic drugs to keep my day on an even keel. I still get depressed but my anger is subsided. I can do because I want to do.
I am a success, I am not rich not famous, but I am a success. I too have a daughter, I love her, I too am divorced, but one of the things I did to get to where I am is to tell myself I am responsible for what I do. I don't have to be handcuffed to a hospital wall waiting for a psych evaluation. I don't have to destroy PS2's. I don't have to attack myself. I was my biggest enemy, by choosing not to be my own victim I began to have successes.
I get up every morning with a smile on my face, ready to face another day. we share the same background when it comes to Faith. I let go and I let God. when I don't let god is when I get into serious trouble and self destructive talk.
You my friend are not a failure, you have experienced life not failed in the things you went through.
We are taught if it doesn't work then we have failed. Thomas Edison when asked about the thousand different ways he failed to make a light bulb remarked he did not fail he just learned there are over a thousand ways not not make alight bulb.
My prayers are with you.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.