Authors note: This story first appeared in the “One Dozen Roses” anthology and has been edited to be read as a standalone.
You can read it in the anthology here.

I was asked how I came to choose Rose as a name. Anyway, here’s my story

I guess my being Rose long term was set in motion when Mom found me as in the sunroom just before I started high school. I had my laptop open viewing the CD of our summer’s vacation pictures, my eyes brimming in tears

“Joe? Why the long face? You look like you’re ready to cry,” she said.

“What? Oh… I was just looking at the pictures from our vacation,” I told her.

“We had a good time, why would they make you want to cry?” she asked.

I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t say what I really had in my heart.

Perhaps I should back up and explain just how it is that I’ve come to this. It all started that spring. I was a normal thirteen year old brother of a fifteen year old sister. Like most boys of thirteen, girls were starting to look pretty good to me. So I was delighted when my sister’s cheer squad chose our backyard to do their extra practice for the summer competition season. I mean I had eight hot high school babes cavorting around in my backyard wearing short shorts and crop tops. OK so one of them was my sister, but who could fault me for watching. I mean, wouldn’t you?

They were pretty good and I thought they should win the competition. I got to know the girls during their breaks and they seemed to like me. Mostly, I think, it was because I was encouraging them and sometimes suggested ways to do some of the trick things in a way that would make it easier and still look cool. More than once, I had to take one of the girl’s spots in the squad to demonstrate what I meant. Now that was definitely cool. Can you imagine actually touching those beautiful babes and having them touch you? WOW!

Well, everything was going along fine until Rose, the squad flyer, took a weekend off to get in some late season skiing on the Palmer Snow Fields with her mom and dad and broke her leg. Something called a “spiral break.” It was going to be six weeks before she would get out of her cast and another three months before she could even think about cheering, much less jump down from the top of the pyramid formation. I found out about it when I came home from school on Monday. The squad was already there and instead of practicing, they were just sitting around.

“What’s up?” I asked. “Where’s Rose?”

“She broke her leg skiing over the weekend,” Judy informed me.

“It’s a bad break,” Marcie added. “She’ll be in a cast for six weeks and who knows how long before the doctor will release her for cheering.”

“She won’t be able to do any cheers for the whole summer,” Linda said.

I said, “Bummer. What are you guys going to do? Rose is kind of the key person in most of the stunts.”

“We’ll just have to find someone else, but I don’t know where,” Karen lamented.

“You’re right, Karen,” Luce (short for Lucinda) said. “It may take a week or two, but we’ll just have to ask every girl who’s the right build to consider joining the team.”

“You know,” Judy observed, “we can’t afford to not practice for a week or two. We still need to keep up on all our parts. Joe, you know all Rose’s moves and you’re about her size; would you fill in for her during practice while we find someone else?”

I shrugged and said, “Sure, why not?”

So they got down to business and we started the routine. We were doing the pyramid for the second time when Marcie said, “You know Joe, you should be wearing shorts. Those jeans just don’t give us the right feel.”

I told her, “I don’t have any shorts, sorry.”

Judy offered, “I have some that should fit you.”

I tried to sound disgusted when I said, “Girl’s shorts? … I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on Joe,” Luce said. “What’s the big deal? It’s just clothes.”

They all pleaded with me and in the end, I gave in.

“Come on Joe,” Judy said. “Let’s go to my room and I’ll find something for you.”

Like a lamb to the slaughter, I followed her. She opened a drawer and rooted around for a minute and finally came up with a pair of black shorts that looked a lot like what she had on. “Here, put these on. They’re a little tight around the hips for me. They should fit.”

I took the proffered garment and went to my room. They fit ok, but they were really short and had flared legs. I’d have chosen something a little more close fitting and longer. When I came out into the hall, Judy began laughing.

“What?” I demanded.

She stood me in front of the mirror and I could see what she was laughing at. You could just see the edge of my boxers hang down below the shorts.

“You can’t wear those boxers under them. I’ll have to loan you some underwear as well,” she told me.

She didn’t take long to come up with a pair of white nylon panties.

I blurted out, “Panties? You’ve got to be kidding. I can’t wear panties.”

She insisted that I couldn’t wear my boxers and pointed out that I didn’t have any briefs. That didn’t leave me any choice.

I was reluctant and had to say, “It’s bad enough I’m wearing your shorts. What will people say if I wear panties as well?”

Her answer was simple. “Nothing.” She told me that unless I told them I was wearing them. She urged me to quit wasting time. “Just put on the underwear and no one will know. I won’t tell them and you’re not likely to, so just put them on,” she said.

I took the panties and retreated to my room. It was a real shock, to say the least, when I pulled them up. I mean, I’ve never felt anything like it. I had to tuck things back and pull them up tight to keep from being obvious that they … I … well, you know. Anyway, I got them and the shorts on and stepped out in the hall for inspection.

Judy approved and herded me post haste out to continue the practice.

That was the first time I’d worn panties but… to be honest when I helped with the wash, I’d examined them. I wouldn’t admit, even to myself at the time, that there was some fascination involved. I… well, I did wonder about the fabric. I mean nylon… it's all slick and sexy feeling. But I refused to think about how it would feel to wear something like that; you know guys don’t wear that kind of stuff.

I ventured back outside with some trepidation. You know, because I was wearing my sister’s shorts and panties. The girls had respected me up ’til then. I had to wonder what would they say when they saw me?

Answer: nothing. I got out there and they were all ready to do their routine. I was a little off because of the bare leg contact and the silky feel of the underwear. We were nearly done when mom came out on the patio. She must have gotten off early because she usually shows up about the time the girls go home. I was sure that I’d have time to get my jeans back on before then. She eyed the shorts, but didn’t say anything.

“Ah, hi Mom,” Judy said, “you’re home early.”

“No,” she said, “I’m just on time. You girls are practicing late. How come Joe is taking Rose’s slot? Where is she?”

Judy informed her that Rose had broken her leg skiing the day before and wouldn’t be able to cheer until she started college the following year. She added that I was helping them stay in practice for the competition until they could find a replacement for her.

Mom said it was too bad about Rose. She then informed us we had about forty-five minutes before dinner would be ready.

With that, she headed back in the house. I was feeling seriously nervous then. I could tell by the look Mom gave me that she had noticed I was wearing Judy’s shorts. I had to wonder, ‘Does she know I’m wearing her panties too?’ We went through another routine but I didn’t do too well because of Mom being there.

When we went inside, Dad was there. “Hi kids,” he said. “Well Joe, your mother tells me that you’re one of the girls now,” he continued with a wide grin on his face.

I replied, “Ah, not really. I’m just keeping them in practice until they find someone to take Rose’s place.”

Dad, still grinning, continued teasing me with, “Well, whatever the case is, the outfit is fetching on you.”

Mom told him not to tease me, since I was nice enough to do the girls a favor. She said to get washed up for dinner because it was on the table already.

I wanted to change first, but she insisted that I should just wash and eat because dinner would get cold if I took time to change.

So, I ate dinner feeling very self-conscious because of the feeling of Judy’s clothes below the waist. It was my turn to clean up after dinner, so I didn’t even get a chance to change then. When I got done, Judy was already at the table doing homework and Mom told me to do the same. The way she phrased it there wasn’t any room for negotiation.

Well, the short of it is that I didn’t get out of Judy’s shorts until I went to bed. By then, I was pretty used to them. The next day, the girls showed up as usual and Judy hauled me upstairs and handed me another pair of panties along with her shorts. The rest of the week went pretty much like that. On Tuesday I changed before mom came home.

“What? Where’s my second daughter?” teasing, once she spotted me in my normal clothes.

“Second daughter?” I asked.

It seems that while she didn’t think Dad should tease me, it was OK for her to do so when she said, “Well, yesterday I came home to find you in Judy’s shorts and today it’s jeans and a T-shirt. You seemed pretty comfortable in them. Maybe I should get you some shorts of your own… Or do you prefer borrowing Judy’s?”

“Oh Mom,” I said. I know I was blushing because the truth is I did kind of enjoy the feeling of wearing Judy’s shorts and underwear.

Mom apologized saying she just couldn’t resist teasing me a little. She hugged me the way moms do… the kind of hug I’d have been embarrassed to have the guys see. She said she was a little surprised to see me in Judy's shorts the day before. But understood why I wore them. Then she said, “I assume that you wore them again today, or did they find someone to replace Rose already?”

I told her no, that there weren’t that many girls the right size to choose from. That the one they were working on didn’t look promising because she was a straight A student and didn’t want to take the time away from home work, plus, she’s afraid of heights.

By the time the weekend came around, I was pretty much OK with wearing Judy’s shorts and panties, so much so that I didn’t bother to change back to my usual boxers and jeans on Thursday or Friday opting to just wear them until bedtime. ‘No big deal,’ I thought, ‘like the girls said, ‘they’re just clothes.’ I told myself that, but looking back, I came home each day looking forward to changing. I argued with myself about that being inappropriate, but still each day, I found myself was hurrying home to put them on.

I kind of got into the thing of practicing with the squad and the girls treated me as an equal member. By the end of the second week it seemed like I had always been a member of the squad. I was braver than the real Rose and added some flourish to my dismount and I ramped up the tumbling aspect as well. Friday afternoon practice went well, but the girls took off right away and didn’t hang around after like they usually do. I thought it was a little strange, but then maybe there was something going on, you know, date wise. But then I worried that they’d found a replacement and that they didn’t want to hang around while Judy told me they didn’t need me anymore.

As usual, Saturday morning, I took the opportunity to sleep in. As I got dressed, I wondered about the feeling about being replaced from Friday. If they had found somebody, then sometime over the weekend Judy would tell me about it. When I showed up for breakfast, well OK, brunch, Mom and Judy were at the kitchen table.

As I came in, I heard mom say, “So there’s no one left you can ask?”

“No,” Judy answered her, “Our best prospect allowed that she wouldn’t mind being a cheerleader, but there was no way she was climbing to the top of the pyramid let alone jumping down. I talked to coach Parker. When Rose broke her leg, I told her we had an eighth grader who was practicing with us, just to keep us in shape ’til we found a replacement. So when I told her we’d run out of candidates to recruit she asked me if our temporary was any good. I had to tell her that the temp was probably better than Rose. Before I could tell her that it was Joe, she interrupted and said that if our temp was going to be attending Harrison High next year, she could get a waiver to let her compete with the squad. Somehow I never told her that the temp was my brother. She referred to the temp as ‘her’ and in the coach's mind the problem is solved.”

Mom turned to me and stared a hole in me. I really felt like I was being put on the spot.

I wanted asked what would happen when she found out I was a boy.

“We can’t use you as a boy,” Judy informed me. It was because they competed in the all-girls division. With a boy on the squad they’d have to change to the mixed division. There they would be at a serious disadvantage. All the mixed squads had really buff guys to do the lifting and throws. Karen and Luce were strong, but not that strong.

“But if he was a girl,” mom asked, “Coach Parker could get a waiver to allow her to compete?”

I noticed mom used the ‘her’ pronoun and winced. I had to wonder what she was thinking.

“That’s what she said.” Judy said. Then she rounded on me and begged me to say I would do it.

I asked Mom, “I can’t do that can I? I mean I’m a boy.”

She said that since I would be the flyer, it wouldn’t really give the girls an advantage. She thought we could bend the rules a little for that.

But I insisted I was a boy and asked how it was going to work?

“He’s about the same size a Rose.” Judy blurted. “I’m sure her uniform would fit and his hair is long enough for a ponytail, so hair style isn’t a problem.”

I stared wide eyed at them. Mom nodded her head.

Mom allowed that if Dad would sign off on it, that she could make it work. But pointed out that we would have to swear the girls to secrecy.

I wanted to know just how much time I’d have to pretend to be a girl.

Judy told us that the city competition was just one day and it didn’t start until noon, so it would really just half a day.

I allowed as I could do half a day.

“But what if you do well?” Mom wanted to know. “I seem to remember that the top two teams go to state.”

“That’s right,” Judy agreed. “The state tourney is a two day event.” But she insisted that I didn’t have to be on display the whole time. She said I could just be dressed and stay out of sight for all but a couple of hours when we need to be on the field.

But Mom remembered that two years before, while Judy was still JV, the varsity team went to the regionals and that it was a three day event.

Judy was pretty sure that we didn’t have much of a chance at that because this year, the competition was pretty steep. She pointed out that there were a couple of hundred high schools competing at State and we’d have to finish in the top three to go to the regionals. What’s more in the whole history of cheer at Harrison, they had never gotten beyond the regionals.”

Try as I might to come up with arguments as to why I couldn’t do it, in my mind it became a challenge to see if I could pull it off. In the end, I did manage to put a proviso on it.

I told them that I was OK doing it, but that the first time anyone even hinted that they could see through the charade, I was going to cut and run and they’d be stuck with explaining it to whomever.

Well to make a long story short, Dad did sign off on it. Rose’s uniform fit like it was made for me after they got me a padded bra. Since the uniforms all had the girl’s names on them, I became Rose.

I needed some girl’s shoes to go with the uniform. All I had were my basketball shoes that were Converse high-tops. The girls all wore Keds in school colors. So I had to get a pair. So I had to borrow a top from Judy and wear her shorts and a pair of flip flops. Back then we called them thongs. I don’t think thong underwear was even thought of in those days.

That trip was both terrifying and exciting. I’d have refused if I could have formed a coherent argument, but all I could think of was I’d be wearing all girls’ clothes for the first time. Well I guess it wasn’t the first time, but I’d only tried on the uniform and taken it off as soon as Judy and Mom determined that it would fit me fine without any alterations. While we were out mom picked up some panties and ankle socks so I wouldn’t have to borrow Judy’s the whole time.

It wasn’t just a quick trip to the shoe store and home again, we went to three shops in the mall. It would have been more, but Judy assured mom that just to compete in the city tournament I wouldn’t need anything more than she could loan me. But Mom bought me some plain girl’s T-shirts. I have to say that I liked them because the neck wasn’t so tight.

Judy’s estimate of just how much time I’d have to be Rose was way off. For starters, there were no half days. Mom insisted, that on a day when I had to compete, that I would be Rose for the whole day. Something about getting into character.

Then Coach Parker signed us up for a three day cheer camp. So that meant Mom had been right. She should have gotten me more clothes. She took care of that without me, so I was spared that whole shopping thing. Mom volunteered as a chaperone for the camp and I roomed with her. The folks running the camp were good at it and we learned a lot and picked up a few more stunts that were just for competition. They helped us pick things that were well suited for our group, kind of customizing our routine.

So that added three full days to it. What’s more, we did go to state where we finished third, just good enough to go to the regionals. For the state tourney, I made do with what I’d worn at the camp. But I needed more for the regionals so I had to buck up my courage and do another trip to the mall. I came back with what I was sure was at least three times as much as I really needed. We didn’t do all that well in the regionals. Most of the teams there were all-girl teams and the meet was dominated by the large school districts we finished fifteenth. Coach Parker was good with that. She felt we made a good showing.

When we made arrangements to go, I found out why Mom wanted me to have so many clothes. Dad and Mom rescheduled their vacations to coincide with the regionals which were held in Los Angeles, so we stayed and went to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Universal Studios and SeaWorld. The rub was that since we were flying and there was a hefty charge for extra luggage, I would be stuck as Rose for the two weeks. I couldn’t believe just how many changes of clothes I needed as a girl.

Did I say “stuck”? That’s the way I played it, but I have to tell you by then I was an adrenaline junkie. Every time I went anywhere wearing the girl’s clothes when people could see me, especially if I needed to interact with them I was on an adrenaline high. It was equal parts fear of being caught out and the excitement of being seen as a girl.

It was the week after we came back that Mom found me in the sun room looking at the photos.

She noticed the tears in my eyes and asked, “Joe, something is troubling you, what is it?”

I replied, “It’s over Mom, it’s over.”

She told me that I didn’t exactly sound like you’re relieved that it’s over that she couldn’t see that that would bring tears to my eyes.

I looked down, and shook my head.

She got real serious and asked, “Joe, am I missing my guess that you’re sad that it’s over? That you don’t have to be Rose anymore?” I nodded.

She told me that she wasn’t surprised. That by the time we headed out for the regionals, I had seemed to be pretty much into the part. She said I took to being Rose like I was born to it. And it seemed to her that I had a good time in California for those two weeks.

“Am I right?” she wanted to know. I nodded again.

She told me that dad even noticed how much fun I had. They had talked about it and they had been wondering if maybe I would have withdrawal symptoms.

“You know,” she told me, “we did spend a bit of money putting together a basic wardrobe for you to wear at the various venues where you had to be Rose.” Then she point out the souvenirs I bought.

“You do know that all the sweat shirts and polo tops, not to mention the bracelets you bought were way too girly for a boy to wear without attracting notice, didn’t you,” she asked.

Anyway Mom and Dad had decided that if I needed to decompress, Rose could hang out around the house as much as I needed.”

I did break down at that point and cry, but they were happy tears. If they had known the truth, by the time we got back from camp, I was into being rose. The clothes Mom bought didn’t include anything really girly, but the fact they were indeed girl’s clothes was exciting. Then of course there were the additional things we bought to go to the regionals.

The things for the trip were really girly. There were even two real dressy dresses and more shoes, four pairs. The tops were real blouses with features like cap sleeves or ruffled hems and oh, the colors. There were a couple of skirts, but mostly pants. Capri pants, leggings and several pairs of shorts in different styles and a purse. What teenage girl would be caught dead without a purse?

So, I was set and had the OK to be Rose as I felt I needed to. I had planned to taper off and only do it a few times a week and get down to where I’d only do it sometimes on weekends. I was doing pretty well at getting my life back as Joe.

But then the whole thing went south the second week of school. I had to tell Mom as soon as I got home.

“Mom, I think Coach Parker knows it was me last summer,” I blurted out as soon as I saw her.

“You do? Why do you say that?” she wanted to know.

I explained that while Judy and I were talking at lunch that Coach Parker came over to talk to Judy. She asked where her cousin “Rose” was and reminded her that “Rose” was allowed to be on the cheerleading team because she was going to be attending Harrison High that year. I told Mom, “Then she looked right at me with a kind of grin on her face and said, ‘Tell Rose that I expect her at Cheerleading tryouts. After what I saw this summer, she’s assured of a spot on the Varsity squad.’ She then looked back at Judy and said, ‘I’m sure you can convince her to come.’” I told Mom that way she said it, there was no doubt that she wouldn’t accept any kind of excuse for Rose not trying out.

By time I had started with the story, Judy was there as well. “Is that the way you saw it Judy?” Mom wanted to know.

Judy confirmed my opinion. “Yeah,” she said, “I think she knew it was Joe last summer and she wants him to try out for the squad. Joe’s right, the way she was talking, it was more of a demand that he become Rose and tryout for the squad.”

“What do you think we should do?” Mom asked. She thought she could go talk to the coach and try to reason with her.

Judy disagreed, saying, “I think Joe should do it. Do you realize what an honor it would be? Freshmen just don’t make the Varsity squad. It just isn’t heard of. The best they should be able to do is JV.”

But Mom was concerned. “I don’t know,” she said. “It took quite a bit out of Joe last summer. I’m not sure that it’s a good idea.”

But it was a done deal. I sure wasn’t in the mood to let the opportunity pass. For the next four years, I had a double life. Joe the nerd in class and Rose the cheerleader most days after school. I got really close to the girls on the squad. We only had one new girl graduate to the Varsity squad before Judy went on to college. Coach Parker admitted to me that the first time I showed up with the squad she knew it was me. That was at cheer camp, but, she said that by then the die was cast and she couldn’t object without losing face. That and I was good both at flying and at being Rose. Of course, after Judy went on to college, there were more new squad members, so she took each new girl aside at the beginning of the year and spun some yarn about me being trans and that we’d have to keep it secret. She also allowed that since I was not attending class as Rose that I didn’t have to wear my uniform to class on game days like the rest of the girls.

Anyway, after high school, I just couldn’t give up being Rose. Trans??? I don’t know just what criteria you need to meet to be trans. I only know that sometimes; make that often, I have to be Rose.