Coward?
He sits there, trapped by his fear, his cowardice.
He's afraid to do anything that might draw attention to himself.
He's afraid to meet with his co-workers off hours.
He's afraid that he won't be able to bluff his way through all that guy talk.
He's afraid that he'll have a bad time.
He's afraid that he'll have a good time.
He's afraid that he'll meet a girl and won't be man enough for her.
He's afraid he'll meet a guy, and won't be woman enough for him.
He's afraid of his bisexual feelings.
He's afraid that he'll meet a guy and that he'll like it.
He's afraid that his family thinks he's gay. They have asked him about it over the years.
He wants to make love to a woman, but he wants to be a woman too, when it happens.
He wants to make love to a man, but he wants to be that man's woman.
He wants to have children, but he wants to be a mother, to carry life inside.
He wants to be pretty, but he's ugly.
He wants to wear soft, beautiful nightgowns, but he'll have to settle for worn boxers.
He wants to wear dresses, but he will have to settle for slacks.
He's tired of feeling like a freak, he just wants to be normal.
He's tired of being alone, he just wants to let people into his life.
He's tired of living a lie, he's just afraid to tell the truth.
He's tired of being strong, he just wants to be soft.
He is sick of being tall and fat.
He wants to be average hight and weight.
He wants to be a normal, girl next door, kind of girl.
He's getting tired of being Steven all the time.
He wants to be Jessica, but he's afraid that he can't.
fin
I would like to thank my editor Catherine Linda Michel.
She took my ramblings and made it so that you can read it.
This is my first time posting my writing anywhere and I
would not have had the courage to do it if it were not for
Catherine. Thank you.
Comments
It was my pleasure, smorr24.
I love welcoming new authors into the madhouse, monkey barrel otherwise known as Top Shelf. You are going to find some absolutely mind boggling stories here, written by some of the most talented writers in the genre, and now you have joined the club.
Let me be the very first to say, WELCOME, HON! Of course you realize that, now you have posted something, I expect to see much more from you? No pressure though...none at all. LOL
This is an interesting piece, that got under my skin when you sent it to me for proofing. While it screams of helplessness, it also speaks to the dreams and hopes that many of us have. I like it, and congratulations on posting your first work! You couldn't have found a more understanding or supportive audience than the one which exists here at Top Shelf.
Very nicely done, smorr24.
Huggles from,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Welcome
Hello smorr24!
Your story/poem is a powerful piece. It is simple in structure but it screams out all of our insecurities and contradictions that is part and parcel of everyday for many of us. Thank you for posting this and I hope more is to follow.
Welcome again!
hugs!
grover
Very nice
That is a lovely piece of poetry. Thanks for posting it, and so many of us know how you feel or have felt that way in the past.
Kisses,
Bri
XXX,
Bri
Brave
Bravo.
As I read your "Coward", I was reminded of so many times in my life that I've felt weak, not good enough, not in some way up to snuff. We all have weak moments, or longer periods, in our lives.
Thanks for sharing.
YW
He conquers who endures. ~ Persius
ah yes...
Ah yes, our constant inner struggle. Beuatifuly written and in a way 'raw'. well done.
oh and WELCOME!
A.A.
Hey, wait a minute...
That sounds like me! Gosh, how'dja do that?
Two great poems in one day (the other being titled Myself);
Definitely classes the joint up. Hope to read much s'more from you!
~~~hugs, Laika
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
right on the nose...
Greetings Smorr24;
The feeling and emotion of this poem, stikes more chords in me than even some of my poetry. You have expressed our fear, our hope, and the dream of being who we are inside.
Thank You. Very well done....
Sonai67
Sonai67
the title
Well it's wrong, question mark or not. You could change a word here and there and this would be a 'human' lament. In this instance it is that ambivalent dichotomy that I think most of us know to some degree. Fear and longing, mixed with hope and resignation. This is really good... except for that wishy washy title. Give that a think and hey...welcome.
Kristina
The question mark is my fault.
I felt it was better for the readers to judge for themselves if this person is or is not a coward.
Also, to change a word or two, in my opinion, would be to change the theme of the whole piece.
Other than that one thing, all I did was correct a few misspellings, add a comma or two, and remove a couple of superfluous apostrophes, the piece is as it was sent to me. I think it's a wonderful beginning for our new author.
I thank everyone who commented, for their nice words and comments in welcoming smorr24 to the ranks.
Huggles 'n kisses from,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Well put
These are the feelings many of us experience and it's great that you put them to words.Amy
Perhaps not a Coward
Hello Smorr24:
Your poem cleaned up very nicely and I think it wonderfully illuminates the inner struggle that most here feel.
I undertook the journey and I must say that it is not something I would recommend to anyone. It is something that no one wants the blame for if it does not work out. It is a deeply personal decision; like setting off a Nuclear Weapon in my life; but I think I can glimpse the sun beginning to show through in places.
I was most distressed by my GID but as I heal, I realize that childhood abuse issues were what made my life painful, not wanting to be a woman. The reason adjusting to being a woman has been so hard is I had to heal of the other stuff before I could begin to cope well at all.
Lately, I have begun to enjoy my new life with new friends and aquaintances. I have finaly become WOMAN! Though anyone here could tell you that I am a real whinny baby at times. giggle.
There are a couple poems in my cubby, "HEAT" and "Pray Happy" that you may enjoy. There is another there that I rediscovered the other day, that I wrote when I had finally begun to understand that I was going to flunk out as a "Conservative Christian"; for me the revelation was like getting leoprosy.
Welcome, little one.
Gwen Brown