They were at Garrett’s place, sitting together on the sofa. His arm was around her, her head was resting on his shoulder, and she was happy with it there. They were content and comfortable together. Sherry thought she had hit upon a safe way to gauge Garrett’s attitudes by inventing a trans friend.

“There’s this woman I work with, um, Kate. She’s really nice, and the two of us and two other women went out to lunch today, and during the lunch she ended up telling us she was a transwoman. It didn’t make any difference to me, but one of the other women flipped out and left.” She got this all out almost in one breath, nervous, but happy to have started the process.

“Whoa. That would be pretty surprising, to find out someone wasn’t who you thought they were.”

She turned her head to look at him. “Is that true? She is the same person. She just started out with different plumbing. I don’t see what difference it makes.”

“But is she the same person? I mean, she’s been lying to you all this time.”

This wasn’t quite the reaction Sherry had been expecting. “I don’t see it that way. What is she lying about?”

“You know… who she is – a male acting like a female.”

“Oh boy, do you not know much about gender! There are studies showing that brain chemistry is different in men than in women. If a woman is born in a man’s body, her brain chemistry will show that, and many times she’ll feel terrible until she can either present as a woman, or get her plumbing fixed.”

“Hold on. How can a woman be born in a man’s body?”

“Because she has a female brain chemistry. This isn’t just opinion; it’s been scientifically established.”

“That’s just so weird,” Garrett said, making an odd face.

“You say that because your body and brain match. Imagine if they didn’t. You’d be unhappy.”

“Sorry, I, I can’t even conceive of such a thing. Why are you bringing this up, anyway?”

“I just thought it was interesting, but I’m also sad that someone I know was so judgmental and intolerant of her, only because of a condition she no longer suffers from. I don’t think she has done anything to merit that kind of treatment.”

“I’m having trouble wrapping my head around this. I mean, what would happen if a guy fell in love with one of them, and then found out it was really a guy?”

“They are not an It, Garrett. Anyway, you’re missing the point. She isn’t really a guy; she’s a woman who started out as a guy.”

“I don’t know… it would make the man feel like he was gay. He’d almost have to think of her as a guy once he knew.”

“Why would he almost have to think that?” she asked, in a tone Garrett should have been paying closer attention to.

“Um, because once he knew he would never be able to get it out of his head.”

“I see. And I take it that feeling gay is a bad thing?”

“Well, um, no hetero guy wants to be thought of as gay. It’s a stigma.”

“So is it impossible for you to see that it’s just two people in love? And that one of them had a birth defect?”

“Uh. Well, maybe? I don’t think I could do it.”

Her heart fell. She tried a different tack, a bit heatedly. “Would it be the same if the woman, say, was born without a uterus? Or had undergone a hysterectomy?”

“No, not at all,” he said, somewhat taken aback. This discussion had become more serious.

“Why not? That’s also just a plumbing issue.”

“It doesn’t seem the same.”

“To me it sounds like you think the man is only in love with the woman’s body, and not the actual person. Garrett, do you have any empathy at all for someone in that position? Someone who is uncomfortable as hell pretending to be a man, and so takes steps to rectify it?”

“Well, maybe it’s okay if it’s not someone I’m involved with.”

She looked at him with disappointment for a long time. He seemed oblivious as to the effect he was having on her.

“I have to go, Garrett,” she said, getting to her feet. “There are a couple things at home I don’t think I can put off any longer.”

“I thought we were going to dinner tonight.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“I wish I could change your mind about that, Babe,” he said, trying to grab her waist.

“Sorry. I have to do this tonight, or I’ll regret it.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, letting go.

She walked out, feeling very forlorn. At the same time she was glad she had brought the issue up in this oblique way. She knew now, without exposing herself to possible violence, that he was not the man for her.

-o0o-

During the next several days each time Garrett tried to make plans to meet she came up with an excuse. By the time the weekend rolled around he started to think she was avoiding him. He never appeared to connect her change in attitude to the conversation they had about the fictional transwoman.

He phoned her on Sunday. “Sherry, you’ve been avoiding me. Are you… breaking up with me?” He heard a little sniffling on her end.

“Yes, Garrett, I am.”

“But why?” he asked, completely in the dark.

“I don’t want you to have to have to suffer ‘the stigma of feeling gay.’”

There was a silence while he tried to figure out what she meant. Finally the light bulb went on.

“Wait… What? Are you saying… are you saying you are a guy?”

She sighed. “No, I’m saying I am a transwoman, and you said that a relationship between a transwoman and a man would be okay as long as the man was not you. Hence I’m breaking it off to spare you.”

There was silence from Garrett’s end as he tried to process this. “But– but you can’t be a guy!”

“Garrett, please listen to what I’m saying. I am NOT a guy. When I was young I did pretend to be one, but it made me so sad I almost killed myself. Then I got things fixed and I gradually became the person you fell in love with. I don’t want you to have to suffer by being with an ex-guy. Thank you for our time together; I cherished it.” And she ended the call before she started to cry.

-o0o-

Garrett sat there with his mouth open for a long time. He’d been in love with a guy! He didn’t know what to do with that information.

Over the next week he couldn’t stop thinking about this. Sometimes he would be angry. Then he would remember how much he loved her and how well they got along. He couldn’t reconcile in his mind that she used to be a man. She seemed nothing like a man. And not just her body; she didn’t appear to think like a man either. It was very difficult for him to process this, and he couldn’t decide whether to be angry about being deceived or not.

The next Sunday he was at a get-together with some of his buddies at one of their houses, and he asked what they thought about transwomen. The opinions varied, with some dead set against ‘men trying to pass themselves off as women,’ to one guy, Stefan who said there was nothing wrong with it, and that they weren’t ‘passing themselves off’ as women, but were women, the same as Sherry had told him. Garrett wanted to speak more with him about this, and the two went outside to talk.

Popping open his beer, Garrett asked, “So why are you so cool with this trans thing?”

“Someone close to me is trans. She had a brutal time of it, almost got killed by some guy who didn’t think she had the right to be herself. And she hadn’t even been coming on to him! He just seemed to think that her existence was wrong, so she deserved a beating. I happened to arrive at the scene before he could actually finish her off, and got her to the hospital. We got to know each other, and she told me her story. It takes a lot of courage to do what she was doing, to actually make the changes in order to live in a way that made her comfortable. She wasn’t hurting anyone—knowing her as I do I can’t even imagine her thinking about hurting anyone.”

“That’s pretty heavy, dude.”

“It’s not an easy path, Garrett. She hated herself growing up, couldn’t stand being a boy. She said that once she started expressing herself as female she became like a new person. She’s a good friend now.”

“So you don’t see her as a guy at all?” Garrett asked.

“No. Yeah, there are telltale signs in her bone structure, but that’s just physical stuff. Physical sex and gender are two different things. The physical sex of your body may have nothing to do with your gender.”

“It sounds crazy.”

“You probably think that since your sex and gender apparently match.”

“Huh. She said the same…” Garrett said, almost to himself.

“Who said the same thing?”

“Oh, no one.”

“No one, eh?” Stefan put a sympathetic hand on Garrett’s shoulder, easily understanding the situation. “Garrett, do you love her?”

Garrett looked up at him, conflicted. “I thought I did, but now I’m having trouble seeing her as a her.”

“Did she tell you she was trans?”

“Not in so many words, but she did make it clear.”

“And before that, did you have any reason to doubt she was a woman?”

“No, not one.”

Stefan was experienced, and he had heard stories like this before. He said, “But because she was honest with you and didn’t want to lie about her past, you now reject her?”

“It’s not as simple as that. I was in love with her, and she turned out to be a guy!”

“So,” Stefan sighed, “nothing I just told you penetrated. She is not a guy. Even if she has all the parts that would make her a guy, if she’s trans, she is not a guy! You have to look past the physical, Garrett. Who did you love? Her or only her body? Better take some time and think about it; you could be missing out on the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll do that, thanks. Listen, I’ll see you around.”

He had so much on his mind that he left and went home.

-o0o-

Garrett knew that trans people existed, but he never expected to meet one, let alone fall in love with one. It made him a little angry, to be put in this position of having to choose. He didn’t want anyone to think he was gay, but he did miss Sherry. On the other hand, there was just nothing about her that showed she had ever been a guy. If he didn’t know, why would anyone else? That kind of made it better. But could he get past his own perceptions now that he knew? Would it have been better if she had never told him?

He impulsively phoned her. To his surprise she answered the call and he blurted out the first thing on his mind.

“Sherry, why didn’t you let me know about this earlier?”

“Oh Garrett, this must be so hard for you to understand. People in my situation don’t usually announce to the world that they’re trans, and especially not in the current political climate. You wouldn’t believe how many people feel it is their right to abuse a trans person simply because he or she is trans. Once I felt things between us were getting serious I thought you deserved to know. I also thought it might help you understand why my family disowned me, and why I have no pictures of myself when I was young.”

“Oh. I thought they just lived far away from here, and that you had some horrible skin condition or something like that.”

“No, they decided they couldn’t accept me as I am, the true me. They turned their backs on me. I had no skin condition; it was simply a very difficult and sad time for me, and so I left all of that stuff behind.”

Garrett fell silent. For one thing he had always enjoyed the sound of her voice, and it was making him nostalgic. But now, realizing she was very much alone he felt bad for her. “I’m sorry to know that. I talked to my friend, Stefan. He knows someone like you and he tried to explain things to me, but I’m still having trouble with the fact that you used to be a guy.”

“Oh Garrett… just… let it go. You don’t have to change yourself for my sake,” she said, her heart aching. “Find someone else to love. You’re a great guy and many girls would be happy to be with you.”

“I… I fell in love with you, though.”

“Yes, but remember, I used to be a GUY.”

“Well,” he started, a little frustrated, “how am I going to know the next girl isn’t also trans?!”

“Maybe she will be; I certainly don’t know. But if you’re going to base your love on the next girl’s body instead of who she is, then you might be disappointed even if she’s a genetic girl. Sorry, Garrett, but you’re just going to have to work this out.” She paused. “Be well,” she said softly, and ended the call.

He looked at the phone and then put it down. This whole thing was more complicated than he thought he was capable of handling.

-o0o-

It was nice to hear Garrett’s voice, but it made Sherry sad all over again, and she had a little cry. She had never thought of him as particularly dense, but he sure couldn’t get his head around the whole concept of gender. It did kind of sound like he was trying to understand, if he talked to his friend. She didn’t hold out any hope for a renewed relationship though.

She had been depressed but resigned since she broke up with Garrett, wondering if this issue was going to be a deal breaker in every relationship she had. That was a depressing thought. She found herself wondering if transwomen who looked more obviously like men had this problem. If there was no doubt about who they used to be, it seemed like right away that would eliminate a whole class of people from getting involved. But since she passed so well she would always have to end up disclosing her history. She sighed. Damned two-edged swords!

-o0o-

At her next lunch meeting with two friends, also trans, she told them what happened with her and Garrett.

“Sorry to hear that, honey,” Kim said. “The same thing happened to me, but I didn’t have that great idea to invent a trans friend like you did. He did not take it well.”

“And I haven’t dated at all since my transition,” Joyce said.

“Well, we’re a fine bunch of—I don’t know what to call us!” Sherry growled.

“Try ‘women!’” Kim said.

Sherry smiled at that, and then the smile left her face. “I just keep thinking this is going to come up in any serious relationship, and it’s so hard to deal with.”

“True, but you can’t let it stop you from trying to move forward.”

Sherry looked down at the well-stirred drink she was still stirring. “I just wish it had worked out with Garrett; I really liked him.”

-o0o-

Garrett was not able to let the matter go. He kept trying to think of some solution, because he really did love Sherry. But short of being hypnotized into not caring about her past, he couldn’t see a way. He brooded about it, and he felt unable to try and start a new relationship while this was still going on in his head. He took himself over to Stefan’s apartment to speak with him again.

“I just don’t know how to forget about her physical past, Stefan. I want to be with her, but I can’t forget she was a guy. Why doesn’t this kind of thing matter to you?”

“Let me tell you once again, Garrett: I try and know the person, not the package they are wrapped in.” He looked at Garrett and tried to gauge some way to approach this that Garrett could grasp. “Tell me, umm, what would happen if you were married to a wonderful woman, and she was in an accident that left her disfigured and, say, a quadriplegic. Would you stop loving her?”

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t.”

Stefan nodded. “And why would you continue to love her?”

“Well, like, she’s my wife, and we love each other! I would want to be there for her.”

Stefan waited for him to realize what he was saying, but Garrett didn’t add anything further. “So you would take care of her and love her in spite of what she looked like, and in spite of the fact that she could do nothing for herself.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’d love her unconditionally, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’d do anything for her.”

“Well, yeah.” Garrett was about to say “duh,” but stopped himself.

“How is it that you’re able to look past the accident and subsequent injuries, but not the small matter of who this woman of yours had been before she met you? You’d be willing to go to such lengths for her only if she had been born in a female body?”

“Well, um…” Garrett reddened in embarrassment.

“Yeah, it would make you look pretty shallow. What if you had been married to this woman of yours for fifty years, and you loved each other all that time, and then, on your fiftieth anniversary, she told you she had started out as a boy? Would that negate the fifty yours you spent loving her?”

Garrett was silent, trying to imagine what that would be like. “It would be a shock…”

“Would you leave her because she had never admitted it before? Even though you had spent all those years loving her?”

“I don’t KNOW!” Garrett burst out. “It’s hard to put myself in that position.”

“All right, okay. What if, um, your friend had instead told you that she had, I don’t know, a criminal record for shoplifting before she met you? Would that be a deal breaker?”

“Well, no. I mean, by now she would have paid for her crime.”

Stefan let a few moments go by. “Isn’t this more or less the same thing? Her crime, if you want to call it that, was being born in the wrong body. She paid for it by putting up with the pain of that, and then getting her body fixed. It’s in the past.” He looked steadily at Garrett. “You don’t really want to try and make her pay for it again, do you?” he asked gently.

Garrett looked down. “No, I don’t,” he said softly. Then his brain started to assemble the information into a simple equation it was impossible for him to miss. The answer truly shocked him. “Oh my god! No, of course I don’t want to make her pay for it again! Man, I’ve really made a mess of this. She is not a guy anymore. She doesn’t look like one or act like one.”

“And it doesn’t make you gay to love her.”

“No.”

Stefan put his hand on Garrett’s shoulder. “See? I knew you weren’t as stupid as you were acting!”

Garrett half-grinned at him. “I really was stupid, though. It was just too weird or just… difficult for me to come to terms with. Thanks for getting through to me.”

“You’re welcome. Do you think she’ll take you back?”

“I really dunno, Stefan. I guess I didn’t treat her very well. But I will try.”

“That’s the spirit.”

-o0o-

Sherry was very reluctant to try and find a new relationship. The last thing she wanted to do was to go through telling someone again about how she was mislabeled at birth. It had been weeks since the breakup and she was still hurting. Her days consisted of work and then mindless evening entertainment in front of the TV, most of which she wasn’t paying attention to.

She didn’t get many visitors, so it was a surprise when the doorbell rang. Going to the door she saw it was a delivery of some kind. When she opened the door the man handed her a big spray of flowers, smiled and wished her a good day.

Flowers? From whom? She looked the arrangement over and found the card. She brought the flowers into her kitchen, cut the stems and put them in water in a vase, and then turned her attention to the card.

For the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met.

Love,
Garrett

Her heart leapt. Had he really and truly been able to overcome his prejudice? A smile forced itself onto her face and refused to come off. She took a deep whiff of the flowers. They smelled heavenly. And it was the first time anyone had ever sent her flowers.

She picked up her phone and called Garrett. He answered on the first ring.

“Garrett, is there something you want to tell me?”

“I guess you must have gotten the flowers.”

“Yes, thank you. I got them and they are gorgeous.”

“I was wondering if you could find it in your heart to forgive me and take me back.”

“But are you sure, Garrett? I don’t want this issue to come between us again.”

“I’m as sure as I can be. Stefan talked some sense into me, and I have to apologize for how I treated you. It just took me a long time to really understand what I was saying and how I felt.”

“Oooo kay. I don’t want to put you off, but I think maybe we should have a trial period, to see if you are really over this thing about perceptions of gender. And Garrett, this is really more for you than for me. If you start feeling like you’re dating a guy, we wouldn’t want to continue, would we?”

“That is not going to happen Sherry. I still love you, and I will do anything you suggest to make this work.”

“That sounds very nice,” she said, smiling. “What do you say we have dinner together tonight?”

“The first of many, many dinners, I hope. I’m on my way.”

The End.

Many thanks to Angela Rasch.