Lanterns on Lake Pontchartrain
An Acadiana Transgender Story

-2-
What if we'd both been born as girls?

I took a deep breath as I walked into the dinning area of the local Waffle House. Going out to eat at least once a week at the local Waffle House was one of the few, simple luxurious of life I could afford right now on my shoestring budget. And as I expected I found cousin Jasmine sitting at the plastic bar counter. She seemed to nursing a glass of ice cold coke-cola and she seemed a bit crestfallen. Going on the way she was dressed, she was wearing a peach colored dress with white wedge heels, and her long, flowing brown hair was styled back in a tight bun all told me she had expected to be dining somewhere else. Maybe in one of the high end seafood restaurants called the historic district of town home? Maybe even the local Mexican restaurant or one of the area's famous steakhouses? I wish I could afford those, but they were beyond my means now.

“Hey Cousin.” I said, taking a deep breath as I eased down beside her. “You look good, who is the lucky man?” I said, trying to joke a little. A few tense moments of silence passed before Jasmine turned her body around and looked at me, she then slow blinked and then shook her head and blew out a jet stream of hot air.

“You know I totally forgot how wonderful the smell of frying bacon is.” She said, smirking a little. “This brings back the memories though. I used to eat at Waffle Houses all the time when I was in school. You know back in my life. Back when you knew me as Cliff and the rest of the family was acting like I was dead or something.” She said, smiling a bitter sweet smile as she bent down and took a sip of her coke through the straw.

I blinked and blinked again. I had never in a million and one years expected her to bring that up. You see But when I was twelve and she was sixteen, there an four year gap between us, she had started her transition. I remember hearing something about it through the grapevine. I was dealing with my own problems. Wrestling with things I was still wrestling with. Like my dad trying his best to whip me into shape. But I just remember being told one day my favorite cousin and best friend in the world had gone away and that I was never going to see him again, he was never going to come back. Till well a year ago when this woman I never meet had walked up to me and introduced herself to as Jasmine.

At first I thought she was new to town, like she had just moved or she was running for dogcatcher or something. So after she introduced herself to me, I also introduced myself to her. And then, I swear I would never forget this moment for as long as I live, because it felt like somebody had struck me with a frying pan. Anyway, this woman placed her hands on her hip, leaned over, and pointed to me and in the most southern way possible exclaimed, 'Oh my word! Casper Edward Fisherman, have you forgotten your dear old cousin' and well after that one thing leads to another. I made a mistake in naming her once, but she gently corrected me and even lightly scolded me for it. Anyway after that Cousin Cliff became Cousin Jasmine.

“Sorry it's the only place I can afford on my shoestring budget.” I said blushing as I looked down at the menu. “I don't really have a lot of money to spend right now.” I paused. “I'm kind of living paycheck to paycheck and I'm trying to save as much as possible. College is kind of out of the question right now too. I still don't know what I want to go for and well if I'm frank with you my twelve years of public education has kind of failed me.” I said, taking a deep breath.
“I totally understand, there is a recession going on, and you're making decent money right now. But hey, kudo's for you. I heard from my mom that you finally decided to move out from under your mothers demanding shadow. Even if the place you decided to move in was a converted garage apartment located above my dad's auto repair. And he's letting you live there for free if you keep an eye on things. But you're still trying to find your own way in this crazy, mixed up word. But can I be blunt with you for a second?” Jasmine said as she shifted around and peered at me.

“I guess.” I said, picking up the menu again and looking down at it. I decided I would settle on the waffles. Waffles and sausage and maybe, and maybe a second order of waffles.

“So how long have you been inside the egg?” She said, smirking a little as she took another sip from her drink. She seemed to be sizing me up, like how somebody would often stick a long stick into a mud hole to test the depth or something along those lines.

I blinked and blinked again as I peered toward Jasmine. I swallowed hard and shifted my eyes away from her for a moment. At the present moment I found myself totally lost for words. I had no idea how to respond to that question. So instead of responding I told the girl behind the bar what I wanted to order. After I finished placing my order, I noticed that Jasmine was still peering directly at me, still clearly expecting her answer.

“I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.” I said, taking a deep breath.

“Bull.” She said grinning.

“Really!” I said, taking a deep breath. “Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.” I quickly added.

Now if you don't know what it means to be 'Inside the Egg' allow me to enlighten you a little. 'Egg' is a term that is popular in the transgender community. I've seen it appear often in such online communities such as Reddit and Discord and even on some Facebook groups. An 'Egg' from what I could gather from my own research is someone who is showing signs to others in the community of being transgender but hasn't come to realize it yet. The word 'Egg' is applied to the person because this person has not yet 'Hatched' yet. That is to come to terms with being transgender. It's weird, but then again most memes on the internet are.

Now, I did not consider being transgender. True I enjoyed reading stories about transgender characters, and I enjoyed hanging around transgender Discords, and yes sometimes often late at night or the wee hours of the morning just before dawn what my life would have been like if by some chance God had deemed it fit for me to be born a girl. But those were just fleeting ideas.

“Whatever.” Jasmine said, taking a deep breath. “I guess you're not ready to hatch yet!” She said, taking another sip of her coke.

I blinked and blinked again and then I took another deep breath.

“Jasmine, can I ask a personal question?” I said as I peered down at the food that was just placed down in front of me. Jasmine turned around and blinked as she looked at the massive mountain of golden, honey colored waffles that hung off my plate.

“Sure. I guess, but the answer is always fish.” She said smiling. “Are you really going to eat all that?” She asked as she pointed toward my plate.

“If you and I'd been born girls, instead of boys, like we'd grown up as girls. What would have happen? What would have been different? I mean we were kind of close growing up. But not really, do you think things would have been different?” I asked as I started to slice the waffles into bite size pieces. I was famished from work, and my modest lunch had long since left me behind in the dust.

The moment I finished asking my question was the moment she just peered at me, she titled her head to the side and gave me a sideways smile.

“Well when we were growing up. I tended to think of you as kind of that baby brother I never had. So I guess that would have been the same, only I would have been the older sister and you would have been the little sister. You know I had an older brother, but we were never really close. We just liked different things growing up. And well you and I liked the same things growing up. Lego's, Thomas the Train, Pokemon, Anime, Magic The Gathering and all that geeky stuff. We kind of bonded on that. I think just before I started my transition I even got you into anime. I know I jump started your Pokemon career by giving you around six hundred Pokemon trading cards.” She said smiling as she peered toward me.

I nodded my head, and instead of uttering a word I kept attacking my plate of waffles.

“I guess, we would have still played with Lego's cause they do have themed sets aimed toward girls. And I guess instead of Thomas the Train it would have been Barbie Dolls. Or maybe it would have still been Thomas the Train because girls can like trains too. But instead of G.I doll's or wrestling men or 'Action Figures' as we liked to call them, I guess we would have played with Barbie Dolls and acted out some of our favorite scenes from our favorite Disney Sitcoms.” She smiled and paused to take another drink of her coke-cola.

“And I'm sure as we got older, I would have painted your nails, and given your pointers on make-up and hair care, I'm sure I would have tried my best to influence your fashion. And when I finally learned to drive, I would have made a point to take to those big malls in Baton Rouge or across the lake in New Orleans to shop for stuff. I'm sure we would have shopped for school clothes together, I'm sure I would have helped to pick out your prom dress. And I guess by now I would have been married. And had at least one child. And yes, you would have been invited to attend my wedding and I would have had you as maid of honor or something.”

I nodded my head.

“I guess we would still have gotten into Pokemon too, and video games. Though I'm sure once I'd gotten into High School, I would have tried to become popular and might have been embarrassed of my dorky, kid sister who hung around me. I might have snapped on you and broken the friendship then. Or at least shunned you for a bit.” Jasmine paused and peered toward me.

“I hope that answers your question? And are you sure you're not in the egg?” She added. “Because for somebody not in the egg you asked a very telling question. A good question, but a telling question nonetheless.”

“I don't know.” I said, taking a deep breath.

“Well, let me make a suggestion. If you'd been born a girl? What name would you have wanted your mom and dad to give you? I selected my name because she was my favorite Disney princess.” Jasmine said, peering at me.

“I guess I would have liked my mom to have given the name 'Isabella' and I'm sure growing up everybody would have called me 'Belle'. And for the middle name. 'Maria' is Latin for Mary and that would go with 'Isabella' and plus it would have honored Our Lady. It's also my mom's middle name and it was her mom's middle name and her mom's middle name. And of course Fisherman.” I said, shoving more waffles into my mouth.

“OH GOD!” Jasmine laughed. “Oh honey child. If there was any lingering doubt in my mind that you were in the egg, you just took a freaking sledge hammer and smashed it into tiny fragments and then you took a shop hammer to those fragments and smashed them into dust! You really put some thought into that name. I'm proud of you!” She said smiling as she peered toward me.

“What?” I said peering toward Jasmine, I'd finally finished off my waffles and was now attacking the strips of chewy bacon.

“Isabella Maria Fisherman.” She said smiling. “I like it, now why the first name. Why would you have wanted your mom to name you 'Isabella' ? Come on with it. I want to know this new cousin of mine.” She said as she called a refill on her coke-cola.

“Well.” I also called for another refill of my coke-cola. “Remember growing up, I always wanted to watch 'Beauty and the Beast' no matter how many times I'd seen it. It was my all time favorite cartoon movie.” I said smiling.

“You know, the more I think about it, you would have really been an Disney girl growing up.” Jasmine said as she took another sip of her coke-cola through the bendy straw. “I think you would really been a girly-girl. If fate had deemed it fit for you to born a girl. So, here what I would do if I was in your shoes right now. See I don't know about you, but I get a copy a daily copy of the The Times-Picayune sent daily to my office daily and well the the The Times-Picayune covers all social life and civic events going on in this area. It seems in a fortnights time there going to something called an Womanless Beauty Pageant held in this now. Now the mayor along with a few of the other councilwoman want this to be a tasteful and realistic pageant. So these guys are trying to pass. Now what I would do is this, my store to sponsor me. And while on paper your entering the pageant as 'Casper Edward Fisherman' known to his family as 'Sunny' because his grandmother use to call him 'Sun-Baby'.” She paused and took another lip sip of her coke-cola.

“In y'all mind you will be entering this pageant as Isabella Maria Fisherman. The undiscovered belle of this small one horse town.” Jasmine then smiled and raised her glass of coke-cola up to and saluted me with it. “After all, you gotta walk before you can run. And trust me, I think you are already ready to come out of the egg. We just need to get you to work up the courage to break out of your shell.” After that Jasmine drained her glass of coke-cola, and called for both of our tickets. I raised my finger in protest, but she just smiled and shook her head.

“No, cousin this dinner is on me.” She she said as she handed the girl working the counter her plastic card. “Just do me a favor hon. Go home and think about what we talked about tonight. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life or anything. But just remember this Father time waits on no man or woman. So decide now what direction you want to take life. And remember you're not alone in this fight. The whole community will stand behind you. And I'm here with you too.”

I was stunned into silence. I remained silent as Jasmine placed her credit card back into wallet, and slipped her wallet back into her purse. I remained silent as she watched her put her purse straps over her shoulder and walk out the door. And I remained silent as I watched her vanish into the inky darkness. I knew she had a late night train to catch back to Baton Rouge and I also knew I had a lot of thinking to do.

To be continued. Hopefully?