Part 7 of 11

Chapter 10
Patty was right. It took three more days for Mike the Cop to ask me for a date. It was the first time I talked to a cop and he was the one being nervous. Go figure! We got off the bus and Mike the Cop just happened to be walking by the bus stop when we arrived.

Right! I was looking out the window and saw him waiting as the bus approached. He starts walking from the Cop Shop at just the right time so he got there as we got off. He says "Hi!" to us and walks with us for a ways.

Since Patty clued me in about what was going on, I have been worried about just what I would do when he asks me out. He says "Liza?"

"So I say, "Yes, Mike? In a kind of neutral tone.

"This isn't anything official, Liza."

Why did Patty have to be right? She's going to rub it in all night, and not the kind of rubbing we both enjoy.

"I guess that's good. What's up?"

"Uh, Liza, would you like to go see a movie with me on Saturday? I'm off duty then and I'd like to get to know you better."

Really? The only kind of personal relationship my family ever had with the cops was when one of them tried to set us up as a stool pigeon or wanted to get a little on the side from one of the younger girls. Yes, I'm a cynic, I have lots of reason to be.

But I remember what Patty told me and I figure I should accept. Besides, if I was as female in my body as I was getting to be in my brain I just might think Mike the Cop was worth dating. Good thing Patty and I have something good going already.

"That sounds nice, Mike. What movie should we see?"

"I thought you should be the one to pick."

"I haven't really seen what's playing. What time do you get off tonight?"

"I'm on until nine."

"Then why don't you come up to the apartment and we can look I took the paper from the Salon and it should have the listings."

"That would be nice."

"You can get to meet the other girls if they're home."

"OK. Thanks, Liza. I'll be there."
 

This has got to be the craziest thing I've ever done, inviting a Cop to the apartment.

Wait a minute! I have to admit that turning myself into a girl might just be crazier. Could going on a date with a cop make it any worse? Even if he's a nice cop?

I never would have imagined that there could even be a nice cop. How did I get into this mess, anyway? Well, I tried to knock off a bank and almost got caught. The results just get stranger and stranger.

Jenny just can't believe we invited Mike up here. She looks at us and says "You do realize you've just invited a cop up to the place where you two are committing felonies just about every night, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Jesus Liza! Two girls making it together is a felony in New York. That's sodomy, you two. If this cop figures out you're in bed together you could be in a cell for years and years!"

Jenny works for a lawyer, so she knows this stuff.

"That's crazy!"

"Remember the laws are made by a bunch of old men who probably haven't gotten laid in a dozen years and don't want anyone else to get laid, either."

"But Liza isn't really a girl," Patty says.

"And how old is Vito?"

"I'm seventeen, you know that."

"That's statutory rape, guys. And don't forget, a man dressing like a woman is still technically illegal, but nobody in their right mind would enforce it these days. Remember cops are not the most liberal people on the planet. If he finds out you're a guy he could just beat the shit out of you and want to bet nobody would bother to investigate? Cops protect their own.

Well, I knew that.

"Patty, I think we may have just made a boo-boo."

"Boo-boo? You really have done a great job of learning to speak like a lady, but boo-boo may be just a bit too much."

"Do you have an ouchie, Jenny?" Patty asked.

"I give up! I suppose if I screw one of the junior lawyers he might be willing to defend you. If Patty screws him he might even get you off. I don't think Liza should offer, though, unless we get a woman intern. There's a better chance of a glass of ice water in hell than those old farts letting a woman do anything but pound a typewriter."

"Liza, maybe you better hope there isn't a movie you both want to see."

"He'd probably take me ice skating instead."

"Maybe I should propose to you and you can tell him you're engaged to be married and have to cancel the date?"

"In the couple of hours between talking to me and getting off shift? My guy must be a fast worker."

"Hell no! My guy - and my gal - is a slow worker. Real slow, and that's the way I like it."

"Get a room, you two."

"We got one, but we can't tell Mike the Cop."
 

We're going to see The Cassandra Crossing on Saturday. Mike wants to take me to dinner and then the movie and I don't have a thing to wear!
 

"Hello?"

"Hi. I'm calling on behalf of the beer snatcher."

"Oh yes. And how is the little scallywag?"

"Doing quite well, ma'am. Learning a new trade, finding new friends and quite happy."

"I'm pleased to hear that, really I am. From the sound of it he has a very well-spoken girlfriend."

"I try, Ma'am. Have you been able to help our friend find herself?"

"I believe I have. I think she'll be quite pleased at what I've found. Sometimes you find an absolute treasure when you aren't expecting it."

"I' most pleased to hear you say so."

"Tell our beer snatching friend that if this Sunday afternoon when the Ducal Siren sounds, if he finds himself where he once got the seal of approval his friend might find the end of the rainbow as well. He will certainly recognize the leprechauns in any case."

"I believe he will understand. Is there anything he could do for you?"

"Just stay safe and be well. And give the scallywag my love."

"I'll be sure he gets it."
 

"Honey, want to go on a date with me?" I asked.

"Of course! Why should Mike the Cop have all the fun?"

"Good. I think since we're going to see The Cassandra Crossing I'd like to have a little mystery thriller of my own. Don't worry, I'm fresh out of deadly diseases, though."

"They don't have a train, wherever we're going, do they?"

"It's a low budget production. In fact, my Aunt Aggie is providing the script free of charge."

"Just how many Aunts and Uncles do you have?"

"Numbers beyond counting and cousins beyond naming."

"This is really odd for an only child like me."

"Remember, I'm an only child, too. I may want to adopt you into the family, love."

"Wait a minute. Do you mean what I think you mean?"

"Will you marry me if we can figure out how the heck to do it?"

"You're crazy! Yes!"

"I haven't a clue how to manage it with me looking like this, but I was telling you about Aunt Aggie and got distracted."

"I like distractions."

"Me too! Aunt Aggie - Well, Auntie can forge just about anything and if she can't forge it she can steal it and if she can't steal it she knows where to buy it. I gave her a call last week and asked if she could find some papers for a girl named Eliza. I knew it wasn't such a great idea to limit it to any one name, but that's the name you gave me and I like it. I don't want to change it. Well, unless this girl has to change it when we get married."

"You clown!"

"Hey! Don't insult my hair stylist. She's a genius and would never make me look like a clown.

"Get back to Aunt Aggie, clown."

"So Aunt Aggie tells me - or the girl that she thinks is calling for me - that she hit the jackpot and someone I know will be at a place where I got the seal of approval as a little kid."

"This is sounding like a spy thriller."

"I've sort of been trained from birth not to say anything over the phone that a wiretapper might understand. We played lots of games when I was growing up to get the whole thing down pat. Anyway, when I was little we would go to the zoo and my Pops would put his hands together like he was praying, hold them in front of his nose and bark like a seal. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world when he gave me the 'Seal of Approval.'

"We have to be there when the Ducal Siren sounds, which is two o'clock. The shift siren at Pop's plant went off at two, and I heard 'two' as 'Duke,' so it had to be the Ducal Siren. No way anyone but me and my Pops could figure that out. I figure you just might get to meet your new in-laws if we're lucky."

"You're going to be Liza?"

"That's who my paperwork will say I am. I'm not sure if I'll tell them it's a disguise or tell them that I don't intend to be Vito any longer than it takes for us to get married. I suppose I should ask you if you want to live with Liza for the rest of our lives?"

"Honey, I put a lot of effort in training Liza, I'm not going to let her go too easily. Think of it as an investment in our future."

"Speaking of investments, I'm going to have to find a job and start a bank account once I'm legal. Well semi-legal."

"Just don't tell Jenny or she'll know a dozen reasons why you can't do it that way."

"It's a good thing Liza doesn't have a criminal record since every time we go to bed we're committing a crime. I always knew the law was an ass."

"And I know an ass that I want to know right quick."
 

Chapter 11
Mike picked me up at the apartment at four on Saturday. When he asked, I was thinking I should wear something that would knock his socks off, after all it was my first big date as a girl. Not that I had too many dates when I was a boy, but a girl has dreams.

Since I became an engaged woman before he came calling I decided I should be just the nice girl next door type and not get his juices flowing. Ha! The idea of me getting a guy's juices flowing still struck me as crazy, but I have learned to see when it happens. Knowing what it feels like from the inside helps, if you haven't guessed.

We ate at a nice little steak house in a quiet corner and I tried to get him talking about himself. He was from Syracuse and always wanted to be a cop, it ran in his family. Now wasn't that ironic that he was dating someone who had criminality running in their family? I told him a bit about myself, suitably disguised, but didn't mention the family occupation.

The talk got around to his job and I asked about the big excitement that happened a while back. His face screwed up and he said "The whole thing has gone to shit. Sorry, I shouldn't say that to a nice girl like you."

"I've heard the word before. Is it something you can tell me?"

"The powers-that-be won't want it broadcast, but there's nothing secret about it. They got the ballistics evidence back and it turns out that both the cop and the robber were shot by the Lieutenant. The robber missed every time, so we aren't looking for a murderer any more. Besides, we got one guy in a cell. His story is not checking out, he's a lying scumbag trying to save himself."

Well, you can imagine that I'm one happy girl when I hear that, so I make sympathetic noises and we talk about something else so he won't even try to connect me to the crime.

The movie was OK, and I let him put his hand on my leg. After all, I was going to dump the guy when the movie was over so he ought to have something to remember me by.

His hand started wandering, so I let him hold my hand during the suspenseful parts. That didn't feel too bad, and I was surprised that he felt as soft as Patty does. I wasn't expecting a guy to feel soft.

The other reason for holding his hand was so he didn't try to cop a feel. My breasts look real enough, but if he put his fingers on them he would know that they were bags of rice and not real breasts. I mean, a cop ought to be smart enough to figure that out from his investigations.

When we got home I gave him a kiss - I was feeling so girly by then it didn't bother me a bit - and I had to tell him that my old boyfriend got so jealous when he found out I was going on a date he proposed to me and I said yes.

He looked disappointed, but he didn't get upset or anything, just said he how he never was the one to get the girl. I was almost ready to try and get him to date Jenny or Wendy, but figured it wouldn't be such a good idea if he was around the place all the time.

So I had to tell Patty all about it, and she was sympathetic. She knows how hard it is to tell a guy he's out of the running without hurting him.

Sigh! My first date and I had to dump him.