Bad Christmases - A New Plan

When you have four generations showing up at one house for a Christmas gathering, you can get some very different views.

When I was born, my name was Jeremy Isiah Newman, I now go by the name Stacy Denise Newman. Nearly three years ago I got my gender dysphoria diagnosis. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about others, that have gone through transition. Being eleven when I started, will make me thirteen for my third Christmas. I haven’t had too many problems with my transition, other than a few family members, so it’s been a pretty smooth transition thus far.

I’m sure that my father was thoroughly relieved that I also came out as lesbian. He wasn’t the happiest when I came out as trans, but I think he thought of me dating a boy screamed gay. Conversely, I think he sees me being lesbian as hetero, no clue how he comes to that conclusion. Because I started my gender change before puberty, I am most definitely feminine looking. When Annie and I are together, he surely has to see that we fall under a gay banner.

Dad has really been a very supportive party, my whole immediate family has actually. Grands, no so much. My father’s grandmother, May; and mother’s parents, Michael and Sandra have been great. Dad’s parents and grandfather, not nearly as nice about my transition as my mother’s grandparents. My mother’s grandparents aren’t anything to write home about to start with. I wish they were all like Grandma May and Grandma and Grandpa Holmes (Mom’s maiden name).

Kelly, my oldest sister, has been a real rock for me. Michael is my next oldest sibling, he’s been really cool too. He’s only a year older, so this year I still have him in school. Though next year he’ll be a high schooler. My younger sister, Diane looks to me the same as I do to Kell, she’s two years back from me. Billy is the baby, just barely seven now. Billy’s only problem was mainly a logistics thing. “Why are we calling Jemmy, Stacy?” He had problems pronouncing Jeremy. It did take him a bit to understand that he had three sisters now instead of two brothers and two sisters.

Mom and Dad were both only children, so our house is the common denominator for the grands. Therefore, we were generally the hosts for Christmas each year. My siblings got nearly everything they wanted each Christmas and for their birthdays. For the last two years, Christmas and birthdays have been slim pickings for me. Grandma May, Grandma and Grandpa Holmes, and my immediate family have got me things that are fitting for a young lady, but my other grandparents and great grandparents have tried to push the boy stuff at me.

Great Grandma May and Grandpa Will buy separately for us because she supports me, but he doesn’t. That’s a good thing as well as bad. Great Grands Holmes, well, I don’t expect to get any use of anything they give. Mom had even asked them to get gift cards or gender neutral gifts for me since the aren’t likely to get me anything feminine.

My parents enjoy sleeping in on holidays, so the rule is if we wake early, we stay in our rooms until we hear the second doorbell. The greats and grands always show up together. Second doorbell indicates both sides of the family have shown up. We head downstairs in our pajamas to have a small breakfast before exchange gifts. I find it funny that most of my elders bristle at my lavender pjs with pink stocking hats. Kell, Di, and I ramped up the girly notch a bit talking about makeup, just because of the elders.

After breakfast and putting the elders through enough torture (according to Mom), we went into the family room to do presents. Great grandpa Will tried to send me to get changed out of my pajamas, Mom asked him why only I needed to change. “You know good and well why!” was his response. Dad made it clear that he’d treat us all the same, if I had to change, so did my siblings, and we weren’t changing to our fancy clothes before gifts were opened.

“So be it,” my great grandfather replied. “They can open from me first so they can all get changed.” Great grandpa Will ALWAYS gave us clothes. So, we all opened his presents to us. No surprise, I got smaller versions of the button down light blue shirt and khaki carpenters that Michael got, Billy got the same thing, smaller yet.

Mom and Dad weren’t happy at all, Grandpa Will had tried this same thing previously. We were all about to protest when Michael and Kell each grabbed my hands, with Di carrying both our outfits. Mom and Dad gave us quizzical looks, but Michael’s nod to them stopped them. Kelly pulled me to my room, telling me to get my robe on, then go find Michael.

With my robe tied around me, I went in search of my brother. I stopped dead in my tracks when I found him in Di’s room, the ironing board was set up and he was putting some Cinderella iron-on patches on the back pockets. Princess Jasmine were already ironed onto the front just below the pockets, before I made it into the room. Kell was taking the buttons off of the shirt and sewing on new pink buttons. Once Michael finished the pants, he handed them to me, then let Kell finish the button she was working on. He took the shirt, putting Belle on the pocket there too, then handed it back to Kell to finish the buttons, before going to get changed.

Before I put the new clothes on, I made sure I had a bright pink training bra and cami on. Kell, Di and I could hear the elders complaining about it taking so long on our way back to the family room. We also heard Mom say, “You expected the girls to change fast?” Part of the delay was Di putting charms of the other Disney Princesses on each new button after I got the shirt on. The Princesses belt was a nice finishing touch.

Grandpa Will of course retorted, “That only counts for two of the three not back yet.”

“No,” Mom replied, “that’s all three daughters. You may not accept it but we do.”

Grandma May saw what had been done to my clothes before I could put them on, held her arms open for a hug, then wrapped me in her loving embrace, but Grandpa Will almost blew a gasket. “Where the Hell are the clothes I got you,” exploded out of my great grandfather.

“She’s got them on, despite your attempt to set her back, you stubborn old fool!” Grandma May retorted. “Let me cut the tags off sweetie,” she addressed to me. She handed him the removed tags as proof.

“This is not acceptable,” Grandpa Will complained.

“I’m a teenager, we don’t do plain, we jazz up our clothes,” I replied to his compliant. “Be happy that my brother and sisters thought of this, I wasn’t going to wear them until I saw what they were doing. I was going to come back down in a pink sleep set that is ten times girlier than my pajamas.”

There was some huffing and puffing after that, but it settled fairly quickly. Grandma May’s gifts were next, but it almost seemed that Mom and Dad got them for us, since they were right on the money. Maybe she went shopping with Mom, so she knew what to get. The jewelry box I got was beautiful. When I opened it, some of the stuff was obviously new and some that she must have had for ages. The earrings on the cards made me reach instinctively for my unpierced ears.

Michael handed out Grandma and Grandpa Holmes’ gifts after that. I think he just wanted to make sure we got our good gifts first. Mom’s parents went all out. Other than Billy we all got some great electronics. Even Billy got some great age appropriate swag, nothing that’d go online, but fun for him none the less.

After Mom’s parents were Dad’s parents. Nobody opened anything before me. I wasn’t sure, but found out later that my siblings and parents had arranged it that way. As soon as I had one side opened of the first present, seeing the side of a snaptite model car I stopped going any further. Michael held out his hand for me to pass it over. I was starting to tear up, no point in even opening the rest.

“Are all of her presents like this?” Michael asked my grandparents. Once they confirmed, he asked the same of my great grands on Mom’s side. They too, had only got me gifts appropriate for a thirteen year old boy. “I guess we’ll do it your way Kell,” Michael addressed my sister, handing her my present. For a second, I thought we were opening each other’s gifts. Kell opened her purse, pulled out a roll of tape and some labels.

Michael grabbed my hand to help me stand, I moved to where Kell sat, and she took my place. I noticed the labels in front of her presents, they said sixteen year old girl. Michael passed out the rest of the presents, all of Kelly’s were in front of me. All of mine were in front of Kell; Michael, Di and Billy each had their own. Not one present had been opened, sans the model car. Even my parents had labels in front of them with age & gender on them.

My elders were looking at all of us like we’d gone mad, it wasn’t until the original tags were removed and replaced that they started getting vocal. I was still sitting there dumbfounded, watching my family switching the tags on each present for the labels. It took Mom to break me out of it, “Go on Stacy, they won’t change themselves.”

“Just what the hell are you doing?” came from Grandma Pearl.

“Grandma, there were several families that we weren’t able to help out this Christmas with the toy drive, these will be perfect for them!” Mom’s declaration definitely bristled some feathers.

“They most certainly will not!” my great grandmother replied.

“Yes, the really will. As you have decided to slight Stacy yet again, we decided that if one of us is going to be disparaged, all of us would gladly donate everything given by the individual. We even suggested gender neutral gifts or gift cards that could be used anywhere. We are just saving some time by using the original wrapping paper, thinking green.” Every head turned to look at Grandma May as she started cackling at Mom’s response to her counterpart.

“No, if you aren’t going to open them, then we will take them back!” Grandpa Bart tried to say.

“Not happening Grandpa!” Mom was adamant.

“There are some personal items in there with names and dates, as well as some electronics that are on our cell accounts. They will be returned.” He tried again.

“I hope then that you only got one or two, the early termination fees might get a bit expensive if you got for all four over age ten.” Dad quipped. “But you gave them, and will not reneg, You were the ones that decided to give inappropriate gifts to a thirteen year old girl.”

The arguing went on for nearly forty-five minutes until Dad threatened charges of theft if they tried to take them back. At that point Dad’s parents and Mom’s grandparents decided it was time to leave, well before Christmas dinner. Maybe they’ve got some leftovers they could have, so they don’t need to cook.

Mom, Grandma May, Kell, and I (now that I was a teenager) all went to the kitchen to work on dinner. Dad stayed in the family room with Grandpa and Grandma Holmes, as well as great grandpa Newman; while my brothers and Di put everything in our bedrooms.

“I am not happy with what those children did to Jeremy’s clothes.” Grandpa Will told Dad.

“They didn’t do anything to Jeremy’s clothes,” Dad replied. “There isn’t a Jeremy here. You need to get that through your head. While the kids are out of the room, I’m going to tell you something that Kell, Michael, Di and Billy will never learn.”

“Oh, and what’s that?”

“THAT, is we found Stacy just after her eleventh birthday in front of Nat’s full length mirror. She was dressed in one of her mother’s smallest outfits.”

“No different than a lot of young boys do Ryan, doesn’t mean they need to wear the clothes and change their name.” Grandpa retorted.

“No, you are right there, but most parents don’t find a child NOT breathing, next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills.” Dad had thoroughly shut my great grandfather down. “I will gladly raise my diagnosed transgendered daughter than plan a funeral for one of my children.”

“Are you telling me that Jeremy tried to kill himself?“

“You still don’t get it, I’m telling you that Stacy would have succeeded killing herself, if Nat hadn’t had to come home from work to grab a file she needed to show one of her clients,” Dad told his grandfather. “We had hoped all of you would come around on you own without needing to be told HOW we found out that our child was suffering.”

The conversation went on much longer than the four adults in the room had realized. It wasn’t until Michael and Di bolted to the kitchen, that anyone sussed they’d been overheard. Both were hugging Stacy and crying, much to the shock of those already in the kitchen.

Nat gave her husband a questioning look, so he motioned to the laundry room with his head. Will could see that things were about to get very chaotic so he took command, “Sandy, can you help May and Kell? Michael and Di please go play in you rooms, check that Billy is as well, Stacy I’d like you to join me in the family room. When Ryan and Nat come out of the laundry send them to the other room.”

The elder Michael, opted to stay in the kitchen helping as muscle for the cooks. Stacy let her great grandfather lead her to the family room but stood awkwardly while he sat on the couch. She hadn’t yet fully grasped that he’d used her new name for the first time. She moved slowly over to him when he patted the seat next to where he sat.

Over the next fifteen minutes Will learned how much the prospect of turning into a man terrorized Stacy. He learned that her feelings of being a girl started from the age of five when kids in kindergarten were generally separated by gender for many things. Will found out a lot about his great granddaughter before they were joined by her parents.

“I’ll talk to your parents.” Will told Ryan.

“Grandpa, we don’t want them to know how we found out. I didn’t want to tell you either, but I couldn’t stand it any longer. Maybe with you and Grandma both telling them to get with the program, it’ll sink in.” Ryan’s plea towards his grandfather was met by a solitary nod.

“Michael and Sandy won’t have much success, you know.” Will was sure that Bart and Pearl would have to be told the secret to get onboard. He then looked directly at Stacy, “Would you like to go shopping with your great grandparents tomorrow to get a more appropriate outfit?” Stacy launched herself at Will, wrapping him in a tight hug, crying as she did so, but nodding vigorously.