A world without me : Chapter 1 : Jake

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A world without me


 
Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.

He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.
 

Copyright© 2016-2017 Anna Hurley (BrokenFox)
All Rights Reserved.

 

Eden's Reality is still being worked on, but I've been re-focusing on certain elements of the story and it's going slower than I'd like.

Chapter One: Jake
 
I looked dreamily up at the rows upon rows of small animal figures neatly organised on the black shelf, each one the size of my fist. They were made out of some kind of heavy plastic and were amazingly detailed, from the perfectly painted stripes on the zebras right down to the pebbly scales of the komodo dragons. They were a part of the ‘Pristine’ collection of animal figurines and I’d been collecting them ever since mum had given me one as a present for my fifth birthday, an adorable little platypus figurine. I’d fallen in love with it immediately and had miraculously managed to not break it over the last seven years. It was sitting proudly in the middle of the shelf above my bed, waiting to greet mum if she ever came back home.

She’d…been gone for a while now…

I adjusted my oversized glasses and stood up on my toes so I could look at the back rows of figurines, hoping to see something amazing. The store I was in, Imaginative Dice, didn’t usually have many figures, being a relatively small business that focused more on board games than collectables. I came in here every couple of weeks after school to see if any new figurines were in stock and to my delight today I’d found all of these, sitting along the back shelf between a bunch of trading card boxes.

A few of them were ones I’d never seen before and if I could have bought them all I would have, but I didn’t have nearly enough money for that. They were thirty dollars each and I’d only saved fifty dollars since last month, so I needed to be picky. I didn’t want some lumpy gorilla or creepy cuttlefish. I wanted something really cool, like a great white shark! If I could find one of those then I’d very happy. I’d been hoping to find one for a while now, to put next to my sperm whale, but it was fairly rare. It’d only been released in the awesome ‘Pristine: Dangerous Ocean 2’ expansion and that’d almost been tw-

‘Can I help you with anything?’ a male voice asked from behind me and I almost screamed, having completely forgotten my surroundings.

I spun around to find a tall sales assistant I’d never seen before looking down at me with a loose smile. He was dressed in the store’s black uniform and had short blonde hair that had been slightly styled at the front to stand up. His face was sun-darkened and handsome, with the beginnings of a thick moustache appearing around the corners of his thin lips. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties and a small tag on his shirt said ‘Temp’. I guess that meant he was only working here temporarily? Maybe he was filling in for the usual employee who worked her, a friendly overweight guy with a really infectious smile.

‘Uh-umm…’ I stammered and looked down at the ground, clutching the bottom of my yellow school shirt in my hands. I’d never seen this man working in here before and I wasn’t very good at talking to strangers. Or anyone, really, but strangers especially.

I was tempted to just shake my head and rush off like I normally did in situations like this, but…there could actually be a great white shark figurine back there! And I was too small to be able to see or reach back there, so...so I had to ask this man for help. I needed to be brave!

I forced myself to look up at him and tried to calm myself down. ‘C-could…uh…is there…’

‘Yes?’ he asked impatiently, his eyes flicking past me to look at an elderly couple inspecting a set of tabletop miniatures. ‘Is there a what?’

‘Does you have a shark?’ I winced at how stupid I sounded and spoke again. ‘I mean, do you have a great white s-shark? I need one!’

He looked back at me with raised eyebrows, and then turned to the shelf. ‘You want a shark, huh?’

‘Yes please. I-If you have one.’

‘You sure you don’t want something else?’ he took down a panda figurine and showed it off to me. ‘This one’s our most popular, especially amongst girls. We used to have some flamingos that were popular as well but they sold out in the first week. ’

‘No, I want a shark.’ I shook my head to emphasize my point. I didn’t care about pandas or flamingos! Yuck.

‘Is it a present for your brother or something?’ he asked as he turned back to the shelf and I tilted my head in confusion.

‘No, it’s for me.’ I muttered, scratching at my chest. It’d been painfully itchy for a few months now and lately it’d begun to swell up. Aunt Linda had told me not to worry about it though so I was trying not to, but it was hard when it was so itchy.

‘For you?’ The salesman looked back at me with a smirk. ‘That’s kinda cool. Most of the little girls I’ve seen come in here just ask for My Little Pony stuff or Pokémon cards, crap like that. It’s nice to see a girl with different tastes. Makes me think y’all aren’t little clones of each other or something, you know?’

‘Huh? I like Pokémon…’ I said slowly, not really sure what he’d just meant. Why was he talking about little girls? I thou-

Oh!

Oh. Right.

My heart sunk. He thought I was a girl. Of course he did! This is exactly why I hated talking to strangers so much! They always thought I was a girl and treated me like one without even thinking about it.

I scowled and looked down at myself, still clutching onto the bottom of my shirt. I wasn’t exactly small for my age but I was…petite. Instead of the large chests and broad shoulders that most boys my age were developing I was instead more feminine, with slim shoulders and a slight chest that was complimented by a small waist and wider than normal hips.

My body by itself wasn’t enough to make people think I was a girl though, as more often than not I hid its shape under oversized or baggy clothes. It was my face that was the main problem, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. My complexion was smooth and pale, my blue eyes large and expressive, my nose and chin small and delicate, and my lips soft and full. Not to mention my almost shoulder-length thick black hair that Aunt Linda refused to let me get cut. My appearance was often likened to that of a gothic porcelain doll, and, as much as I hated admitting it, it wasn’t an incorrect comparison. I didn’t look particularly gloomy or threatening, but my dark hair, milky skin and large, expressive eyes definitely made me look like some kind of doll. A somewhat confused, slightly upset little doll with oversized silver-rimmed glasses.

Most people from my school could tell I was a boy because of my uniform, which consisted of a loose yellow shirt and grey slacks, so I didn’t usually have too many moments like this there. Outside of school though, or when I was wearing the sports uniform, I was always mistaken for a girl no matter what I did, or what I wore. I’d always hoped that someone would realise I was a boy though, just once, and treat me like one without me having to correct them.

It’d…never happened.

I watched as the salesman looked through the shelf and scratched at my chest, wondering if I should correct him. Was there any real point to it? I’d probably never see him again and he seemed like he just wanted to deal with me and move on. He’d probably be annoyed if I told him I was a boy and get angry or something. And besides, I was already uncomfortable enough. Even if I wanted to tell him I was a boy I doubted I’d be able to get the words out. Ugh…

My shoulders slumped and I rubbed my cheeks unhappily, the excitement about maybe getting a great white shark figurine starting to fade. This man had popped my little bubble of happiness and now depressing reality was flowing in, making me feel like crap. All I wanted to do now was go home and crawl under my bedsheets, maybe watch some fighting anime or put on some heavy music…anything to distract me from how I looked.

I considered just walking off while the salesman looked for the figurine but I wasn’t comfortable with being that rude so I just waited patiently while he searched. I looked around to see what the elderly couple were doing but they’d left the aisle. It wasn’t deserted though, as a girl from my school had entered and was focused on a large set of old MTG cards. I recognized her from my class although to my annoyance I didn’t quite remember her name. She was tall and had flowing blonde hair that was held in place by a black headband, and I could see two gold studs on her ears. Her face was mature and pretty, with high cheekbones and delicate features similar to my own, but she was wearing make-up that had darkened her lips and eyes.

I stared at her for probably longer than I should have because she turned and noticed me, her eyes widening in recognition. A smile began to light up her face but I spun around and stared down at the floor, my face burning. Argh! Stupid! Stupid. I’d probably made her really uncomfortable and then accidentally offended her by looking away when she smiled. God damn it! I was the worst.

‘Ah! There we are.’ The salesman said, jerking me out of my stupor. He turned from the shelf and showed me the figurine he’d picked out, which…wasn’t a great white.

It was a grey nurse shark, one of the most common shark figurines in the entire collection. How had he gotten that mixed up with a great white? They weren’t even in th-ugh. Whatever. I wasn’t interested in the stupid shark figurine anymore.

‘That’s not a great white, but it’s okay.’ I said and began turning away. ‘I don’t need one anymore.’

I heard the man mutter something under his breath but I deliberately ignored it, knowing he wasn’t going to be pleased after I’d just wasted his time. Well, he shouldn’t have confused me for a girl then!

Or…no. That wasn’t fair. Everyone confused me for a girl, I shouldn’t get angry at him for doing it. I was just so tired of it happening all the time. When I started puberty I assumed that things would change, but until then I just had to tough it out and be patient with people.

I sighed miserably as I left the store and looked around the street. It was just past four so there were quite a few students about, although most of them were gathered around the mall on the other side of the busy street. The mall was massive, a five story tall white monstrosity that dwarfed every other building around it, and it was so full of stores that I hadn’t even seen them all yet despite having explored it quite a few times.

It was flanked on both sides by busy cafes and smaller businesses. The town library was close by as well, although it looked rather small and sad compared to the mall. There were people everywhere, not just students but parents and young adults, all milling about the various cafes or going into the numerous bakeries to get a snack to eat on the way home.

Actually…I should get something to eat well. I hadn’t had anything all day and a vanilla slice would make me feel heaps better. And so would a bottle of coke! Yeah! It’d be okay so long as I didn’t tell Aunt Linda about it. She hated it when I ate unhealthily.

I smiled to myself and stepped into the stream of people flowing up the street, heading towards my favourite bakery. It was near one of the large supermarkets and close by to the street that I lived in so I’d gone there a few times before, enough to feel okay about going in and picking something out.

I positioned myself behind a large man and followed after him through the street, using his size to part the crowd of people for me. I usually…

Usually…

Us…uall…y…

I slowed down and the swayed slightly to the side as a wave of dizziness washed through me. A strange, clawing feeling appeared in my stomach and I almost dropped to my knees, suddenly exhausted and lightheaded. I could feel my heart pounding painfully in my chest and my breathing was coming in ragged and harsh. Oww…

There was an empty bench near me and I quickly staggered over to it, then dropped down and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my forehead against my legs and began to take slow, deep breaths as the world seemed to pulsate in front of me, going in and out of focus. I closed my eyes and tried my best to clear my head so I could focus on my breathing, and after a minute or so the dizziness faded away and my head began to feel like it normally did. I was still exhausted but I knew my energy would come back soon enough.

I wasn’t sure what had just happened but it wasn’t a new feeling, but not quite an old one either. For the past year or so it’d been happening and I couldn’t figure out why. It seemed to happen randomly, be it while I was getting ready for bed or now, when I was just walking about. It didn’t seem like it was serious though as it always passed really quickly, and it was kind of embarrassing so I’d never told anyone about it. Aunt Linda would probably just say that it was nothing to worry about and I didn’t really have any friends to talk to about it anyway. Plus, I’d been forbidden from seeing the school nurse so that wasn’t even an option. Aunt Linda liked to keep control of my health firmly in her own hands.

Once my energy returned I put my legs back down and got to my feet, eager to get some food inside of me. Maybe that was why I’d been so d-

‘Jake?’
I looked around to see the girl from Imaginative Dice standing next to the bench and looking at me with a satisfied smile. Oh crap! Was she angry at me for ignoring her smile before? She didn’t look angry though…

I stared silently at her for a moment before remembering that she’d said my name.

‘Y-yes! Hi…hi!’ I had been going to say her name but still hadn’t been able to remember it.

‘Yo!’ Her smile widened she smoothed down the sides her grey woollen skirt. ‘I need to talk to you. Let’s go somewhere more private, yeah? How do you feel about pizza?’

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Comments

Intriguing Start...

I don't think I needed the line in the teaser about untrustworthy family members to see that Jake's aunt clearly has her own agenda here, and it seems to involve keeping Jake as femme as possible without his catching on. And where does the missing mother fit in?

Looks as though we'll soon find out whether the girl from the store actually knows something about what's going on, or is just reacting to his appearance.

Eric

Aha, yeah, I thought the bit

BrokenFox's picture

Aha, yeah, I thought the bit in the Synopsis about family was unnecessary but I put it in there just in case :P

Not a fox

It's so Damn Wrong!

What Jake is experiencing is (her) period with nowhere for the blood to flow. That can kill someone. And I suspect the Aunt is feeding him estradiol to change him more to a girl but is in reality speeding up (her) girl growth and the onset of menses. Someone needs to remove Jake from his family and call the cops for attempted murder of the child. (Yes, the aunt knows he is a girl. There is no way for her NOT to know).

Sephrena

BYPk2B6.jpg

Well, that was actually my

BrokenFox's picture

Well, that was actually my initial idea for the story, going with Jake being intersex, but I began to feel uncomfortable as I was planning it because I'm not Intersex and it felt like I was writing about something I had no right to, and even if that wasn't the case, I didn't think I could correctly portray the condition and experiences authentically. So, I changed re-worked it and came up with something that I was more comfortable with writing and ended up liking the results a lot more.
I don't know if that is a spoiler or not and I shouldn't have said anything, I do have a bit of a problem with explaining things too much in comments instead of leaving them to come out in the stories >.<

Also, is that picture Satsuki Kiryuin for Kill la Kill?

Not a fox

yes it is :)

And you can write about anything you want. But yes, don't feel compelled to reveal much of anything in the comments, even if we are right. Just keep advanced chapter stuff a mystery. Otherwise it hurts your readers expecting new stuff.

Sephrena

satsuki_kiryuin_by_hibaririn-d799c76.jpg

More then Jake...

... I like your story and believe I'll like where you take it. I agree with Sephrena, you have the right to take your story where you will. I am interested in what Jake's classmate has to say to him/her. I'm not sure how old Jake is, but a little surprised he's not in touch with his girl side.

I suspect part of what is happening is natural and part is based on intentional efforts of his Aunt. Does she have someone who is helping her to do this and get away with it.

Hugs, Jessie C

Jessica E. Connors

Jessica Connors

interesting

I wonder what's causing the dizziness though.

DogSig.png

Fun Chapter

Enemyoffun's picture

I'm really liking this story so far, I can't wait to see where its going to go. I have my theories of course but I'll just have to wait and see if they pan out.

Hmmm

TheCropredyKid's picture

{that's all}

 
 
 
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Forbidden to see the school nurse?

Jamie Lee's picture

Jake's chest is itching and swelling and aunt Linda says don't worry about? What? A kid is experiencing something not normal for a boy and aunt Linda says don't worry about it?

She's also forbid him from seeing the school nurse? Does Linda fear the nurse will discover an abnormality? And if Jake passes out from whatever he experienced walking from the store? Be kind of hard for Jake to prevent a trip to the nurse.

Linda is up to something which may or may not be good for Jake. From what little which has been said about what Jake is experiencing, she's been giving him hormones, her health on eating.

Short plank, long walk...

Others have feelings too.