A world without me : Chapter 5 : Realization

 

A world without me

Synopsis
Jake finally figures out what Linda had been doing to his body, and comes up with a solution that he thinks will make everything okay again.

 

Copyright© 2016-2017 Anna Hurley (BrokenFox)
All Rights Reserved.

 

Chapter 5: Realization

After Aunt Linda left I stared up into the darkness as a cold numbness encompassed my body, starting in my stomach and then creeping upwards to wrap itself around my heart. My thoughts were screaming around in my head as I tried to comprehend everything she’d just said, and for the first time in my life I finally began to understand what was happening to me. The truth was staring me in the face and it wasn’t going to let me ignore it anymore.

Aunt Linda was going to force me to be a girl, even though she knew I didn’t want to be one. She was going to make me go to singing and dance lessons dressed as girl so I could be a “special” star, and on top of that she was going to send me to the gym and control what I ate as well. As far as I could tell she was planning on controlling nearly every single aspect of my life, from my body and my social interactions to even what skills I learnt. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled me out of school soon, or moved me to an all-girls one. She was…insane. She was actually insane!

And she’d been planning on doing this to me for a very long time, maybe even before she became my legal guardian. She’d even said as much on numerous occasions…

…you, my cute little baby girl, are going to become a star. Just like I’ve always wanted.

Which…meant that…

If she’d always been planning on doing this to me …and the only reason that she was putting her plans into action now was because my body was female except for my genitals…then…then…

I whimpered and buried my head into Julia’s softness as I finally accepted the truth, my hands shaking with a mixture of rage and despair.

She was turning me into a girl!

The medication she was giving me wasn’t stopping me from turning into a girl, it was turning me into a girl. This wasn’t natural, I didn’t have some weird body abnormality, and I didn’t have a frigging chest infection either! The lumps on my chest were…they were breasts!
I shivered and twisted about on the bed, feeling sick to my stomach. How could I have been so stupid!?

Because I’d trusted her! She was only person in my life besides mum with whom I’d ever been close to! She fed me, sent me to school, gave me allowance, bought me platypus-themed presents and let me live with her even though mum was supposed to have come and taken me back home years ago. For the past seven years she’d been my mum! And I loved her, kind of. Or, well, I didn’t hate her! She could be scary and violent at times but I’d always believed that she had my best interests at heart. I’d never believed that she’d hurt me on purpose! That was supposed to be impossible! She wasn’t supposed to do this to me!

‘Wait. Wait.’ I gasped and pushed myself up onto a kneeling position, clutching Julia in my shaking hands. ‘Maybe I’m wrong! I-I don’t know anything about bodies and stuff! Maybe I really do have some weird body thing and it’s j-just a coincidence that Aunt Linda’s been planning on...planning…n-no! No! Fuck!’

My body flinched violently and I threw Julia across the room in a fit of rage, my heart hammering inside of my chest. I wasn’t wrong! It was impossible for all of this to be random chance, for my body to start feminising while Aunt Linda was looking after me, when she’d always wanted to turn me into some kind of female star. She was doing this to me…

‘She’s insane.’ I said weakly, crawling off the bed and staring at the light coming under my door. She was out there, probably watching TV in the living room or working on her laptop with a cup of coffee at the dining room table. I went over to the door and leant against it, my breathing coming out in short, ragged spurts.

What the fuck was I supposed to do!? If I went out there and confronted her then she’d either deny it and call me paranoid, or actually admit it and tell me that it was for my own good. Either way, she’d know that I knew what she was doing and I couldn’t imagine that would end well for me. I was almost one hundred percent sure that what she was doing was illegal. She was changing my body without telling me, without my permission. That had to be against the law, and if she knew I’d figured it out then she’d definitely take steps to make sure that I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t even imagine what they’d be, but I was sure that they’d involve a lot of pain.

So I wouldn’t tell her that I knew. But I had to do something! I didn’t want to be turned into a girl! If she kept doing this then I’d…

I’d grow up as a girl, and start looking more and more like mum. My body would fill out with curves like hers and I’d become taller and more elegant, more beautiful…I’d be beautiful, just like her…just like in those pictures Lilah had shown me.

I shivered and hugged myself, shying away from those kinds of thoughts and the horribly warm feeling they brought with them. I was a boy! I didn’t want to look like mum! I wanted to look like myself! Like a normal thirteen year old boy. I was never going to be a girl no matter how much I looked like one so it was pointless to think about it! It was gross! I was being pathetic and disgusting! I was a boy and I’d never be a girl! Aunt Linda was fucking me around and trying to turn me into a girl when it was impossible! She was disgusting! She was fucked in the head!

‘I’m a boy!’ I moaned as tears fell from my eyes. ‘I can’t be a girl, I was born a boy and I’m a boy! It’s impossible. And…and even if it’s not I don’t want it to be like this! I want to be with mum, I…I wanted to be her daughter, not her messed up transsexual son thing! Not Aunt Linda’s…whatever the fuck I am! Her Lain. Lain! What the fu-’

A sob cut me off and I collapsed onto the ground, my emotions becoming too tangled and confused to hold back anymore. I fought off a scream and punched the carpet as hard as I could, unable to contain myself any longer. Pain tore through my arm but I ignored it and punched the ground again and again and again, lost in a fit of rage. All I could think about was how much I hated Aunt Linda and how much I hated my body. It was disgusting…Aunt L-no! She wasn’t my Aunt! It was insulting even calling her that! She was Linda! Some horrible woman who had lied to me and disfigured my body for her own amusement! She was disgusting! I hated her so much…so much…so much…so much…SO MUCH!

My body finally gaze out and I fell onto my stomach, then curled up into a ball and wept uncontrollably. I couldn’t think clearly anymore, everything was too messy and unfocused, too real and painful to deal with. It was just easier to cry and let everything out, even though mum wasn’t here anymore to comfort me. I…I...oh my god!

Wait!

I stopped crying as a beautiful, shining thought occurred to me, drowning out the torrent of misery swirling around in my head.

Mum! She’d save me! Linda was breaking the law and if I told mum then she’d come home and save me! There was no way she could ignore this, it was too serious! This was a way better reason for her to come home than me just joining a modelling competition!

I hiccupped and pushed myself back up onto my knees, wincing at the pain this sent through my bruised arms. My breathing began to steady as I wrapped my thoughts around the shining hope that I’d just discovered, and a beautiful patch of non-confusing warmness appeared in my stomach. My thoughts cleared as if the sun had ripped through a stormy night and standing there in the center, illuminated as if sent by a god, was the answer to all of my problems. All of them!

I finally knew what I had to do.

I’d email mum about this. I was going to the library anyway so I didn’t even have to do anything different! I’d tell her everything that was going on and she’d contact the police and they’d make Linda stop giving me medication, and then mum would come home and save me! She’d take me away from here and we’d go back to our old home, or maybe even to America, to the house that she lived in now. I’d never see Linda again! And my body would go back to being a boys and everything would be okay! I’d go to a new school and easily make friends because I’d actually look like a boy and mum and I would be as close as ever!

All I needed to do was email her and then wait for her to make everything okay.

‘Everything’s going to be okay.’ I said softly and climbed back up onto my bed. I reached out to hug Julia but remembered that I’d thrown her away, and it was far too dark for me to find her again. I squeaked sadly and instead hugged one of my little kittens, then rolled onto my back and smiled weakly up into the darkness.

Once I emailed mum tomorrow I could relax. She would see the email and fix everything. By this time next week I’d probably be living with her! It was going to be amazing!

Finally...

Everything was going to go back to the way it should have been, before mum left. Everything was going to be perfect.


Note

Thankyou for reading! I understand this should have probably been added to the end of the last chapter but I felt like it should have its own one for the moment. I'll perform story surgery in the future to make sure it all flows better and so that there's no scarring, don't worry! ^_^
I'm a surgeon! Trust me o.O Pugu pugu! :<



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This story is 1895 words long.