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Authors Note: Here it is folks. The long awaited next chapter in Mathew's story.

Sorry for the long wait. My muse was being both uncooperative and lazy, hehe.

Again I apologise for any grammar mistakes that I may have missed.

Once again constructive criticism is most welcome.

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Mathew’s Secret Desire

Chapter Five

Mathew’s eyes slowly blinked open. For a moment he didn’t know where he was, until he let his head gently fall to his right that he realized, he was in his bedroom.

The room was darker than normal, and felt colder. Slowly turning his head to the left, he saw that the window was covered with heavier drapes, and a portable air conditioner stood next to it.

Mathew tried to sit up and immediately regretted it, as a wave of both nausea and dizziness swept over him. A groan escaped his lips, and he felt his head start pounding.

“Well, well looks like sleeping beauty is finally awake.” Janice said leaning into Mathew’s field of vision. “How do feel?”

“Like Wile E. Coyote, when he runs into a fake tunnel entrance.” Mathew said weakly.

Janice couldn’t help but chuckle. If Mathew could make a joke, then that was a sign that he was starting to feeling better.

“Why do I feel so sick?” Mathew asked.

Janice made a sound and had a look of annoyance, on her face.

“You don’t remember?” Janice said letting a bit of anger enter her tone of voice.

Mathew just slowly shook his head no.

“Well you can thank Aunt Vicky for that!” She said. “Since you were grounded for your Birthday. She and Megan came over after we got back from Hilroy’s to make you a birthday dinner.”

Janice carefully sat down on the edge of Mathew’s bed and continued her story.

“Unknown to both Mom and Dad, Aunt Vicky made her oyster mashed potatoes. It wasn’t until you had a couple of mouthfuls, that you had a reaction.”

“She knows I’m allergic to that stuff.”

“Yeah, she does.” Janice sighed. “But she claimed she forgot.” Janice stood and turned the air conditioner off.

“Needless to say, Mom had a few choice words for Aunt Vicky.”

Janice opened the curtains.

“I’ve never seen her so mad before.”

Janice returned to sit on the edge of the bed. She waited for a moment for Mathew’s eyes to adjust to the light coming in the room, before continuing.

“Mom and Aunt Vicky, had this real intense argument, while dad called Dr. Allan. I was doing what I could to help you, while Megan just stood there acting about as useless as tits on a bull!”

Mathew chuckled slightly as Janice stood again, and looked out the window.

“Mom told Aunt Vicky not to show her face around here for a while.”

Mathew just looked at Janice.

“So little brother.” She said after a moment of silence. “How long have you wanted to be a girl?”

Mathew felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. What had Janice just asked him!?

A million terrifying thoughts raced through his mind all at the same time.

“Oh stop looking at me like that!” Janice said firmly. “Everyone knows. The sedative that Dr. Allan gave you, made you talk in your sleep.”

Mathew would have protested, but he was in no condition to do so. He didn’t even have the strength to ‘cry’.

He was about to speak, when his bedroom door opened, and Sara walked in carrying a laundry basket. She smiled, when she saw that he was awake.

“Well I see someone’s finally decided to join the land of the living.” Sara said walking over to the side of his bed.

“How are you feeling today?”

Sara saw the distressed look on his face and she put the laundry basket down and felt his forehead.

“You still feel sick to your stomach!?” She asked concerned.

“I asked him already.” Janice said.

Sara shot her eldest daughter a cross look as she straightened up.

“Janice, we decided we would discuss this after Mathew was feeling better! Now don’t you have chores to finish!?”

After seeing her mother, arguing with her own sister, Janice knew not to push her luck.

“Yes ma’am.” She said, and turned and headed to the bedroom door. When she got there, she stopped and turned and looked at Mathew, smiling.

“Feel better soon, Mathew. I miss having my younger sibling around to pester.”

With that, Janice turned and left the room.

Sara waited for a moment before turning back to face Mathew. She sat down on the edge of his bed, and gently brushed his bangs off his forehead.

“I’m sorry mom.” He started to say, but Sara stopped him by putting a finger on his lips.

“You have nothing to apologise for kiddo.” Sara said. “Like I just said to Janice, we will discuss this, when you feeling stronger. But right now, you need your rest.”

With that, Sara leaned forward and planted a kiss on his forehead. She then stood and picked up the laundry basket, and walked out of the room.

Three days later Mathew, Janice, their parents, all sat in Brenda’s home office. Brenda entered a few moments later carrying a large serving tray.

“Sorry about that.” She said placing the tray down on her desk, and moving to sit down. “I thought I had more coffee made.”

“Not a problem, Brenda.” Sara said.

Brenda watched as Sara and Fred took their coffee cups. Mathew, still feeling some lingering effects of being sick, slowly reached out and took the glass of juice.

“Since we know why we’re here.” Brenda began. “I’ll just come straight to the point.”

Brenda took a sip of coffee before continuing.

“Mathew, I’m going to be asking you some questions. Some of them will be very personal, but I want you to answer them truthfully. Okay?”

Mathew nodded slowly.

“Okay. What makes you think you might be a girl?”

Mathew swallowed hard and nervously looked from his mom to his dad, who both nodded, then to Brenda.

“I’ve been having these dreams.” He said hesitantly. “Dreams in which, I see myself as a girl.”

Brenda nodded and wrote a few notes on a pad of paper.

“How long have you been having these dreams?”

Mathew looked at his parents in turn, still unsure if he should answer Brenda.

“For as long as I can remember.” He finally said.

“Do you remember when you had your first dream?”

Mathew looked down at the floor and was silent for a moment.

“I think I was six when I had the first one.” He said. “But I felt I was a girl long before that.”

“I see.” Brenda said encouraged by Mathew seemingly volunteering answer.

“Do you remember how old you were, when you first felt you were a girl and not a boy?”

“I was three.” He said as Brenda took another sip of her coffee and wrote some more on the pad of paper.

Brenda continued to ask Mathew questions. Questions like: Did he ever tell his parents how he felt? Did he ever sneak into either Janice’s room and try on any of her clothes, or his mothers’? Was he ever disappointed, that he didn’t get a doll as a present for either Christmas or his Birthday?

Finally the interaction with April came up. For this, Brenda stepped out from behind her desk, and sat in a chair directly in front of Mathew.

“Now Mathew.” Brenda said in a reassuring voice. “I want you to understand, that I’m not mad at you in anyway. I understand that April was trying to help you in her own way. But she was wrong in doing so. But right now, I need you to tell me in your own words. Okay?”

Mathew nodded, then said “Okay.”

“Why don’t you start with when you told April?” Brenda said.

Mathew looked nervously at his parents, and at Janice before speaking.

“It was last summer.” He started. “April and I were up in her room playing a video game.

I don’t know exactly what it was, but I didn’t have my mind on the game. April sensed it, and became frustrated.”

“What’s the matter with you, Mathew!? April said frustrated.
“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what’s with you? It’s like your bodies here, but your brain is someplace else! You’ve been like this for two weeks now!”

“No I haven’t” Mathew said.

“Yes you have.” April said. “And you keep looking at my dress.”

“Am not!” Mathew retorted, stealing a look at April’s dress.

“You just did it again!” April said standing up and facing him. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“N No.” He stammered. “It looks fine.”

“Then you don’t like it?”

“No, I like it.” Mathew said. “I just…” Mathew stopped himself from continuing the rest of what he wanted to say, and started playing the game again. But April being who she was, wasn’t about to let that happen. She picked up her controller, and hit the pause button.

“You just what?” She asked.

“Nothing.” Mathew said as he hit his pause button to restart the game. April, starting to get a little annoyed, hit the pause button again, which in turn, made Mathew hit his button.

After hitting pause buttons for a couple more seconds, April turned off the television, effectively ending the game. She then moved to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips.

“You just what!?” She said with an annoyed tone to her voice.

Mathew looked up at April, like an animal that was caught in the headlights of a car.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but that only caused April to get more cross with him. Finally, she had enough, she sighed in frustration, and stormed over to her bedroom door.

“If you’re not going to tell me.” She said. “You best leave.”

Mathew stared at April for a second, then slowly stood up. He took two steps towards the door, then stopped.

“If I tell you, you’ll hate me.” He said.

“Why would I hate you, Mathew?” She said softening her tone. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’ll laugh at me then.”

April went and stood in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“I won’t laugh at you.”

“Promise?” Mathew asked after a moments pause.

“I promise.” April said gently.

Mathew paused for another moment before speaking.

“I was going to say, I just wondered what I would look like wearing it.”

To say that April was stunned, would have been an understatement. She looked at Mathew for a couple of seconds, with a blank look on her face, before she stepped back.

“You want to try on my dress!?” She asked almost whispering.

“I knew you’d hate me!” Mathew said not hearing April, and making for the bedroom door.

April quickly reacted and pushed Mathew down on her bed. She then quickly went and closed her door, then stood back in front of him. When she spoke, April had an authoritative aura about her.

“Mathew Eric Stevens!” She said using his full name “I said I don’t hate you. And before you say it, I’m not laughing at you either!”

April sighed and turned and sat down on the bed next to him.

“Is that why you have been acting strange these past two weeks?” She asked gently.

Mathew just nodded without saying anything.

“How long have you wanted to wear my dress?” April asked.

Mathew looked at April.

“For awhile now.” He said looking back down at the floor. “But I really wanted to wear it, when I saw you wearing it the Sunday we went to see that movie.”

“So two weeks then.” She said. Mathew nodded.

“Well that explains that.” She said standing up and pacing
.

Mathew watched April as she paced back and forth. Every time she stopped to turn around, she would quickly glance at him, then resume pacing.
After about a minute of pacing, April stopped and looked at him.

“Stand up.” She ordered.

Mathew did as he was told, and April looked him over from head to toe.

“You know; I have to admit. You’ve always had this girlish aura about you.” She said. “And I never could figure out why. But I think I know now.”

Mathew was starting to feel uncomfortable with what April was saying. But he didn’t feel like he didn’t want to hear it either.

“W What do you mean?” He asked nervously.

April moved closer and placed her hands on his shoulders, and looked directly into his eyes, as if she was looking for something.

“I think deep down you want to be a girl, rather than a boy.”

With those words spoken, a wave of emotions washed over Mathew, and he collapsed on the bed. April quickly sat on the bed beside him and put her arms around him, as he started crying.

“Hey it’s okay!” She said gently, thinking she had hurt him. “I didn’t mean it!”

“Yes you did!” Mathew said between sobs. “That’s what I’ve dreamt every night.”

April sat Mathew up straighter and looked at him.

“You’ve been dreaming you’re a girl!?” April asked in disbelief.

Mathew nodded.

“Have you said anything to your parents?”

Mathew shook his head negatively.

“I can’t tell them!” He said quickly. “They’ll think I’m weird or something!”

“No they won’t!” April said firmly. “They love you. They would never think you’re weird!”

“Yes they would.” Mathew said solemnly.

“And how would you know?” April said.

“They just would.”

“Well if you don’t tell them, I will!”

A wave of fear washed over Mathew and he looked at April with a frightened look on his face.

“You can’t do that!” He said.

“Yes I can!” She said firmly.

April was silent for a moment, as if she was deep in thought. She then suddenly stood up and faced Mathew. She told Mathew to stand up again, which he did, unsure of what April was going to do next.

“I won’t tell your parents, but you will have to eventually, and I’ll help you.”

A sense of relief came over Mathew, but April wasn’t finished yet.

“But you have to do something for me first.” She continued.

“W What’s that?” He asked nervously.

“You’ve got me curious, as to what you would look like wearing a dress.” She said with a sly smile on her face.

“So April had me take my clothes off, and she gave me the dress to try on.” Mathew said.

“Did you both take turns changing in the bathroom?” Brenda asked.

Mathew opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He nervously looked at his parents, then at Brenda.

“By the way your acting, I know the answer to that question, but I still want to hear it.”

Mathew bowed his head.

“No.” He said solemnly. “We stayed in April’s room.”

“With the door closed?” Brenda asked.

Mathew nodded slowly.

Now under normal circumstances, any parent, upon hearing that their eleven and twelve-year-old boy and girl, were in the same room undressing and dressing, in each other’s clothes, would throw a fit and accuse the other of some sort of sexual indecency, would make a scene. But both Mathew’s parents, and Brenda didn’t. Not even Janice, who was quietly sitting in the room, didn’t do or say anything.

The reason why they didn’t make a big deal out of it. Was the fact that both families had been friends for years, and both Mathew and April had grown up together. So at any given time, both kids had at some point, seen each other naked. A fact, that April had remembered and Mathew had forgotten, when she insisted on Mathew changing clothes in her room.

Brenda looked at the clock that was on her desk, and saw that it read 4pm. They had been talking for four hours.

“It’s 4pm.” Brenda said. “I think we’ve had enough for today.”

“It’s that late already?” Janice asked stretching.

“Well usually a session only lasts about an hour. But since we did this here and not at the office, I let things go longer.” Brenda said. “And besides, I felt Mathew had a lot to get off his mind first.”

“Thank you Brenda.” Fred said. “We really appreciate this.”

“No problem Fred.” Brenda said smiling. “It’s my pleasure. I would however like to see Mathew here, as opposed to the clinic at the hospital.”

“Why. Because of that incident with Gottschalk’s kid?”

“Yes.” Brenda said nodding. “As you know his Grandfather is the head of the Psychology Department at the Hospital. And he is very closed minded, when it comes to the issue of Transgender children, or Transgender issues period.”

“What time do you want to see Mathew?” Sara asked.

“I’ll let you know in a couple days. I have to juggle some things around first to make room.”

Brenda looked down at Mathew, and saw that he was looking sullen.

“Mathew.” She called out. Mathew turned to face Brenda, but still kept his head down. Brenda knelt down in front of him, and lifted his head up by his chin.

“Sweetie.” She said in a sympathetic voice. “I want you to know, that no one, I mean no one, is angry or disappointed in you in anyway what so ever. Not even when you told us you took your clothes off with April in the room.”

“Really?” He said softly.

Fred placed a hand on Mathew’s shoulder, which caused him to look up. He saw both his parents standing there, and they both had smiles on their faces.

“Really.” Sara said.

Later that evening, as Mathew was getting ready for bed, he was brushing his teeth when he noticed Janice standing in the bathroom doorway. She was holding a folded piece of cloth in her hands.

“You know kiddo.” She said smiling. “April’s right. You do have a girlish aura about you. It’s faint, but it’s there.”

Mathew spit out the mouth full toothpaste he had.

“What’s that?” He asked, the outside of his mouth still covered in toothpaste.

Janice scowled at Mathew’s gross antics, but she was pleased to see that his mood had lightened up.

“Rinse and wipe your mouth, twerp.” She scolded him. “Then come into your bedroom.” Mathew did as he was told then went into his bedroom and stood in front of Janice, who was sitting on his bed
.
“Well kiddo, you’ve had a real big day haven’t you?” Janice said taking Mathew’s hands in hers.

“I just want you too know, that I’m here for you. If you ever want to talk, and Mom or Dad aren’t available, or Brenda, you can always come to me, okay?”

Mathew started to tearing up hearing Janice’s words, and she pulled him onto the tightest hug she had ever given him.

“I love you squirt.” She said as she started to tear up also.

For what seemed like an eternity, brother and sister held each other and quietly cried in each other’s shoulder. When they finally broke the embrace, Janice wiped Mathew’s face with the sleeve of her top.

“Now this is for you.” She said as she held up the folded cloth.

“What is it?” Mathew asked.

Janice held up he cloth by the corners, and it unfolded to reveal itself to be a night gown.

“This is the night gown I had when I was your age.” Janice said. “I want you to have it.”

Mathew reached out and touched the night gown. It was satin and was light pink in colour. It had embroidery around the neck which ended in a slightly darker pink rose.

“You like it?” Janice asked.

Mathew slowly nodded. Janice smiled and placed the night gown on her lap.

“Well then, lets get you out of these boy pajamas.” She said as she unbuttoned Mathew’s pajama top.

When she had the pajama top off, she told Mathew to reach his arms above his head. She then took the night gown and bunched up the hem and pulled it down over his arms.

“There’s really no difference between putting this on or putting on one of your t-shirts.” She said letting the hem fall down. “The only real difference, is one doesn’t wear pajama bottoms.”

Mathew looked at Janice.

“I’m not pulling your pajama bottoms off, kiddo.” She said standing. Mathew reached under the hem, which incidentally came down to just below his knees, and took his pajama bottoms off.

Janice picked up his pajamas and dropped them in the laundry basket inside his closet.

“Hey! One moment kiddo.” She said catching Mathew as he was climbing into bed.

He had one knee resting on the mattress, with his butt in the air, and the other foot on the floor. In that position, Janice had a clear view under the night gown.

“Only boys get into bed like that.” She playfully scolded him. “We girls do it differently. Now stand up straight and face me.”
Mathew did as Janice said.

“There are two ways you can do it.” She said. “The first way is to sit on the edge and swing your legs in. Or stand facing the foot of the bed and lift one leg up as you sit down, then lift the other leg up and in.”

“Which way do you do it?”

“I usually sit down and swing both legs up and in at the same time. That way you don’t get the hem all bunched up.”

Mathew thought for a second, then sat down and swung both his legs up and in. Janice smiled and gave a little clap.

“Very good little broth, err I mean, little sister.”

Mathew just smiled up at Janice as he lay down in bed. Janice stepped forward, and pulled the covers up, and gave Mathew a kiss on the forehead.

“Sleep well little sister.”

With that, Janice turned off the light above his bed, and left the room