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Author's Note: Here's Chapter Four of Mathew's Secret Desire. Sorry for the delay in posting, like Chapter Three I had to do some re-writing. I also apologise for any spelling or grammar errors as my spell and grammar checker is Canadian English.

So please enjoy and as usual constructive criticism always grateful.

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Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Four

They left the hospital, and Brenda took them for ice cream as she had said she would.

As she drove out of the parking lot, Brenda adjusted the rear view mirror so she could see both Mathew and April in the back seat, while still being able to see traffic behind her.

Brenda looked at Mathew for any signs that might explain his behaviour. So far all she could see was a distraught little boy, who just found out his sister was hurt. Nothing that would explain why he was wearing pantyhose, when he came back from doing an errand for his mother.

They pulled into the parking lot of a McDonalds, and got out of the car. Inside they each ordered what they wanted then sat down at a table when the order was filled.

“How you doing, Mathew?” Brenda asked as they ate.

Mathew paused for a second before replying.

“I’m okay.” He said sounding a little disheartened. “I’m just a little tired.”

“That’s understandable.” Brenda said. “Today has turned out to be a tiring day after all.” She took a bite of her ice cream then continued.

“What was all fuss with Armin Gottschalk at the pool? Why did he pick on you?

“He’s Armin Gottschalk!” April said stepping in to answer for Mathew, not realizing, she was actually rescuing him from trying to come up with an answer on his own.

“He picks on everyone. He doesn’t need a reason.”

“And he gets away with it, because his father’s the Principal.” Mathew said.

A customer quickly walked by the table at that moment, causing a bit of a breeze. Mathew brushed his right hand up and over his ear to put a stray hair back into place. The only problem, was that Mathew had short which didn’t even come down to his ears.

‘That definitely was a feminine gesture.’ Brenda thought to herself. ‘And he held his hand and arm, just like a girl would.’

“So he just picked on you because you just happened to be in the change room?”

“I guess so.” Mathew said finishing his ice cream cone and picking up the napkin off the table to wipe his mouth, which surprised Brenda.

Most boys would simply just wipe their mouths on their sleeves, or with the back of their hands. But Mathew picked up the napkin and deliberately dabbed his mouth!

That was the second feminine gesture Brenda had seen Mathew do, and it didn’t even look like he knew he was doing them.

“Let’s finish up.” Brenda said to April and Cindy. “I need to buy some extra groceries if Mathew’s staying with us.”

April and Cindy finished their ice cream cones, and together they all left the restaurant.

Brenda pulled her car into the driveway an hour later. Mathew helped April and her mother carry the grocery bags into the kitchen and put the stuff away. When they were done, Mathew and April went up to her room to talk.

“So what really happened in the Men’s change room?” April asked closing her door. Mathew sat down on the edge of April’s bed.

“Armin said he overheard you and me talking about the pantyhose I was wearing.”

“I didn’t see him….”April started to say, then realized her mistake.

“Of course!” She said sounding annoyed. “The tree next to the swings. He must have been either behind it or up it.”

April sat down on the bed next to Mathew and rested her elbows on her knees.

“I’m sorry Mathew.” She said solemnly. “I screwed up, big time.”

“It’s okay.” He said. “I guess I’ll have to try and avoid Armin at school.”

“Maybe he’ll forget about it by the time school starts in September.” April said standing and going to look out her window.

“Don’t bet on it.”

April suddenly clenched her fists and screwed up her face. She made a very aggressive growling sound and turned and started pacing.

“I need to think.” She paced back and forth a couple of times, then stopped at the foot of her bed and looked at Mathew.

“Tell me exactly what was said!”

Mathew shifted around on the bed so he was facing April and began telling her what happened. He said he had removed his clothes down to his underwear, when Armin was suddenly behind him. He said Armin started calling him names, and that he was in the wrong change room.

Mathew said to Armin, that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Armin said besides seeing Mathew and April, he also overheard them talking. In desperation, Mathew said it was a joke, which Armin didn’t believe. He then started calling Hinata and Edward names, and that’s when the Life Guard came in and told Armin to leave.

“So Armin really knows nothing.” April said. “You’re secret is still safe.”

“You think so?” Mathew asked.

“Yes I do!” April said sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “Not unless he guesses or you blab it to someone.”

Mathew looked down at the floor.

“Let’s hope so.” He replied lying back on the bed and closing his eyes. Within seconds he was asleep so April got up and carefully straightened out his legs, then she took her house coat off the closet door, and draped it over Mathew.

Brenda was in the kitchen busy making lunch. Although it was now the middle of the afternoon, and all they really had to eat was ice cream cones, she felt that a proper meal was required.

As she worked, she replayed the conversation she had with Mathews’ parents at the hospital.

“I had a thought after our conversation the other day.” Brenda said.

“With your permission, I’d like to talk to Mathew about what might be bothering him?” She asked the both of them.

Fred and Sara looked at each other, then to Brenda.

“Sure.” Fred said. “Whatever you think is best. But what is that thought you said you had.”

Brenda turned and looked at Mathew and April sitting off in the distance.

“Well, I’m not positive, but I think he might have gender identity issues.” She said turning back to face Sara and Fred.

“What do you mean!?” Fred asked concerned. “You saying Mathew thinks he’s a girl!?”

Brenda could see that this news was a shock to both Fred and Sara. The last thing she wanted to do was upset them or cause a scene.

“That’s why I want to talk to him.” Brenda said quickly. “If he does have issues with gender, it’s important we find out now, so he can get help.”

Fred looked at Mathew sitting there. April could be seen talking to a group of girls.

“Like I said. What you feel is best.” Fred said. “We trust you, Brenda.”

With that it was arranged that Mathew would spend a few days with Brenda and George, while Janice recuperated at the hospital. It was also decided to wait until after Janice was home before Brenda talked to Mathew.
Brenda finished making the sandwiches for lunch, then called Mathew, April and Cindy down to eat.

The three of them came into the kitchen and sat down at the table, and began to eat. Brenda watched the children, especially Mathew for any sign of what might be bothering him. There was nothing overly apparent that would explain things, but Brenda did notice a couple of things.

The first, Mathew was sitting with one leg folded under his butt. What eleven year boy did that? The second, he was taking small girl size bite of his sandwich, not the usual boy size. That was definitely more of a girl trait rather than a boys. Once they had finished lunch, April took Mathew and went outside to play.

The rest of the day went by uneventful. Brenda kept a watchful eye on Mathew and noticed a few more girlie traits pop up now and then. It looked like Mathew didn’t even know he was doing them, which made Brenda think that there was a definite female persona trying to get out.

Mr. Allan came home around six, and said that Janice was doing just fine when Mathew asked. With luck, she should be home in the next couple of days, but would need help getting around and doing things.

After eating supper, they watched television till it was time for bed. April went to her room to change, while Mathew went to the guest room.

Mathew sat on the bed looking out the window. In all the excitement of the day, there was one thing that was overlooked. What was he going to sleep in? He didn’t have his pajamas and he didn’t have a key to get into his house.

He was about to resign himself to sleeping in his underwear, when there came a knock on the bedroom door.

“Yes?” He said standing. The door opened and Brenda walked in. She stopped just inside the door way with her hands behind her back.

“How you doing, Mathew?” Brenda asked.

“Okay I guess.” He said looking down at the floor. Brenda walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything will be okay.” Brenda said soothingly. “Janice will be home in a few days, and things can settle down.”

Brenda paused for a moment before continuing.

“Now I know with everything that has gone on today, you don’t have any pajamas to sleep in.” She said bringing the hand behind her back around front.

“So I got one of April’s old pajama sets that she doesn’t wear anymore.”

Mathew didn’t say anything. He looked at the pajama set that Brenda was holding in front of him in wonderment. The pajamas were pink, with white and blue flowers all over them, and the only thought going through his mind at that moment, was to wear them.

“I know they’re girls’ pajamas.” Brenda said. “But it’s either these or you sleep in your underwear.”

“I’ll wear the pajamas.” Mathew said hesitantly. He reached out and took the pajamas from Brenda.

“Okay.” Brenda said letting Mathew take the pajamas. “There should be a clean toothbrush in the bathroom. Get changed and brush your teeth. You’ve got ten minutes.” With that Brenda left the room.

Mathew looked at the pajamas for a moment, before remembering Brenda said he had ten minutes to get changed and brush his teeth. He quickly removed his clothes, then put the pajamas on. They felt a little snug, but they were designed to fit a girl and not a boy.
Mathew saw his reflection in the full length mirror that was on the wall next to the walk in closet door. To his surprise it didn’t talk to him like it had done at Hilroy’s, when it had told him to try the pantyhose on.

After a second, Mathew went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, then went back into the bedroom and got into bed. Brenda knocked on the door a couple of minutes later.

“All set I see.” She said when she entered. “How do the pajamas fit?”

“They’re a little snug.” He said sitting up. Brenda went over and looked for herself.

“Well they’ll do for a couple days.” She said. “Now lie down and get some sleep.”

Mathew lay back down and closed his eyes, as Brenda turned the table light out, leaving the only light in the room coming from the hall.
“Goodnight sweetie.” She said softly and left the room.

The next couple of days passed without much unwanted excitement. Brenda continued to observe Mathew, and what she saw, only confirmed her suspicions of the cause for Mathews’ outburst at his mother, and recent behaviour. She had mentioned to George, Mathew’s reaction or lack of reaction, to being handed an old pair of Aprils’ pajamas to wear the first night.

“That doesn’t sound like what Sara described.” George said.

“No it doesn’t.” Brenda said getting into bed herself.

“He didn’t even put up a fuss when I gave him the choice of either the pajamas, or sleeping in his underwear.”

“Well you’ll get to the bottom of it like you always do.” George said.

“I will.” Brenda said as she turned out the table light.

Two days after Janice was released from the hospital, Mathew sitting in the media room watching television, when Janice hobbled up to the doorway.

“There you are.” She said leaning on the door jam. “Mom has to go downtown to the office, and I need your help with carrying some stuff.

Mathew looked up from the television and sighed. He really didn’t want to help anyone with anything, but since Janice hurt herself, he didn’t have a choice. And he had promised his father, he wouldn’t sulk around the house. But after the incident at the pool, he was finding it harder to keep that promise.

“Fine.” He said in a less than enthusiastic tone.

Janice carefully backed-up and turned around as Mathew stood and slowly walked to the doorway.

Janice carefully and gingerly walked to the front door followed by Mathew. Their mother was waiting there for them, and held the outside door open for them to walk through.

“You don’t have to do this, Janice.” Sara said watching.

“I know.” Janice grimaced as she made the short hop down to the porch. “But if I don’t move around and do something, I’ll go crazy!”
Mathew felt bad for Janice. He hated seeing her like this. But with everything that had happened since his birthday party had been canceled, things seemed to be spiraling out of control.

Mathew slowly walked behind Janice as they made their way to their mother’s suv. He waited and watched as Janice carefully got in the front passenger seat, then got in the seat behind her, where he helped Sara put the shoulder belt behind Janice’s’ back, rather than across her chest. Once that was done, Sara walked around to the driver’s side and got in. She turned to Mathew and spoke.
“I want you to held Janice with whatever she asks.” Sara said firmly. “Okay?”

Mathew just nodded. Sara turned back around to face the front, then started the engine and backed out of the driveway, and drove off.

Sara brought the suv to a halt in front of her Real Estate office. Mathew and Janice got out as Sara got out and walked around to the passenger side.

“Alright you two.” She said to them both. “I should be only half an hour. So again, Mathew please help Janice and please be respectful.”

“Fine.”

Sara just looked at Mathew for a second then continued.

“When I’m done I’ll join you in Hilroy’s.”

“Okay mom.” Janice said, the carefully turned and started walking to the corner.

Sara watched Janice and Mathew make their way from the Real Estate office all the way to Hilroy’s, before she herself turned and went into the office.

“Do I have to go with you?” Mathew said in a whiny timid tone.

Janice looked down at him with a stern look on her face.

“Do you really expect me to go in there and carry stuff with only one arm?

Mathew looked at her and felt regret for what he had said.

“No.” He replied looking down at the ground.

“I didn’t think so.” Janice said. “Now please hold the door open for me.”

Mathew did as Janice asked, but as he reached for the handle, he noticed the sign on the door that in big red letters said.

‘Warning: Shoplifting Is A Crime. Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted To The Full Extent Of The Law! You Have Been Warned!’

Mathew couldn’t help but swallow hard as he pulled on the handle and opened the door for Janice. He hoped they didn’t run into Mrs. Norton as he followed behind his sister. However, his hope was dashed as soon as they entered, for Mrs. Norton was the first person they ran into.

“My goodness, Janice!” Mrs. Norton said concerned, as she walked over to them. “What happened child!?”

“Hi Mrs. Norton.” Janice said. “I tripped while I was out running in Forest Park last weekend. My foot caught an exposed tree root.”
“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, twisted my left ankle not too badly.” Janice said as Mrs. Norton looked her up and down.

“But when I fell, I landed hard on my right arm, right on an exposed rock. I can barely move my arm.”

Mrs. Norton looked at Janice with a concerned and sympathetic look on her face.

“Which trail were you on?” Mrs. Norton asked.

“Potter’s Run 3. It goes down by the river and is the hardest one in the Park.”

Mrs. Norton nodded her head. “Not many people use that one because of that.”

“Yes, it’s lucky I was with me friends. They got help there in minutes. Who knows how long it might had been, if I was by myself?”
“Yes you’re lucky.”

Just then one of the other sales associates walked up to them.

“Excuse me Mrs. Norton!” The young lady said a bit flustered. “I need your assistance please!”

Mrs. Norton looked at the young lady and could tell just by her look, she was dealing with a problem customer. At that, her demeanour changed from one of concerned friend, to business owner. Mrs. Norton turned back to Janice and Mathew.

“If you will excuse me, Janice.” She said, then turned back to the young sales associate. “Lead on Miss Kepler.”

With that, Mrs. Norton and the sales associate walked off, leaving Janice and Mathew alone. Mathew felt a sense relief wash over him, that Mrs. Norton didn’t say anything about the pantyhose he had ‘stolen’ in front of Janice. He didn’t relish the idea of having to explain, to Janice or Mrs. Norton, why he had taken them. He was still ‘lost’ in his train of thought, that he didn’t notice that Janice had started walking away, without him, until she looked back and called his name.

“Mathew!” Janice said in an annoyed tone. Mathew looked up at Janice startled.

“What is it with you these days!?” She continued. “It’s like you’re off in your own little world or something!” Mathew just looked down at the floor and said nothing.

“Well come on then!” Janice said, clearly frustrated with her younger brother’s behaviour.

Sara finished up her work at the real estate office sooner than she had thought. After putting away the files she had worked on, she locked the front door, and headed over to Hilroy’s. She approached the store, just as Mrs. Norton and an elderly gentleman exited. They appeared to be in a heated discussion.

“I don’t care what you think about it, Mr. Gottschalk!” Sara heard Mrs. Norton say in an angry tone of voice to the man, as she approached. “It was a typographical error that wasn’t caught in time!”

“I find that very hard to believe!” The man replied in the same angry tone, but with a heavy German accent.

“Believe whatever you want Hansel Gottschalk. The fact still remains, it was a typographical error and no amount of complaining will change it!”

Mr. Gottschalk was about to interrupt Mrs. Norton, but she continued ‘talking.’

“And if you ever harass one of my employees like that again, I will have thrown out of this store and banned for life. Do I make myself clear!?”

Mr. Gottschalk opened his mouth to speak, but then noticed the crowd that was starting to gather around them. Without saying a word, he turned on his heel and walked away.

“What was all that about, Karen?” Sara asked as the crowd dispersed.

“Oh Sara, Hi.” Mrs. Norton said as the two women walked into the store.

“Mr. Gottschalk!” She said almost spitting the name out of her mouth. “Was complaining about the hosiery ad in the local magazine.”
“Oh that!” Sara said with a humorous tone in her voice.

“He was harassing one of the sales associates. I told him it was an error that was missed. But he kept going on about it.”

Sara shook her head. She knew what Mrs. Norton was talking about, as Brenda; on numerous occasions, said the Mr. Gottschalk would go on and on about something he didn’t like or what someone else did, that he didn’t like at the hospital. He made working in the Psychology Department very uncomfortable.

“I know what you mean.” Sara said. “My neighbour works in the Psychology Department at the hospital. She says he can be a real tyrant at times with the staff.”

Mrs. Norton turned and looked at Sara.

“Oh I can believe it.” She said. “That man is going to rub the wrong people the wrong way one of these days, and he’s going to pay the price for it.”

Mrs. Norton paused for a moment as if in thought.

“Oh by the way.” She said continuing. “I’m sorry to hear about Janice getting hurt.”

Sara sighed and shook her head.

“Thank you, Karen.” Sara replied. “Yes that was a shock. Didn’t expect that to happen, but it could have been much worse. Speaking of which, she and Mathew are supposed to be in here?”

“I saw them in ‘Ladies Wear’” Mrs. Norton replied.

“Thank you, Karen.” Sara said. “Talk to you later.”

Mrs. Norton smiled and nodded and both ladies headed off in different directions.

Janice sat on the arm of a chair, alone. Her left forearm rested on the top of the crutch, and her chin rested on top of her arm. She was both tired and bored.

She and the rest of the store had heard the altercation between Mr. Gottschalk and Mrs. Norton, and watched as Mrs. Norton escorted Mr. Gottschalk out of the store. Now she was alone, and waiting for Mathew to come back from the washroom. That was almost ten going on fifteen minutes ago, and Janice was just about ready to get up and march, as best she could, into the men’s washroom to find Mathew. It was at that moment that her mother showed up.

“There you are.” She said. “Where’s your brother?”

Janice was tempted to say something sarcastic like, ‘You mean Mr. I’m too moody for my own good to help my injured sister with clothes shopping?’ But instead said.

“Mathew went to the men’s room. But that was like ten to fifteen minutes ago.” Sara noticed the lack of clothes that Janice had said she wanted to do.

“Not getting anything?” Sara asked. Janice shook her head.

“Not when my arm’s in a sling. Makes trying stuff on rather difficult.”

She glanced at the big wall clock mounted on the far wall, and her face clouded over in annoyance.
“What’s taking him so long!?” She said letting the annoyance show in her voice.

Sara knew that Janice was starting to get impatient. Janice had always hated to be kept waiting, even as a child. It was a trait she knew she didn’t like, but she had improved as she got older. But now, being injured, it was a lot more evident.

“I’m going to go get him!” Janice said trying to stand.

“Whoa there, Janice!” Sara said placing a hand on her daughter’s hand.
“I’ll get him. You just sit there and wait.”

“But.”

“No buts young lady!” Sara said firmly. “I’ll not have any daughter of mine going into a men’s room.” With that, Sara headed to the back of the store.

Sara rounded the end of the aisle, and was about to turn into the men’s room, when something caught her attention. She stopped in her tracks next to a column and looked down the aisle. What she saw both startled and shocked her to some degree. Half way down the aisle, was Mathew in the young girls dress section. He was standing in front of a circular rack of dresses, and in each hand he held a dress. Sara watched as he alternated holding each dress in front of him, while looking in a full length mirror beside him.
‘What in the world is he doing!?’ Sara thought to herself as she watched him.

‘Is he trying to see how he looks in each dress?’

Sara didn’t know what she should do. Should she be angry and storm down the aisle and demand to know what he was doing? Or should she slowly walk up to him and let him think he had been caught doing something. She just didn’t know.

Sara watched for a couple more seconds, before deciding to walk up to him. She was just about to step out from behind the column, when Mr. Norton appeared out of nowhere, and stood next to Mathew.

“I’d go with the light blue floral print.” Sara heard Mr. Norton say with a humorous lilt in his voice. “It goes well with your eyes.”
Mathew nearly jumped out of his skin, when he heard Mr. Norton’s voice beside him. He was so absorbed with looking at his reflection, he didn’t noticed him approach. Mathew looked up at Mr. Norton with a frightened look on his face. His mouth dropped open and a small squeak, was the only sound he made.

Seeing as how Mathew looked like a deer caught in car headlights, Mr. Norton knelt down to look at Mathew at eye level.
“Relax son.” He said in a calm voice. “There’s no need to be afraid. I’m not cross at you.”

Mathew just stood there, still too frightened to move or say anything. Mr. Norton continued talking as he took the dresses from Mathew’s hands.

“Hey now. I was just kidding, ok? There’s nothing to be scared about.” With that, Mathew suddenly took off like a jack rabbit, leaving Mr. Norton bewildered. Sara watched Mathew run off, then turned and went back to Janice.