From Troll To Triumph

From Troll to Triumph

Inspired by Erin Halfelven with references to Clean It Up, All It Would Take and Felicity Finds Family

By Sasha Zarya Nexus
and revised from a story completed 2008/4/2

willy milly

"What might happen to such a person {'a troll'} who ran a foul of some of the mythical beings who lurk in the back of the BigCloset? :)" ~ Erin Halfelven

My buddy James had joined me in my home office. I had a guest work table set aside for friends to come over with their laptops. There was room in the center of the room to set up a folding table and chairs for when a bunch of us got together to play MMRPG's online with my high speed wifi connection to the internet.

"Will you get a load of this? I just googled you and someone else is posting stories under your pen name at a transgendered fiction web site."

"What is the name of the site?"

"It's called Big Closet Top Shelf. They abbreviate it BCTS on their web site."

"Top Shelf, huh? They sure have a high opinion of the authors and stories posted there."

"Unfortunately, for you they have a very competent technical staff. When I googled your pen name, All of the stories and references to this other person on BCTS were on the top of the google listings. The first reference to something you actually posted on the web is on page 3 or the Google listing. Your personal website is on page 4 of the listing."

"Oh my aching big toe! What am I going to do with them? This poser has usurped my proper place at the top of the listing. Even if I get some better technical help to get my personal site and the ones that I post on more on par with this BCTS, it still leaves all of the posts of stories from this other author."

"You really need to sample the stories of this other person using your pen name. You need to see if they are copying your style and actually trying to pass themselves off as you. Let's start with the story on top of the google listing."

Well I read that story and some of the others that the person using my pen name had posted. When I noticed that James had finished as well, he looked like he couldn't wait to discuss it.

"Well at least that person isn't copying your style. It seems that they are clueless that there is another author, you, using the same pen name."

"Can you believe the crap that knock off is writing under my pen name? It's not only amateurish writing but the subject matter is highly questionable."

"What are you going to do about this?"

"I could start by creating a pseudonym on that web site, Big Closet Top Shelf. Once I can post on their site, I could post a blog declaring myself as the real author."

"Are you sure that you know what you are getting into by doing that on BCTS?"

"Well, I will teach them a lesson. I'll let them know who the real author is here. I'm the one who rightly deserved the best place in the spotlight."

"If you feel that way then it's up to you to do something about it."

It was a simple matter to create a pseudonym declaring myself as the real author. That was not enough. I had to create a blog which declared my preeminence and directed them to the real place to find some real writing.

"James, my blog is up on their site. Check it out!"

"I like it! Just the right amount of disdain without being openly insulting."

"Now all we have to do is sit back and wait for the fireworks!"

Well we waited and the comments on my blog began to accumulate. After the first few, a pattern began to emerge."

"Can you believe those people on Big Closet Top Shelf?"

"I know! Instead of responding in kind, they are all being affirming and constructive. Those congenial people are really trying to help you!"

"What a waste for them to be caught on the odd story site, when they could be fans of my highly superior writing!

We both continued to look at the comments on my blog. Unfortunately for me I did not get to browse the site for long before the powers that be had discovered my real disruptive purpose.

"Well they have found me out. I'm locked out of not only logging into the site but also looking at it."

"I'm locked out too but right now I'm on your ISP and your IP address,"

"It's too bad I won't be able to put in place the rest of my plans against the usurpers."

"Hey, I was browsing some other stories and found a link to one of the author's personal site. Let me send it to you. It looks like it has a duplicate story archive and even chapters that had not yet made it to the BCTS site, yet."

I clicked on the link from James email to me and ended up on Sasha Nexus' Starry-eyed Miss website. She was one of the authors on the BCTS site which hosted the stories of that hack who had stolen my pen name.

"Well you are on Sasha's website. What do you think?"

"What do I think? I'm sure that she doesn't think at all. Will you look at this writing which is trite and relied mainly not on skill but tricks.

"What do you expect from a story archive where the greatest reward for a character was to be transformed from one sex to another?"

"It is not writing at all but just a bunch of cliches strung together. Perhaps I've rushed to judgement. I guess I ought to at least read one of Sasha's stories completely instead of just skimming it."

I stared at the author's title page declaring it to be "Clean it Up" by Sasha Nexus.Somehow like a train wreck I could not seem to put it down. I read through the first two chapters till I got to the part where the Goddess appears."

"Will you get a load of this? A Goddess appears whose unprintable name was pronounced Orbit."

"That has to be a reference to the Orbit slogan "Dirty Mouth, Clean it Up!". It looks like Sasha made a feeble attempt to fulfill a writing challenge."

"Theodore in the story was obviously a bad boy who was about to be redeemed by becoming a good girl. That's one of the limited genre's tropes."

I was startled to hear the voice of the Goddess described in the story speaking to me and appearing before me.

"I am the Guardian of the muses of the true authors which you have accosted in your attempt to relieve your boredom."

"Surely I am a superior author to any one on that puny site. Surely I am the most true in my writing!"

"You are unrepentant and disrespectful in my presence. Prepare to be judged!

I was unprepared as the Goddess kissed me and I shimmered out of existence for a moment When I next was aware of myself, I had been aged to the extreme. I was at least 100 years old! On top of everything, I was a woman. At least the Goddess did not remain to gloat over her mastery of me and other than the physical transformation everything was unchanged.

"Dude, you look like a lady! An ancient one but you are a chick!"

"Don't you think I know that? What was the point of turning me into a woman so old?"

"Well I guess by being so old you could easily pass as a man if you cut your hair and bound your boobs."

I'm furious! Ordinarily I would be tearing my clothes off to get a good look at myself. What's the point? The Goddess' second gift was to remove any pleasure from seeing a naked woman since she's got me thinking like a woman.

"Are you sure that it's that? You know you always have had a violent reaction any time that the transgendered are involved. It's like you are covering up something about yourself that you want to deflect attention away from yourself."

"You mean that I've always been a girl in my mind? That I'm one of those trans-whatsits? You have a very active imagination, James."

"Think about it. In the Sasha Nexus story, the only ones that were changed were those who were transwomen before even if they didn't know it. Even Theodore who was swearing up and down the neighborhood was really a trans-girl before being judged by the Goddess."

"Even if I am a trans-doodle and I don't say that I am, I'd much rather have my natural life as a man than having it cut short by becoming 100 years old. I could die any second."

"Well since the means of judging you was in the story, perhaps the means of changing back is in there as well.

"Well Sasha is an author who is still learning her craft. I had to admit that none of my writing had come to life. I have to admit that my previous opinions of BCTS and its authors were a bit harsh. I guess I'll give reading Sasha's story a try, since I encountered her story's Goddess.

James and I resumed our reading of the story that Sasha had written. We hoped that we could find something in the story which would help.

"Theodore in the story did not rebel against the change. Perhaps you might need to do that in order to get on the Goddess good side."

"You might be right. I don't believe that I'm really a trans-widget. But if I have any chance of getting turned back I have to get on the Goddess good side. I'm really stuck here like this."

"Theodore in the story also adopted a feminine name and identity, Joan. What would you have been named if they knew that were naming a girl?"

"Well if it is a step toward getting back to normal, i could do that. My mother had told me that the girl's name they had picked out was Nina. Please call me Nina from now on, James."

"I will, Nina. You know that Joan in the story offered respect for the Goddess. She worshiped her even though the two aliens from the planet where the Goddess was worshiped in their history did not worship."

"Thanks for noticing that, James. I've read about how Joan worshiped the Goddess and I will genuinely worship the Goddess as well."

I emulated the transformed Joan in trying to show respect for the Goddess and paying particular attention to the information about the worship of the Goddess in the story. I meditated upon the Goddess and carried out the rituals that were described in the story.

"James, I've participated in the meditation that Joan did in the story and the rituals. No change yet. Any ideas?"

"You could read through the two stories which branched off of it."

"We can try that. I'm willing to try anything."

We both read the stories and still there was no change.

"Looks like we got it wrong again. Try as I can to appease the Goddess, she never appears again no matter what I do."

"Obviously, my premise was wrong. It is not appeasement of the Goddess that will win your salvation. Instead it was the Guardian who had taken the Goddess form."

"Maybe if I read another story then something in it might get the Guardian to appear again."

"I agree with your logic. I too feel now that reading another author's story might reveal the answer quicker."

"I'm still locked out of BCTS. I guess it will have to be another story on Sasha's personal website. Here's one called "All It Would Take". Let's read!"

We both read for a while and we both needed a break. I wanted to see what James thought of the story so far.

"What do you think of "All It Would Take", James?"

"Well it's a little more realistic seeing as it does not rely on a comics fan fiction universe but a live action movie one.

"I was amused by the mix of genres in the story. It starts with a science fiction atmosphere with talk of the space program, Tang, and a motorized wheelchair spoken of as a lunar rover in the original movie."

"But then it turns to pure fantasy. In the movie, Milly who magically turned into a boy by using an Indian ritual. In the story Milly's son, Wally, became a girl, Molly as a result of the same rituals Wally's mother Milly used."

"Wally's friend Gary rejects her when she changes to Molly. I'm glad that you are still with me after this happened to me, James."

"Well it helps that you being so old, that I'm not attracted to you. You know how guys are, Nina."

"At least I thought that I did, James. I'm glad that Molly found a true friend with a girl who had only been an acquaintance before the change. Molly gets into a pickle when she gets captured by overzealous scientists upon learning that she had changed sex. I want to read on to see how she gets out of that."

"So we resumed reading the story and I hoped that an appearance of the Guardian might be near. Instead I read on and found that the catalyst of the movie, Malcolm, appeared and gave them a do over which saved the new girl, Molly. I was hopeful that the Guardian having once taken a mythic figure might once again appear and it happened just as I had wished.

"You have made progress, Nina, but you have not yet learned. I will give you another chance to discover what you have missed."

I didn't have a chance to reply because the Guardian in the form of Malcolm had transported me away from my home office. Malcolm placed me on a high place looking over the night sky with a wishing stone in my hand. I saw a shooting star, clasp it tightly in my hand, made a wish and then threw the stone.

I blinked out of existence and found my age halved to be a very young fifty year old woman. I found that I was on the roof of my own home and a ladder was erected which gave me a way off the roof and back into the house. I was relieved to find that James was still there and merely dosing in his chair.

"Wake up, James! The Guardian appeared and changed me again."

"Looking good Nina for an older woman. At least you're not a crone like before. You look more like a MILF now!"

"Thank you James. I think. I can tell you are really glad to see me. Well I'm not going to drop dead any second now but I'm not changed back yet. I've got to keep trying."

"Do you think that you know how to get the Guardian to appear again? "

Maybe, alll I have to do is to read another story and some time in the middle of the story, the Guardian might come."

"Well it looks like you might be on the right track because the last transformation had been to been to a more favorable age."

"However I feel that I have proof that it was more that I have to do than just to try to learn what the characters in the story had learned.

"Like what?"

"I'm sure that part of it is to experience what it is really like to be a woman."

"Are you hoping that once you know what it is really like to be transformed, that you would have a complete appreciation of transgendered fiction?"

"Yes! That way I'll genuinely appreciate the stories and the authors."

"Where will you start? You know that I would do anything to help, Nina."

"Thanks James. I wish that somehow I could receive a guide on this journey that I find myself upon."

James was gone and in his place, appearing before me was another woman my age which I identified as Sasha Nexus herself in the flesh from her picture on her website.

"James, Is that you? You look like Sasha Nexus."

"I don't know any James, sorry."

James, dead? This woman in her place? what have I done?

James is not dead. How could you think that of me? You needed to be in a universe where you had a guide. Amelia needed to be a guide. I moved you here while James is still there with another version of you. All is well.

"My name is Amelia Cooper but I'm familiar with Sasha Nexus since I'm a transwoman myself. A lot of people say we look alike. So who are you and why am I here?"

"I'm called Nina now, but I was the one who was banned from Big Closet Top Shelf since I guess I spammed it.; Please Amelia, I want to learn what it means to be a transwoman. "

"Looks like you are getting a crash course in it. I see you have had a run in with the Guardian of the website."

"Yes, two as a matter of fact. You don't seem phased by being here. I mean until a moment ago you were my friend, James. I know you aren't James now. I guess they are right that you should be careful what you wish for since you may get it. I'm so sorry, Amelia. "

"I'm sorry for your loss, Nina. When you have experienced the unexplainable the way that I have, it becomes easy to believe in the impossible happening. Someday If I have found favor, the impossible will happen to me and I'll have my dream of being a whole woman."

"You must have a great deal of faith! I have to believe what has happened to me but only since I cant deny that this is real. Can you help me, Amelia?"

"I can help, even though I was just born, I have memories of a lifetime of experiences . Let's get ready for an evening out and see where that takes us."

"Thanks Amelia."

Amelia and I found that with the last transformation, the clothes in my home all were female and fit both of us. She helped me pick out some party clothes and helped me get dressed and she also got dressed. Then Amelia helped me with my makeup and did my hair as well as doing her own makeup and hair.


We left via the mass transit station nearby. Amelia guided me to get off at the station that would lead us into the latest and greatest entertainment and shopping district.

I looked around and saw many possibilities. Amelia led me straight to the Fox Sports Bar. Even though I felt comfortable with my appearance and gender, I had butterflies since Amelia was leading us right into a place where it would be likely that a couple of men might pick us up.

"Relax Nina. Just do what comes natural and you'll be fine. Just have fun."

"OK Amelia."

It was soon that a couple of hunks, came to our table. They introduced themselves as Mike and Jeff and asked to join us. Amelia didn't seem to mind so I followed her lead.

Mike seemed to have eyes only for Amelia. Jeff seemed very interested in my exposed cleavage. I was interested in the effect that I seemed to be having on Jeff.

All of a sudden it hit me as I was in the middle of the situation. Things like this were exactly what the fiction and the writing on Big Closet Top Shelf site was about. It was not lame at all. It was profound!

I emerged from my thoughts seeing Amelia and Mike in a lip lock. More importantly Jeff was looking longingly at me.

Jeff's lips looked very appealing so I closed my eyes and turned up my face and waited for it to happen. It was electric as sensations from the kiss warned me from head to toe . My world was spinning and somehow I didn't know what would happen next.


I opened my eyes, in my own bed, back in my home. Ameila was dabbing my forehead with a cold compress.

"Nina , are you alright?"

In a dreamy state that was becoming clearer, I answered. "I'm okay! What happened ... how did I get here?"

"Jeff slipped you a ruffie in your last drink. I saw the signs and got you out of there and home before you collapsed . I'm glad you are awake. I was worried about you."

"I think I may have gotten what I needed, Amelia before I blacked out. Could you bring me my laptop so I can try to raise the Guardian and see if I have learned my lesson?"

"Sure Nina. Which story will you read?"

Amelia gave me my laptop. I looked at the contents of Sasha's personal website

"I think I'll try another from Sasha's personal web site called "Felicity Finds Family" "

I accessed the story and began reading it while also calling to mind the things that I had learned.

I first read the part that the heroine sacrifices everything to try to save her world. I was glad that Mrs Dumfries welcomed her to a place to make her new home and she discovered a new mother and sister. The Guardian appeared before me in the form of Mrs Dumfries, the mythic overseer of that mythic place, One April Morning.

"Greetings Nina. Do you have something to say to me?"

"Yes Guardian. I have learned 2 lessons. One is that I can now see the beauty in the writing that you protect and I am ashamed of how I acted before ."

"I see the sincerity of your discovery, Nina, and what is the second?"

"That I realize that I myself am a transwoman and now I am truly happy"

"Then you indeed have found wisdom. Enjoy life, Nina!"

Before I could respond to the Guardian, she was gone and I was changed again. Instead of being 50 years old, I was now 13. Amelia still was there unchanged. I wondered why I had received the gift and Amelia had received nothing that I had seen and still was 50.

"Amelia, I am so sorry that you didn't receive anything. You helped me so much."

"You haven't looked in the mirror yet, have you, Nina? I'm whole and there is more. Why don't you?"

I looked in the mirror and found that my appearance had changed as well as my age. If anything at all I was even more beautiful. And it was obvious that Amelia, blessed with being wholly female, was only old enough to be my mother now at 35.

Beyond that I saw that I looked to be a younger version of her since we matched in everything, so Amelia had me as her real daughter. I looked back at Amelia and the image of her in the mirror was also the one I saw in real life. It was the same 13 year old girl I saw as I looked down at myself as well.

"Welcome home, my beautiful, daughter, Nina! I love you!"

"Thank you, Mother! I love you so much!"


Thanks to Erin for the following inspiration:

What might happen to such a person who ran a foul of some of the mythical beings who lurk in the back of the BigCloset? :)

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