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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

Editor's Note: Jenny Walker has graciously allowed me to represent her original story No Half Measures on BigCloset. Originally published on BigCloset Classic, this story segment was migrated over to BigCloset TopShelf on 2005-03-02. Due to the original story presentation format being unsuitable and unwieldy for most portable devices (each part being over 1 meg in length), the story is now being broken up into single chapters for easier reading. The original Movements will be indicated on their respective chapters. The first chapter of each Movement will retain the original comments and read hits so as to preserve them for the author.

Sephrena Lynn Miller

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Chapter 12
 
 
On Saturday, Claire and I decided to go into the city centre for some sales shopping and we spent an enjoyable day and a fairly obscene amount of money on clothes, cosmetics and jewellery. I think we were bad for each other as we encouraged each other on. Claire had remarked that she had never had as much fun sales shopping before and could begin to see some advantages of having a sister. On Saturday night, she headed back to Bristol as she was meeting up with some friends the next day and had to go back to work on Monday. She promised to return for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. We hugged tightly before she left and I thanked her for all her support.

Although there wasn't any compelling reason for me to stay on with my parents and although it might have been easier to take my opportunity to go back to London, I decided that it was best to stay. The more time I spent with them, the better they would adjust to what I was doing. Or so I hoped. Sometimes it seemed like we were making progress and that I was being accepted. But other times I would get disapproving looks and little disappointed comments. What could I expect though?

On Sunday I went to church again with my parents and enjoyed the simple service. We had a pleasant lunch together and as it was a clear sunny day, we all went for a walk in the afternoon. Being at home was not easy, yet I was enjoying spending a prolonged period of time with my folks. I think above all, I felt relief that they now knew all that was going on. Almost all. The cold fear and dread that I had had over the previous month when thinking about my parents was gone. I was thankful for that. We had been an open family as we grew up and hadn't liked keeping my changes from them.

Dad went back to work on Monday and my mother was meeting up with some friends of hers. Being at a bit of a loss for things to do, I decided to go to the local gym for a workout. When I arrived, I suddenly had a panic about the changing rooms but was relieved to find out that the female changing area had private cubicles where I could change into my leotard without exposing myself. I enjoyed a good workout. I also noticed that I was receiving a fair share of glances from a young man. I tried not to let on that I knew he was watching me. I was flattered by the attention, but I knew I had to be more careful. When I was heading out of the gym, he came over and tried to make small talk. Part of me felt I should be polite and talk, but I was fast learning that politeness is often taken as meaning a lot more with some men. So I gently, but firmly excused myself. I didn't shower at the gym for obvious reasons and headed back to the house for that. With the house to myself for the afternoon, I enjoyed a relaxing few hours playing on my old friend the piano.

Phil phoned the next morning a little to my surprise. "Hi Nicola?"

"Yes?"

"Phil here."

"Phil?"

"Yes you know your cousin. You introduced yourself to me on Boxing Day, remember?"

I laughed, "How are you Phil?"

"I'm fine. Listen I wanted to apologise for being a prat the other day. Can I make it up to you?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Dawn and I and two of my friends were going to head out for a bit of New Year's Eve entertainment and wondered if you and Claire would like to head up to join us?"

"Where are you going?"

"We were going to head to Diva's in the Student's Union." This was in Swansea, where Phil's family lived.

I groaned, "Seriously?"

He laughed, "Come on, it's about the only lively place in this town and they have a good entertainment programme planned."

"Well, I guess I don't have any better offers." Then something struck me, "You said two of your friends, you, Dawn, Claire and me?"

"Ye-es," he said, "Why?"

"Sounds like a nice even number to me. Let me guess, one of your friends wouldn't happen to be Owen, Dawn's boyfriend."

A slight pause, "Well yes. How do you know about Owen?"

I laughed, "Oh you know, girl talk on Boxing Day. So is this a triple date cous? If so, which of your cousins are you planning to be incestuous with?"

He laughed, "Hey, it's not illegal for cousins you know."

I smiled, "Maybe not but my question stands: are you planning to partner Claire or me? Or are you going to lump me with your friend?"

"Nicola, it's just a fun night out, nothing serious. If you don't want to come, that's fine."

"OK sorry. I'm only teasing. What time and where? I'll talk to Claire and see what she says."

"Meet at our house about 8pm?" he suggested.

"I'll let you know."

I phoned Claire during her lunch hour and she was all for it although she groaned at having to drive all the way up from Bristol and then on to Swansea. She said that she would phone Phil back and confirm that we were coming. I warned her to get here in good time as we had to make ourselves presentable.

It was late afternoon when I started to think of heading to the bathroom to get ready. I figured I should take a head start so that the bathroom was free when Claire arrived. Just before I went upstairs, the doorbell rang. My mother answered the door and called me, "Nicola, it's someone with something for you."

I was intrigued and went to the door to find a leather-clad motorcyclist courier there with a sealed package for me. It was labelled 'Private and Confidential'. I was initially puzzled and then I suddenly realised what it probably was. I signed for it and thanked the courier. My mother was curious and I knew she wanted to know what was in the package. But I remembered my father's warnings and I shrugged and said I would open it later. Yes about thirty seconds later once I was in the privacy of my own room.

I ripped open the package and laid the contents on my bed. I was really quite amazed. I had a brand new passport in the name of Nicola Jane Evans with one of my new photos in it. Similarly for my driving licence. What was even more impressive was that the driving licence had the same issue date as my previous one and looked a little battered and used. However the birth certificate capped it all. It really looked like a certificate that was 23 years old. The paper was a little faded and frayed at the edges. I shook my head as I handled these documents. The amount of work and effort that must be required to produce these was staggering. I felt elated - it was like a confirmation of new identity. I slipped the birth certificate into an envelope with my passport and stored them in a zip pocket of my suitcase. The driving licence and my new National Insurance card, I placed in my purse.
 

*          *          *
 
By the time Claire arrived home at 6:30, I was bathed, legs shaved, hair washed, dried and styled, and sitting in my room in a bathrobe wondering what to wear. Claire burst in, "Heya sis. Ready to party tonight?"

I laughed, "Don't make me nervous. I'm not much of a party animal you know."

She waved a hand at me, "That was the old you, I've great hopes for the new you. I'm going to hit the shower and wash my hair." She went to leave but then turned back, "And I know exactly what you should wear, so wait for me, OK?" I agreed as she was already halfway out of the door.

She returned 15 minutes later with wet hair. I helped her dry it and style it. Then she jumped up and grinned, "OK your outfit for tonight."

I looked at her warily, "Why do I get a bad feeling about this?"

She laughed, "Because you're a bad girl?"

I pouted, "Am not. I'm a good girl." I tossed my head.

She waved a hand at me and began to rummage around in my wardrobe, "Not tonight you're not. Time to try out some of your new purchases from the weekend."

I groaned a little. Claire had encouraged me to make some purchases that I don't think I would have made had I been left to myself. I had an idea about what was coming. She smiled and pulled out a top, "This is definitely the top for you for tonight." It was a stretchy, white sleeveless top which I knew from trying it on in the shop left none of my curves to the imagination. She continued, "And with it of course it has to be...tada!" She pulled out an extremely short, black leather skirt. She had insisted that I buy it. I had protested. I thought it was even too short for my less-than-conservative taste but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She had reasoned that if I was going to be a 'rock chick' as she called it, then of course I would need a short leather skirt. I had eventually given in, but had kept the receipt thinking that I would probably return it sometime when Claire wasn't around. "Claire, I can't! It's too...," I paused and wrinkled my nose trying to think of the right words.

She giggled, "Too what?"

I grinned, "It's too sexy I guess."

She shook her head, "No way. Tonight is not a night for too sexy. No such thing. At least try it on and see how it looks."

I sighed, "Alright, but I'm not planning to wear it." My corset was already around my waist loosely. I tightened it fairly severely. I was about to tie it off when Claire shook her head, "Oh no sister. After what you did to me in the corset the other day, don't think you are getting off easy." She walked towards me.

"Getting off easy?" I exclaimed, "It's as tight as it goes."

She raised an eyebrow, "We'll see about that. Now take a deep breath in." I groaned and did so and at the same time she yanked viciously on the laces. I know it sounds trite, but I really did feel as if I was being cut in two. Claire grunted and wrestled with the laces and then tied them off. "There, that's more like it," she said with pride. I looked at my waistline in the mirror. It really was waspish. I took little breaths and found that it wasn't too bad really. I shrugged and took the white top from her as she handed it to me. I slipped it on. It fit perfectly. It accentuated my full breasts and narrow waist. I knew it looked good, it felt good. I took the leather mini from her and stepped into it and zipped it up. Oh but it was short. It just about came down to mid thigh. "This is almost indecent," I complained.

Claire laughed, "Almost, but not quite so it will be fine. And anyway, your outfit isn't complete. I bought you a little present which I think will compliment your ensemble nicely." She handed me a packet. I took it and looked at it. Black tights. Fishnet tights!

"Claire!" I gasped, "Are you planning on getting me arrested for being a hooker tonight?"

She grinned, "Not unless you are planning to act like one. Come on, it's New Year's Eve, it's a big party night. We are going to a student club. You are a beautiful, sexy woman so why shouldn't you dress like one? Try them on, go on!"

I sighed and against my better judgement opened the packet. I pulled the tights on and adjusted them. Claire handed me my long black suede boots and said, "It has to be these, try it and see how it all looks." I shrugged and slipped the boots on. I stood up and turned to face the mirror. I stood and stared. I shook my head and murmured, "Claire, I really think I look too sexy."

She giggled, "I know, you really do. So that's it settled, that's you dressed for tonight."

"Claire! I can't go out like this," I paused, "Can I?"

She nodded, "You will go to the ball Cinderella. And if it makes you feel better, I bought a pair of the same fishnets, so you won't feel like the odd one out."

I laughed and looked at myself in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I didn't like the way that I looked. I think the problem was I liked it too much. But I also had the perspective that I knew what a guy would probably think of the way I looked. I mentioned this, "Claire, umm, what do you think the guys will think of the way I look?"

She laughed out loud, "Oh so you are concerned about what they will think?"

"No, I mean yes, but not in that way. I mean, I don't want to give the wrong signals."

"What are the wrong signals?" she asked softly.

I shrugged, "I don't know. Like I don't want them to think I am interested in them."

She smiled, "Nicola dear little sister, this is the joy of being a woman. You can go in there looking like the hottest thing on two legs, which you probably will be, and enjoy yourself. It doesn't matter what any man thinks about you, they can look, but they can't touch and you can have no interest in them whatsoever and have a good time. It will drive them wild!"

I wrinkled my nose, "Isn't that being a bit of a tease?"

She giggled and nodded, "And?"

I sighed. With the mood she was in, I could see that I was on a hiding to nothing. I was distracted from my train of thought by Claire beginning to slide her top on. I butted in, "Hey no way sis."

"Uhh?"

"You haven't put your corset on yet." And I proceeded to wrap my spare corset around her and viciously lace her up as tightly as she had done to me. She complained but from the look on her face, I knew she liked the effect it had on her figure. She put on a black velvet top. It was stunning. Sleeveless and strapless. I quipped, "It's as well you've big enough boobs to hold that top up."

She flushed a little, "Hey, they're not quite as big as yours, but at least mine are natural. Are yours sis?" She winked.

I winked back, "Not yet." She was in the middle of pulling on a denim miniskirt and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"What did you just say?"

I shrugged now feeling a little self-consciously and she went on, "Did you just imply what I think you did?"

I shrugged again, "Umm, maybe?"

She slowly pulled her skirt on, not taking her eyes off me, "You are thinking of having breast implant surgery." A statement.

I smiled and inclined my head. I spoke softly, "Well perhaps. I mean, it sort of makes sense."

She sat down on the bed and regarded me thoughtfully, "Would you like your own breasts?"

I smiled and sat down beside her. I chewed my lower lip and then turned to look at her, "Yes, I think I would."

She blinked several times, "Wow. Have you discussed this with anyone?"

"Only my doctor."

"Your doctor? So you are really serious about this? I mean it's sort of like, irreversible, well not really, but almost."

I shrugged and grinned, "And you think what I've done already could be undone without any trouble? Even if I wanted to?"

She nodded thoughtfully, "OK, point taken." She nodded slowly to herself and then turned to look at me again, "You haven't told anyone else about this, but I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"I want you to promise that you won't go off and do this without telling anyone. You must tell me beforehand."

I sighed and felt a little irked, "What? So you can try and talk me out of it? Claire, I thought you at least got it, I mean when..." I stopped. Her index finger was an inch from my lips.

"Shush you, and listen to me," she said softly. "I'm not going to try and talk you out of it. I see the person you want to be and I'm going to have to get used to it. In fact I think I might like her. Do you think I'd be taking you out like this tonight if I wasn't now with you on this? Why you have to tell me is not for me to talk you out of it. It's so I can be there for you when you have it done."

It was as if someone had put a hand around my throat and squeezed. I felt choked. I swallowed hard, and could feel my eyes stinging as moisture welled. I blinked a few times and swallowed again. I took a deep breath and forced a smile, "Claire, I don't know what to say..."

She smiled, "Just promise me."

"I promise."

She grinned, "Now dry your eyes before we get our makeup on. Remember we are going out to party tonight so no holds barred, now go for it."

I laughed and dabbed my eyes gently with a tissue. Claire helped me with my makeup and I helped her. I felt sure we were using too much mascara and kohl eyeliner pencil, but Claire pooh-poohed that. She thought we were using too much lipstick, but I silenced her. I painted my nails ruby red and Claire went for frosty pink. I put in my long drop earrings into my lower holes and a pair of medium sized hoops into the upper holes.

We stood up side by side and, like we had done the other day, looked in the mirror together. Claire gave a low whistle, "Damn but we are hot...watch out Swansea, here come the Evans sisters." I laughed, but she was right. With me in my black leather mini, fishnet tights and long suede boots and her in her short denim skirt, fishnets and stiletto heels - we were definitely a force to be reckoned with.

"Oh, look at the time!" I exclaimed. It was 7:20pm. "We're going to be late. We are supposed to meet Dawn at 8." It was just under an hour's drive to Swansea from where we were.

Claire shrugged, "I don't think they'll go on without us. But now the next problem."

I frowned, "What problem?"

She gritted her teeth, "Us getting out past Mum and Dad dressed like this."

My mouth dropped open, "Oh." I paused, "I hadn't thought of that."

Claire nodded, "Oh indeed. Any suggestions?"

I laughed, "You get me all tarted up like this and expect me to get us out of this?" I looked out the window, "Is the drainpipe out of the question?"

She looked at me, "With you in those boots and that skirt and me not much better off?"

I grinned, "Good point. So what's your plain Einstein?"

She shrugged, "I was sort of thinking we walk down the stairs, grab our coats, say goodbye and leave."

"Just like that?"

"Any better ideas?"

"No."

"Well then, let's go Nikki."

"OK, but don't call me Nikki."

"Gotcha."
 

*          *          *
 
Claire was fairly putting her foot down in her sporty Renault Clio as we made good progress along the A473. We had managed to extricate ourselves from the protests of our parents. Predictably they had nearly swallowed their tongues when they saw us coming down the stairs. Mum looked aghast and Dad told us in no uncertain terms that we were not going out looking like we did. Claire told him in equally uncertain terms that we were indeed going out looking like this and that as we were adults, we were entirely free so to do. More protests and counter protests were lodged and I had been happy to keep out of it. Eventually a stand off ensued and we just grabbed our coats and left. I was worried what they would say when we got home, but Claire reminded me that it would be extremely unlikely that they would still be up by the time she imagined we would be getting home.

We were only fifteen minutes late when we pulled up outside Uncle Keith and Aunt Vera's house. I was hoping that the aforementioned relatives wouldn't be there, but of course they were. Aunt Vera opened the door and rolled her eyes when she saw us. She held the door open and beckoned us in. She turned and called up the stairs, "Dawn, two more floozies to join you in your indecency." Claire and I both had to try hard not to snigger. I smiled at Aunt Vera, "How are you?"

She sighed, "I don't know what the world is coming to. It's bad enough for girls to dress like this, let alone..." I got the drift, but she never got to finish her sentence as Dawn came whooping down the stairs. She was wearing a tight red dress, black hose and patent black leather high heels. She looked great and we told her so.

She gushed, "But look at you two! And you Nicola? Wow!"

Aunt Vera tutted and threw up her hands as she went into another room and closed the door.

Dawn giggled, "Mum's a little upset about my 'tasteless dress sense'."

I grinned wryly, "You should have seen the trouble we had getting out the door."

She nodded and gesturing to our fishnets, "I can see why. You two aren't pulling any punches tonight."

Claire grinned, "We're just looking to relax and have a good time. Where's Phil and co?"

Dawn shrugged, "Oh they are going to meet us there. Phil's away to pick up Adam and Brian. We'd better go. I said we would be there around 8:30."
 

*          *          *
 
There was quite a queue to get in and it was a chilly night. Especially the way I was dressed, so I was glad when we finally made it inside. It was busy, noisy, smoky and dark. I wasn't really used to such a social scene. Well unless I was playing a gig or something. Otherwise, I wouldn't really choose to go out to a place like this. But perhaps Claire and Dawn's enthusiasm was rubbing off on me a little as I decided to relax and enjoy myself. With the crowd, it seemed like we had no chance of finding Phil and his friends. Dawn astutely came up with the solution. She sent a text message to Adam and he promptly responded in like fashion to inform us they were holding a table in the far right back corner. We made our way in that direction and saw the three of them. Dawn went up to Adam and greeted him with a hug and a lingering kiss. Claire grinned at Phil, said hi and then introduced herself to Brian. I walked over to Phil and smiled shyly. Suddenly I felt quite self-conscious. He was giving me a very strange look.

I sighed, "Phil are you still freaked out by me?"

He paused and smiled, "Well yes, but not in the way you think. I just can't get over how good you look. I mean, not just good, but..." His voice trailed off and he just shrugged.

I laughed nervously, "Well, you look pretty smart yourself." He did too. White shirt, black jeans - simple, but for a man, very effective. Nothing like the amount of effort I had had to go to, but I guess that came with the territory.

"Here sit down," he indicated to the seat next to him and I did so. He was sitting quite close to me. He continued, "Hey look, I want to apologise again for how I behaved last week."

"Think nothing of it," I said waving a hand.

"No seriously," he persisted, "I really feel bad. The last thing I want you to do is think I'm like the rest of the old fogies, all disapproving and all." He smiled at me, "When I look at you, I can't believe it's really you. I can barely see anything resembling the old you."

I felt more self-conscious and tried to cover it with a quip, "That's because you haven't taken your eyes off my breasts."

He laughed and looked my straight in the eyes, "Not quite true, but who could blame a man?" He hesitated and then with a look of curiosity asked, "Are they....?"

I stopped him, "Do you really want to ask me such a question?"

He laughed and shook his head, "I guess not. Doesn't matter. Look, do you want something to drink?"

"Err sure, I'd like a...."

He interrupted, "I'll pick something suitable for you." He asked the others if they wanted anything and headed off to the bar with our order. I sat back and looked around the table.

Claire spoke, "Brian, meet my sister Nicola. She might have got the better looks, but trust me hon I'm the one with the brains." She turned to me and winked, "Brian's going to be an architect."

I laughed, "Don't listen to my sister, it's false modesty. And did I mention that she's my older sister? But then she always liked the younger man."

Claire gasped in mock horror and gave me a playful slap, "Less of that little sister or I'll tell Mum on you later."

I smiled and actually spoke to Brian, "Hi Brian, nice to meet you."

"Likewise," he said. He looked a bit overwhelmed and didn't seem to know what else to say.

Dawn giggled, "Nicola, this is Adam, my delicious boyfriend," she turned to Adam and waggled her finger, "and if I see you looking too much at my lovely cousin I'll get extremely jealous."

"Hi Nicola," he reached over with his hand.

I shook it, "Hi Adam, you're a brave man taking on my mad cousin."

He laughed, "Yes she needs some taming, but I figure I'm the man for the job."

"Hey!" Dawn protested and tried to tickle him, until he effortlessly caught both her wrists in one hand, and then kissed her.

Just then Phil arrived back, "We have drinks!" He set a tray down on the table with a little flourish and handed out the drinks. He gave me a tall glass filled with green liquid, "For the lovely lady."

I looked at it suspiciously, "What is it Phil?"

He looked at me dead pan, "You don't know? It's Vulcan blood."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Geek!"

He laughed, "Look who's talking." I think he then realised how incongruous it was to call me a geek now. In the past, certainly it would have seemed entirely appropriate. He shrugged, "Anyway, it's actually vodka and lime." He saw me screw my nose up, "Hey try it and relax."

I shrugged and took a sip. I wasn't one for drinking much alcohol; it had never had that much appeal to me. I reckon my background and upbringing also had something to do with that. But it actually wasn't too bad. Not too bitter, quite tangy and with a bit of a bite to it. I took another sip. Phil sat down beside me again and we began to chat. I asked him about his course and his plans for jobs after he graduated in the summer. He asked me about my music deal and what my next steps would be. I was actually beginning to wind down and relax when Phil grabbed my hand and stood up, "Come on."

"Huh?" I said.

"Let's dance," he said as he smiled down at me, "Come on!"

I reluctantly stood up, "Phil, I don't know..."

"Well I do, come on and don't deny your favourite cousin a dance."

I grinned, "You want me to dance with Dawn?" The others at the table laughed.

He feigned wounded pride and I took pity on him, "Oh alright then, lead on." He grinned and led me to the dance floor.

I felt a little uncomfortable and whispered in his ear, "Are you sure you want to dance with me Phil, you know with me being, well you know..."

He turned to me and smiled and replied, "What? With you being the prettiest girl in the room? Course I want to dance with you."

I felt myself flush from head to toe and he laughed. We began to dance. It was a mixture of disco pop, dance and rock music. I was never much of a dancer before and although all I had done recently was ballroom dancing, it seemed to have helped with regard to my rhythm and fluidity of motion. I just relaxed and let my body move to the music. It came fairly easily, certainly a lot more easily that it had ever done on the few occasions when I was dragged up to dance in the past. I actually enjoyed it.

The tempo changed and Simply Red's 'If you don't know me by now' began to play. Immediately the couples on the dance floor moved closer and into each other's arms. Phil looked at me and raised a questioning eyebrow. I smiled shyly and shrugged. He grinned and gently pulled me to himself. I tentatively put my arms around his neck and felt him slide his arms around my waist. We were very close as we began to sway to the music. I laughed nervously, "This is weird."

He nodded, "I know, totally weird."

I looked at him, "You don't feel uncomfortable?"

He smiled back at me, "Extremely so. Here I am dancing with my amazingly beautiful cousin. That would be fine, except for the past which we both know. And what makes me feel most uncomfortable is that I don't really care, that I want to be with you and close to you this evening."

"Wow," I murmured.

"How do you feel about it Nicola?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. To be honest, I guess I'd rather dance with you than anyone else here."

He nodded and grinned wryly, "But that's just because you feel more comfortable with me than a strange guy."

I wrinkled my forehead, "Well, perhaps. I suppose that's not the most flattering thing I could have said."

He laughed, "I don't care to be honest, because here I am holding you in my arms and am the focus of the jealousy of all the other guys in this place."

"Phil!" I remonstrated, "Don't exaggerate."

"You think I exaggerate? Have you not seen how the other guys are looking at you tonight?"

He was right. I had noticed but had been trying to ignore it. From the moment I had walked in, I had been aware of every guy I walked past looking me up and down and taking a second look. It made me feel strange. A mixture of pride and discomfort. After a few more slow numbers, we headed back to our table. Dawn and Adam were there. Claire and Brian were up dancing Dawn informed us.

"Don't they make a cute couple?" Dawn stirred.

I laughed, "Oh yes, has anyone warned poor unsuspecting Brian about my man-eating sister?"

Dawn shrugged and giggled, "Figured we'd let him work it out for himself."

Adam winked at Phil, "They aren't the only ones who made a cute couple."

Phil laughed and sounded a little nervous, "Nah, just enjoying a dance with my cousin you know."

Adam gave him a look that was easily understood as saying, 'yeah right'.

"Ahem," somebody cleared their throat just beside me. I looked up and a large man with short bleached blond hair and a goatee beard was standing there looking down at me.

"Erm, can I help you?" I asked.

"I would think so," he said with a grin which was more like a leer I thought. "Wanna dance love?"

I felt my skin crawl, "Err thanks for asking, but I don't think so." I turned away, but he wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Come on sweetie, let me show you a good time. You sure look like that's what you're after."

Phil bristled beside me and stood up, "Look mate, you heard the lady. She said she didn't want to dance."

He sneered at Phil, "Are you her boyfriend?"

Phil hesitated, "No, I'm her cousin."

"Then butt out, this is between me and the honey here."

Phil didn't look pleased, "Well she's made it plain she's not interested, so I suggest you look elsewhere."

The big oaf laughed, "You going to stop me if I don't?"

Another voice joined in from behind me, "Yes he is and so are we if you don't sod off." It was Brian who had just arrived back at the table and Adam was now standing up beside him.

Big oaf paused for a moment and swore, he looked down at me, "Your loss, but you're not worth the effort." He turned and swaggered off and I shivered involuntarily.

I looked around the table, "Thanks guys."

Various comments ensued about jerks, idiots and the like. I felt Phil's arm gently slip around me and rest on my shoulder. "You OK?" he murmured.

I didn't protest at his arm, in fact I found myself snuggling up to him. It felt safe and secure. "Yeah, I'm alright." I paused and then looked up at Phil, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure anything."

I grinned, "Want to be my boyfriend for the rest of the evening?"

He laughed, "Do I ever! Sure thing, but I want to you to know that I'm the jealous sort and wouldn't take kindly to you dancing with other guys."

I shrugged, "Phil to be honest I think I'd be happy to only dance with you tonight anyway."

He sighed, "Well, it'll be a hard burden, but I guess I'll manage it somehow."

"Nicola, Nicola!" Claire exclaimed.

"What?"

"Oh oh, listen to what they're announcing; they're going to do some karaoke now."

"Eww, this should be painful to listen to," I grimaced.

Claire smiled, "Yes, but that's not what I was getting at. You should get up and sing."

I laughed, "I don't think so."

"No seriously, you should," Dawn joined in. She turned to Adam and Brian, "Did you know my cousin Nicola is going to be a rock star?"

They looked mildly impressed and joined in the encouragements to get up. I sighed, "OK, OK. But here's the deal. Let a lot of others go up first." I grinned, "I want to check out the competition, and then if I am going up, I'm taking my two backing singers with me." I looked pointedly at Claire and Dawn. They didn't look so enthusiastic now, but the boys were definitely sold on the idea.

Claire screwed up her face, "Alright, deal. But what are we going to sing?"

Brian went and grabbed one of the song lists that were circulating about and brought it back to our table. He gave it to me and I scanned it looking for what I thought might be there. It was. "OK girls, I've got us our song, 'Show me heaven'"

Claire and Dawn looked at each other, and Dawn nodded, "Fair enough, but what are us backing singers going to do...apart from stand there and look pretty?" She batted her eyelids a few times.

I laughed, "OK, rehearsal in the ladies' room, excuse us for a moment gentlemen."

There were a few other girls in the ladies and we decided to squeeze into one cubicle, despite the few funny looks we attracted. I talked them through the song, I knew it by heart of course. I sang the backing lines they were to sing in the chorus and got them to sing them back to me. We did it again and again a few times until they really had the hang of it. I actually began to get a little excited. It had been a long time since I had performed in public and although this didn't exactly qualify as a starring role, it was live singing nonetheless. Before we left the ladies' room, we all touched up our make up and then headed out.

Claire went up to the DJ and added our names to the list. We sat down at the table again and I asked, "Claire what did you call us?"

She grinned, "You'll find out soon enough."

Before long the DJ announced, "And now singing 'Show me heaven' are Cara Malone and Co."

I rolled my eyes and Claire briefly explained the name to Dawn and the boys as we got up and made our way onto the stage. As we turned and stood in front of our microphones there was a chorus of wolf whistles and cheers. I thought it would have been intimidating, but it produced an adrenaline rush and I smiled to the crowd as the music began. As I began to sing, the noise decreased until there was near silence apart from the music and my singing. The song built into the first chorus and the girls joined in their harmonies. I felt the old rush of blood to the head and I cradled the microphone in my hand, and closed my eyes as I sang the all too familiar words. We all really belted out the final chorus and as the music finished I said, "Thank you, good night," and blew the crowd a kiss. There was a caterwaul of cheering and whistling and we laughed as we waved and left the stage.

"Well now," said the DJ a little hesitantly, "Tell me, is there anyone in the building who wants to get up and sing to follow that?" No-one was offering. "As I thought," he continued, "and rightly so, let's hear it for Cara Malone and Co. and let's get back to some dancing." As we made our way back to our table, people applauded and waved at us.

"You're amazing," Phil murmured into my ear.

I laughed, "We just sounded good because those that had sung before us were the usual woeful complement of people who think they can sing once they have had a few drinks in them."

"No seriously," he said, "you're really going to make it aren't you?"

I looked at him thoughtfully, "I'm planning to do my best. I hope so."

He grinned, "Well I'll buy your album when it comes out."

I laughed, "I should hope so, if my 'boyfriend' doesn't buy it, who will?"

He smiled and stood up pulling me to my feet, "Come on 'girlfriend' of mine, let's dance some more."

I didn't protest as we walked onto the dance floor arm in arm. It was slow dances again and it didn't feel as uncomfortable this time. We chatted and swayed. After several more songs, I realised that my feet were beginning to hurt. I mentioned this to Phil and we headed back to the table. When we got there, we found Dawn and Adam locked in a close embrace, but to my surprise my sister and Brian were also engaged in the same practice. I don't think either couple even noticed us arriving back.

I sat down beside Phil and joked, "Dang, I feel kinda left out."

He grinned at me and winked, "What? My 'girlfriend' isn't going to kiss me on New Year's Eve?"

I laughed, "You watch yourself, any more talk like that and I'll jump onto your lap and teach you what a proper kiss is."

"Is that a threat or a promise," he said cocking his head as if challenging me.

"You think I wouldn't?" I said as if daring him to agree.

"Yes I think you wouldn't."

I don't know what made me do what I did next. Perhaps it was the two or three vodka and lime drinks I'd consumed that evening, perhaps it was the high of singing and the response we'd received, perhaps it was because of the closeness we had enjoyed that evening. I made good on my threat or promise or whatever it was. I slipped onto Phil's lap, slid my arms around his neck and lowered my lips to his and gave him a soft kiss. I suddenly realised what I had done and sat up straight, "Phil, I'm sorry. I was just being silly."

He looked at me strangely and softly said, "Were you?"

I looked at him closely, "You want me to kiss you?"

His eyes didn't leave mine, "I know it seems weird. I know we're cousins and the past and all. I'm probably not thinking straight at all, but here I am with possibly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and tonight she's pretending to be my girlfriend. Do I want you to kiss me?" He paused and smiled, "Oh yes."

I hesitated and looked at him. Again I don't know why I did it, but I lowered my lips to his again and kissed him again. This time he slid his arms around me and pulled me closer to him and he kissed me back. It wasn't long before things became a bit passionate and I felt him slide his tongue inside my mouth. I should have resisted, but I didn't. I don't know how long we kissed for, but we had an audience when we finally broke for air. Dawn and Adam, Claire and Brian had all apparently stopped their own romantic activities and had been watching us. I felt very embarrassed and wiped my lipstick from Phil's face and slid off his lap onto my own chair. Their eyes were still on us. "What?" I said spreading my hands, "You were all at it too."

Dawn screwed her nose up, "But...you're cousins."

I shrugged, "Cousins isn't illegal."

She said something but her reply was drowned in the noise of the countdown to midnight that had just begun.

"7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Happy new year everyone! Welcome to 2003!"

The obligatory singing began and we all joined hands around the table and sang, "...For auld lang syne, We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, For auld lang syne."

We all began to chat around the table again and I was glad for the distraction. "Sorry," I murmured to Phil.

"What for? I'm not sorry," he replied.

"Well I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything."

"Look Nicola, I'm not embarrassed. I've had the best New Year's Eve I've had in a long time. I've no pretences about what took place. I had a great time, I hope you did too."

I smiled and squeezed his hand under the table, "I did. I really did."
 

*          *          *
 
"What did you think you were doing?" Claire asked exasperatedly.

We had driven in silence for about half an hour after saying our goodbyes outside the club. I knew she was steaming and had just resigned myself to waiting for her to vent.

I shrugged, "I wasn't doing anything different from anyone else who was there."

"The hell you weren't! He's your cousin."

I was getting a bit narked, "OK, say last New Year's Eve we had gone out and I had ended up kissing Dawn, would you have been so annoyed?"

She paused, "That's different..."

I interrupted, "How is it different, she is my cousin. That was your objection, no?"

"But Phil is, well he is a guy."

"And?"

"And so are you," she replied without thinking.

I let the answer hang there in the air for a few moments. "I see," I said softly.

Claire realised what she had said, "Nicola, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"How did you mean it?"

"Oh I don't know," she said with frustration, "it just didn't seem right."

I nodded, "I know. I agree. But I don't know what is right or what is wrong. Would it have been right if I had found a pretty girl and kissed her tonight? I imagine not. Claire I'm confused about all this. I don't know what I feel or think. I guess I wasn't thinking tonight."

She sighed, "I'm sorry for going off at you. I reckon I'm not as adjusted to your change as I thought I was."

"I know," I mused, "at times I feel that way too."

She went on, "But I think you need to sort out what you think, because not every guy is going to be as decent or understanding as cousin Phil. Think about it, if you kiss a guy, he's going to be hoping it leads to a lot more. What if they find out what you're packing under your skirt?"

I winced, but she was right. "I know, I know. It's just all so overwhelming. I mean, I felt really sexy tonight." I took a long, deep breath, "I think I'm going to have to control myself better until I can sort things out."

We drove in silence for most of the rest of the journey. When we were nearing home I said, "Claire, have you any plans for tomorrow?"

"Apart from sleeping in until lunchtime, no. Why?"

I shrugged, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. I think I need a favour."

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