To those who talk to me on SKYPE. I have huge issues with it right now because Microsoft installed it on my desktop using my real name. I am trying to fix this but it looks hopeless right now. So, I will not be using skype.

Lately I have been shying away from anything violent or depicting violence. It's gotten so bad that even too much tension in a movie or story will cause me to walk out or close that page.

A huge surprise this last week or so. A Saudi Arabian friend of mine asked me if I could put up a female college grad until she finds an apartment, and now she will be moving out on the 15th, and that will have been three weeks. My Saudi Friend does not know about me and neither does she, and I'm not telling. It's given me a rare opportunity to glimpse into the female world.

To my two followers:

This is likely the third time I have blogged about this story since it came out around 2005. I began to read it in a time when my leaving this world was as likely as staying, and oddly the struggles of the protagonist had a steadying effect on me. Years later, it is clear that my own transition was no more voluntary than David's. To the wise, stay clear of psych drugs, and Counselors.

I'll just be straightforward about this. I am alive because those at this site gave me a friendly place to come to pour out my heart, to cry and to become sufficiently distracted to stop actively thinking of killing myself. I was invited to come sometime in 2007, but had been lurking on this and other sites for year. My transition was so painful, like it is with most of us due to those here, I am alive.

No fooling here folks, the site has grown so much that I would not even want to think about it.

A few of you have met me and know that I pride myself on being energetic, sassy and snotty, but fun. LOL. Though the last one of you to visit here saw me not feeling that well. I'm going to beat this fat butt into submission yet !!!

"The Symbiont" was just in Random Solos, and I had just started reading it and I had to leave for a moment and when I came back the page was closed and now I can not find "The Symbiont" again and I am feeling quite cranky about it and I tried using Search but the confounded thing will not find it for me so would someone please help me find it again? On the verge of a good sob.

Gwen

Close Hauled On the Edge of the Winds of Plagiarism

Gwen Brown
5/21/2016

As I have said enough times before that it is likely getting tiresome, I have been working on a story for years, perhaps fifteen of them. It’s been an off and on project and I’m not sure why I didn’t just sit down and finish it. Perhaps the answer is that the fates had not completed parts of it.

I did not wish to completely derail Julia's thread so decided to start my own.

Another aspect of languages, dialects and such is our ability to adapt to, even adopt the speech patterns of those around us. I am from Oklahoma Dust Bowl stock and when I get around them quickly begin to sound like them.

Lots of T folk, even post op ones, seem to feel the need to rat themselves out, even the ones who pass impeccably.

I have just been through a couple very tough and bruising weeks dealing with the Bathroom thing. It's very difficult to establish a balance between forgiving those who hurt us, and being very mad, incensed even at their ignorant and stupid position. In my case, having come from one of those groups, I feel quite qualified to beat them about the ears with their own clubs.

I'm feeling quite knackered now so will try to stand down for a while.

Life is bigger, too bigger for me right now. Why is it that the "50 Shades" trilogy makes so much sense to me; that I see myself in Anna, Christian and his subbies? Why do I vainly hope for that good ending? Why do I inwardly "rage against the dying of the light"? I've been tasked with writing a letter, my final appeal to a group of men that I have little respect for, and further my friends ask me to not be insolent and sassy, and disrespectful. They tell me that even if this last effort fails, at least it will benefit those behind me.

Many of us, when they think about it, can relate to stories of being forced to be male. It is a hinge point of many stories here, and it happened to me also, though in retrospect perhaps I was only impersonating one.

There was a time in my youth that I could not determine which was better, great sex, or a full dump. Miniature Ectomorphs tend to have issues with getting their digestive systems to work. As to the sex these days there is desire about once or twice a year. When I write about the 'act', it tends to be in the most vague of terms, since it is just much more important to me to hold or be held affectionately. Perhaps it is a bit of the XXY creeping in?

Joseph Campbell was a very well known philosopher and studier of comparative religion. Nowadays a significant number of the stories here are right out of mythology and lots of that interacts with ancient Jewish themes. I am intrigued by a story on the front page now where there is reference to one's True Name, and I am fairly sure that it originates partially from a book in the Old Testament of what Christians call Isaiah 56:4-5

New authors here can make of this site almost what they choose to make it. The first sites I published on were cranky and one even altered some of my stories such that I almost did not recognize a few. Still they published me and I was grateful. In the 90's I wrote a lot and got chewed out, but improved a lot. The scope of my spelling and grammar errors was legendary.

I am most thankful that even in my early years here, starting around 2005, certain people still massaged my stories and the other day someone told me that I am doing much better than in the beginning.

I am just getting ready to start reading a rather long story by an author I like which deals with him trying to drink himself to death before finally facing that he is actually a female in his head. This is a rather well used trope I think, though I anticipate enjoying the story.

I believe I read "Peaches" the first time when it was just out. I was likely in the middle of my own very traumatic emergence and likely did not enjoy it as much as I should have.

So, yesterday I downloaded it to my PC Kindle and read it again. It is a lovely and uplifting story and I enjoyed it very much indeed.

A story I was working on (Remember "Houston we have a problem"?) just flamed out and fell into the ocean. It is clear that I have different "writing voices", but I have a difficult time controlling that. I don't know what I am going to do with it now.

Today I read part of one of my first stories that was I published on Storysite first and then migrated it over to BCTS later. I now remember that Crystal was not that impressed with my writing at first, and I think she did some pretty heavy editing on both "MS Frankenstein" and "Desert Princess" though I don't know for sure.

The counter thingie says I've been a pest here for slightly over 9 years or 2006. I first published at "Story Site" in 2001, probably after I returned from Kenya, completely shattered. My heart felt little dream of Christianity making the world a better place had been proved to be a vile, machiavellian. fantasy. I'd had shocking glimpses of the underbelly and droppings of the Missionary game. Then in a few weeks the 9/11 thing came, and the world came crashing in for so many of us, worst of all the occupants of the towers.

I know this is going to bump my other blog off but this is more important.

The new Series "Shannara" is OK but I think there are several authors here who could have written it better. It's a very loose combination of "Lord of the Rings" and Bailey's "15ft of Steel".

The thing is wound too tight for me and too much tension but the actors seem good.

Gwen

Watching Twilight 2 for about the 4th time to keep the daemons at bay tonight when I was struck at the similarities between it and Bike. Simon and Cathy are saying the same things to each other as Bella and Edward.

Promise I'll behave, so no chewing me out, unless someone wants to spank me.

Everything is so dark and sad now taking these bloody Antibiotics. Too sick to even be snotty. 5 days left ...

FUCK !!!

It is embarrassing to admit that I have not figured this out, and the one opportunity to get it right, I ignored.

You see, I have no BUTT. And, that is exacerbated by childhood scoliosis that left my lower back with no "Lordosis" whatsoever. I did purchase a padded butt/hip panty but it was far too tight, and now I can not even get into it at all !

It was one of those Made in China, size L things. For those who have noticed, this year is starting off as the year of the bigggg butt. In fact, no butt is a dead give away. :(