Suzie

“I’m taking one of your drawers for Suzie,” mom said, moving my underwear, shorts and teeshirts from the second drawer of my dresser to the third.

“Who’s Suzie?”

“I’ll explain later,” she said as she filled the drawer with silky underthings, brightly colored shorts and girls tops from a shopping bag. Finally, she set one of those decorative dolls you see in gift shops on top of my dresser.

When the bag was empty, she left and returned with a load of skirts, blouses and dresses on hangers. She pushed my clothes over a foot or so, and hung them in my closet. “These are Suzie’s clothes. I know that boys are curious and you may want to see what girl’s clothes feel like, so you may touch them. Still, Suzie won’t want dirty clothes, so try to keep them clean. If any get dirty, please put them in the laundry so I can wash them before she arrives.”

“Who’s Suzie? When's she coming? Is she going to be sharing my room?”

“Questions, questions, questions. She’s a girl your age. It’s complicated, but I’ll tell you all about it later. OK? I have work now, and its time for you to start school, so sign on. When you’ve finished, you can play.”

“I guess. I will. I do everyday, don’t I?” I said as she descended the stairs to her office. I wasn’t happy, because it looked like I was going to have to share my room with a dumb girl – a girl mom bought a beautiful doll. For some reason Suzie getting a doll like that from mom bothered me.

I’m smart, so I'd worked my way through the day’s assignments by 11:45. Mom and I always broke for lunch at noon, so I had fifteen minutes to kill. I didn’t want to seem too interested in Suzie’s clothes when mom was putting them away, but now that I was alone, I opened my closet and took a look. There were two blouses: an ivory one with a rose print and a while one with a wide band of lace around the neck ending in a ruffle. There were also two skirts: a navy poplin with pleats and a soft rose knit. Finally, there were two dresses, a dressy peach one, and one with an overall top and a skirt instead of pants. On the floor were a shiny black pair of shoes with a little heal and a pair of pink and white sneakers.

I couldn't get over how different they were from the clothes next to them -- my clothes. While mine were dull and plain, these looked like just putting them on would make you happy. Maybe girls were so used to them that they didn't feel special when they put them on. How could that be? I mean just the few clothes hanging here were all so different, and there were so many more in stores and catalogs. No one could get used to them all.

I reached out and touched the peach dress. As soon as I did, I pulled my hand back like I'd touched fire. It was so soft. Boys shouldn’t touch things like that … but mom said I could. I ran my fingers down the skirt. It was way softer than anything I had. I imagined what it would look like when Suzie twirled in it. If I twirled in it? The thought was hot as my hand burning from its first touch. I slammed the closet shut and ran to my bed.

I looked up and saw the doll watching me, reading my thoughts – thoughts no boy should have. I couldn't let her see me touching Suzie's dresses again. I relaxed and filled my mind with thoughts of baseball (that I sucked at). As I sat, my heart slowed. I didn’t even know it had speeded up. Finally, I was calm.

Why was I even upset? Mom said “boys are curious” and I could touch Suzie’s clothes. I'd just stay away from her dresses. What about the things in the drawer? I shouldn’t touch them. But, what boy wouldn’t want to? “Boys are curious.” Mom said so. Wouldn’t it be okay just to see what they looked and felt like? Of course it would, mom said so.

Two piles of panties were on the left. Unlike mine, Suzie's panties were a rainbow trimmed with lace and ribbons. Most were silky, though some were soft cotton. The top one was bright blue, with three rows of lace across the seat. I reached out to touch it, but pulled my hand back. Next were camis. They weren’t so bright – just shades of white, ivory and pale pink. Beside them were bras like Rosemary Miller wore – then little slips, brightly colored shorts and an assortment of tops.

You might wonder how I know about Rosemary Miller’s bras. Well, I’m not sneaky or pervy, if that’s what you think. Instead, everyday after school (when we had school, before covid) my friends and I would stop at Maria Gonzales’ house to talk, play music and dance. Rosemary just got her first bra the night before and wanted to show all of us – Maria, Lindsley and me. So, she did. She even took it off and let us feel the little cones on her chest. She was the first of us to blossom, so we were all jealous – well, not me, but the girls.

Anyway, I picked up a top. It was pretty – orchid, with sparkles across the top. I held it up. Suzie must be about my size! I did my best to fold it and put it back – slamming the drawer just as mom called me to lunch. As I looked back I saw that the doll had been watching me the whole time.

“Ok, mom, who's Suzie? When's she coming? And why is she going to stay in my room?”

“She’s the daughter of someone I know. I’m not sure when she’s coming, but I'd think in the next week or two. As for why she’s going to stay in your room, where else would she stay? We only have two bedrooms and an office. You have girlfriends – so there’s no reason you shouldn’t welcome Suzie. Is there?”

“Well, I’m a boy and she’s a girl and …”

“And? Do you expect to be taking advantage of her?”

“No, but … I mean she’ll want to change and, well …”

“I know your friends don’t mind changing in front of you.”

“What?”

“Senora Gonzales is not as blind as you seem to think.”

“Oh,” I blushed.

“I’m not mad. I’m glad that your friends trust and are comfortable with you. … Now run along. I have to get back to work.”

I told about Rosemary showing us her bra, but not that my friends sometimes tried on each other’s things – not that I did. Still, they’d ask me how they looked, and which colors suited them. So, I got to be kind of a fashion critic – at least that’s what the other girls said. Well, to be honest, I sometimes picked out things for them to try, because I have a good eye. They even invite me shopping with them – well, before covid.

The reason I have a good eye is I’m kind of an artist. I like to paint and give my pictures away. Rosemary, Maria and Lindsley all have some of my pictures in their rooms – unicorns, knights and fairy queens mostly. Mom framed a picture I did of the mother and girls in Little Women and hung it in her office.

Anyway, since I’d finished my schoolwork in the morning, I planted some petunia seedlings in the back flower bed. They were mixed colors and I hoped they would add some cheer to our isolation. Unfortunately, that didn't take very long. I went up to my room bored and wondering what I’d do next.

I knew Rosemary and Maria would still be doing school, so I got on Zoom with Lindsley. She’s quick like me, so I knew she’d be done by 1:30. Like me, she was in her room, bored. The only new thing in my life was Suzie’s clothes hanging in my closet, so I told Linsey all about the mystery.

“Well, let’s see them Rudy.”

“What?”

“Suzie’s dresses.”

I got the dresses out of my closet and showed them to her – holding them by their hangers.

“They look okay, but you know it’s hard to tell how they really look unless they’re modeled.”

“Well, I’m not going to model them!”

“I don’t see why not … What else have you got to do?”

“Well, they’re dresses and I’m a boy … and my mom is downstairs.”

“You know I never held being a boy against you, and like you said, your mom is downstairs. … Come on. It’s no fun just looking at them on hangers. … Pretty please?”

For some reason my heart was racing. “Okay, but you better not laugh or tell anyone – and just one.”

“Okay, the peach.”

“I’m going to turn the camera off.”

“That’s not fair! I’ve changed in front of you.”

“Okay, okay!” I took my shorts and tee off and started to put the dress on.

“Doesn’t Suzie have a bra you can borrow? I can tell the dress isn’t going to hang right without one.”

“She has three.”

“Let’s see them. … Those two aren’t going to help. They’re just training bras – you might as well not be wearing one. The pink one is padded, I can tell. Put it on.”

“It’s bad enough that I’m modeling the dress. I don’t want to wear a bra too.”

“Well if you’re not going to do it right, there is no point in doing it at all.”

“Okay, okay! How do you fasten these things? I can’t get the hooks to line up!”

“Just hook it in front and turn it around.”

“Oh! That’s a lot easier. Is that how you do it?”

“I used to. Now I can hook it in back.”

“I guess it takes practice.”

“You’ll learn”

I stuck my tongue out at her.

“That’s rude! … That looks right. … Wait! Don’t put the dress on yet.”

“Why not? I thought you wanted me to?”

“You can’t wear a dress over jockey shorts.”

“Why not?”

“Because it wouldn’t be right.”

“What would be?”

“Panties and a slip.”

“Boys don’t wear panties.”

“Some do.”

“Who? Which ones?”

“The ones that wear dresses.”

I blushed.

“Are there any peach panties in the drawer?”

“ … Yes, here’s a pair.”

“Well put them on and get a slip while you’re at it.”

“Why do I need a slip?”

“You don’t -- if you don’t mind everyone seeing through your dress.”

“By ‘everyone,’ you mean you?”

“Yes. … Now put on your panties.”

“They’re not mine! They’re Suzie’s!”

“Well for now, you’re Suzie.”

I imagined what being Suzie would be like … to wear her clothes whenever I wanted – but I quickly put the thought out of my mind. I turned my back to the camera and changed into the peach panties.

“Cute bum, Suzie!”

Next came the slip and dress.

“Turn around! Let’s see!”

I turned and gave a little curtsey, as I'd seen my friends do when modeling for each other.

“You look nice.”

I blushed. “Thanks, I guess.”

“No, really! Peach suits your complexion, and between the padded bra and your cute bum, you have a nice little figure. Go look.”

I looked in the mirror on my closet door. Except for my messy hair, I looked as cute as any of the other girls. Any of the other girls? I meant my friends.

“I thought I was modeling the dress, not playing dress up!”

“Why can’t it be both? … Get a brush and do something with your hair.”

“Like what?”

“Well part it in the middle and brush it down and let’s see how it looks.”

“… Hmm … It’s okay, but you could look better.”

“How?”

“Try brushing your bangs forward.”

“How’s that?”

“Okay, but they’re too long. Do you have any good scissors?”

“Yeah.”

“Cut them across your forehead.”

I wasn’t thinking and did.

“Yeah, like that! You look great now – go look.”

I did and saw a 12 year old girl smiling back at me. She wasn’t a knock out, but she was cute.

When I got back to my laptop, Rosemary and Maria had joined our chat.

“Rudy, is that your dress? It’s so pretty on you!” Rosemary said. She sounded sincere.

“It’s so you, Rudy. I wish I could give you a hug,” Maria added.

“Thank you both. That is very sweet of you, but I was just showing Lndsey what the dress looked like.”

“Is that why you did your hair? Don’t be embarrassed, Rudy, we’re glad to see that you got a chance to look so you, querida.”

“You think wearing a dress is me?”

“Of course,” they all answered at once.

I started crying and logged off without saying good bye. Laying on my bed, I could hear my phone chiming with texts from my friends, but I was in no mood to chat.

I woke up as it was getting dark. Mom was shaking me. Once I realized that I was still in Suzies bra, panties and dress, I started crying again. Mom held me.

“Why are you crying sweetie?”

“Because I’m dressed like this! You must hate me!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m so queer!”

“Because you’re wearing a dress and all?”

“Yes!”

“Well, I wouldn’t have bought you that dress if I didn’t think you’d wear it.”

“You didn’t! You bought it for Suzie!”

“And who do you think Suzie is?”

The doll smiled at me.