A couple of days later, my cell phone rang. It was Ken. “Hey Chrissy, I’m lonesome.”

“Aww. Why don’t you get some friends to come over?”

“Why do you think I’m calling you?”

“You were supposed to call me when you got out of the hospital. You’ve been in school for a couple of days … maybe I missed that call.”

“I talked to you at school.”

“You promised to call as soon as you … never mind.”

“Well, things have been a little craz ….”

“You’re forgiven!”

“Wow, that was easy!”

“I’m easy. Scratch that … I’m a forgiving person.”

“Thanks, Chrissy. I could use some company. Yours would be best.”

“I’ll see if I can come over. What’s your address?” He gave me his address and I found he only lived five blocks from me.

“Mom, can I go visit Ken? Poor thing, he’s lonesome.”

“Sure! Need a ride?”

“No, thanks. It’s walking distance.”

“Head home before dark!”

“OK, Mom.”

I texted him, “OMW”, and started walking and thinking. Why am I so excited? Maybe it’s a blessing that we can’t have sex. I thought about girls who were raped. Guys were incredibly strong, and when they get excited it would be impossible to fend off an attack. Ken wasn’t like that … was he? I knew I could trust Jody. Now, I knew what girls go through and why they have to be careful. Some girls were not careful at all, but sex didn’t seem to be a big deal to many of them anyway until they get raped. I arrived at Ken’s house and tried to shut off my worries. I didn’t even have to knock. As I approached the front door, Ken flung it open. “Chrissy! Come in!”

I didn’t know whether to shake hands or hug, but he handled that. He pulled me close for a long hug, during which his lips found mine once more. He held me almost too tightly, but I didn’t want the kiss to end.

The kiss did end, though. “Come up to my room and we’ll talk.”

“Are your parents here?”

“Sorry, no, but they’ll be home in about an hour. Come on. I’ll be good!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Aw, Chrissy. I’m really a nice guy!”

Reluctantly, I went to his room with him. Like Jody, he was assertive and I was a passive follower.

“Chrissy, have you thought any more about what I asked you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have an answer for me?”

“Yes, Ken. The answer is yes.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised at my response. “I have something for you.” He opened a drawer and pulled out a tiny box. Suddenly I flashed back to another tiny box. I kept my cool, though, and opened the box. It was a chain with a heart-shaped drop. “Lemme see, I’ll put it on you.” My whole body tingled as he drew close to put the chain around my neck. “This says ‘you’re taken. All others, back off’!”

He sat on the bed admiring his conquest as I stood and viewed his conquest in the mirror with a critical eye. I turned to him, leaned over, put my arms around his neck and kissed him. As I kissed him, he put his arms around my waist and pulled me down on top of him. I was in his strong arms, under his power, and I couldn’t resist if I tried. My whole body tingled as I tasted his sweetness, and felt his ‘excitement’. I knew I should stop, but I was totally under his control and didn’t want to stop anyway. I relaxed my entire body and shared his passion. Proscriptions regarding my behavior flashed into my mind at light speed and disappeared as quickly. He was so excited I thought he would burst. Too soon, the kiss ended and I lay my head on his shoulder. I reached and felt his ‘excitement’.

“Ken, this is amazing! Does it feel good?” I gave just a little squeeze to indicate what I was talking about.

“You don’t know how it feels? You never …?”

“No way. Do you feel anything like that on me?”

He reached to feel. I had a small girdle on to keep me in. I let him feel that I had no reaction like his at all.

“Wow. You really are a girl!”

“Well, you certainly are a guy. What does it feel like? Does it feel good?”

“No. It’s doesn’t feel good until ….”

“Yes?”

“Chrissy, I don’t know if I should talk to you about this.”

“I just want to know how it feels. I’ll never get to feel it.”

“Ok, it doesn’t feel good until I … make love to a girl. Then it feels damn good! It’s like a spring being wound up tight, and suddenly releasing.”

I lay my head on his shoulder again and my hand on his ‘excitement’. “I would love for you to make love to me, but it will be a while before that can happen.”

“You know, where your hand is right now is winding that spring up tighter.”

“Oh, sorry.” I pulled my hand away.

“No! Carry on!”

I put my hand back. I massaged him slightly. The bulge in his pants was huge and getting bigger. “Wow, Ken! I’m afraid you’re gonna bust out!” I stopped the massage.

“Don’t stop Chrissy!”

I continued the massage. His face was flushed; he was breathing heavily and moaning as if he were in pain. Apparently, he liked what I was doing so I didn’t stop. Then he let out a groan and he had spasms over his whole body as if he were having a seizure. This continued a few seconds, then his whole body relaxed. He reached down and took my hand off his pants. His breathing was still heavy, and I could feel his heart throbbing.

“You’re something else, Chrissy!”

“Are you OK, Ken?”

“Oh, yeah! More than OK! The spring is unwound.”

“Really? I thought you were gonna be sick!”

“Oh, Chrissy, you have a lot to learn. It’s not right for me to teach you. Talk to your sister.”

“You think Claire knows about this?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m pretty certain. Ask her, she’ll fill you in on the details. You are so sweet and innocent. I love you for that.”

“Watch out how you use that word.”

“What word?”

“Love.”

“Can I say, ‘I love you’?”

“You can say it, but maybe it’s a bit premature.”

“OK, I ‘L-word’ you.”

“I L-word you, Ken; ‘Like’, that is. Make that ‘Like plus’. You’re so good looking, strong, and brave; make that ‘Brave plus’. I feel safe and protected when I’m around you and you treat me with respect. I like you a lot, and I’ll be your girl until you dump me or something like that.”

“Chrissy! Dump you? Never!”

“Ken, you’re not afraid what people will say about you going with me?”

“That’s a good thing about being big. Not many people are brave enough to say anything. If they do, I’ll kick their ass!”

I grasped both his arms. “You are big and strong. I’m sure you are capable of doling out a good ‘ass-kicking’.”

“Yeah, I’ve done it.”

“Just take it easy, OK? I really don’t like violence, and I wouldn’t want you to hurt someone and get in trouble.”

“Anything for my girl.”

“Ken, I am your girl … only yours.”

He kissed me. This kiss was not as long or quite as passionate as the previous.

“Ken, it’s starting to get dark. I have to head home.”

“Let’s go, I’ll walk you.”

We walked toward my house hand in hand. Never had I felt so safe walking down the street. I now understood why girls like strong guys. When we arrived at my house, we stood on my front porch. He turned to me, “Chrissy, can I come by in the morning and walk you to school?”

“You better!”

“So right!”

We kissed again. It felt “So right.” I had a boyfriend. Everyone at school would know tomorrow and it would be acceptable. Ken would make sure of that. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Ken left and I went into the house.

I found my mom in the kitchen.

“How did it go?”

“Oh, Mom. It was great. He’s so sweet!”

“Oh? He tasted sweet?”

“Mom! You know what I mean!”

“Yes, but I know you tasted him. I saw you ‘tasting’ him on the porch just a few seconds ago.”

“Sorry, Mom. Is that bad?”

“Absolutely not, Honey! Part of dating is getting a taste!”

“Look, Mom.” I showed her my pendant.

“Oh, that looks expensive! It’s from Ken?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“The way you’re going you may never have to buy another piece of jewelry.”

“Mom, I have some questions about boys.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, we kissed ….”

“Yes, I know.”

“I mean, we kissed at his house. And a certain part of his body ….”

“He got excited … part of his body got bigger. What a surprise!”

“Yes! Why does that happen?”

“Oh, my sweet, innocent little girl! I probably shouldn’t have let you go over there without talking to you about … certain things.”

“Is that what’s called a ‘hard-on’?”

“Chrissy! Well, it’s OK … you didn’t know. Boys talk like that, but not girls … not good girls. That’s what they call it, though.”

“I think I got it.”

“Got what? I know you don’t have a ‘hard-on’!”

“Mom! No, of course not!”

“Good! What is it you have ‘got’?”

“I think I understand this ‘boy’ thing.”

“Really? You may know a little, but it’s probably just the tip of the iceberg! Oh … no pun intended!”

“Will that ever happen to me?”

“Oh, no. We’ll make sure it doesn’t. It would be a sure-fire way to turn a boy off if it happened to you.”

“Good, because it apparently makes a boy very uncomfortable!”

“That’s a good way to put it. It shows that a boy’s body is prepared to engage in sexual intercourse, and it can be very frustrating for a boy if he can’t. So, it happened to Ken while you were kissing.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you can’t have intercourse.”

“I guess I am too. One more question.”

“Just one more? OK.”

“I’ll speak plainly. The penis gets hard, but it also gets very big. How is that supposed to fit in a girl’s vagina?”

Mom smiled, “Honey, believe me. God designed it to fit, and it will fit. The girl has to be mature enough, though. That’s why is so dangerous when little girls have sex or get raped. The vagina is not ready. Sex at too young an age can cause tearing and sometimes permanent damage. There is another factor to this. The AIDS epidemic is spread primarily among young men. That’s because there has to be a transfer of blood. The skin inside the rectum is very thin, so the risk of infection is great. Sex between an infected man and a woman, however, is not near as dangerous because there is rarely any bleeding in the vagina. Of course, menstruation is another story. Still, the risk of a woman being infected by a man is about one in twelve-hundred.”

“All that is good to know, but I still don’t see how it fits.”

“You don’t have to worry about that for a long time. When the time comes, you won’t worry at all. Oh, it may be just a little difficult, but you’ll get it done.”

“I see why girls get raped. If he were to force me, there’s no way I could have resisted. He’s so big and strong. His arms are like a brick wall!”

“That’s why you have to be careful. I should have realized I need to talk to you about this kind of thing.”

“It seems like there’s a lot to learn.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m still learning!”

“Really? Are men a mystery to you?”

“Yes! It’s a mystery why they like the things they like. Sometimes it’s a mystery why they do the things they do. If you think you got them figured out, they’ll change.”

“It’s hard to believe I might have been one of them!”

“It’s not too late if you want to ….”

“No Mom! Never!”

“That’s what I thought. You’re happy being my sweet, innocent baby girl.”

“Yes, Mom, I’m perfectly happy.”

“Good! Get Claire and let’s have some dinner.”

We had dinner as the weather began to threaten. At bedtime, I lay in my bed and watched “God’s Light Show” and listened to “God’s Symphony – Movement No. One – Thunder and Lightning”. I always thought lightning was beautiful, even though it could be dangerous. After threatening for a while it started to rain. “God’s Symphony – Movement No. Two – Rain” seemed to be set in for the night. In a dream, I saw Jody smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, and waving; it seemed he was waving goodbye. He sent me a message. I can’t explain how he sent it, but he told me it’s time to stop grieving, always remember our short time together, and that our love, however brief, was real. He wanted me to find true love again and live a full and happy life with the true love I find.

I may find that true love, but Jody will never be replaced in my heart. He is and always will be the love of my youth.

At dawn the next day the rain had stopped, but very dark clouds near the horizon blocked out the rising sun, making it a dark, warm morning. I was up and ready early and stood on the front porch watching for Ken. It started getting later, and it dawned on me, “I should have expected this. Ken can have any girl in the school! Why the hell should he go with me? I’ll bet he’s telling his friends right now, ‘Hey, guess who came to my house last night … the freak! the little faggot who wears dresses to school!’” He’ll tell them about his ‘massage’. Why did I have to be born so stupid! I looked down at the pendant he gave me and wondered how long before it started to turn green. I guess he wanted to add to the illusion that he really liked me. Why? … to hurt me more? … to make the pain unbearable? I felt a teardrop. No! I can’t go to school with my eyes red and puffy from crying! Actually, I can’t go to school at all!

I turned to go back into the house, but caught a glimpse of color down the street. It was Ken, hurriedly turning the corner onto my street. I wiped away the single tear and walked to the end of the sidewalk to meet him.

“Chrissy, I’m so sorry. I overslept. I’m glad you waited!”

“I would have waited all day,” I lied.

As we walked, the dark clouds moved out and the sun beat down on the wet pavement, making it hot and uncomfortably humid; almost steamy.

“Chrissy, aren’t you hot? I’m burning up!”

I looked up at him. “I’ll bet it is hot up there. Heat rises, you know.”

“Of course! I took science class! You ready to face everybody at school?”

“Ken, with you I can face the world!”

Lesley Gore – Sunshine, Lollipops And Rainbows

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel

When we're together.

Brighter than a lucky penny.

When you're here the raindrops disappears

Dear and I feel so fine.

Just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

That's how this refrain goes.

So come on Join In. Everybody.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

When you're in love to stay.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel

When we're together.

Brighter than a lucky penny.

When you hear the raindrops disappears

Dear and I feel so fine.

Just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

That's how this refrain goes.

So come on Join In. Everybody.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

Cause you're in love, you're in love

And love is here to stay!