Part 3: A day with the boys. And The art of the pickup.

Chapter 6

The girls at the hostel were actually mostly nice. I think most of the tensions came from so many varied people from so many cultures being pressed together into such small quarters. It seemed like a junior United Nations only with raging hormones, youthful recklessness and no privacy to speak of – which was the only real problem for me. At least I got a little privacy in the restroom, which was all I really needed. It really wasn't as bad as I'm making it sound, since most of the girls were eager to see the city and really only returned to change or sleep. Occasionally one adventurous girl might fail to even do that, but it didn't happen as often as you would imagine, probably because they knew the teasing they would face when they did finally drag their trampy self back to the hostel. Comparing notes with the boys, I think we had the better living arrangements, though they did mention that a lad who stayed out all night was greeted like a conquering hero. They also mentioned that boys would just stay out all night, milling around at 24-hour convenience stores or sleeping on benches just to return the next morning and be greeted like a conquering casanova. When I asked how they knew of this scheme, they turned beet red and got quite shy.

I think over the course of a few days, the other girls simply forgot that I had ever been anything but.

Except Chastity. She kept glaring at me. I finally took her aside and asked her if anything was bothering her. She got all shy and self conscious, but finally I drew it out of her.

“I knew it was wrong when we did it, but finally convinced myself there was no harm. But you're still pretending to be a girl and it doesn't even seem to be bothering you anymore.”

“It's not. I think I'm just getting used to it.”

“How? How can you just 'get used to it?' It's so wrong!”

“How is it wrong?”

“You have to ASK? There's boys and there's girls and we're just different.”

“How so?”

She rolled her eyes. “I know your mom died when you were little, but didn't your Pa ever give you 'the talk'?”

I smiled back. “I'm not planning on making babies. Or anything like that. I'm just living life. Eating, sleeping, hanging out with my friends and seeing the sights. I realized, I'm still me. Not that much is different. It's no more different than speaking old-tongue with the elders and chatting with the kids from town. It's me saying what I want to say, but the way I present it is different. Boys and girls are different, but not as different as you think.”

“You have no idea how different they are.”

“Actually, yes. I have a much better idea than you will ever have. Unless.....” I started to get a wicked idea.

Chastity raised an eyebrow when she saw the gleam in my eye. “What?”

“You said you were really sorry for your part in this.” I swept my hand up and down over my female self. Note to self: stop with the 'Vanna hand'. Chastity nodded guiltily. “Even though I finally said I was fine with it.” She made a more pained face.

“Especially then. We broke you.”

I smiled. They didn't break my spirit. They set it free. It took me a while to realize that. I knew it would take them, ….especially Chastity.... a lot longer.

“You also said you would do whatever you could to make it up to me”

She was getting nervous now. “What do you want me to do?”

I smiled and gazed into her eyes as gently and confidently as I could. “I want you so see that it's not so different.”

She seemed to struggle to grasp what I was about to ask of her. “An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth, right?” I smiled and tried to make it sound more like an invitation than a threat. “So what do you think would atone for, as you put it, 'turning me into a girl'?”

She looked really nervous. I'm not sure what was going through her mind, but whatever it was made her anxious.

“Trust me. It won't hurt a bit. You might have fun. It will definitely be an adventure. And you may just learn something.”

She didn't respond. She just stared at me blankly. I took that as a yes.

“Let's spend the day together tomorrow. Just the 2 of us. I'll show you things you never even dreamed of.”

She swallowed hard and just stared at me. I could see the anxiety in her eyes. Chasitity didn't like being out of her comfort zone. And her comfort zone was suffocatingly small.

“I know you don't like new things, but we're on Rumspringa. If you don't discover things now, when will you ever get the chance?” She didn't seem convinced. “Hey, you didn't want to try poutine. Now, do you wish we never talked you into it?” She shook her head and smiled.

“This isn't poutine.” she said in a very timid voice.

“What is?” I smiled. “No this is much less of a leap of faith.”

With that, she let out a nervous laugh, and I saw the smile return to her eyes. I was going to enjoy this. And I was sure that though she would never admit it, when all was said and done, Chastity would too.

The next day, I talked with Tem & Felicity and told them Chastity and I were spending the day together.

They glanced at each other conspiratorialy. “What's this about? We didn't even think you two got along.” Felicity said. It's true. I was much closer with Temperance and Felicity. I realized that this was just the angle I needed.

“I agree. That's why Chastity and I need to spend more time just hanging out together... the two of us.... breaking down the barriers between us.”

Temperance laughed. “Like the fact that she thinks she 'killed' Levi?”

I smiled back. “Yes. I need for her to be okay with that, and I think I've found a way. So, will you two be ok on your own for the day?”

“Oh. We'll be more than ok.” Felicity beamed. “The Italian and Portugese girls wanted us to join them at the mall to meet cute boys.... but they thought Chastity would scare them off, and..... they didn't want to compete with you.”

I laughed.

“Anyway, Tem & I wanted to go, but we could never figure out how to ditch you two without being mean.”

“So everybody wins.” I smiled. Their return grins convinced me that they agreed.

Chastity was still very nervous. But she seemed resigned to her fate. I gently smiled at her. “I know exactly how you feel. Just relax and go with it. It will be over before you know it.”

“It's still not over for you.” She looked me up and down.

“No. I meant the fear. And no... this is just for a day. I'm not going to go introducing your boy self to everyone and telling them that Chastity fled home. You will not be stuck. I promise.” She lowered her eyes in shame and guilt. I lifted her chin with my fingertips until I got eye contact. “Hey” I softly cooed like a mom trying to console a frightened child. “I didn't mean it that way. I'm actually glad looking back at it. I believe God has a plan. You were just His instruments. Heaven knows I would not have found the path on my own.” She seemed to think about this for a moment and relaxed a little.

“So you're saying today is God's plan too?”

“Nah. I'm just feeling a little devilish” I grinned. She startled, then began to smile. I think the girl was finally learning how to get a joke.

“OK. How do we start?” She was not eager, but was trying hard to be willing.

“First.” I said, clapping my hands together. “Let's go shopping.”

Shopping for boys clothes in girl mode is much less intimidating than the other way around. A lot of girls dress boyish, so there isn't really the taboo. And most girls would love to have much more control over the wardrobe of their boyfriends and other guys in their life, so any opportunity to gift a guy with a decent addition to his awful wardrobe would be seized. So when Chastity and I wandered into the young men's section, no one batted an eye. I tried to dress Chastity as androgynously as her wardrobe would allow, which wasn't very. She always chose stuff that seemed.... matronly. We grabbed a ballcap from a tourist stand and stuffed her hair up. I insisted that she not wear makeup, which was easy, since she routinely just put on moisturizer after washing with scented soap, which she still considered somewhat vain and sinful. I swapped her scented bodywash with something with a guy's fragrance and wouldn't let her moisturize.

“But my pores. They're filthy and huge.”

“Good. Helps you look more like a guy. It's just this one time. Go with it.” She was not liking this, but admitted that it got her out the door much faster.

By the time we hit the first store, I thought we had her looking pretty androgynous. I told her to let me do all the talking.

“Mom left me alone to mind my little brother for the day” I said trying to sound as girly-girl as possible. “I thought I'd take him shopping. His taste is so...euccch.”

The salesclerk smiled politely. I think she was trying to see Chastity as a boy and not quite succeeding. I stepped up my game. “Annnd.... he's always getting teased and bullied at school because he's... so....”

“I see what you're trying to say” the clerk smiled sympathetically. Got her! “You know. Some hair product and makeup, and a more feminine wardrobe, and he almost would look like a real girl.” Almost. I couldn't help smiling, thankful that Chastity was out of earshot standing with her hands in her pockets, shoulders slumped, staring at her sneakers as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. She really did have the boy posture down without even trying.

We had her try on a number of items. She was not happy at the whole 'boy-for-a-day' adventure I dragged her on, but her glum attitude was perfect for a young man dragged shopping by his older sister. We finally threw together a sullen skateboarder look that shook the androgyny off. Chastity – or as I introduced her to the salesclerk Chaz, said nothing through the whole occasion. Just looking uncomfortable at the two women doting on her wardrobe. When the salesclerk bade us goodbye, she finally croaked out a very self-conscious mumbled 'bye'. Without actively trying, she was hitting all the perfect notes of a sullen pre-teen.

I dragged her out to places I thought young men might hang out. An arcade, a skatepark, batting cages, we even found a go kart place. Everywhere we went, I convinced her to mingle with the other boys. I would eventually badger her until she shuffled over, hands in pockets and lurk until someone spoke. I got as close as I could, like a mother hen, trying to eavesdrop on a playdate. They all went basically the same.

“Hey.” depressed, barely audible monotone.

“hey.” Same 'enthusiatic' reply

“Who's that?” nodding my way.

“Older sister” slightly disgusted tone

“Cool”

long awkward. silence shuffling. Everyone staring at ground. Never any eye contact.

“Jared”

“Chaz”

another 3 minutes of silence.

“You from around here?”

“Just visiting. …..For the day.”

It was so hard not to just walk over and facilitate this pained conversation by interjecting myself. But this was what Chastity needed to experience for herself.

More pained, self conscious silence. “Wanna hit a few balls or something?” FINALLY!

“...'k” Chaz finally replied and they shuffled off to the batting cages.

“They're so awkward at that age” another woman leaned in touching me on the shoulder. I hadn't noticed her behind me. I just smiled. ….“It's a wonder they'll ever get a girlfriend.”

I returned her smile.

She was Claire. She was a realtor. Her son had been badgering her to take him and his friends here until she finally relented. Her boy was 8 and full of energy and caffeinated soda.

“I kind of look forward to when he gets older and sullen. I could use the rest!” she laughed. “How about you? Do you have any children.”

I laughed at the question. “Oh, noooo. And no plans. My little brother is enough of a handful.”

“Of course you don't. Not with that figure. Hold off as long as you can dear. You're figure will never be the same.”

I smiled politely. I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. Another new and unexpected experience to add to the diary I really had to start writing. Oh. Wait. I guess I am doing that now!

Chaz and his new friend moped back our way. “So, are you having fun?” I asked cheerily.

Chaz shrugged. “I dunno. I guess” he mumbled.

Jared came up and immediately butted in “Hey, let's get some food. This place has the best chili fries!” Chaz looked at me.. I think seeking permission.

“Go. Do you have enough money?” Nod. “OK. Stay by the food shed. Don't go wandering off. ...and don't eat so much that you ruin your supper again”. I got a scowl of contempt as a reply, and it couldn't have tickled me more. Chastity was three years older than me, and I had always been the 'little kid' in the group. As a girl, I had been told by a number of people that I looked 19 or 20, but acted so maturely that they wondered if I wasn't a youthful late 20s. I was really enjoying playing the overly protective adult with Chaz, who looked like a lumpy 12 or 13 year old boy. So we didn't just swap genders, we also swapped ages. Chastity was discovering how disempowering it was to be a boy on the cusp of puberty. I hoped this daytrip over the age and gender borders that divided us would help her find some empathy and realize that a lot of the 'otherness' she felt with me and a lot of different people, might begin to fade. A girl can dream, can't she?

I chatted with the other moms and they were a hoot. Apparently they often find themselves bumping into each other carting their kids around, and they've grown into this sort of improv comedy troupe. I don't know if any of them were aware of it, but they can clearly read each other so well, it was like a tightly choreographed routine about being a working mom in the big city. I was in stitches... helped no doubt by the thermos full of wine one of the moms brought. Apparently, that was also part of this informal tradition. When I observed that they were all driving SUVs and tried to ask as diplomatically as possible if wine was such a good idea, our secret sommelier, Vanessa made a dismissive gesture and said “pffft. Gracie's driving.” One of the other moms explained that Grace was her teenaged daughter and she had her learners permit. Nessa decided that Gracie needed more time behind the wheel and she could really use a chauffer, so the current scheme was devised. Like a good chauffer, Grace waited in the car. I'm sure she did that not to be discreet, but because she's 16 years old and wants to keep as much distance as possible between herself and her mom. I glanced over at the cars and caught a glimpse of a gaunt girl with hollow eyes sitting behind the wheel staring at her phone. She reminded me of a character from “Nightmare before Christmas”, but I'm sure she was just being her. I noticed she seemed to be taking selfies. Despite the creepy gaunt demeanor, she was just an ordinary, very emo, teenaged girl.

I was having a surprisingly good time chatting with the older ladies, and they seemed to enjoy their new addition, commenting on how youthful and beautiful I was. Not coming out and asking my age, but trying to get me to slip and reveal all sorts of personal info. I was really enjoying this game of not giving out any information but seeming to be completely unguarded and forthcoming without ever actually divulging anything. All I would say about my age is, “you wouldn't believe me, so don't insist that I tell you. And you're NOT seeing my license.” ...especially since I didn't have one. It was like a verbal sport, and I was delighted to find that I seemed to be a natural at it. One of the girls just came right out and said to me, “You're wasting your talents, girl! Why don't you run for office?” to which I replied “Because they would find out I used to be a boy” - which brought on howls of laughter. I think Clarise may have peed a little because she quickly excused herself and dashed to the restroom, still doubled over in laughter.

Suddenly I was aware of Chaz lurking over my right shoulder. I got a strong sense of resentment that I was having a much more raucous time with my new friends, when the day was supposed to be about him ...I mean her... Chas.

I turned all my attention to Chaz.

“Uh. Can I talk to you? ….alone?” he mumbled.

Excusing myself, we stepped out of earshot and huddled. “What is it?”

“Um. I probably shouldn't have had that 40 ounce soda”

“Are you sick? Do you want to go home?” Where was home? The hostel? ...the farm?

“No. ….and yes”

I still wasn't sure whether we were talking about the hostel or the farm.

“Sorry. I don't understand. Explain it to me like I'm a little kid.” That drew a smile.

“I'm not sick. But I really, REALLY have to pee!”

“So?... Pee!”

“Where?” I could hear the rising panic.

“Um... we're in the big city now. They have these places called public toilets.”

“Yuh. PUBLIC toilets. What am I gonna do?”

“Well, you're over 4, so I don't think it would be appropriate for me to take you to the ladies room.” That got a glare. “Jeez. Just 'Man up' and use the mens!”

“But... it's the mens!”

“Yeah.”

“I may not know much, but I'm not stupid!!! I've seen pictures of those things on the walls., Guys stand up!”

I couldn't stifle my smile. ...'not stupid'??? “Yeah. Guys stand.” I looked her straight in the eye. “...not to do everything!” I waited for the glimmer of recognition... then embarrassment. It was a short wait.

“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.”

“So just grab a stall and do what you need to do. ...and don't make eye contact!”

“...as if you even needed to say it.” ...there was the surly Chaz I'd come to know.

He survived his trip to the mens without apparent trauma, so I asked if he wanted to stay or move on.

“Yeah. I've pretty much done this place.”

“Yes, you have” I replied with a matronly smile. I noticed the stifled smirk.

We hit a few other places and I think Chasity was becoming more comfortable with 'Chaz-mode'. When it got to the point where I think she had forgotten all about it and was just being in the world unselfconsciously, I decided the first part of my mission was accomplished. When I suggested that it was time for Chaz to call it a day, and that the girls needed to get back to the hostel, I sensed a little relief. As we walked and took public transit back, I helped Chaz slowly become Chastity again. Sending her into another restroom to put tights on under her baggy jeans, and to swap the Vans for androgynous canvas sneakers. On the train, I had her pull out her oversize shirt which fell down nearly to her knees, then take off her jeans. No one on the train looked twice. Her hair was unfixable, so we turned the ballcap round lid-front and pulled her hair thru the back in a ponytail with a couple of scrunchies from my bag. A moist towlette and some moisturizer from my bag, and Chastity was back. Looking pretty punk and a little butch, but nearly unrecognizable from Chaz, once she lost the 'Chaz-itude'. It was kind of amazing, because the biggest difference was body language and attitude, but it was the critical component of the change and suddenly all the world saw was a tired, stocky teenaged girl.

“So how was it?”

“A little weird at first, I think. But then as I got used to it, not so weird. Kind of different, but not that different. Not as different as I thought. Then I just stopped thinking about it every moment. But when I stopped thinking about it, I'd slip and notice the looks. I don't know if people were confused or annoyed, but I'd quickly think 'what did I just do?' and try to fix it. So I had to keep thinking 'what would Chaz do?'”

"Pretty exhausting, huh?"

She grinned.

"Welcome to MY world." I smiled. "Well, at least my world up until a few days ago."

She stared at me quizically. But openly. I thought if she was ever going to 'get it' there would be no better time.

"You spent all day looking to all the world like a boy. You spent time with them. They never questioned you as one of their own..." She nodded. "...except when you 'slipped'" I smiled. She blushed. "But you knew WHY you slipped.You KNEW you were a girl pretending to be a boy." She smiled.

I held her hands gently and looked her in the eyes. "Welcome to my entire life until the day before yesterday. Only where you KNEW why you slipped, I had been told my entire life, by everyone, that I WAS a boy."

"But you ARE..." she looked at me with a sort of anguish.

"Not here." I tapped my temple. "Not here." I took her hands and placed them over my heart. "And believe me, those are MUCH bigger parts of me than...." then it was MY turn to blush.

That broke the tension. Chastity let out a relaxed, hearty laugh.

"You see? Today, you always KNEW the truth. Always knew YOURSELF. Imagine going through life thinking you actually WERE a boy."

"I wasn't very good at it" she smiled.

"Neither was I. But I never understood why." She furrowed her brow. "Not until recently anyway."

She appraised me for a while. Trying to reconcile her set notions with what I hoped was pretty compelling evidence, based on her own personal experience, that might help her to see things from a different perspective.

"But God doesn't make mistakes." She said quietly.

"I'm not challenging you on that." I replied calmly. "What if this was all part of the plan? Like making the blind see, the infirm walk?"

"You're claiming to be a miracle?"

I burst out laughing. "Heavens NO! I'm just saying, we are all just a small piece of the grand tapestry, and who are we to think we can see the big picture and are privy to the master plan? All I'm saying is try to keep an open mind..." (I again tapped my temple) "...an open heart" (I clasped her hands harder against my chest) "and don't rush to judgement.... of me, OR yourself."

I could see she was honestly trying to process what I was saying. Arguing with herself.

"But I broke Levi." she said in a small voice. As if she almost stopped believing it herself.

"No more than the earth 'breaks' the shell when the seed finally sprouts." I smiled. That might have done it. Her eyes got distant, and I knew she was lost in thought. I let her ponder things for a while, but it was getting too quiet for too long, so I tried to bring her back to earth.

"NOW do you get it?”

“Not yet. Not really. ...but I'm beginning to.” she smiled. I think I saw more unguarded warmth than I ever had. Gone was the guilt, conflict and vague disapproval in her eyes. She was beginning to make her peace with my situation. And her own part in it.

“Still, I would have peed myself before I would have gone into the boys room” she smiled, lightening the mood.

“Yeah. I was getting that feeling, which is why I knew I had to convince you fast. It all worked out fine, right?” She nodded. “Nothing scary about mens rooms right? Aside from the extra plumbing?” Another nod and smile. “Good. Now don't go making it a habit of hanging out in them!” Another smile and a big blush. Oh my God. The girl GOT a JOKE. Miracles DO happen!

Chapter 7

I think over the course of a few days, the other girls simply forgot that I had ever been anything but. We were seeing the sights, visiting a local museum, which had been my idea since I was quite short on funds. I knew libraries would often loan day-passes to patrons, so I talked my sister out of her library card and leveraged it into a day at the museum. It didn't take much arm twisting to persuade my girlfriends to make a day of it, once they talked me out of the stuffy museum I first suggested and they were able to 'talk me into' making it the art museum ….which had been my plan all along.

Temperance really seemed to enjoy the collection, Felicity enjoyed watching all the art boys, and Chastity seemed most interested in visiting the cafeteria near the gift shop. Still, everyone was having a good time in their own way.

I was gazing at a piece I knew from books, - I did mention that I was the kid who would sneak away to the library to devour books while other kids would sneak off to hang out with the locals for pick up sports, illicit cigarettes and chatting up girls? I knew I couldn't keep up in any of those pursuits and had no real desire to. Everyone won. I wasn't hanging around with them, cramping their style as they interacted with the locals, and I got to learn far more about the outside world in the library than they ever would in the parking lot of the mini-mall. At least that was the theory, but as this breathtaking piece of art reminded me, reading about something and experiencing the real thing were very different things. I was almost swooning as I squinted to examine the intricate detail of the the piece when, I heard mild muttering from behind me. I turned to see a young man struggling with an iPhone. I turned and shushhed him, he looked up and smiled sheepishly. I blushed a little, perhaps because his smile caught me by surprise and also because I remembered we were in a museum, not a library... and I just acted so bossy, as if I were a librarian or some official and not just another museumgoer. Maybe he thought I was staff as well, because he came up and handed the phone and earbuds to me, looking rather helpless and needy. I smiled up at him and examined the phone. I'm the last person anyone should expect to fix a smartphone, but I gamely examined it, noticing that he was running a self-guided tour app, and it seemed to be quite buggy. I also noticed that the tour app, as well as the other apps on his phone were in French.

“:Je suis desole, je ne sai pas quest-ce-que le problem.” I shrugged apologetically.

He lit up with joy. “Vous parlez Francais!”

“Un peu” I held up two closely spaced fingers. “Et vous. Parlez vous anglais?”

“Pas vraiment.... Where to toilet? Thank you sir. Which way is subway? Is ATM near? Helllllo Cleveland!” he smiled. I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head. I knew there was a joke in there somewhere, but I couldn't find it. “Le film?” he crouched in a pose and flung his arms out as if playing air guitar. I laughed before I could catch myself. “Ssshhhh” he put his finger to his lips looking stern, but his mischievous eyes betrayed him.

In the interest of keeping this tale from turning into a language tutorial, I'm recounting the rest of our conversation in English.

“Oh. The MOVIE....” I nodded as if I finally got the joke. I was not going to tell a total stranger that I had never been to a movie theater, though I had watched whatever DVDs I could play on the library's computers, so I wasn't completely out of touch. Still, I had no idea which movie he was referencing, and I felt some discomfort realizing that this foreign stranger knew things about my country that I didn't.

“How rude of me. You help me out and I don't even know your name. I am Luc. Luc Brossard.”

“Pleased to make your acquaintance” I returned his smile “ I'm Ali”

“Allez?” He looked confused.

“No.” I laughed. “Allison. Allison Crowe. My friends just call me Ali. AA-Lee” I overenuncated as if to a child. I hoped he would not be offended but I did not want him to think my nickname was 'go'!

“Ah.” ...he got it. “Pleased to make your acquaintance Allison”

“Ali. Please” I waved my hand dismissively.

“Oh, so I am a friend already?” he smiled. “You American girls are so easy.” he winked.

I smiled back. “An American boy might try to give me his phone number, but he would never give me his actual phone.” I retorted as I playfully started to drop his phone into my bag. He just smiled, making no attempt to retrieve it. He probably had an app to track it, I mused. Giving someone what was essentially a tracking device, you could learn far more info than merely getting their phone number. I'd have to remember that.

Since his museum app wasn't working, but I had some time free, I offered to do my best to give him my own live version of the app experience. He eagerly accepted. It wasn't as bad as I expected. I had read a lot and had a bit of background on most pieces, and using the English signage as notes, I think I was able to bluff a reasonable museum tour. It was surely more interactive than the app would have been. We quickly caught up with my friends, who were taking a break in the snack bar since Temperance needed to visit the restroom, Felicity needed to get off her feet since she wore her stylish but painful shoes, and Chastity was eager to sample museum food.

When I breezed up to their table with Luc in tow, they looked daggers at me. Felicity snidely commented that OF COURSE it would be me who meets the cute guy when I was the only one who actually came to see the museum. Once they realized that he didn't speak English, their talk about him got much more candid.

“He may not speak much English, but he's not stupid. He's sure to recognize a word here and there, and even a dog intuits what you're saying by your tone of voice... AND you keep looking at him like windowshoppers when you talk about him.” I turned to Luc, and addressed him in my clumsy but adequate French.

“I apologize for my friends. It is rude to use only English and exclude you from our conversation. But they are saying many inappropriate things and you are, maybe, lucky not to have to listen to them.” He looked at me and smiled blissfully. I got the feeling that he picked up more of the conversation than I was comfortable with. After accompanying us on our museum tour, he graciously offered to take us all out for a 'proper' meal.

We were terribly underdressed for the restaurant, but Luc waved it off. “This is America. Don't be so stuffy. I have eaten here often on my visit and they never once complain about my attire.... or my generous gratuities”. I hadn't given the matter any thought, but while not at all pretentious, money seemed to be no object for him.

We enjoyed a leisurely late lunch – or was it an early dinner? – either way, we pretty much had the place to ourselves, so I felt less self conscious about my jean jacket and ballet flats. The other girls didn't seem bothered by their attire at all. They were too busy grilling Luc, which was quite awkward, as they did most of the talking and I ended up acting as interpreter. We talked for hours, but I barely got to speak at all with him myself. His father was an architect, mostly designing luxury hotels and office towers in the burgeoning Asian and Middle East markets. His mother had her own fashion design house and was reasonably well known in France among women of a certain age who did not want to concede trendsetting to the youth. His sister was a gifted surgeon and his older brother was breezing through university on a fast track to an apparent career in politics or diplomacy. He also had a twin sister who was a talented violinist and was being recruited by many orchestras across the E.U. I could only imagine what the pressure must be like coming from a family of such staggering overachievers. Suddenly, I appreciated my simple farm family more. Not that I could ever envision myself returning to that life. Luc was in Chicago looking at schools. He wanted to be a filmmaker, but was currently obsessed with still photography.

“Are you any good?” Felicity inquired. He shrugged. “I'd really like to see your work sometime”

I took the liberty of translating that as “she really wants to see your darkroom” he shot me a wicked grin, knowing that my translation was not without my own interpretation. He mentioned that he had an evening engagement, thanked us for our company and excused himself. Taking my hand and kissing it, saying in heavily accented English “Tank you for your assistance wiz ze translassion, and for your gracious company. A bientot.” As he withdrew his hand, he discreetly pressed something into my palm.

“The pleasure was mine.” I replied. “A bientot.” He shot me a sly glance, turned and walked to the lobby.

“Wow. What a hottie!” Felicity exclaimed.

“And so French. Ooh la la.” Chastity chimed in.

“And rich or something” Temperance added. Turning to me. “How do you DO it? It's just so unfair!”

“What?” I asked, trying to seem as innocent and clueless as I could.

“We're on Rumspringa, seeing the world, letting our hair down, meeting cute boys and WHO meets the first cute boy? The first cute, exotic, RICH boy? It is SO not fair! And he likes you too. Did you see the way he was looking at you? He's smitten.”

I tried to look as if I had no idea what she was talking about, but I don't think she was buying it. No one picked up on the fact that he departed with “see you soon” instead of the more conventional “until next time”

Felicity grumbled. “It's like that time Caleb Thielmann wanted to breed his purebred. He ignored three bitches and the dog kept trying to hump the breeder's leg.”

“So you're saying I'm a breeder's leg?”

“You're certainly no bitch!”

I smiled, as her anger and jealousy burst in the absurdity of her ill-conceived statement. We all exploded in laughter. Tension evaporated instantly, and we were soon walking back to our hostel arm in arm.

“Still.... it doesn't seem fair” Temperence sighed.

“Maybe one of the things we're supposed to learn on Rumspringa is that life isn't fair?” Chastity offered.

“In that case it's working, because I'm learning that lesson well” I volunteered as I thought about what was under my capris. I don't think anyone caught my veiled confession, but we were quiet for long time on the walk back.

When we got back to the hostel, I looked at the folded piece of paper Luc had slipped into my palm and I just-as-discreetly cribbed into my jacket pocket. Outsider film festival. Beaux art cinema 2000h cet nuit? Je t'adore. L.

The “L” was done in a sort of calligraphy. How long did it take him to doodle that? And when did he have a chance to scribble that note?

Oh my God. Did he ask me out on a date?

Levi would have been mortified. But Levi wasn't here. Just Ali. And she was delighted and more than a bit anxious. I found it amusing that the girls' lie back at the mall, ended up being true in a way. Levi was gone. I found myself hoping he would never return.

I found the other girls. “You know my sister lives in Chicago, right?” They nodded. “I shut my phone off at the museum. I didn't want to be THAT person”

“As if anyone would call YOU” Felicity laughed.

“Whatever.... Well, I turned it back on when we got back.” Everyone nodded. “Connie really wants to catch up....”

“With her Little Sister?” Temperance raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. She knows. She doesn't exactly disapprove, but really doesn't know what to make of it” I said – speaking for us both.

“I would love to have seen you explain THAT” said Chastity.

“No. Believe me, you wouldn't” I smiled. She thought about it and nodded solemnly.

“Anyway....” I got back on message..... “I'm going to go change. Don't wait up.” They wished me well and walked away.

None of what I said was a lie. They may have been a string of unconnected sentences that my friends would form into a statement on how I planned to spend my evening. I couldn't be responsible for other people's misinterpretations. I smiled quietly to myself at the thought.

I stopped in my tracks at the notion that the girls had been wrong. I WAS a bitch. ….and a devious one at that.