Kat Walker

Curse ....me!....

AGES (perhaps gemerations) ago, I swore I would not post any more cliff hangers... I would not post any more until my tales were DONE - and could be dribbled out regularly.

I shot myself in the foot with that promise (which I still - regrettably - stand by)

While I have PILES of stuff on my desktop.... none of my open tales are ....done.

So I remain mute - and SO so frustrated.

A} Not dead

B} Thanks to the muse ....and my stupid promise... may as WELL be :-(

I continue to strugle - in solitude.

F**k you, Muse!

Blog About: 

Author: 

Roomies - Part 23

We shattered a hole small enough to fit an arm through, Tina felt her way around and undid the deadbolt, and finally we got the door opened.

And rushed into the room with the fire extinguisher - only to stop cold.

Roomies - Part 22

Once the ice was broken, Tina and I quickly warmed up to Andi. She was sharp and funny and had a huge heart. Despite all the stuff she went through growing up and the tension and drama she saw daily working as an E.R. Nurse, she had the most cheerful outlook of anyone I'd ever known. Maybe knowing how tense and bleak life could be, she had a better appreciation of the micro-joys of each ordinary day.

A few days later I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. But I had a hunch.

“Hope you don't mind. I got your number from Zoe. What are you doing?”

Cabin Fever

The collective groan welled up spontaneously throughout the office as Mr Mcguire, our department head, announced that the office would be closing at the end of the workday, and we were expected to continue our work - from home - for the duration of the situation.

Roomies - Part 21

“I really CAN talk you know,” Andi declared. Startling me. “I just hate the sound of my damned voice.”

I stood in stunned silence. She sounded almost exactly like Harvey Fierstein.

“OK.....” I said. Mostly for something to say. She glared at me.

“SEE???” she held an accusatory finger at me. “THAT'S why I keep my damned mouth shut! That look.... that ….look.... you're giving me.”

“Sorry.” I muttered. “It's just ….so.... I was taken by surprise.”

Andi snorted. “Tell me about it.... story of my damned life.”

“OK.” I said again just for something to say.

She brushed her hand in the air tipsily. “It's a loong story.” she scowled.

“Wanna hear it?” Zoe grinned wickedly. Then she turned to Andi with a pleading look like a dog begging for table scraps.

Andi regarded her for a while. Blinked a few times, then seemed to remember Zoe's request. “....fine.” she sighed. At which point Zoe lit up and beckoned Tina to join us.

I quickly suspected the high-octane margaritas were never intended as a hostess gift. They were Zoe's not-so-secret weapon to loosen Andi up. Dave had pretty much confirmed that. When Zoe beckoned Tina over, he shooed her with a grin and said 'thank God she's finally talking.'

“Hey slowpoke. C'mon....” Andi called out to Tina slapping the sofa cushion next to where she sat, legs folded under her. “I'm NOT telling this twice!” she grinned.

Roomies - Part 20

A number of weeks later, we had a real holiday. A national holiday, or as they call it in some countries, a bank holiday. Nothing was open. Including Tina & Zoe's coffee shop. Dave announced he was closing the shop & invited Tina, Zoe and the rest of his crew to a cookout at his place. He also instructed Tina & Zoe to drag me along too.

Roomies - Part 19

Tina bonded hard and fast with my friends at Sous Vide and they all exchanged phone numbers and social media handles. I will admit I felt a little jealous that she fell in with my friends so quickly, but I was the one who built her up to them, and them to her. They just proved to each other that all my gushing wasn't hyperbole. I felt a little jealous knowing that Tina and my girlies could now connect directly without me as an intermediary.

Roomies - Part 18

So life quickly snapped back to its routines after our weekend adventure and easing back to ritual on the Monday local holiday. Tina returned to classes, Zoe returned to hermiting in her room and I got back to my two jobs and dual life...... Until Tina accosted me on my way out to work in the middle of the week.

“So.... in the car on the drive to my folks, you mentioned your friends and said I really had to meet them....”

I stopped dead in my tracks, recalling the moment of unguarded honesty. I just stared at her like a deer in headlights.

Roomies - Part 17

As much as I adored meeting the Claypooles and staying at their charming B&B, as well as the refuge of Tina's room after my vaguely remembered but utterly mortifying 'girls night out' with her friends, it was heaven to return to the comfort of my own bed.

The bliss was short-lived as I quickly returned to the crushing routine of Tom's workday. I struggled through the first day back and slowly settled into my groove ….or was it a rut?....

First (still) NOT dead. Second: deeply conflicted

I felt really guilty posting so sporadically, so I swore to myself (and maybe some readers in DMs) that I would keep my wrangling with personal demons to myself until I actually FINISHED my god-cursed stories and posted the rest up until the end.

....seemed like a good idea at the time....

but as I wrote... diversions/digressions developed and I felt like one of those characters in an old horror film (say, poltergeist) running down the hall as it just kept getting longer and she found herself losing ground!

So. My conundrum:

Blog About: 

Author: 

God love the forgotten Child....

OK. I have spread myself WAY too thin. :-(

....did not expect to be 'ditched' by the muse.

Summer of Love ...while SO not forgotten.... is being pushed aside while I struggle to advance "Secondhand Life" and "Roomies".

My imagination reels with all three tales, but 2HL & Roomies have ....connectable dots... while SOL has been pushed aside.

Ironic... since SOL is the most fleshed out narrative in my mind.... which, ...maybe, is why I think it's the best able to wait....

Blog About: 

Author: 

Roomies - Part 16

“Where in the world did you come up with a crazy story like that?” Charles chortled.

Tina and I exchanged glances. “It just seemed to fit our outfits and to signal from the start that it wasn't even worth dipping their hook in the water” I smiled.

Charles got the message and smiled with a nod as a waitress arrived with a tray full of appetizers.

“We ordered while you were still dancing.” Maria explained.

We started passing around appetizer plates in a round robin. I saw Tina blanche at the plate of fully loaded nachos and snerked. Tina's mom caught this.

“Chrissy? What's wrong? You always loved nachos?”

Secondhand Life - Part 53

The actual subject of their ire made her way out the service door to the alley behind the boutique.... curiously invigorated by the rush of once again outwitting a pack of bullies... and dashed off as fast as her freakishly long legs would carry her, clad in only her under-burka running gear and trainers.... with absolutely NO idea where she was or where she was headed.

Roomies - Part 15

When we arrived at my B&B, Charles was delighted to see us. He truly was an avid people person and quickly got Tina and her mom into a rapt conversation.

“Enough about my world travels. I'm bored listening to my same old stories. I want to know about you. How did you and Christina's dad meet?” Charles inquired with a smile. As Maria gathered her thoughts to answer, it was clear from her expression that even Tina didn't know this tale.

TLDR! (Too LITTLE - don't read!)

I'm SO frustrated that I haven't brought this story (or any of the open ended stories) home yet. I want to say "SHELVE IT'... if you've invested in these characters even a fraction as much as I have.....

I am determined to bring them all to satisfactory conclusions (that let the reader take them where they will) but the finish line is proving far more elusive (muse-less) than I'd ever imagined.

Blog About: 

Author: 

Summer of Love - Part 15

Walking back home from Aurora's Halloween party, Underdog and the cosmonaut were far from the strangest thing on the streets this warm Halloween weekend night. It seemed all the frustrated creativity in West Hollywood came out that night.

“Ruble for your thought” I said in my lame attempt at a 'Natasha' accent.
He chuckled quietly. “I was just thinking about that guy at the party. The one who gave me his card. I told him I don't do musical impressions.... well, not singers.... sure, I can play like anyone from Hendrix to Alvino Rey, but.... voices? ….man, that's something else.... still he seems to think we could do something together. ….I have no idea what.....”

“One way to find out.” I said quietly. “Call the guy Monday.” Colin nodded but remained lost in thought. “...but if he wants you to come in the underdog costume... hang up!”

That worked. Colin let out one loud laugh. And the grin returned to his face as he came back to the present.

Colin and I were inseparable through the holiday season.

Roomies - Part 13

Tina nodded. “Yeah. Maybe. ….yeah.” she cracked a self-conscious smile “...still, dragging him along to meet my extended family is something I'm sure neither of us thinks is a good idea.” she flashed a bitter smirk.

“SO... wanna be my replacement plus one?” she forced a grin.

Secondhand Life - Part 51

I tried to take my 'grounding' with grace. I tried to think of myself not as a prisoner of my hotel – which seemed to be crawling with security people... I wasn't sure whether they were from our corporate parent, the local authorities or the hotel's management, none of whom I presumed, would want a violent tragedy associated with their brands. I tried to pretend we were 'ultra-VIPs', so important that the world came to us and we merely 'held court'. That was how I tried to frame this, to keep myself from going stir crazy. It wasn't terribly effective.

Roomies - Part 12

“What are your plans for the day?” Tina asked innocently.

I shrugged. “Back to my B&B. Knock around Greenville..."

Tina nodded absentmindedly. “Would you mind terribly putting all that off for another day or so?”

I cocked my head quizzically. She wanted something, but I couldn't imagine what.

“Wanna crash a wedding?” she grinned.

Roomies - Part 11

When I got back to Tina's room she was still sleeping. I crawled back into bed – avoiding the spoon - and tried to go back to sleep myself, hoping I would wake refreshed. It didn't work. I couldn't get back to sleep. My mind kept churning, trying to reassemble the night.

All I could get was glimpses. Random flashes. Even the tiny snippets were disturbing enough.

I heard Tina's groan and knew she was reluctantly waking. I feigned sleep. I heard her groan. She must have looked at the clock. I heard her leave the room. I guessed shower.

Roomies - Part 10

The dance floor was pretty crowded, so there wasn't much room for my small and awkward movements to betray my self consciousness. Geo was a real gentleman. The comfort he projected with my awkward attempts at dancing counterbalanced my extreme social anxiety. I don't know whether it was the exertion of dancing or the fact that I only had a breadstick and a cup of coffee all day, but quickly I could feel the vodka wash over me like a warm mist, dulling the sharp edges of my self-conciousness. Geo seemed to notice it as well. I felt him relax as I relaxed and my dance moves felt more ….fluid.

I had no idea where this would lead. And at the moment, I didn't care.

Misdirection! :-D

sigh.

While I continue to struggle with advancing the three open tales I have on BCTS, I decided to stall for time and try to make a case that I was not in fact deceased.... (perhaps, at worst brain-dead ....or suffering from dormant muse syndrome) by posting something entirely different.

The good news is that it is self contained and should leave no reader with a case of "And then....?" syndrome.

Blog About: 

Author: 

Roomies - Part 9

“I'll have a glass of your house chardonnay” Becca said and the bartender turned to me. “Club soda with a twist.” I smiled to disapproving looks from the others.

Lauren was looking the most annoyed, so I addressed her.

“I'm feeling dangerous enough in this dress. I'm not adding alcohol.” I tried a reassuring smile.

“God, Chrissie said you never have any fun. Now I know why.” she said dismissively. “But if you think you're designated driver forget it. No one drives my Lexus but me.”

“I can cab home.” I smiled.

“If you cab home after all we did getting you looking this hot, there is no God!” Becca laughed.

I think only Tina caught my panic response before I tamped it down, quickly replaced by a polite smile.

Throwing things against the wall

Never underestimate the power of guilt. :-)

I have never stopped writing. I have just stopped believing any of it was worth posting.

Out of an overwhelming sense of shame that I have abandoned the characters in my tales and the readers who have taken the leap of faith to invest their time reading ....works in progress... I have - very reluctantly - posted slight additions to three of my unfinished tales.

They don't terribly advance the narrative. Their purpose is more to show that I have not given up on telling any of the stories.

Blog About: 

Author: 

Summer of Love - Part 14

Life went on. I worked my crazy schedule of part time jobs, still volunteered at the shelter when I could, but I couldn't shake thoughts of Kesey when I was there and I slowly began to emotionally withdraw to the point where Maria and Steve noticed. They were kind enough to ease me out and make it seem like a mutual decision. I truly believed them when they said they would miss me, but they were already missing the old me while the withdrawn me was still there. We all agreed it was time for a change, wished each other well and promised to stay in touch.

Secondhand Life - Part 50

The Philippines gig was cut short. We did some press interviews but no live events. It seems the movie was less of a cult hit and more of a lightening rod. Conservative Catholic groups were quite upset about the story of a priest who fathers an illegitimate child. But still, Eoin wasn't the one getting the death threats. It seemed there was a much bigger furor over the 'harlet' who tempts the priest to break his holy vows.

“These people DO understand, don't they, that we're actors playing roles?” I asked one of the interviewers, who just replied with a noncommital shrug.

Roomies - Part 8

By the time I got to Olive garden, Tina and her friends were working on dessert and Tina was nursing an espresso. I raised an eyebrow at Tina the part time barista. She read my mind.

“Just checking out the competition” she smiled raising her demitasse cup to me.

I nodded back with a smile.

“So Chloe... where you been keeping yourself girl?” Tina's friend Lauren asked.

“Oh, I was just exploring Greenville....” I smiled.

“Ooooh. City mouse!” Suzie chuckled.

Roomies - Part 7

I wanted to see the town, but it was already well into the evening, so I decided to get a good night's sleep and 'do the town' well rested the next morning. As I went to put my phone on its charger, I noticed a text from Tina.

“Thanks for meeting my friends. They love you and say I did well ;-)”

I grinned at texted back. “Glad to hear. I thought they were great too. …..Could any of them talk with your dad? :-)”

And I pulled the comforter up and drifted off to sleep.

Roomies - Part 6

I settled into my bed & breakfast, which was just as charming as it seemed online.

I met Charles, the proprietor and his mom, Mrs Claypoole. After I got settled, they invited me downstairs to share tea. We chatted and I got an interrogation every bit as thorough as Tina's father. Only this was amiable and seemed based on genuine curiosity. It was also 'full duplex' as my father the engineer would say. I learned at least as much about them as they did about me.

Deeply ambivalent

Thanks to all the folks who P.M.'d me. ....kind of a 'wellness check'.

I'm fine. My muse..... seems to be M.I.A.

Against my better judgement, I'm a few keystrokes away from posting the stuff I've been holding back. It feels forced and ...not good enough.... to post.

Still, the need to prove that I haven't been 'slacking off' is overpowering my lack of confidence in the stuff I'm ....laboriously... cranking out. When entwined with the muse, things just ....flowed.

Blog About: 

Author: 

Distrusting the muse :-(

Not dead. (Yet) ;-)

As numerous PMs inquired. :-)

Just wrestling with the muse.

SERIOUSLY wrestling with the muse.

I've churned out a lot of my 3 open stories (Secondhand Life, Summer of Love and Roomies) - and coming back a day later to read over, decided none of it was worth posting. :-(

I'm not sure whether the muse let me down or that self-doubt caused me to smother her...

Author: 

Roomies - Part 5

Tina chatted animatedly on the phone for a few minutes, then put it back in her purse and turned to me.

“My friends want to meet up. Any chance I could catch a ride?”

I smiled. “Sure. I want to check into my B&B, but I can drop you on the way” I smiled.

Tina gave a little pout. “Oh. I was hoping you could meet my friends. And that they could meet you.” she said with a slight trace of dejection.

I shrugged. “Well, sure.... but it really will have to be a quick 'Hi' and 'Bye'... I really have to check into my room.

Roomies - Part 4

Tina's mom reheated some manicotti and fixed a fresh garden salad.

Tina's dad handled the grilling.

“So how long have you two known each other?” He stared at me.

“It feels like a lot longer that it's actually been” Tina laughed. “It's really just been over a month, but it's like we've known each other forever. Sometimes someone comes along and you really click.... you know?”

Tina's mom nodded smiling. Her father almost hid his grimace.

“You met at work.” He said dryly.

Secondhand Life - Part 49

All I wanted to do on the plane back was sleep. But Dennis was well rested and over-curious, so my exhaustion would have to wait.

'Well? How was it?'

I shot him a weary stare. “Can I tell you tomorrow?”

“No. You most certainly cannot! Dish girl. Was it really the steaming mess we thought? How was Will Forte? Did you meet Brian Doyle Murray? Was there anyone else famous there? How was the director? ...Who did they get to replace Adam McKay?”

Roomies - Part 3

I always gave all the credit to Tina. It was her world, her story and her imagination. I just put a tiny little Prince-like glyph which was a convoluted graphic jumble of my last name. I remained blissfully anonymous, but eventually Tina mentioned to some fan that she didn't do the art.

The buzz over the 'mystery artist' snowballed the more I tried to protect my privacy. I enjoyed being an enigma. Who I was in people's imaginations seemed much more interesting than my rather mundane real life.

Secondhand Life - Part 48

Michael and I were just unpacking when my phone rang.

I was not surprised that it was Dennis. “Katherine needs a favor.”

“So what else is new?” I laughed. “Does it involve being auctioned off? Parading half naked in front of an auditorium full of people – and network TV cameras? Recording an album under her name?” I was joking, but Dennis' demeanor became even more shy and uncertain.

“Uh. This is kind of a lot more.”

Secondhand Life - Part 47

I saw Matt again the next morning as he and Nancy saw us all off at the plane. We kept it light and civil. We had already had our private moment. This was just the public scene we both had to play, and we got through it.

Nancy however was a different story.

Roomies - Part 2

We quickly settled into our new routine. Tina had classes and study groups and hanging with her friends and working at the coffee shop. I had my two jobs and otherwise raced home to get back into Chloe mode. I had hoped to find the time to get back to my artistic ambitions, but household chores seemed to take more time than I expected. It's not as if my housemates didn't share the workload. Well, at least Tina did. And even Zoe was a substantial improvement over Colin and Dale.

Noel, - No, I MEAN it - NO "L" !!! :-)

Haha - I sat at my PC intending advancing my 3 narrative items but hit -- typing issues

After 'crunching the issue' I noticed a strip 'a keys - the #9 key, the "o", "l" and period key were suddenly dead!

I thought of trying to write avoiding the consonant, vowel, digit and punctuation, but the challenge proved too daunting

...as the last sentence proves.

Blog About: 

Author: 

I blame YOU Frank O'Connor!

Whenever I get stalled on one story ...or my A.D.D. muse gets distracted... I'm more inclined to 'change channels' than to just 'turn off the set' and walk away....

Why is it easier to start things than to see older existing things through?

I fully intend to finish the two tales I've already stretched out so far.... Secondhand Life and Summer of Love both have conclusions I still love and am just meandering my way to... even if the here-to-there is still a bit fuzzy.

Blog About: 

Author: 

Roomies - Part 1

I don't know what possessed me to do it. I never go out alone. Well, I never go out clubbing alone. But try as I might, I couldn't talk any of my girlfriends into a spontaneous night on the town. It probably didn't help that it was a Thursday and they all had work in the morning. Still, I had been working all day and I desperately needed a change of scene. So I made up my mind, tucked my pepper-spray into my purse, and decided to check out that new place that I'd been hearing about.

Secondhand Life - Part 46

I joined Eoin and Matt in the coffee shop, and had Eoin brief us on 'what we missed'. I didn't let on that I had already been briefed by Dez, but wanted to see the expression on Matt's face if Eoin's description was anywhere as detailed as Dez's. I was not disappointed. If anything, Eoin's retelling was even more lurid and juicy, and Matt's expression was priceless.

“Now I'm wishing I'd stayed. I could have made a fortune with those photos!” he opined.

Pages

Subscribe to Kat Walker