CHAPTER 4
A little later I left the three of them to find what accommodation they could, and it struck me just then how natural my sister was. I had almost threatened her into doing what we had just started, for I knew it would not soon be finished, but she sat there, skirt and heels and stuffed bra, and every move, every little nuance, was woman. If I could see that, then so must our parents.

Two boys were on the corner, just as Kev had promised. I tapped on the window, and one of them nearly spilled his drink as he poured from a thermos. Once the window was down, I handed back the radio.

“Ta, lads. False alarm, aye? But thanks”

One of the lads, Rod something or other, just nodded. “Kev says to give him a ring in the morning, eh? Once you’re straight, he says”

There was a distinct snigger from the other lad, but I let it go. I knew there would be much worse before they got bored.

“Aye, I will do just that. Straight away, aye?”

Pick the bones out of that one, sonny boy. It wasn't just my family who were getting the idea.

It was almost a stand-off the next morning. I assumed Sar had slept in her knickers, unless she had dug out some of her old pyjamas. We had come back in such a hurry there had been no time to pack, and unless she pulled on some old pair of trousers she was stuck with one sort-of formal outfit. Had to be done.

“Sar...”

Wince from my mother. Keep it together, Lainey, you get worse than this on a Friday down the Llew Las.

“We need to get you some bits and pieces, chwaer”

Another twitch, so I gave her The Look before pulling it back in quickly. This was my own mam, for god's sake. I reached out for her hand over the breakfast table.

“Mam, we settled that argument last night. This is just the mechanics. You spend more than a day in the same knickers?”

She cast a sharp glance at Dad. Men... and that broke the ice.

He laughed out loud, almost in relief. “So I keep the same pair on till I need to change, aye? What does... she need?”

Sar looked out from under her fringe, voice very, very soft, and gave a short list of items to make up a basic wardrobe, and I watched Mam's jaw tighten at some items in particular. Bras were the obvious one to raise tensions, but Dad astonished me just then.

“Elaine, you have a shift later, aye?”

“Aye, Dad. You knew that, why ask?”

“Not asking, cariad, just confirming. Will you be around the centre in Hwlffordd?”

“Aye...”

“Will you be able to meet a stiff-necked old man and his other pretty daughter for a cup of tea?”

He turned and looked hard at Sarah. “Whatever we have decided, it is clear to me now what you are, and I feel now have always been. Sioned, cariad, we never had a son, so we have lost nothing, aye? But others may be mistaken, and my daughter does not walk that path alone. There are shops for women there. I have a wife; I learn such things”

There was just a twinkle there, the hint of a real smile, and I knew that this was my father's way. Once he chose a course, it was the right, the only one. Whatever got in his way would be removed., as the Yanks say, with extreme prejudice. Sar just sat there, head bowed. I could feel the terror flowing through her. Dad looked at Mam, raising an eyebrow. She just nodded. The day's plan was sorted.

Kev was waiting by custody as I came in, an eyebrow raised in unconscious mimicry of my father.

“Well? Sorted?”

“All sorted, PC Watkins. Nothing to see, move along, aye?”

“Rod said a few things at relief... be aware, aye? Your brother, is it?”

I sighed. “Cuppa before we go out, butt? I'll talk you through the shitstorm”

“I'll square it with the Sarge. Rod does talk some shit at times, but you look tired. Got to be some truth in there somewhere”

Bacon sandwiches in the afternoon taste different to the breakfast version. Tea is tea, and mugs help to hide facial expressions. Kev waited till we were sat, and then just said “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Well which bits are shit and which are true?”

“Well, then. I suppose I should start with myself, aye?”

“That you're on the other bus? Hell's teeth, Lainey, the whole station knows that. You're not exactly the fair flower of the West, eh?”

Just a little twitch as he said that, and in a rush I knew. Always loyal, always watching my back, always there, like the previous night, like he was just then. Why can't life be simple? He clearly caught my look, and the softest smile I had ever seen from him lit the room.

“That bus went ages ago, and as we have just agreed, it was the wrong one, innit? Sometimes we don't get to make the beds we sleep in, so shit, move on”

“Kevin, I'm sorry, aye?”

Still the soft smile. “So am I, Lainey, so am I, but that's the way things are, so what was it? Move along, nothing to see? Now, your brother...”

“I haven't got one”

“Ah. Rod was almost right, then. Haven't got one, or never had one?”

A long sip of tea. “Never, is what I think. We had a sort of shit day yesterday, cremating her best friends. Bit of a bad time, so she needs some support”

“And you did that by pushing ... her into the face of that old bastard of a dad of yours?”

“Had to be done, Kev. She needs to get her life on track before it's gone, aye? I've known this about her since she was tiny, and it's never changed, never gone away”

“So where they at now?"

“Dad and Mam've taken her to the shops. Knowing her tastes, she's probably in Dorothy Perkins or some such, if Mam hasn't dragged her into Marks', vetting her wardrobe, aye?”

He grinned. “You seem to say 'her' pretty easily, Lainey”

“Like I said, Kev, I've known this since she was in junior school. And, well, I watched her at college, and let's just say the only mistake I see there is the way she was born. We just have to let her out”

He was silent for a few minutes. “Lainey...”

“Aye?”

“Names. She gets a degree, gets it as Samuel, that's a lifetime of shit, aye? I know a brief...”

Clever boy. If only, but I wasn't, and we couldn't, and, well, shit. Nothing easy for this family.

“Kev... ta. Keep that thought in mind, aye? Now, fancy a piece of cake later? Meet them in the town, say hello?”

He reddened, and I had to ask. “So what else did Rod say? About my sister? Bloke in a dress? Pansy? Arsebandit gayboy?”

Kevin looked away, and nodded. I finished my tea.

“See what you think this afternoon, aye? But be nice”

I let him take my hand over the table. It seemed the right thing to do.

Mam and Dad were waiting in A Piece of Cake, Sar nowhere to be seen but a sizeable number of carrier bags by their table. I sent Kev to fetch tea and calories after a quick introduction.

“Where is she, then?”

Mam was twitching less now. “In the ladies', where else? Putting on a skirt I told her not to get. Too short, it is”

Dad laughed, and it was natural. “Two pretty daughters, I said, and Duw, the legs on the younger one! Sioned, let her have her fun, aye?”

Just as quickly he sobered. “Just as long as she has someone to watch out for her, that is. This copper, he knows about my Sarah?”

“Aye, Dad, I think the whole station does after last night. He's a good lad, though, knows what time to open his mouth and when to keep it closed. What's she bought, then?”

Mam was back in her element. “Decent underthings, aye? Always dress from skin out. Some nice blouses, though she wanted some T-shirt things that only came down to, well, THERE, aye? Chilly, if you ask me. Skirts, a couple of pairs of shoes, and not all heels for her. Does she live in those things?”

I thought of her in dress and trainers, at the top of the cliff railway with the girls, and my insides clenched just as Kev arrived with the tea and cakes.

“No, Mam, she spends most of her time in sports shoes. Kev Watkins, Mam and Dad, Twm and Sioned. Sar's in the ladies' getting changed. Mam, Dad, Kev had an idea about Sar”

Sar chose that moment to turn up, and I swear Kev's eyes crossed. I could understand his reaction, for what he was seeing was my little brother, but through my sister, in a T-shirt over a little denim mini. I gave her the Older Sister Stare.

“Aye, and when the wind comes in off the harbour you'll want fur knickers, sister dear! Kev... eyes off her legs and thoughts on higher things. Your brief, aye?”

He twitched. “Aye. Rod does talk some crap. Sar, I'm Kev, aye? Lainey's running mate, most days. She sort of filled me in. Sar, is it? Elaine told me. I am so sorry”

He left it hanging as Sar just nodded, then smiled again. “We had an idea, your sister and me”

I coughed. “Kev had a sensible thought, he means, which is possibly a first for him”

“Cheeky... no. Look, you are in this full-time, isn't it? Not what Rod was saying, not dress-up? Sorry, all, being a bit blunt, but this is something for your future. Get your degree as Sarah, not, what was it, Sam?”

Sar looked up, shyness washing away. “Can't get the change done without all sorts of stuff, years of real-life test rubbish, aye?”

Kev smiled at her, and I realised I should watch him a bit more closely. “No, Sar, not for a name change. Quick thing, it is, and unless I am out of touch the diplomas, degrees, certificates, whatever, they just have your name on, not which way you button your shirt. I know someone local, could sort it sharpish”

There were little movements at my sister's jaw line, and she flicked a level glance at Mam and Dad.

“I have a name, Mam, I have names. One sort of came about by accident, but I like it, and I made it my own, and that's how I want it, aye? I have a middle name I like, but, well, I would like to add two more. I am your child. You should have a say”

Dad took Mam's hand. “The middle name, cariad fychan?”

“Marie”

Mam nodded. “That is a good name. Sarah Marie Powell. These other two names, they would be of two girls you both knew?”

Sar nodded, the tears already falling. “Rebecca Joanne, aye”

Kevin found some paper serviettes as Dad smiled once more. “I can't think of a better memorial, girl. Those two, they found you, when you were lost. You hold on to their names, their memory, aye?”

Kev did indeed know a brief, and he was efficient, and happy with the witnesses, and Samuel never left the building he had entered. I took Sarah Marie Rebecca Joanne back to Aber two days later