Chapter 4

Aislin slowly opened his eyes, confused for a moment; he turned his head to find a sleeping Macha only inches away. Studying her face for a few seconds, he couldn’t help but smile. Since last year, especially during the winter months, he felt drawn to her, but there could only be one outcome of such a relationship. Once she found out the truth, like Rowena, she would begin to distance herself.

Before that day, the two of them planned a secret life together away from the village. Unknown to even his grandmother, in what turned out later to be nothing more than a dream, Rowena planned on running off with him to find his family. Aislin felt that his mother’s relatives would welcome him, and together they could start a new life.

But that new life was never meant to be. Afterward, at least she insisted they would always be friends. Nevertheless, after seeing her with Master Oran, the young man understood that dream too had ended as well. For him, dwelling on such dreams long enough could be fatal.

A promise at his mother’s deathbed, to live a happy life, had always seemed just out of reach. He worked hard, tried not to worry his grandmother, tried not to become a burden to the village, tried not to let the villager's hateful words hurt him, but it never mattered. Whether his life came to an end with a spear in his hand, or at the headman’s block, the results would be the same. Perhaps that’s the way it was supposed to be.

Slowly, moving his arm from underneath the young apprentice, Aislin slipped out of bed. For a moment, he thought about taking off the chemise but decided to keep it on. It felt nice against his skin. Ignoring the chamber pot on the ground, he headed outside.

Not for the first time, he thanked his father’s foresight of building an outside privy, allowing the contents of the cesspool to be used as fertilizer. Slipping back into the cottage, he discovered his grandmother sitting in front of the fire, a cup of warm cider in her hands.

“Good morning.”

Aislin bit his lip; she had that look about her. Either his grandmother wasn’t feeling well, or something horrible happened. Praying it was the drink, the young man made himself a bowl of porridge before taking a seat.

“How are you feeling?”

As if realizing Aislin’s presence for the first time, Ina smiled. “I’m fine, sweetie, nothing more than a little headache. We need to talk about a few things.”

The young man nodded, he had been dreading this day for some time. Obviously, the village Elders decided to add his name to the next levy, or perhaps the Knights discovered his true gender and planned on executing him? Lost in his thoughts, Aislin didn’t hear what his grandmother was actually saying.

“Wait, what did you say?”

“The village Elders wanted to know if you have finally decided to stop pretending to be a boy and dress appropriately as one of your station.”

Aislin sat back, stunned.

Seeing his confusion, his grandmother tried not to laugh. “During the meeting this morning, they all kept talking about the beautiful gentlewoman that crossed the village green. When you put on your mother’s clothes, to me, it was as if watching a butterfly crawl out of its cocoon for the first time.”

The young man looked more than a little confused. “Gran, you know that was just an illusion. I can’t be a real woman, anymore more than I can be a real man.”

“Aislin, what do you mean by that?” To their surprise, Macha stood at the doorway.

As the world went dark, the half-eaten bowl of porridge slipped from Aislin’s hands.

His grandmother, seeing what happened, reached her grandchild’s side before he fell to the ground. “Sweetie, it’s alright.”

“Aislin?” Macha looked suddenly frightened.

“Get me a wet washcloth, child.” The Wisewoman commanded her apprentice as she gently held her grandchild to her breast.

Moments later, feeling the cool water on his forehead, Aislin opened his eyes. “What happened?”

“You fainted.”

Smiling weakly, he felt chagrined for showing that side of himself. “Sorry, you surprised me, Macha.”

The young woman nodded her eyes full of concern, took a seat across from him.

“I guess I owe you an explanation." Looking lost in thought for a moment, Aislin suddenly began. “We are all aware that our roles in the village, actually in the Kingdom, are defined by our social class and our gender.”

Not understanding exactly where the conversation was going, she simply nodded.

“Women in the village are expected to follow these roles, they clean, cook, sew, give birth, take care of those children, and make a home for their husbands. Men too fit in a similar role; they became blacksmiths or thatchers, they cut wood, till the fields and along with their wives make a home.”

Macha smiled, she loved to hear him talk. He had this ability to take very complicated things and explain them in a way that anyone could understand. Although what he was speaking about now, everyone knew.

“Now what happens if someone can’t follow those roles? Wisewomen live outside those constraints, correct? No one expects them, due to their oaths to the goddess, to become a village wife. The infirm and sick too, like Renn. No one expects her to become a mother someday.”

Their friend had fallen into a pond when she was much younger, nearly drowned. However, Renn was never the same again. She had just passed her fifteenth summer but still acted like a girl ten years younger.

Looking up at his grandmother, Aislin gave her a half-smile. “Now, what happens when a person is neither male nor female?”

Standing up, he let the chemise fall to his waist.

“You have...”

“Breasts.” They weren’t very large; however, there was no mistake in what they were.

“I haven’t been totally honest with you either, Aislin.” Macha looked away, embarrassed. “When you came home last night, I helped you undress not because you needed help.”

“I see.” Slowly, he slipped the chemise back on his shoulders. Sitting down, Aislin waited for the inevitable.

Like Rowena, his grandmother’s apprentice would, of course, be disgusted; hopefully, it wouldn’t ruin the relationship between the two of them. Worst case, perhaps he would just leave the village.

“When I saw you in your mother’s dress, I didn’t see a man. Like your grandmother said, you’re so beautiful. Since I first met you, Aislin, the way you walk, the way you talk, everything about you tells me that you’re a girl. Although your grandmother told me that you’re her grandson, I have always wanted to ask, why do you pretend to be a boy.”

Aislin looked up confused. “Because I have a...”

“Yes, I know.” The young girl looked embarrassed. “When you were sleeping, I checked.”

“Macha!”

“I’m sorry Aislin, I’ve lived here for six months and I have never seen you without clothes on. I haven’t even seen you with your shirt off. And yesterday, you wouldn’t allow me to help you get dressed.”

“Of course not.” He said, pointing to his chest.

“How do you?”

“She, I mean, he binds them,” Ina explained.

Looking at her apprentice, the Wisewomen smiled. Making the young woman her apprentice had been a good choice. Compassionate, gifted, among other things, Ina could tell that Macha’s feelings for her grandchild had not changed in the least.

Unlike the girl Rowena, who Ina was so disappointed with. With a truly understanding woman, it was possible for the two of them to make a life together; instead, she almost lost Aislin that spring two years ago.

The young woman flinched, rubbing her own chest. “Sounds painful.”

Aislin shrugged, it was getting more and more uncomfortable. He was positive they were still growing. “Not that I have much choice.”

“You do, why don’t you just be a woman?”

“Remember those roles we have to play. As a woman of the village, I would have been required to do certain things. The cooking and cleaning I do already, however, the rest is not possible. To any man, I’m abhorrent, unnatural. Anyway, this way, it’s easier to hide what a freak I truly am.”

“Aislin, stop.” Ina reached over and held her grandchild close. He sounded so cold, detached. No one should think of themselves that way.

The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Macha, with tears in her eyes, asked her master. “I don’t understand why you just didn’t have Aislin become your apprentice. I can tell that she, I mean he has the ability.”

Ina frowned. “I tried to do just that. As a member of the Council of Elders, I petitioned for my grandchild to become a Wisewomen. However, it was against tradition. Your grandmother and a few others sided with me; the rest refused even to test him.”

“Is that why you resigned?”

“Yes, I couldn’t work with women who themselves are considered outcasts, who would turn away from someone who has such potential.”

Before that dream ended like all the others, Aislin felt that there was a chance of happiness. Afterward, it was just more disappointment.

“Even the Council of Elders insists that everyone fit properly in their roles. So, here I sit a boy, at least in the eyes of the villagers.”

“ That’s not true, Aislin.”

The young man looked surprised at that comment. “But everyone knows I’m a male, right?”

Ina shrugged. “I agree with Macha; there has always been some doubt. When your mother carried you, everyone assumed you were going to be a girl. Even growing up, there was quite a bit of confusion. So my dearest, coming out yesterday dressed in that beautiful gown pretty much made up everyone’s mind.”

“I see.” Aislin sat back, defeated. “So, what do I do now?”

Macha clapped her hands together. “We go through those trunks of yours and see what other outfits we can find for you.”

With Mistress Clar’s husband and son bringing the clothing trunk to his grandmother’s house the night before, the two began to go through the garments. Although Aislin thought he had plenty of time before the lunch with Sir Miles, Macha disagreed.

“Your mother had such lovely things.”

Nodding, he ran his hands over an emerald green outer dress. The two of them had already decided that green would be the color of the day.

“If you want, you can try on something.”

Macha smiled. “I don’t think so; her clothing was made for someone, well not as large.”

Aislin looked down at his chest, comparing it to his friend. Blushing, he turned away. “I guess I’m closer to my mother’s size than I thought.”

“I can’t see how you ever thought you were a boy with those big hips of yours.”

“What, they’re not big.” He turned around in a huff.

Giggling, Macha reached over and held them with two hands. “True, but trust me in this, no boy ever had hips like these.”

The two of them stared at one another for a second, then began to laugh.

Turning away, Macha started to go through some of the jewelry. “What do you think of the Knights?”

“You mean Miles and Nevan?”

“Unless you know of two others.”

Aislin gave a half-smile. “They are nice, and I really do like the attention they give me.”

“So, does that mean you like boys?” Macha bit her lip while setting out some nice pieces for him to try on later.

Smiling, Aislin looked down at the young girl. He could tell that she was nervously waiting for an answer. All he could do was be honest with her and with himself. “I don’t dislike them.”

Finding it strange that thought didn’t disturb him, before meeting the two Knights; he never really gave it much thought.

“I see what about girls.”

“Can’t say I dislike them either.”

Macha smiled, then reached over and kissed him deeply. “Good.”

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Rowena walked into the room and stopped, seeing the two of them in each other’s arms.

“You are, but don’t worry about it. I’m assuming by your outfit that you’re here to assist her ladyship in getting properly dressed for her luncheon with Sir Miles?”

Macha examined the other girl, dressed in most likely her best dress, conceded that she was pretty. Still, there was no way this simple village girl was going to outshine her Aislin today.

“Her?” Rowena looked confused for a moment and then turned Aislin. “Does she know?”

“Yes, everything. Besides Rowena, the village Elders have already declared that it's no longer appropriate for Lady here to dress as a boy anymore.”

Aislin sighed. “True, although I guess I could.”

“No you’re not, look at these outfits.” Macha looked distraught. “Why in the world you would want to ever dress like a boy again is beyond me.”

Aislin laughed, touching the green outer dress once more, they were nice clothes. “Alright, fine, doesn't matter now anyway.”

“Good now, sit down; let’s do something with that hair of yours. You can’t wear it the same way you wore it last night.”

Rowena watched the two, her heart feeling heavy. She couldn't remember if Aislin smiled that way for her. Did she smile that way for Sir Nevan and Sir Miles as well?

Looking at her clothes, the Rowena felt embarrassed. In the morning, as her mother set out the new dress, she was so excited how lovely she would look. Now, looking at Aislin’s clothes, her jewels, the way she held herself; it didn’t seem fair.

How could her friend, who she always considered a boy, be so beautiful? Days before, she was going to offer him a place in her household at the Keep, and now it appeared that the roles might be reversed. No, it didn’t seem fair at all.

--0--

On the far side of the Castle on the edge of Loche Glas, a group of young men and women stood on a small slope while watching Sir Miles dine with Lady Aislin. Rumors already flew around the castle, stating that both Knights were vying for her affection.

Moreover, if there were a chance that she might become the next Lady Lochlainn, then the household servants would make sure that her lunch was perfect.

Rowena, on the other hand, stood nervously away from the others, as Sir Miles and Aislin spoke across the table. She couldn’t comprehend why Aislin didn’t appear nervous speaking with the Knight as if it was something that happened every day.

“You are Lady Aislin’s servant, correct?” A large woman, with a pitcher in her hand, walked up to Rowena.

“I guess.”

The women frowned. “Child, either you are, or you aren't.”

“Yes.”

“Good here.” She set the pitcher in the young woman’s hand. “Your lady commented that she enjoyed last night’s raspberry wine. Why don’t you keep her cup filled, while we get ready for the next course?”

Nodding, Rowena took the pitcher and walked over to Aislin. Without thinking, the young girl began to pour just as her friend reached for the cup, spilling wine all over her sleeve.

“Be careful there, girl, that outfit costs more than your entire village.” Sir Miles barked angrily, almost making her drop the pitcher of wine on the ground.

“I’m sorry.”

“Being sorry is not going to replace the dress.”

“It’s fine, Miles, nothing more than a little wine.” While another servant helped clean the mess, Aislin looked at her friend. Leaning over, she whispered, “Are you alright?”

Rowena nodded. “I’m sorry, just nervous.”

With a smile, Aislin took the pitcher of wine out of her hands and placed it on the table. “Miles, can you give us a moment?”

“Of course, dear lady, anything you desire.” Turning he growled, “I knew he couldn't stay away. Here comes Nevan.”

Aislin laughed. “Why don’t you greet him while I talk to my friend?”

Off to the side, she reached for her hands, but Rowena pulled them back.

“It wouldn't look proper.”

“I see.” Aislin sighed, feeling bad. Without even being asked, Rowena had been forced to come along.

Aislin really wanted the two of them to have lunch at the table along with Sir Miles but understood that would be impossible. She tried to explain, but it just seemed to make Rowena more uncomfortable.

“Do you want to go home? I would understand.”

“What, walk?”

“No, I would ask someone to take you back to the village.”

Rowena shook her head. “No, my mother insisted that I help. As Master Organ’s wife, I will most like be one of Sir Nevan’s mother’s attendants.”

Master Oran had explained to her parents that he planned to introduce her to Lady Gweneira as soon as his Lordship returned,

“So you’re not angry with me?”

“What no, sorry, I’m just nervous, Aislin. Please go back to your lunch.”

Standing away from the group, Rowena felt her chest feel heavy once more as Aislin gave a curtsey to Sir Nevan. In turn, the Knight laughed, bowed, and kissed her hand. Why was this happening, Aislin wasn't even a real girl.

Taking a seat, Sir Nevan motioned to one of the servants for a cup of wine and a plate of food.

“So, are you planning on joining us this afternoon as well?” Miles asked while sopping up the last bit of gravy from his plate.

“I do unless I get called away again.”

“Is everything alright?” Aislin asked as she sipped her raspberry wine. Unlike the men, who plowed through more of the food, she was already stuffed.

Breaking off half a loaf of bread, the Knight nodded. “Nothing to worry about, I assure you. Just some last-minute details concerning that black marker we pulled out of the forest a few days ago.”

“I meant to ask you about that.”

Sir Miles smiled while pointing the finger at his cousin. “See, I told you she would ask. Her grandmother is the village’s Wisewomen after all.”

“Ignore this rascal; what did you want to ask.”

“Why did you move it? I mean, normally, such things are left alone.” Aislin hoped that she wasn't going to offend the Knights by simply asking that question. Thankfully, nothing had happened so far, so perhaps her fears were unwarranted.

“It wasn't by choice, I assure you.” Sir Nevan leaned back in his chair; he had ordered that the household only disturbed him over life or death emergencies.

With his cousin on the prowl, Sir Nevan didn’t want anything to distract him from his time with Aislin. “The Royal Thaumaturgist commanded my father to bring it to the Capitol.”

“Master Maolmuire?”

“Do you know him?” Sir Miles asked, intrigued. Apparently she seemed well informed of the goings-on inside the realm; not a surprise from the daughter of a merchant house.

“No only by reputation. Why would he want one of the standing stones? His power comes from summoning spirits and elementals to do his bidding.”

Sir Nevan smiled. “I’m afraid I wasn't given that much information.”

Aislin flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that playing with such things has never turned out well.”

The young knight gave Aislin a warm smile. “No, I’m happy you asked. It shows that you are concerned for the well-being of the villagers and those who live in the castle.”

“It’s as my cousin said, were not informed of the why. Perhaps we should have spoken to you or your grandmother first. By what you are implying, we were indeed fortunate that nothing happened with us disinterring the stone.”

Sir Nevan looked at his cousin and rolled his eyes, then frowned. “Your grandmother, I've meant to ask, is she a relation by blood?”

The young woman looked surprised at the question. “No, my mother made her my guardian before she died.”

“So, you have no relatives in the village?”

“No.”

“I think your mother was very wise to make your grandmother, your guardian.”

Aislin smiled. “I think so, too, Miles.”

Sir Nevan scratched his chin. Apparently, she had been safe in the village all these years. What transpired to force her mother to flee from the north, he didn’t know. What he did know was that a simple village Wisewomen offered no real protection.

First, he would need to speak with his mother, explaining Aislin’s plight. The young man knew his mother well enough that she would be shocked to find that a gentlewoman lived in a villager’s cottage.

Secondly, he would enlist the help of his sister to convince Aislin to move into the castle. That shouldn't be too difficult. Both young women would be excited to find someone of their own age and similar social standings to talk to. Finally, the young knight would need to convince his father.

Sir Nevan believed that after introducing Aislin to his parents, they would agree that she be the perfect choice for the next Lady Lochlainn.