Mothering Sunday in the UK is March 22nd this year.

My mother died of a stroke 30 years ago, on 23rd August 1979.

I offer this meditation.

When you first held me in your arms, did you ever dream that I would bring you so much heartache?

Did you know that I so nearly caused your death, simply by daring to survive my birth?

Did you know that life for me would be more difficult than even you could have imagined?

Did you know that I was afraid to tell you how much I longed to fulfil the dream that we both shared?

Did you know that the fleeting glimpses of sunshine in my life were so rare, the long darkness so intensely black that it scared me?

I felt so lonely; I felt that I had to keep my distance. Did you, as I did, miss the special closeness that mother and daughter can have?

I was frail and frightened. You tried to protect me; did you know that I was beyond protection?

Did you know that I felt constant pain; that I felt incomplete, unworthy, unwanted, unloved?

I tried to be the person everyone else wanted me to be; expected me to be. Did you know that I failed?

After half a lifetime in darkness, I am now close to what I should have been, what you and I both wanted and dreamed of.

But do you know?

I believe that, somehow, you have been with me, are with me now; guiding, caring, loving.

After thirty years without you, and even though we are far apart, I now feel closer to you than ever I did when we were together.

Mum, I love and miss you so much.