Chapter 5 – A rose by any other name . .

Sitting at the table with my new friends Joe and Kelly told me they had both seen me the night before and I explained that I was visiting my mother in a local care home and just dropped in on my way home on a spur of the minute decision. “So you’re relatively local then?” Jo asked and I replied “About a 15 minute walk” She smiled “Close enough for you to drop in and see us on a regular basis then! We’re a supporting community here, and we have each others backs. Any of the girls here have any problems the rest of us band together to find the solution.”

I gave a small smile and leaned in towards them while I lowered my voice. “The thing is, I’m not actually a female.” Jo looked at Kelly and she bit her bottom lip as if suppressing a laugh. Jo leaned further towards me, took my hand and whispered “Nobody at the table is, Agnes. In fact, there’s only one real female in at the moment and she’s behind the bar and waiting for her girlfriend to arrive later so they can go and have some fun with a double ender.” She gave me a wink and squeezed my hand. “Doesn’t make us a bad person – quite the opposite to my mind! Now, this next round is on the house!”

Over the next whisky I unburdened myself by telling Jo and Kelly how my mother was calling for my sister and I had chosen to go en-femme in order to ease her stress. Kelly watched me closely and leaned over and said “You are far too beautiful to live as a man, Agnes.” I blushed and then said “Actually, I’m not called Agnes – I’m actually Angus. I . . hadn’t considered a female name for my current creation. I was expecting my sister to return at the weekend and for me to go back to being male 24/7.”

Jo and Kelly leaned back in their seats with a shocked expression. “Oh no!” Jo exclaimed. “No no no. And throw away this beautiful new you?! That would be a criminal waste!” Kelly leaned towards me and said “You must call yourself something when you are wearing female clothing, surely?” I frowned and said “Well, because I was pretending to be my sister I called myself Susan when asked but I can’t have the same name as my sister!” Then I chuckled “I talked to myself as Daphne – like Jack Lemmon’s character in Some Like It Hot?” Jo and Kelly looked blankly at me. “That film portrays cross dressers as items of ridicule” Jo said with a disapproving tone and then smiled and said “But it’s a hoot isn’t it? I dream of finding a rich old millionaire with a yacht who wants to shower me in diamonds!” We all chuckled together.

Another round of whisky arrived – this time paid for by Kelly’s tab behind the bar. “So we still need a name for you, if you’re not Agnes” Kelly stated. “How about Margo? Or Yvonne? There must be some name that has relevance with you?” I laughed and said “This outfit I got from a job I did at Long Tall Sally when they were closing down in the city.” Jo and Kelly looked at each other and smiled. “Sally it is !” Jo said and then stood up and called out across the bar “Friends – your attention please. She has had a very traumatic evening and hopefully that was the last one she will ever endure but can you please give a big Basement Bar welcome to our newest friend Sally !”

My face burned with embarrassment as the dozen or so people in the bar stood and raised their glasses and called out together “Welcome to the sisterhood, Sally!” I smiled and called out “Thank you! Cheers!” and took a sip of my own drink in unity with them. Embarrassing though it felt, I was also playing an episode of Cheers in my head where I walked through the door of the bar with Ted Danson standing behind polishing a glass and I would say “evening everyone” and they all shouted to a man “Sally!” and that felt like I belonged.

Joe popped back to the bar every now and then to help when the bar got a little busier and I found myself chatting to Kelly one on one. The more I did, the more I found myself feeling a real connection with her. She was clever, more educated and worldly wise than you would expect from her appearance. She was funny – her way with words indicated she liked to read and not just Mills & Boon romantic nonsense. What I got from her more than all that was compassion – dare I say love? She was someone who genuinely cared about people and the longer I sat in her company the more relaxed and happy I felt.

Jo rejoined us with another whisky on the house and after some more general chit chat I looked at my watch – only to remind myself it was not ten to two so I looked behind the bar and saw the clock. It was 10.45pm. Almost three hours since the handbag incident I was still in the bar. I should have been back at Susan’s getting changed into my male clothes! I went to stand up and realised I was a little unsteady on my legs – especially in 3 inch heels. Jo looked at me and said “Are you heading for the loo, Sally?” and I shook my head. “I had better head home – its been an eventful evening and I should really try to be available for work tomorrow if any crops up!”

Jo looked at Kelly and she nodded. “Come on then, why don’t I call us a taxi and get you back home.” I gave her my address and she made a call on her mobile. “They’ll be here in 5 minutes” she reported and so I started saying my good nights and thanks to Jo and her for what they had done for me that evening and how I would never be able to repay them. I was beginning to regret drinking on an empty stomach. Jo gave me a huge hug and kissed me on the cheek. “Remember, you’re officially part of the sisterhood now” she said with a smile. “Come and see us as often as you want, you will always be made welcome here and you will always be safe here, Sally.”

“That’s the taxi” Kelly called and took my arm. “Come on, let’s get you back home to your own bed!” I was beginning to feel the effects of the whiskies making me unsteady on my feet and was grateful for the help of my new friend. She opened the taxi door and helped me in and then said “Slide over a little – I’m coming too!” I looked at her and frowned and she laughed and said “I want to make sure you make it to your bed, Sally! I didn’t rescue you to have you sleep in a ditch! Head on driver!”

The taxi headed off and I went into a kind of drunken haze for the journey. I could hear Kelly chatting with the driver but wasn’t listening to what was being said. I was just fanaticizing about sleeping in my big comfortable bed. Weariness was creeping over me and I was struggling to fight it.

“Here we are” the driver called out and I recognised the flat outside my window. Kelly opened the taxi door and helped me out and walked me over to my front door. Automatically I opened my handbag and then paused. “What’s wrong?” Kelly asked and I said “My keys are at Susan’s house! I went there before I went to the Care Home.” Fortunately I retained just enough mental capacity to remember my safety net. “Kelly? I’ve got a key hidden under a flower pot!” She sighed and said “Great, which one?” and I paused and replied “Can’t remember!”

She laughed and said “OK, you sit down on the top step and keep a hold of the railing so you don’t fall over. I’ll go hunt!”

Fortunately she found it on the third attempt and successfully opened the front door and got me inside. She poured me a large glass of water and told me to drink it because I would feel the benefit in the morning and I did so, giggling that I would be peeing all night as a result. Then I looked out the window and frowned. “Kelly? The taxi is still outside!” She nodded and said “He’s my brother. He’ll take me home after I’ve got you settled. I smiled and said “You’re really my guardian angel aren’t you, Kelly?”

She smiled and said “It’s my pleasure!” I had a moment of clarity and walked up to her. “Seriously. If it hadn’t been for you, I could have been in the Infirmary tonight. You’re a very special lady, Kelly. I can’t thank you enough.”

For a second we gazed into each other’s eyes and then we got closer and we kissed.

It was the first time I had kissed lipstick covered lips while wearing lipstick myself and somehow that made it all the more special. We parted and looked at each other and our shocked expressions changed to smiles as we wrapped arms around each other and kissed for even longer.

When we parted the next time I began giggling. I was doing something crazy kissing another man while we were both dressed as women and yet I didn’t see Kelly as a man – Kelly was a woman, just as Jo was a woman. I didn’t know them any other way. It was only me who was the masquerade. “OK, Sally, come on, where’s your bedroom?” Kelly asked me and for a second I wondered what her intentions were. As if reading my mind she said “You, young lady, are going to bed and I am going home happy in the knowledge that you are securely tucked up and sleeping off several large doses of The Famous Grouse!”

A minute later I was standing in my bedroom with Kelly unzipping my dress and helping remove my necklace. While I stepped out of the dress, she went into the bathroom and returned with a wet face cloth. “Always take off the warpaint before bed, Sally. Washing make up off a pillow is a nightmare, trust me!. I fumbled to unclasp my bra and Kelly said “Let me” and unhooked it in a second. “years of practice, darling” she said “You’ll get better at it! You’ll see” and she pulled back my quilt.

“In you get. I’ll slip a towel under you just in case you can’t get to the loo in time overnight. Better a soggy towel than a soggy mattress!”

With the covers thrown back over my body I found myself seconds away from sleep and I looked up at Kelly smiling down at me. “I’ll see myself out” she said and then added “I’m so happy to meet you Sally. Sleep tight” and she leaned down and kissed me. I must have been asleep before she left the house because I didn’t hear her close the door and drive away.

I managed to get to the loo in time around 3am when my full bladder woke me and I managed to get back to my bed where I fell fast asleep once more and only work up at 10am to the sound of my phone ringing. I let it go to answering machine because I guessed – correctly as it turned out – that it would be pfishing sales call from some phoney call centre in Asia.

I was feeling a little fuzzy at the edges but found myself smiling. I had thoroughly enjoyed my night in the Bar – it had been a long time since I had last spent a night in good company. Jo had been a brick, providing a solid, no nonsense support. I realised I owed her a pair of tights and would need to pick up a pair and drop them in to her later. Then there was Kelly. She had fought off my attacker when he was about to deliver the coup-de-gras blows and had been at my side from that moment, tending my injuries, restoring my dignity and then at the end of the night she took it on herself to see me safely home and even put me in my bed. I needed to thank her for all she did.

My phone rang again and the display showed a local phone number so I decided I would answer. “Good Morning Aird Displays, Angus Aird speaking how can I help you” There was a pause and then a sigh and a voice I recognised said “Well, you’re alive and sound perky enough! Its Kelly, just checking on you since you were a bit ropey when I saw you last.”

I sighed and smiled. In my softer voice I had been using the night before I said “Well hello, Kelly! I’m a lot better than I feared this morning and apart from a stiff jaw and some light bruising, I hope I said it last night but I am so grateful for what you did for me last night – I will be eternally grateful to you for saving my neck!” The voice replied “ocht you would have done the same for me in the circumstances. What matters is that you are OK and there are no lasting injuries. Will we see you later, Sally?”

I paused to think and then replied “Yes, I will pop in to thank Jo and you in person. I need to make another visit to mum as Susan so I should be there just after 8 and this time I’ll keep an eye out for potential threats! Stranger-Danger is something I never considered before last night!” “Comes with the territory when you’re in a skirt and heels, I’m afraid” Kelly responded. “Look forward to seeing you tonight, Sally. Have a lovely day!” I smiled “And you Kelly, take care.” There was a sound from the other end of the line before it went dead. It sounded like a kiss.

As I put down the phone I found myself smiling again. What was it about interacting with this person that made me so happy? I realised it was a question I couldn’t answer definitively and time was ticking along. I needed to go up to Susan’s a retrieve my male outfit from the day before along with my house keys, and then come back and decide what I am going to wear to the Care Home this evening. I am sure mum would not notice if I wore the same outfit twice but the staff at Niaroo would!

I poured myself a large bowl of cereal as I was now hungry despite my slight hangover, and washed it down with a mug of tea before getting dressed into a pair of “work” trousers and shirt. As I did I saw the red outfit I had worn hanging neatly in the closet. I smiled. Kelly must have put it there after I undressed for bed last night as I had no memory of doing it and would probably have been unable to in my drunken state.

The fresh air of the outdoors came as relief as I emerged from the house and started walking back to Susan’s. It was going to be a warm day, I thought, before realising it was after 11 in the morning and would soon be midday! I needed to get a move on if I was going to be back at Susan’s for make up and dress up before visiting hour. I made a mental note to eat a meal around 3pm so that there was something in my stomach before I went to The Basement Bar in case I lingered longer than planned.

Grabbing my normal clothes and my keys made me feel good. I was getting control back over the situation I was in. Hopefully Susan would be back in a day or two and in the meantime mum would agree to seeing Angus and I could stop running around with woman’s clothing and make-up on. As I thought about it though, I felt a slight pang of regret. I had thought I looked cute in the skinny jeans and ankle boots and last night’s dress and jacket combo felt incredible on and made me look rather elegant.

Barely realising I was doing so, I walked over to the mirror doors of Susan’s built in wardrobe and pulled it open. My eyes feasted on a display of formal and informal wear in a range of styles, colours and fabrics – the best of which were protected in see-through garment bags. I allowed my hand to touch them and enjoy the softness and delicacy of their material. There was a beautiful little back number with spaghetti straps and I pulled it out and held it up against me so that I could see the reflection in the mirror. Something within me wanted to wear it with four inch stiletto heels and a black clutch bag. I could feel my heart beat faster at the thought.

I slid the outfit back onto the rack and closed the door before taking a few deep breaths. “Calm down, Daphne. You haven’t got the rack for a neckline like that!” I thought with a wry grin. I came to my senses again and looked at my watch, realising that I had slipped on Susan’s old broken timepiece that morning. I didn’t have time for playing “Say Yes To The Dress” – I needed to go home and find something to wear, grab some food and then head back here for my new nightly changeover. I needed to stay focussed!

The hall clock told me it was 12.30pm so I sighed with relief. I still had time to get organised. Just then I caught my reflection in the hall mirror. My punch on the jaw had indeed left its mark and the bruising was getting more and more obvious. Just another hurdle I would need to cross later this afternoon. Perhaps I could find a YouTube Video on how to cover facial blemishes with makeup that would mention where you were punched by a handbag thief! Knowing the on-line forums, there was bound to be a site for such an occasion.

I headed straight for the lock up to pick up a pack of tights so that I could give them to Jo later and then hunted for another suitable outfit. Bagged up at the back of the unit were some clothes and I saw a simple grey sweater dress with a red belt around it. I was sure I could fit into it, and could wear the red high heels which would match the belt. I had seen Susan in sweater dresses before so felt confident it would be accepted for this evening’s requirements.

When I arrived back home I slide my “spare” key back under a flowerpot for emergency use once more before using my normal set to get back into the house. My spirits were high once again – I had my outfit for the evening, I had friends to see later and I had a plan of action that was working extremely well – apart from last night’s mugging – and should be complete within the next day or two. The fact that there were no missed telephone calls or e-mails requesting quotes for work didn’t blunt my happiness.

I selected a frozen lasagne and chips from my freezer and thawed them in the microwave before sticking them in the oven. Yes, I would be eating at 2.30pm but at least I would be eating, unlike the day before. I used the 30 minutes cooking time to search online for make up tips. As my bruising was predominantly blue in colour I was encouraged to use a concealer with a yellow base which would neutralise the bruise. Had the bruise been more red, a green coloured concealer base would do the same job. I knew Alice had her tonsils removed a year or two back and had been terribly aware of the bruising on her face as she recovered from the operation. I just hoped her bruising had been blue and the cream was still somewhere in the house!

I gave myself another close shave before preparing to leaving the house for another trip to the Care Home. I had Alice’s earrings, Susan’s handbag, watch, bangle and necklace along with the new tights package, dress and shoes for the evening ahead. I was wearing the tights I came home in under my jeans just for speed of changing – although the feel of them against my shaved skin was wonderful and brought me enormous pleasure.

Back at Susan’s house I went straight to the make up bag to see what concealer I could find. There was a small tube in Susan’s collection of potions although I had no idea of its base colour so I just hoped for the best and spread it over the affected area before giving the rest of my face some foundation and then working on my eyes and lips. Once I was done I looked at my reflection in the bathroom where the lights were brightest and I only noticed a slight bruising because I knew it was there and was searching for it. The casual viewer would miss it I was sure.

When I secured my wig and brushed it to complete my make over I saw an attractive female in the mirror once again. The same girl I had seen the past two nights clearly but dressed differently and still stylish. I smiled at the reflection and said “Once more unto the breach dear friend, once more!”

It was a lovely evening and I had time on my hands so I chose to walk through the little park area near Niaroo Care Home to enjoy the flowers and mingle with the dog walkers, young couples and joggers who made the park come alive. As I walked an idea came to me and I exited near a Tesco supermarket and went over to their bouquet collection. I could take Jo and Kelly some flowers to thank them for last night. Women loved flowers, didn’t they? While I was at it I could get a bunch to brighten up mum’s room too! I had the check out girl put all three bouquets in a carrier bag for me and headed back onto the main road.

Men only give flowers to apologise for things they have done, or at mothers day or valentines day when the media tell them to. I felt really happy to have bought some to give to the girls who were so kind to me. Giving flowers seemed a wonderful idea and I only wished someone would give me some every now and then! I nearly stopped walking as I considered what I had just thought. Who would give ME flowers?! I nearly chuckled out loud at the absurdity of the suggestion but I saw the Care Home approaching and got myself back into my Susan mindset, ready for the hour with my mum.