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Since I have got to a similar place in Cruisin', I thought you might like this...
A man goes to the doctor not feeling too well and the doc gives him a thorough examination, you know, tapping the chest to ensure he's not pregnant and that sort of thing.
Anyway, he could find nothing.
"You'd better drop your pants and I'll examine 'down there' just in case. You never know."
So the man drops his strides and bends over.
"That's odd." says the doctor. "There's a bit of lettuce sticking out of your bum."
"Oh that's just the tip of the iceberg..."
Comments
Doctor Joke
A woman is rushed to the emergency room by her husband.
The doctor informs the man. "I'm afraid your wife has acute angina."
The husband says, "I know it is.... But what about the pain in her chest?!"
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
Fresh lettuce?
Groan!! Don't tell me he was in his salad days!
Chuckle,
Angharad.
Angharad
Reminds me of another ...
... joke.
A old man staggers into the doctor's office in obvious pain.
"Doc, I haven't been able to piss in three days!" he exclaims.
The doctor gives him a long, thoughtful look as the man clutches his lower stomach. "How old are you?" the doctor asks him finally.
"Eighty-seven," the man forces out through his teeth.
The doctor nods sagely. "Well, you've pissed enough."
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
Will it hurt?
Man goes into a doctor's and tells him that he has an awful problem with flatulence.
"One step one fart." says the man.
"Is that so?" says the doctor. "Show me."
The man takes several steps across his consulting room and sure enough, one step, one fart, one step, one fart. The man then sits down and the doctor looks momentarily thoughtful before getting up and retrieving a long pole with a rather dangerous-looking hook on the end.
"Jesus doc, is this gonna hurt?" asks the man.
"I should hope not, I just need to open a window."
What's that?
And another—
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptoms?
Patient: Oh, they're that yellow family on TV.
(Gabi goes and hides)
Gabi.
More Doctor visit
A man walks into a doctor's office, walks up to the receptionist and says,
"There's something wrong with my dick!"
She says, "You can't say that in here!"
He replies, "Well, what do you want me to say!?"
She says, "Say there's something wrong with another body part, like your ear. Now go back and try again."
He goes back out, returns and says, "There's something wrong with my ear!"
"What seems to be the problem?" She asks.
"I can't piss out of it!"
Warring! um Warning!! Okay, you asked for it...
A 20 something brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Something is very wrong with me. It hurts everyplace on my body."
"Show me."
She takes her right index finger and demonstrates. "See, it hurts when I touch my nose, my ear, my arm, my belly, my knee. It even hurts to touch my breasts."
He examines her carefully. "Miss do you dye your hair. You used to be a Blonde weren't you?"
"Yes, I was but I got sick of the dumb blonde jokes. So what's wrong, Doctor?"
"You have a broken right index finger."
-- John hides from irrate you-know-whats --
Karen, put down the howitzer!!!
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Don't need the howitzer
I'm just gonna tell your sister! :)
KJT
"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way."
College Girl - poetheather
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Nooo!
Don't tell Barbara.
Have mercy, Karen.
Doctor to patent.
"I'm sorry Mr Jones, you don't have long to live."
"How long have I got? A month, a year?"
"Ten."
"Ten years, that's not so ...'
"Nine ... eight ..."
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Speaking of Blonde
It too me a full 2 minutes to GET it...{sigh}
Huggles!!
Alexis
Man walks into a doctor's office.
...
...
Ouch!
*running away giggling*
Heather Rose Brown :)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
Doc, duck. Duck, doc.
Man walks into a psychiatrist office with a duck on his head. He says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm going crazy."
The psychiatrist looks at the duck which looks back and blinks. Then he looks at the guy and says politely, "What seems to be the problem?"
"Doc," says the guy. "I'm desperate. I think I've got a duck on my head."
"You do have a duck on your head," says the psychiatrist.
"And I think everyone else can see the duck too," says the guy.
"I can see the duck," says the doctor. "There's a duck on your head."
"See what I mean?" says the guy. "I know I must be crazy cause I think everyone else is as crazy as I am!"
"You may not have a mental problem, that is a real duck sitting on your head," insists the doctor.
"Doc, don't humor me! You got to help me, no sane person would think they had a duck on their head that everyone else can see too!"
"But..." the psychiatrist begins when the duck interrupts.
"Is this going to take long?" says the duck. "I planned on getting a nap this afternoon."
"Did I mention," says the guy, "I even think the duck talks."
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
An old one...
but somebody here may not have heard it:
.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
Oh dear
What on earth have I done here.
I do so apologise.
However...
Racism in reverse...
Two black doctors walking down a corridor in a South African hospital and one says to the other "You know the white guy in ward three."
"Yes." says his colleague.
"You know he's going to die don't you?"
"Yes."
"Have you told him?"
"Yes."
"You bastard. I wanted to."
Coming back on course!
Irate father to child, "If you go through with this sex change, you'll be no son of mine!"
So little things please little minds!
Angharad.
Angharad